Charmed Ones Gone Wild
by ChrisBianca
Summary: Set after “Something Wicca This Way Goes.” Piper, Leo, Phoebe and Paige has a shot at a perfect, normal life. What things could they include to make a life perfect? Will it be all they hope, or will all the hard work they endure be for nothing?
1. Something Wild This Way Comes, Day 1

**CHARMED ONES GONE WILD**

**A/N: ** First of all, I'd like to apologize for the length of my time away from this site. I was really upset with Charmed during Season 8 and I ran away from it for a while. This is a story I wrote immediately after the Season 7 finale. In this fan fiction, Season 8 doesn't exist. In my world, Season 8 doesn't exist, sorry for those who may like Season 8. Everyone has their own opinion, I respect that, I hope you do too. This fan fiction has several opinions in it that others may not experience or view. Remember it's only a fan fiction and we're here to have fun. I hope you all enjoy this story as much as I did writing it. It also features a lot of inside humor, I tried to make it as clear as I could. Thank you for your time, on with the show... er, story!!

**Summary**: Set after "Something Wicca This Way Goes." Piper, Leo, Phoebe and Paige has a shot at a perfect, normal life. What things could they include to make a life perfect? Will it be all they hope, or will all the hard work they endure be for nothing?

**Disclaimer**: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING ON THIS STORY EXCEPT THE PLOT, PATRICIA, ANDY, JR. MELISSA, COLLIN, COURTNEY, CONNOR, AND CONNIE. EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS STORY BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE BESIDES ME. I DON'T OWN CHARMED, WJLS, DANNY WRIGHT ALL NIGHT, CITIES, PLACES, SONGS, ROADS, INTERSTATES, ECT…

_CHAPTER ONE: SOMETHING WILD THIS WAY COMES_

_ Day 1 of mission: moving _

_ Tuesday, May 17, 2005 _

Motel

Piper - while talking to her family - We need to do something. We have to move somewhere else. If we stay in California, we'd be sitting ducks.

Phoebe - Where else would we go? All of us were raised in San Francisco.

Paige - What is your suggestion?

Piper - Well, I say we move far away. Somewhere where they'd never find us.

Phoebe - Where?

Piper - You just leave that to me. You guys, go to magic school, get some potions so you can get to the manor and take your stuff. I don't care what they say, it's our house, and it's our things! Bring the Book of Shadows, too.

They all obey, Leo and Phoebe takes Paige's hands and she orbs off. Piper pulls out the laptop and types in something. She continues to type and when she's certifies that thing, she smiles.

_ Time Lapse _

When the girls and Leo orb back in, Piper has the things they have brought packed up.

Piper - Where are the cars?

Leo - Home…

Piper - Go get them? Are we going to walk to our new home?

Paige - No, orb.

Piper - That won't do. We need to strip our powers.

Paige - What! No way! We already did this 3 years ago! I love being a witch and I'm not going back.

Piper - This isn't about you loving being a witch, this is about you being the last Charmed One and every demon and its brother will be out for your blood. I'm not willing to save our butts, fake our deaths, and move just to lose you.

Paige - What about the boys? They need someone to guide them in their future.

Piper - They don't have a future in magic, I'm binding their powers too.

Leo - Excuse me.

Piper - Leo, their mother and their Aunt is powerless, their father fell from grace and their other Aunt is about to be killed unless she strips her powers. How do you suppose we protect them from demons?

Leo - I know, but we decided with Wyatt we wouldn't strip his powers, and now you're gonna strip Chris's powers!

Piper - Leo, it's not only Chris's powers I'm stripping. I'm stripping Wyatt's too.

Leo - Oh my god, you're going to do this. You're going to fake your deaths.

Piper, Phoebe and Paige - Yes.

Piper - I've already got us a house.

Phoebe - What? Where?

Piper - You'll see when we get there.

Paige - How long will it take?

Piper - Six days.

Leo - SIX DAYS!

Piper - It'll take a while.

Paige - I'll say! How many miles are we going?

Phoebe - Which country?

Piper - We're not flying, guys, we're driving. But it's 2,641 miles, give or take. Remember guys; we're driving with Wyatt and Chris. So 6 hours a day tops.

Leo - I can't believe you. First your going to strip our boys' powers without me knowing, second you're driving us halfway around the country without telling us where we're going.

Piper - Trust me, it's going to be OK.

Phoebe - We will be driving 6 hours a day for 6 days without reverse drivers?

Piper - Well, that may not be the case. We all know your suppose to have a little girl in about 3 years, what we need to do is summon your husbands.

Phoebe - What do you think I am, a hooker? Husbands?

Piper - Paige.

Phoebe - feeling embarrassed - Oh right, Paige.

Leo - You know, that might not be a bad idea in the first place. If you guys are meant to meet someone, and your not in San Francisco, then obviously your not gonna meet him.

Piper - So, Phoebe, Paige, get to work on a spell would ya? I need to get them cars. Paige, could you call me and Leo to the manor?

Paige - Sure. Piper, Leo; manor!

They orb away.

Time Lapse

Piper, Phoebe and Paige are standing side-by-side, holding hands and chanting.

Piper, Phoebe and Paige - Love ones we call you near, come to this spot and appear here; ones that we shall meet, show yourselves and let us meet.

Piper looks at Phoebe.

Phoebe - Not my best, but it'll do.

Dust swirls around the room and a man shows up.

Paige - Richard?

Richard - Hello, Paige. What am I doing here?

Paige - We summoned you.

Richard - Why?

Piper - perky - We're faking our deaths. Want to join us?

Richard - Paige goes with me?

Piper - You bet.

Richard - Count me in. Do I have to fake my death as well?

Phoebe - Not really. Just pack up and leave. If you could, not have anyone chase after you. So if you have to, please, but if not, move.

Richard - So pretty much yeah?

Piper - To be safe, yeah.

Paige - Is he my husband?

Richard - What do you mean _husband_?

Piper - We are summoning our future husbands. I guess you are Paige's.

Richard - Hope so.

Paige - I can't believe you still want me after I turned you down.

Richard - Every no is one more closer to my yes.

Piper - You did what? When did Richard propose?

Paige - About 3 months ago.

Phoebe - And you turned him down, and more importantly, didn't inform the sisters.

Richard - cocky - So how's that missionary school going…

Paige blushes.

Piper - We so don't have time for this…

Phoebe - Nope, we don't. Incoming!

More dust swirls around and yet another man, a woman and 3 children are standing there.

Piper - Prue?

Prue - Who are you guys and how did we get here?

Phoebe - Uh, uh, look at Leo. Leo, over there. Tall, light and handsome.

Prue looks over that way and her memory comes flooding back.

Prue - Leo. Oh, what's going on? - she stumbles over to a chair - I need to sit down.

Leo - Prue?

Paige - The Prue. As in Prudence May Halliwell…

Andy - Trudeau.

Paige and Phoebe - ANDY! Andy Trudeau?

Andy - Paige, is that you? Paige Matthews?

Paige - Yes, it is. What are you doing here?

Andy - I'm Prue's husband.

Paige - I'm Prue's sister.

Prue - What! I have 2 sisters, not 3.

Piper - Mom and Sam had her in secrecy and never told us.

Prue - So I assume you know. I can cut the act. - she walks over to Paige and surprises everyone by hugging her - Welcome home, Paige. I'm so glad you made it back. I always knew it, thought.

Piper - PRUDENCE MAY HALLIWELL!

Andy - Trudeau! I'm married to her!

Piper - You're next.

Andy - Ut oh.

Phoebe shakes her head positively, but negatively for Andy.

Piper - After we deal with everything, I'll deal with you. Who are the three angels?

Prue - My children. Who are the 2 angels?

Piper - My sons.

Andy - Wow, you 2 have more in common than you thought. - they both give him a dirty look - This is me backing off.

Leo - Prue, Prue, Prue, Prue…

Another sweep of dust fills the air. When it clears, two little children appear.

Little boy - Excuse me, where are we? I was being beat by my daddy.

Paige - Well, you're in a motel. We're summoning future encounters. Who are you and why were you being beat by your daddy?

Little boy - My name is Connor Bryant and this is my twin sister Connie.

Paige's eyes fills with tears, as she just stands there shocked.

Piper - Paige… - she runs her hands in front of Paige's face - Paige.

Richard - Hey, you're Cameron Bryant's kids.

Connor - Yes, that's my daddy. Do you know him?

Richard - I'm competition.

Connie - Hi.

Finally Piper _slaps_ Paige out of it.

Paige - hyperventilating - Connor, Connie, it's not possible. Connie's dead.

Connor - Nope, been with me and Dad since day one. I'm the late bloomer. My sister was kidnapped at birth, I was right down scammed from my mommy.

Andy - Same Connor and Connie Bryant?

Paige - I thank so.

Andy - I've got him now. - he pulls out his cell phone -

Paige - catching on - NO! CELL PHONE! - after it orbs to her hands, she turns it off - Sorry, Andy, we're committing a felony here.

Andy - What?

Piper - We're faking our deaths.

Prue - Why are we in a motel? Why aren't we at the manor?

Piper - Well, I'll explain that when we get home.

Andy puts his hands over his mouth and whispers 'oh my god.'

Prue - What?

Piper - We need to get moving as soon as Phoebe's husband gets his rump over here.

Phoebe - He's just lazy, that's all. - dust starts to swirl - See I'll bet he's coming now.

Paige - while holding a restraining Connor and Connie - What else could it be. Do we have any more missing children, presumed dead sisters, or anything?

Piper - Not last I checked.

The dust clears.

Phoebe - I guess there are some more missing children…

Piper - But whose?

Paige - I'm clear, they're found.

Leo - in a daze - Prue, Prue, Prue, Pure, Prue…

Piper - Poor Leo.

Phoebe - He's mortal now. We'd better take care of him. You guys do that and I'll check these kids. - she walks over to where they are sitting, looking around - Hello.

Little girl - Hi.

Little boy - Hello.

Phoebe - looking into their eyes - Guys, I think I know who they are?

Paige - Who?

Phoebe - My children. Collin and Courtney.

Piper - Excuse me.

Phoebe - Mine and Cole's miscarriage. They didn't exactly die. They returned after the seer was vanquished. It was then I realized I couldn't handle them. I started looking for a female who wanted children. I found a young woman wanting a family. She promised she'd take care of them. I was there when they was born.

Leo - after they snapped him out of it - Ok, who's the 4 kids.

Paige - This is Connor and Connie, my children.

Leo - We'll deal with that later, but I know them. They're the children Beta took care of after their adopted mom died.

Phoebe - But Beta died.

Leo - I know. I wondered what Alpha would do to them.

Phoebe - picking up the little boy - Hi, I'm your mommy.

Leo - Ok, we'll deal with that later as well. Has Phoebe's husband made his big entrance yet?

Phoebe - Not yet.

Prue - It's going to be Cole.

Phoebe - Cole died…

Piper - But he's in the Cosmic Balance Realm.

Phoebe - What…

More dust fills the room.

Paige - That better be your husband, we need to get moving.

The dust clears.

Phoebe - with a smile barely containing her enthusiasm - Yep, it's him.

Phoebe jumps around his waist after handing Piper Collin.

Piper - while looking at Collin - We've all got kids, at least two.

Cole - in shock - Hello, Phoebe. Nice to see you again.

Phoebe - throwing her arms around his neck - Shut up and kiss me. - they kiss then she breaks it momentarily - I'm going to my room. Piper, can you watch the twins?

Piper - Oh, no you don't. We're in a 1-room motel, you are not having sex missy. We have a long trip and we've got to be going. We leave now.

Cole - Where to?

Leo - It's a secret that Piper only knows.

Prue - What is the matter with the manor?

Piper - Sweetie, I'd tell you, but it'd upset you too badly to drive… so I'm not.

Prue - Piper Lynn Halliwell-Wyatt! You will tell me what is wrong with our ancestral home.

Leo - There's no home, Prue. They blew it up. We faked our deaths and we're following Piper on a wild goose chase where when we get there, we're binding our powers.

Prue looks at them like their crazy. When she realizes their dead serious, she freaks.

_ Time Lapse _

Prue is in the front drive way of the Manor, with her hands grasping the wheel to her car firmly and her heels implanted on the brake so tight it redefines the sentence "petal to the metal."

Prue - No, no, no! I'm not leaving! You can forget it, I'm not stripping my powers or my kids powers and I'm not leaving!

_ Time Lapse _

_ Car #1 _

_ I-80 _

They have been traveling 0.12 miles in 4 different cars. Piper, Leo, Wyatt and Chris are in the lead, Car #1. Phoebe, Cole, Collin and Courtney bring in Car #2. Paige, Richard, Connor and Connie are in Car #3. Finally, in Car #4, is Andy, driving Prue, Andy, Jr., Patricia and Melissa. They talk on hand's free cell phones, Piper is driving towards the Bay Bridge, Leo is listening to Prue and Andy bicker, and Cole and Phoebe have some chit-chat about their last few years apart. Paige and her kids have been gossiping non-stop. Finally Leo interrupts their small talk and asks what is on everyone's mind. They naturally don't mind.

Leo - in the phone - Where are we going?

Piper - in the phone - I-80, then U.S. 77. That's all you need to know.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Piper, I think we deserve to know.

Prue - over the speakers - I think we should turn around and go back home.

Piper - in the phone - Sorry, Prue. That's not an option.

Paige - over the speakers - So, how far are we going? Two thousand six hundred and forty-one miles is quite a distance.

Piper - in the phone - Well, the hint is they'd never think we'd go there. It's not the entire United States, but more than half. More like three-fourths. We'll stop around the beginning of Nevada for the night.

Leo - in the phone - Not Carson City.

Piper - in the phone - Not big cities, only little/small, biggest--medium.

Paige - over the speakers - Where?

Piper - in the phone - Around Lovelock.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Where?

Piper - in the phone to Leo - Perfect.

Paige - over the speakers - How far is that into Utah?

Piper - in the phone - Ninety miles.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Damn.

Piper - in the phone - We'll get there. You can drive a while, then Cole and vice versa for everyone. Leo's gonna drive too.

Leo - in the phone with hope to Piper - That means I have to know where we're going.

Piper - in the phone; to Leo - Not quite. I'll just tell you the interstates and the exits.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Is it that bad?

Piper - in the phone - Sweetie, if you all knew, you'd all turn around. Like I said, it's somewhere where we'd never go. So obviously, we won't like it for a while.

Prue - over the speakers - It could be paradise and I wouldn't like it.

Piper - in the phone - I wouldn't like it either. We thought we'd join you before Yesterday was over.

Prue - over the speakers - Just tell me. Why would you want to abandon the manor?

Piper - in the phone - We don't have a choice.

Paige - over the speakers - Watch what you say, the main satellite tapes these things.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah, we do. Ok, so how do we protect ourselves?

Piper - in the phone - Done been done. The cars have spells on them so that nothing can get out. It's kind of like a cloud of bad signals.

Paige - over the speakers - Cool. How do we hear ourselves then?

Piper - in the phone - It's not a real cloud over the car, Paige. Just for the phone service.

Paige - over the speakers - Oh.

Leo - in the phone - So where do we go to eat? Piper _hates _fast food for a _personal_ reason.

Piper - in the phone; to Leo - Butt out! Besides there is Kentucky Fried Chicken, Taco Bell, Long John Silvers, dinners, and other non-fast food places and I can buy things and cook.

Paige - over the speakers - I want hamburgers!

Piper - in the phone - NO!

Paige - over the speakers - Why?

Piper - in the phone - Personal reasons.

Leo - in the phone - Yeah, real personal.

Phoebe - over the speakers; to Paige - Just drop it. It's just like our destination.

They cross the Bay Bridge completely.

Prue - over the speakers; to herself - Goodbye San Francisco.

Piper - in the phone - Oh, Prue. It'll be ok. As long as we have each other, that's all that matters.

_ Time Lapse _

Piper, Prue, Phoebe and Paige's cars pull up to a rest area around Vallejo. Piper gets Chris, Leo gets Wyatt, Prue gets Patricia and Melissa and Andy gets Andy, Jr. Cole gets Collin and Phoebe gets Courtney, Paige gets Connie and Richard gets Connor. They take the kids to do their businesses and then give them all 5 dollars a piece to get junk food; all but Melissa and Chris. They settle for a warm bottle or a sippy cup. While the kids are munching and/or sipping on their goodies, the adults are talking.

Piper - Ok, guys, the next stop for something planned will be Aumbum. Is that ok for you guys?

Phoebe - I just wished you would tell us where all this will lead.

Piper - I can't. You will see soon enough.

Paige - Soon! Is SIX days soon, Piper?

Prue - I hate to admit this, but suspense has never been one of my favorite genres?

Piper - I can't. I'm already having second thoughts.

Leo - Oh, great. We're in a wild goose chase, following someone who's having second thoughts herself.

Piper - It's not something I'm proud of, but yeah. This place does not spell Phoebe, Paige, Piper… or _Prue._ This place more likely spells Bobbie Jo.

Paige - So help me Piper, if you take me to Kentucky… I will walk back to San Francisco and turn myself in. I will not live in the bluegrass state.

Leo - What's wrong with Kentucky or bluegrass?

Phoebe - I have nothing against the state, but the music is just…

Paige - Yuck!

Phoebe - forced - Different. - back to normal - It's just different. The voices are high, you can't understand the words, the music is high, and…

Leo - You just explained Rock 'n Roll.

Phoebe - Yes, and I hate Hard Metal, too. I'm more into Country.

Paige - You're what?

Phoebe - Country. It's listen-able. It's clear. It's 'songs about me.' - she laughs -

Paige - Is that some kind of horrible joke?

Phoebe - Songs About Me by Trace Adkins. Heard of it?

Paige - Is it Country?

Piper - Yeah.

Paige - Nope.

Prue - OK. Let's get back to business. How do we pay for motels?

Piper - Cold hard cash.

Prue - But do we have that much?

Piper points to her car trunk.

Piper - In there. Two suit cases.

Phoebe - We robbed P3, took my pays worth from the Bay Mirror and closed down the bank accounts.

Prue - Ok, next Bank 1, I need to close down mine, the kids and Andy's if he wants.

Andy - I don't know.

Piper - I might. There might not be a Bank 1 where we're going.

Andy - I'm not so into so much breaking the law. I'm a lawmaker, not a lawbreaker.

Phoebe - Please, Andy. Don't bail on us now. We've traveled 30 miles already.

Andy - I'm not bailing. My wife and my children are here and plus I promised myself I'd always help you girls, no matter what the cost, it's just I'm not too happy about this unless you girls explain yourselves.

Phoebe tells the story that has been going on the last few hours, Paige tells the story that has been going on the last year and Piper tells everything else.

_ Large Time Lapse _

Prue and Andy - I understand now…

Piper - Now you see why we're faking our deaths.

A couple of tourists walk past. After hearing Piper's last words, they stare back.

Piper - seeing them, and covering with a soap opera act - I have to save him, and in order… oh, can I help you.

Tourist - Oh no. Carry on. Wonderful performance. Almost fooled me.

They walk on past. The girls sigh.

Piper - Ok, have to watch where we say things like that.

Phoebe - Agreed.

Prue - Ok, so the kids are done and Melissa and Chris are out cold. Let's go.

They quietly put the kids in the cars, trying to not awaken Chris and Melissa. Once the kids are secure along with themselves, they pull out with different drivers.

_ Car #2 _

Piper - over the speakers - So, how's everyone doing?

Paige - over the speakers - Fine.

Richard - over the speakers - All right.

Andy and Prue - over the speakers - Good.

Cole and Phoebe - in the phone - Okey dokey.

Leo - over the speakers - Is she wearing off on you Cole?

Cole - in the phone - Yeah. Ever since I first met her.

Piper - over the speakers - Okay. We've got 1 heck of a drive ahead of us. Let's make this one memorable.

Phoebe - in the phone - I think it already has.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok. We're leaving Vallejo, and heading towards Sacramento. Thirty miles down, two hundred and forty miles to go today; Two thousand six hundred and ten to go altogether.

Paige - over the speakers - Here we go.

_ Time Lapse _

It's been 3 hours, and the girls have stopped 4 different times for rest areas, 1 time for gas and 1 emergency dipper change in Car #2. Once again, they're pulling off.

Piper - getting out of her car - Finally, a planned stop!

Cole - Sorry, if that dipper didn't go, I would have.

Leo - They can get pretty stinky, can't they?

Cole - Leo, man, to put pretty in the same sentence containing an ugly dipper should be against the law.

Leo - Sorry. So, KFC it is?

Piper - Yeah, everything else was hamburgers.

Richard - We're taking the kids and going to the big yellow M.

Piper - Knock yourself out… but make sure Wyatt and Chris get chicken nuggets.

Paige and Richard nod and take the kids, Connor to Chris, to McDonalds. Piper, Leo, Phoebe, Cole, Prue and Andy walk into Kentucky Fried Chicken.

_ Time Lapse _

_ Lovelock, Nevada _

The cars pull up to a Days Inn and they wait in the car while Piper goes and gets the room.

Piper - while walking to Leo and the boys; whispering - Leo, here's the key. Take Wyatt and Chris to the room, they're out cold. I'll get the luggage.

Leo nods and picks up Wyatt softly. He walks him up to their room and lays him softly on the bed. Phoebe stands in the door, watching while Leo goes to get Chris. When Leo arrives, Phoebe leaves to go get her kids. Each parent does similar actions to those of Leo's.

Piper - to Phoebe - Is all the kids in 1 room?

Phoebe - You're room. Only until we can take the kids ourselves.

Piper - It's Ok. Cole, Richard and Andy are setting up the rooms. Paige and Prue are getting supper, why don't we try to find a newspaper machine around here so we can find one easily tomorrow while Leo watches the kids, huh?

Phoebe - Ok, sounds good.

_ A few minutes later _

Paige and Prue come back with Taco's. Phoebe and Piper walk towards the car.

Piper - There's a newspaper right where the check in/out is.

Prue - Great.

Paige - We know what'll be on the front cover.

Piper - Either our death or Magic exposure. Wonder if they'll expose us? Or will it be their scientific research?

Phoebe - I know I'm not donation ANY of my body for their slabs.

Prue - I copy that.

Leo - So the kids are awake and hungry. Let's eat.

Andy - Room is done.

Richard - Dido.

Cole - Ready.

Prue - We're eating in Piper's room… so we won't disturb the kids that much. You know how they get.

Andy - Right. I think us guys will eat together. Hey, Leo, up for a little B-ball. Pistons vs. Red Sox.

Leo - Count me in. - he kisses Piper on the cheek and grabs the food for the guys - See you later, Piper.

He runs up to Richard and Paige's room.

Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Paige - rolling their eyes - Men.

They enter their room.


	2. Something Wild This Way Comes, Day 2

_A/N: Thank you for continuing to read my story. I'm sorry I have made it unclear: Prue, Andy, and Cole are alive. In my other stories, I have clarified that Prue received amnesia because in my stories Leo has the power to revive for the first 1 minute after death due to his and Piper's marriage approval. Andy's alive because he was granted life after he risked his life to save the world. To have a full understanding, please read "One Big Happy Family." All the information intertwine though so any story should give you a profound understanding. On with the story, enjoy!_

_ Day 2 of Mission: Moving _

_ Wednesday, May 18, 2005 _

The girls ended up sleeping in the same room, too tired to move. The kids slept together and the guys didn't sleep at all.

Piper - while bringing in the food - Wake up, the guys have their food and now it's our turn. - calling - Egg Muffin? - Paige raises her hand and Piper hands it to her - Pancake deluxe? - Prue raises her hand and Piper hands it to her - Egg and Sausage Biscuit? - Phoebe raises her hand and Piper hands it to her - And last but not least, my Canadian ham, egg and cheese biscuit.

The girls eat first, considering the kids didn't even budge.

Paige - taking a sip of coffee - So, for breakfast it's fine, but no McDonalds for supper.

Piper - Paige, I'll eat anything but hamburgers, but it's harder to resist the urge when you're there.

Phoebe - taking a bite of her biscuit - Come on, give us the dish.

Piper - also taking a bite of biscuit - Nope.

Prue - taking a bite of her pancake - Piper!

Piper - Later. I think the kids and the guys will be asleep. I know they're not driving first.

Phoebe - taking a drink of orange juice - Why?

Piper - They've been up all night. They were watching a rental movie when I walked in.

Paige - What kind of movie?

Piper - The kind that only grown-ups watch.

Phoebe puts down her food and marches up to Richard and Paige's room.

Prue, Piper and Paige - Ut oh.

Paige - When Phoebe enters back in, it's my turn.

Piper - Go get him, girl. I've already got Leo.

Prue - Andy's next.

Phoebe walks in 10 minutes later and Paige leaves.

Piper - Is there anything left of Cole?

Phoebe - bashful - An ear.

Prue - Seriously!

Phoebe - No, 2 ears. No, he's all the way there; just his pride went for a walk.

Piper - I gave Leo a long lecture about Whitelighter status.

Prue - How'd he take it?

Piper - He said, - mocking Leo - "I fell from grace, remember?"

Phoebe - What did you do?

Piper - He's sleeping in the recliner.

Prue and Phoebe - Ouch.

Paige walks in with something in a McDonald's bag.

Prue - What's that?

Paige - Nothing.

Richard comes running in.

Richard - Please Paige, the guys put me up to it.

Paige - Did they, now?

Richard - Yes, they did.

Paige - If you tell me the truth, - she shakes the bag - you get these back. If not, - she takes a match and lights a candle - they burn.

Richard - We were just having some fun, nothing crossed our mind. So please, give me back my testicles!

Paige - calling - TESTICLES, BACK!

Richard - Thank you.

He walks out.

Paige - yelling after him - It happens again, and you'll never see those puppies again!

Richard - yelling back - Yes, ma'am!

Prue, Piper and Phoebe - Wow…

Prue - Nothing, huh.

Piper - Way to go, Paige.

Phoebe - You were the strictest. Holding on and not letting go!

Paige - Well, Prue, it was nothing, or… they were about to be at least. Piper, thank you. Phoebe, kinda.

Prue - My turn.

She walks off.

_ Richard and Paige's room _

Prue walks into the room.

Prue - Boys, could you excuse us. - Leo, Cole and Richard walk out of the room and Prue shuts the door telekinetically -We need to talk, _now_!

Andy - Prue, let me explain.

Prue - I don't want to hear your explanations. Only your screams of agony and mercy.

Andy - God have mercy on my soul.

Prue - He may, but I won't.

_ Time Lapse _

Prue comes walking into Piper's room, dusting off her hands.

Piper - So, how'd it go?

Prue - Beautiful.

Leo - Is there anything left to burry?

Prue - If you run quickly, the crows might not get his last eyeball. - the boys dash towards Paige and Richards room - They fell for it.

Piper - I fell for it! What happened?

Prue - I gripped at him, he tried to plead his case, and I didn't listen. You know, the usual.

Phoebe - Wow. I'll take it back. You were worse.

Prue - No, Andy kept his testicles. I'd be afraid of no more kids.

Paige - I was planning on him never seeing those puppies again.

Piper - I can't believe you orbed away his testicles.

Paige - I didn't. I orbed them to me, not away.

Piper - I hate to cut this short, but we need to go.

Phoebe - Could you at least tell us our next destination?

Piper - For sleep, lunch or supper. For what?

Phoebe - Sleep.

Prue - Lunch.

Paige - Supper.

Piper - We're sleeping at Evanston, having lunch at Elko, and supper will also be at Evanston.

Phoebe - Where is Evanston again?

Piper - On the outskirts of Salt Lake City, Utah.

Paige - I want to know where we will be eating. What restaurant?

Piper - Anything that is reachable but McDonald, Burger King, Dairy Queen or anything hamburger-ish.

Paige - Darn.

Prue - Ok, lets pack up and head out.

Phoebe - I'll go and get the guys.

Paige - Sarcastic - I have this strangest feeling we'll be driving.

Piper - Hey, get your own lines.

Phoebe leaves.

Paige - So, how are you feeling?

Piper - pulling out a map - Good.

Prue - Want some help?

Piper - Not a chance.

Paige - Come on, Piper. At least tell us the interstates we'll be traveling.

Piper - We'll be on I-80 east all day. We'll be driving 440 miles today.

Prue - At least tell us what interstates we'll be traveling this entire trip.

Piper - And let you follow with a map, no way. Find a better plan for executing.

Phoebe - entering - Hey, the guys are tired and ready for a nap.

Paige - Great. Lets get the kids ready for traveling. Get ready, get set, go!

They all do their things and head out.

_ Car #3 _

Phoebe - over the speakers; to Piper - Come on, Piper. Tell us what's up with you and hamburgers.

From Car #3, we can see Piper quickly glancing at Leo beside her, asleep.

Piper - over the speakers - On one condition.

Paige - in the phone - What?

Piper - over the speakers - You all tell me the truth. You promise not to tell anyone and not to laugh.

Phoebe, Prue, and Paige - over the speakers; in the phone - Promise.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, are your men asleep?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Out cold.

Paige - in the phone - Like a log.

Prue - over the speakers - He's drifting in and out of consciousness, but he'll be out by the time we get to straight roads.

Piper - over the speakers; whispering, but loud enough - Oh no.

Paige - in the phone - What's that?

Piper - over the speakers - Nothing, it's just we're going to be in some very curvy roads in a few days.

Prue - over the speakers - He'll be wide-awake.

Piper - over the speakers - Well, its just… hamburgers make me a little boy crazy. I jump Leo every time.

Prue - over the speakers; trying to contain her laughter - I just never… never seen you as that kind.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, I don't know what it is. But every time I have a hamburger I jump Leo.

Phoebe - over the speakers; to Paige - Hey Paige, maybe we should have listened to him after all.

Paige - in the phone - Maybe… yeah. We should have. A lot more than we did.

Piper - over the speakers - Whom are you talking about?

Phoebe - over the speakers; a little hesitant - Chris…

Piper - over the speakers; sadly - Oh.

Paige - in the phone - I just can't stop thinking about him. Every since the day of his birth/death.

Prue - over the speakers - Huh?

Piper - over the speakers - Remember the guy I told you about: Chris. I did tell you he was our Chris, right?

Prue - over the speakers - Yes.

Piper - over the speakers - He died on his birthday, one year and 2 days ago.

Phoebe - over the speakers - I just can't believe it's been a year.

Paige - in the phone - I know. Me either.

Piper - over the speakers - Leo's been quite shaken up these last few days. Telling me he should have done something to prevent that.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Is he still having guilt trips?

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, he's had them every night. They get stronger at night and they were at an all time high yesterday.

Paige - in the phone - I can't believe that. He seemed to get over that.

Piper - over the speakers - Seemed, but not succeeded.

Phoebe - over the speakers - So that was the big bad secret. They make you go guy crazy.

Piper - over the speaker - Yep, that's the reason.

Paige - in the phone - The _personal_ reason.

Piper - over the speakers - Yes, that is _personal._

Over the speakers and in the phone, the girls giggle a moment.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, we've left Lovelock and we're heading towards Woolsey. 275 miles down, 395 to go today, 2,366 to go altogether.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Let's get this party started.

They drive about 16 miles and they stop in the small town of Rye Patch. They get some gas, stretch their legs, get the kids some juice and the guys some coffee.

Phoebe - passing out coffee - Ok, Leo; hot espresso. - she walks over to Car #4 - Andy, black coffee. - she walks over to Car #3 - Richard, cappuccino. - she walks over to her car - Cole; you wanted a coffee with little sugar and lots of milk?

Cole - Yes, ma'am.

Phoebe - Here you go. - she hands it to him and walks over to where Paige and Connor are watching the big rigs. - Hey.

Connor - Look Mommy, it's a blue one!

Paige - Yeah, baby. Do you want to get a closer look?

Connor clings to her.

Connor - No! It might eat us.

Connie was standing to Paige's left, by her foot. One of the big rigs fire up. Paige looks down to where Connie was just to find out she's not there.

Paige - Connie! Connie!

A trucker comes running out of the gas station, yelling.

Trucker - Hey, someone get that kid!

Paige looks up to her horror to see Connie in the drivers seat.

Paige - CONNIE!

Paige runs up to the truck.

Paige - a little nervous - Hey, Connie. Wanna show Mommy? - Connie shakes her head no - Come on, Mommy wants to see, too. - Connie shakes her head no again - Connie…

Trucker - Ma'am, I'm sorry to inform you, but that rig is carrying chemicals.

Paige - Oh, oh, oh! Connie, please. Connie Lea Bryant-Matthews-Montana, get down here now!

Connor - Connie, can I see?

Connie shrugs.

Paige - Connor!

Connor climbs up.

Trucker - What is my truck, a toy? Get those kids out of there!

Paige - Wait sir, I think I know what he's doing.

Trucker - I'm sure glad you do cause I don't.

Connor - Connie, can I sit in your set. - Connie moves to the left - No, no! We need to go and mommy's gonna be mad. - Connie shrugs again - Connie, please.

Connie moves out of the truck and swaggers over to Paige.

Connie - Sorry.

Paige picks her up. Connor walks over to them.

Paige - It's okay.

Piper walks out of the gas station.

Piper - What's going on?

The trucker leaves after he checks his rig.

Paige - Connie got bored, I guess, and decided to have a little fun by playing with a live sized real rig.

Piper - Ut oh. I was afraid of that. Children are very easily distracted. We couldn't keep them entertained for long with a little ride that is a long one.

Paige - So how do we capture their attention?

Phoebe - looking at attraction map - By going to the lake.

They turn to look at what she was talking about and smile.

Piper - We can't stay long, but we can go for a while. We'll just be turning in late. - Paige and Phoebe hi-five and Piper starts to think - Oh no, we can't.

Paige - Why?

Piper - There are several Air Force bases over that way. I want to get past them without stopping. Great Salt Lake is over that way so we can stop there.

Phoebe - How far is that?

Piper - About 100 miles.

Paige - Ok, but it better be fast.

Piper - It won't. But we will get through it.

They walk back to their cars, get everything settled in and start off again.

_ Time Lapse _

Piper - over the speakers - Guys, follow me. We're taking 553 to Elko to eat.

Paige - in the phone - Roger that, good buddy.

Prue - over the speakers - You bored, Paige.

Paige - in the phone - Yeah, didn't you hear me singing a while back?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah, and dogs for 500 feet howled.

Paige - in the phone - If I were there, I'd hit you.

Phoebe - over the speakers - But you're not, ha!

They pull off the interstate and up by 553.

Phoebe - over the speakers - You know, that reminds me of that song/movie.

Paige - in the phone - What song/movie?

Piper - over the speakers - Breaker, breaker. Come in. This here is the Duck.

Prue laughs.

Paige - in the phone - What in the world?

Prue - over the speakers - Convoy.

Paige - in the phone - That country movie?

Phoebe - over the speakers - _That country movie? That movie rocke_d.

Piper - over the speakers - Especially the scene where the Duck's rig blew up.

Prue - over the speakers - Yeah, but thinking back it was kind of corny.

Paige - in the phone - I think you're all corny.

Phoebe - over the speakers - I think I have a couple trucking and traveling songs around here. - they hear ruffling - Ah ha! Got them!

Paige - in the phone - God help us.

Across the speakers comes Phoebe's 'Trucking Songs.' It's the CD itself, not Phoebe.

_**Uh, Breaker One-Nine, this here's the Rubber Duck. You got a copy on me Pig-Pen? C'mon. Uh, yeah 10-4 Pig Pen, fer sure, fer sure. By golly it's clean clear to Flag-Town, C'mon. Uh, yeah, that's a big 10-4 there, Pig-Pen, Yeah, we definitely got the front door good buddy, Mercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a convoy.**_..

Was the dark of the moon, on the sixth of June  
In a Kenworth, pullin' logs  
Cabover Pete with a reefer on  
And a Jimmy haulin' hogs   
We 'as headin' fer bear on I-One-Oh  
'Bout a mile outta Shaky-Town  
I sez Pig-Pen, this here's the Rubber Duck  
An' I'm about to put the hammer on down

_Cause we gotta little ol' convoy, rockin' through the night  
Yeah we gotta little ol' convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight?  
Come on an' join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna git in our way  
We're gonna roll this truckin' convoy, cross the USA  
Convoy..._

_**Uh, breaker Pig-Pen, this here's The Duck  
**__Convoy!_

_**Uh, you wanna back off them hogs. 10-4, 'bout five mile or so, 10-roger. Them hogs is gittin' in-tense up here**_

By the time we got into Tulsa-Town  
We had eighty-five trucks in all  
But they's a road block up on the clover leaf  
An' them bears 'as wall to wall  
Yeah them smokies 'as thick as bugs on a bumper  
They even had a bear-in-the-air  
I sez callin' all trucks, this here's The Duck  
We about to go a huntin' bear 

_Cause we gotta great big convoy, rockin' through the night  
Yeah we gotta great big convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight?  
Come on an' join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna git in our way  
We're gonna roll this truckin' convoy, cross the USA  
Convoy..._

_**Uh, you wanna give me a 10-9 on that Pig-Pen? **_

_Convoy!__**  
Uh, negatory Pig-Pen, yer still too close. Yeah, them hogs is startin' close up my sinuses. Mercy sakes, you better back off another ten**_.

Well we rolled up interstate fourty-four  
Like a rocket sled on rails   
We tore up all a our swindle sheets  
An' left 'em settin' on the scales  
By the time we hit that Chi-Town  
Them bears was a gittin' smart  
They'd brought up some reinforcements  
From the Illinois National Guard  
There 'as armored cars, and tanks, and Jeeps  
An' rigs of every size  
Yeah them chicken coops 'as full a bears  
An' choppers filled the skies  
Well we shot the line, an' we went for broke  
With a thousand screamin' trucks  
And eleven long-haired friends of Jesus  
In a chartreusse microbus 

**Ah, **_**Rubber Duck to Sod Buster come over. Yeah 10-4, Sod Buster? Listen,you wanna put that microbus in behind the suicide jockey? Yeah, he's haulin dynamite. He needs all the help he can git.**_

Well we laid a strip fer the Jersey Shore  
An' prepared to cross the line  
I could see the bridge 'as lined with bears  
But I didn't have a doggone dime  
I sez Pig-Pen, this here's the Rubber Duck  
We just ain't a gonna pay no toll  
So we crashed the gate doin' ninety-eight  
I sez, let them truckers roll, 10-4 

_Cause we gotta mighty convoy, rockin' through the night  
Yeah we gotta mighty convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight?  
Come on an' join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna git in our way  
We're gonna roll this truckin' convoy, cross the USA  
Convoy..._

_**Uh, 10-4 Pig-Pen, what's yer 20? **_

_Convoy! _

_**Omaha?! Well they oughta know what to do with them hogs out there fer sure. Well mercy **_

_Convoy! _

_**sakes alive good buddy. We gonna back on outta here. So keep the bugs off yer glass. An' the bears off yer... **_

_Convoy!_

_**tail We gonna catch ya on the flip-flop. This here's the Rubber Duck on the side  
**__Convoy! _

_**We gone. Bye, Bye...**_

Paige - in the phone - Ok, so it's not slow. But it's weird. What the hell was that?

Prue, Piper and Phoebe - over the speakers - Convoy by C.W. McCall.

Paige - in the phone - Cute. Really cute. Play something good.

Prue - over the speakers - Friendly sisterly warning. Those are fighting words to Phoebe and Piper.

Phoebe - over the speakers; angrily - More particularly me!

Piper - over the speakers - Ain't that the truth.

Paige - in the phone - Ok, so play something else then. Sorry.

Phoebe - over the speakers - It's already started. Get ready for Johnny Cash.

Prue and Piper, over the speakers, cheer.

Paige - in the phone - Johnny Cash, give me a break!

Music starts to play:

I was toting my pack along the long dusty Winnemucca road  
When along came a semi with a high canvas covered load  
If your goin' to Winnemucca, Mack with me you can ride  
And so I climbed into the cab and then I settled down inside  
He asked me if I'd seen a road with so much dust and sand  
And I said, "Listen! I've traveled every road in this here land!"

I've been everywhere, man  
I've been everywhere, man  
Crossed the deserts bare, man  
I've breathed the mountain air, man  
Travel - I've had my share, man  
I've been everywhere

I've been to:  
Reno  
Chicago  
Fargo  
Minnesota  
Buffalo  
Toronto  
Winslow  
Sarasota  
Wichita  
Tulsa  
Ottawa  
Oklahoma  
Tampa  
Panama  
Mattawa  
LaPaloma  
Bangor  
Baltimore  
Salvador  
Amarillo  
Tocapillo  
Pocotello

Amperdillo

I'm a Killer  
I've been everywhere, man  
I've been everywhere, man  
Crossed the deserts bare, man  
I've breathed the mountain air, man  
Travel - I've had my share, man  
I've been everywhere

I've been to:  
Boston  
Charleston  
Dayton  
Louisiana  
Washington  
Houston  
Kingston  
Texas (Country)  
Monterey  
Fairaday  
Santa Fe  
Tallapoosa  
Glen Rock  
Black Rock  
Little Rock  
Oskaloosa  
Tennessee  
Tinnesay  
Chicopee  
Spirit Lake  
Grand Lake  
Devil's Lake  
Crater Lake

For Pete's Sake  
I've been everywhere, man  
I've been everywhere, man  
Crossed the deserts bare, man  
I've breathed the mountain air, man  
Travel - I've had my share, man  
I've been everywhere

I've been to:  
Louisville  
Nashville  
Knoxville  
Omerback  
Springfield  
Bakersfield  
Shreveport  
Hackensack  
Cadillac  
Fond du Lac  
Davenport  
Idaho  
Jellico  
Argentina  
Diamantina  
Pasadena  
Catalina

See What I Mean  
I've been everywhere, man  
I've been everywhere, man  
Crossed the deserts bare, man  
I've breathed the mountain air, man  
Travel - I've had my share, man  
I've been everywhere

I've been to:  
Pittsburgh  
Parkersburg  
Gravelbourg  
Colorado  
Ellensburg  
Rexburg  
Vicksburg  
Eldorado  
Larimore  
Adimore  
Haverstraw  
Chadanocka  
Shaska  
Nebraska  
Alaska  
Opalacka  
Baraboo  
Waterloo  
Kalamazoo  
Kansas City  
Sioux City  
Cedar City  
Dodge City

What A Pity  
I've been everywhere, man  
I've been everywhere, man  
Crossed the deserts bare, man  
I've breathed the mountain air, man  
Travel - I've had my share, man  
I've been everywhere  
I've been everywhere 

Paige - in the phone - That wasn't Johnny Cash!

Prue - over the speakers - Yes, that's Johnny Cash.

Paige - in the phone - What happened to the slow songs?

Piper - over the speakers - They died.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Murder On Music Row.

Prue laughs.

Prue - over the speakers - Haven't you quoted songs for enough today. Play more!

Phoebe - over the speakers - Which ones?

Piper - over the speakers - Don't matter. They're all good. Paige, if you lived with us as a kid, you'd like these songs too. We grew up on them. Do you think Grams allowed us to listen to Rock 'n Roll as a child? Heck no, she grew us up on Alabama, Exile, Loretta Lynn, George Jones, The Stanley Brothers, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Roger Miller, Merle Haggard, Earle Scruggs, Lester Flats, Kenny Rogers, June Carter and Johnny Cash, Johnny Paycheck, John Denver, Jerry Reed, Dolly Parton, David Alan Coe and then the newbies: George Strait and Alan Jackson; then the ones Grams made us listen to: Tom T. Hall, Jim Reeves and Little Jimmy Dickens. - she giggles -

Phoebe - over the speakers - Well, Piper, here comes Jerry Reed. East Bound and Down.

The Music starts to play:

East bound and down, loaded up and truckin',  
we're gonna do what they say can't be done.  
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there.  
I'm east bound, just watch ol' "Bandit" run.

Keep your foot hard on the pedal. Son, never mind them brakes.  
Let it all hang out 'cause we got a run to make.  
The boys are thirsty in Atlanta and there's beer in Texarkana.  
And we'll bring it back no matter what it takes.

East bound and down, loaded up and truckin',  
we're gonna do what they say can't be done.  
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there.  
I'm east bound, just watch ol' "Bandit" run.

East bound and down, loaded up and truckin',  
we're gonna do what they say can't be done.  
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there.  
I'm east bound, just watch ol' "Bandit" run.

Ol' Smokey's got them ears on and he's hot on your trail.  
He ain't gonna rest 'til you're in jail.  
So you got to dodge 'im and you got to duck 'im,  
you got to keep that diesel truckin'.  
Just put that hammer down and give it hell.

East bound and down, loaded up and truckin',  
we're gonna do what they say can't be done.  
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there.  
I'm east bound, just watch ol' "Bandit" run.

Paige - in the phone - I know that song! That was in Smokey and the Bandit! They had a country song for that!

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, it kinda signifies us. We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there…

Prue - over the speakers - Doing something they say can't be done.

Phoebe laughs.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, according to the map, we're coming up on Elko in a few minutes.

Prue - over the speakers - Ok, so where are we eating?

Piper - over the speakers - Pizza Hut or some kind of pizza place.

Paige - in the phone - Finally, some good food.

Connor - in the phone; to Paige - We're eating Pizza?

Paige - in the phone; to Connor - Yes, sweetie.

Connie - in the phone; to Paige - What's Pizza?

Paige - in the phone - I guess you'll find out in a few meters.

Piper's car pulls off the road, the rest following her. Piper gets out of her car, grabs Chris and Leo gets Wyatt.

_ Parking Lot _

Piper - Lets go eat, sweetie.

Wyatt - YAY!

Leo - It looks like he's happy. What about Chris?

Piper - I think he's hungry, but not showing it.

Phoebe - getting Courtney - She's starved.

Cole - Famished.

Phoebe - Oh baby, lets get him something, Cole.

Cole - Not the baby, me.

Phoebe slaps Cole on his shoulder.

Cole - Let's eat. He's hungry too.

Phoebe - He better be.

Paige - My two can't wait to get some of that Pizza.

Prue - Where are my Twins?

Leo - pointing towards the building - They went that way.

Prue - Andy, follow them.

Andy walks off.

Richard - getting Connor - Let's eat.

They all walk in. the guys have a table, the kids have a table and the girls have a table.

_ The Girls Table _

Piper - So how is the trip so far?

Phoebe - Pretty good… besides the dipper part. Cole didn't like that.

Paige - Not at all. I swore I heard him in the car without the phone. Our trip has gone smooth, I like it.

Prue - So far, so good.

Phoebe, Paige and Prue - I just wish I knew where we were going. - Piper looks amused - Well, guess I'm not alone.

They laugh.

Piper - I would tell you, but it's too dangerous.

Phoebe - Piper, what if we get separated. We won't know how to reconnect.

Piper - Nicer try. That is what the phones are for. Remember them, we're been talking on them non-stop.

Phoebe snaps her fingers in a 'shucks' way.

Paige - Well, other then that, we may need… our cell phones may die. What if we get separated, as Phoebe said?

Piper - Well uh… Paige, you made that up!

Paige - Maybe, but it's a good question.

Prue - Actually, it is. What would happen if one of our cell phones died?

Phoebe - Or we forget them in the motel?

Piper - You take yours in?

Paige - Hers will be the first to go dead.

Piper - I charge mine in the car!

Phoebe - Well, we could. But I don't go anywhere without my cell.

Paige - Me either.

Piper - Who is gonna call? They think we're dead?

Prue - And if you answer, guess what…

Paige - What?

Piper - They find out!

Phoebe - What if Elise needs me?

Piper - She's in trouble. Phoebe, your probably being replaced at work. She, along with everyone else, thinks we're dead!

Phoebe - What about Spencer Ricks?

Piper - He's probably celebrating.

Phoebe - If he upped and died, I would too.

Paige - Ok, so no more cell phone. What if we lose it? You know, thief.

Piper - Ok, here's the deal. I'll tell you the planned route for the day, that's it. When it's down to the last day, all I can say is keep up.

Phoebe - You're not telling us.

Piper - And allow six days of traveling for nothing, no way.

Prue - Is it really bad?

Piper - I told the realtor to just tell me the streets to take, no cities.

Phoebe - Can I turn around now?

Piper - Phoebe, we have traveled an estimated 410 miles, do you really want to turn around now?

Phoebe - serious - I do if we're going somewhere dangerous. I'm not raising my kids in an unstable environment.

Piper - urgent - NO, no, God no. Phoebe, I'm takin' Wyatt and Chris. San Francisco is more dangerous than this place… It's just so not us. The place is odd, really odd.

Phoebe - Ok, so I'll stick around.

Prue - Ok, the guys are turning in for coffee over there, how 'bout we leave after they get it and make them drive while we sleep the entire way.

Paige - Sounds good to me.

Piper stands up and lays down the money and tip and walks over to the men.

Piper - You guys ready?

Leo - As soon as our cup of coffee comes.

Piper - Good, we'll be freshening up.

Cole - while the girls get the kids and walk away - Good, we can finish 3.

Richard - I'm not so sure about that. I'd say 4.

Leo - They're faster than that. They're bathroom break usually means capital D.

Cole - Does that mean demon?

Leo - Yes, Cole. But I said the code, couldn't we have just left it that way?

Andy - We can finish the first cup of coffee at least.

Richard - At least.

Cole - Yep, at least.

Leo laughs and rolls his eyes.

_ Ten minutes and three cups of coffee later _

Richard hands Cole a $10 bill after the girls come out of the bathroom.

Cole - Mm-hmm.

Phoebe - What did you 2 make a bet on?

Richard - Uh, uh. How many cups we could finish before you get back. Wow, my throat is hot. I bet Cole's is hotter!

Cole - catching on - Oh, yeah. Really hot. Hot as…

Phoebe - Don't even say it. - Cole closes his mouth before saying 'hell' - Good boy.

Piper - Lets roll.

They start to walk out.

Waitress - Ma'am. The men and children?

Piper - Oh, sorry. It's with ours. You can check if you want to. It's there.

The waitress double checks.

Waitress - Sorry.

Piper - laughing - It's ok. Could've happened to anyone - they exit -

_ Parking Lot _

When they put the children in the back seats, everyone heads to their respectful passenger seat.

_ Outside Car #1 _

Leo - Piper?

Piper - I'll guide you. Like last time. But you guys snoozed the whole way.

_ Outside Car #2 _

Cole - What's going on here, Phoebe?

Phoebe - My turn. - she tosses him the keys - Follow Leo.

_ Outside Car #3 _

Richard - Paige, I'm still sore from the testicle incident.

Paige - Too bad.

_ Outside Car #4 _

Andy - Really?

Prue - Knock yourself out.

Andy - Cool!

The guy's head to the driver's side, the girls get in the passenger seat.

_ Car #3 _

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, just follow 553 until I-80.

Leo - over the speakers - Oh, gosh. I've never felt so nervous about driving.

Piper - over the speakers - Don't. You can't get lost. We don't get off I-80 until Lincoln, Nebraska.

Prue, Andy, Phoebe, Cole, Paige and Richard - over the speakers; in the phone - LINCOLN, NEBRASKA!

Piper - over the speakers - Ut oh. That's still on.

Phoebe - over the speakers - It never went off.

Piper - over the speakers - Oh, I'm sorry. When we get off I-80, we get on to U.S. 77 for a little while. Oh, 2-4 miles the most. Then U.S. 2 for a good while.

Prue - over the speakers - Thanks for telling us a little.

Piper - over the speakers - You're welcome.

Prue - over the speakers - Hey, Pheebs. Do you have "On the Road Again" by Willie Nelson?

Phoebe - over the speakers - I wouldn't have the perfect traveling collection if I didn't.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, wasn't he the #1 traveling song on CMT's 40 Greatest Traveling Songs?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah, it was.

Music starts to play over the speakers and Paige just shakes her head and puts her head in her hands:

On the road again  
Just can't wait to get on the road again  
The life I love is makin' music with my friends  
And I can't wait to get on the road again  
On the road again  
Goin' places that I've never been  
Seein' things that I may never see again,  
And I can't wait to get on the road again.

On the road again  
Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway  
We're the best of friends  
Insisting that the world be turnin' our way  
And our way  
Is on the road again  
Just can't wait to get on the road again  
The life I love is makin' music with my friends  
And I can't wait to get on the road again

On the road again  
Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway  
We're the best of friends  
Insisting that the world be turnin' our way  
And our way  
Is on the road again

Just can't wait to get on the road again  
The life I love is makin' music with my friends  
And I can't wait to get on the road again  
And I can't wait to get on the road again

Phoebe - over the speakers - Huh? Huh?

Paige - in the phone - You're a bunch of bolts.

Piper - over the speakers - We'll get her.

Prue - over the speakers - We'll bring out the Patsy Cline.

Phoebe - over the speakers - The ONLY song by Pasty Cline in this car is Willie Nelson's version of Crazy, Missy. She was a wonderful entertainer… for the old folks home. Put the sleepless right to sleep. Way to slow.

Paige - in the phone - Finally, sanity!

Phoebe - over the speakers - I just… err!

Prue - over the speakers - Just to spice thing up, put in Operation Bird.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Okey dokey!

Music stats to play:

Well my throat was dry and it was getting late

I was at this bar on the interstate

When a guy with this bird on his shoulder

Walking through the door

Yeah

He proceeded to tell me the wildest thing

He said, "Sir, this bird of mine can sing

Like no other bird you have ever heard before"

Well I kinda looked at the guy and said "Oh really?"

He turned to the bird and said, "Do ole Willie"

When the bird started singing I almost fell on the floor

Whiskey River take my mind

Don't let her memory torture me

Whiskey River don't run dry

You're all I've got take care of me

Well if that ain't the durndest thing

Well I thought, what a heck of a thing

A man could get rich makin' that bird sing

And I could fell this wild idear coming on strong

And besides, I'm sittin' here with two weeks pay

And I'd probably blow it on beer anyway

Then he said "Hey what'll you hear him sing like George Jones"

He stopped loving her today

They placed a wreath upon his door

And soon they'll carry him away

He stopped loving her today

I said "Well that does it sir

Yep, I'd like to buy that bird,

Would $500 take him off your hands? Huh?"

Well he thought for a while and he said "Alright"

And handed me the bird and said "Goodnight"

He counted my money and out the door he ran

Well I was thinkin' I'd found the rainbow's end

That the money would soon be pouring in

When suddenly the bird flew out the door and was gone

Well then it hit me, and I got boiling mad

I knew right then that I'd been had

And as he flew out into the night

He was singing this song

On the road again

Just can't wait to get on the road again

_Somebody stop that bird_

The life I love is making money with my friend

And I can't wait to get on the road again

On the road again

_My bird_

Just can't wait to get on the road again

_My $500_

The life I love is making money with my friend

_Oh! _

And I can't wait to get on the road again

_Somebody get me a BB Gun._

On the road again.

_I want that bird!_

I just can't wait to get on the road again

_This is for the birds_

The life I love is making money with my friend

And I can't wait to get on the road again

_Buy me a drink somebody _

On the Road Again

Paige - in the phone; dying of laughter - What, who, where and why?

Phoebe - over the speakers - 'What' is a song about being ripped off, 'who' is Jerry Reed, 'where' is who knows and 'why' is he likes to see people laugh. The name of the song is "Whisky River: The Bird with Excerpts/He Stopped Loving Her Today/On the Road Again" aka the Bird.

Paige - in the phone; still laughing - Ok, I'm a believer now.

Leo - over the speakers; to Piper - Piper, Oasis? Is it gonna disappear?

Piper - over the speakers; to Leo - I honestly don't know sweetie, when I got this map, it did on several occasions. I was copying it one minute, then the next it was gone. I skipped to the next scene and it was back!

Leo - over the speakers; to Piper - It better not, I'm telling you right now.

Piper - over the speakers; to Leo - Oh Leo!

Paige - in the phone - Are you two having problems?

Piper - over the speakers - Besides he's paranoid, no.

Leo - over the speakers; to Piper - We don't have to stop do we?

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, in about 5 miles, we're pulling over to a gas station. Fill up! I don't care if it's .2 inches away from full, fill her up. We're going into Air Force's and we don't want to be the cause of an explosion no more then we already are. Ok, guys, do you understand the urgencies of these actions. We need to turn off our cell phones. Use the bathroom, make sure your kids do, and your men. Ok as soon as we pull off, we'll be ready to go. We turn them off in-between Silver Zone and Proctor.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Ok, but Piper, what if we get separated, what will happen?

Piper - over the speakers - I've got it covered. We'll stay here for 30 minutes to make sure everyone is finished eating and using the bathroom, excreta.

Paige - in the phone - Ok.

Prue - over the speakers - I sure hope you know what your doing, Piper.

Piper - over the speakers - I do. - they pull off at a small gas station Piper gets in the back of her tractor, and pull out her electronics, she pulls out her laptop, printer and an extension cord and then she looks around and finds a mechanic - Excuse me sir, could you help me for a moment?

Mechanic - Yes, Ma'am, what do you need?

Piper - I need a plug in for my extension cord, but unfortunately cars haven't got that feature yet.

The mechanic laughs.

Mechanic - Sure, right over here. Now, your not powering a circus, are you?

Piper - No, just my laptop.

Mechanic - winking - Good, cause I'd have a field day explaining that one to boss. I just can't resist beautiful and sexy women.

Piper blushes.

Piper - I'm flattered, really I am, but I'm taken.

Mechanic - So am I.

Piper, after plugging in the cord, quickly walks away.

Piper - Ok, here we go…

She plugs in the laptop, hooks the printer and the computer together and adds paper to the printer. She pulls up her document of the map and prints out three copies of Utah. She puts everything back in her bags in the car and walks over to Prue, Phoebe and Paige at the snacks.

Prue - talking to the others - Here comes Piper.

Piper - Hey guys. - she hands them the papers - This is the route we're taking through Utah. Follow this and you'll be ok. I want us girls to drive through Utah, not the guys.

Phoebe - Ok so, just follow the highlighted sections, that's it.

Piper - Pretty much. Ok, stretch, eat, bathroom break, lets roll, lets roll. I'm going over there, - pointing to Wal-Mart not to far away - ok. Leo. Take care of the boys, I'll be right back.

Piper gets in her car and drives off.

_ Time Lapse _

Piper - getting out of her car with about 15 bags - I really didn't know what to get them, so I just got them a little of everything. The girls got girly things of course, and the boys got boy toys, the babies: Chris and Melissa, I got them musical pop up books and little things like that. - she hands a bag to Prue - I got Andy, Jr. some trucks, some books, a CD player, some CD's, a hand-held movie theater; I got Patricia a baby doll with the works, pop up books. I didn't get the babies any. I also got Patricia a hand-held DVD player and a Barbie doll. I got Melissa additional a rattle, teddy bear and a large pillow tiger.

Prue - You didn't have to Piper.

Piper - Yeah, I did. I said we could go to the lake, but we can't. We have to get through Utah. It's too dangerous. Too much of a risk at getting lost.

Phoebe - Ok, so you got our kids some toys, how sweet.

Piper - I got Collin and Courtney, other then the pop up books, baby dolls, soft trucks, rattles, blocks and a leap frog for toddlers.

Phoebe - taking the bags - Thanks.

Piper - I got Connor and Connie… Pop up Books, CD player, CD's, hand-held DVD players, older toys, and something I'm sure if I don't mute will drive their mommy crazy: Gameboy's.

Paige - You better mute that. - Piper mutes it and hands them to Paige - Thank you.

Leo - Ok, so what did you get our kids?

Piper - Wyatt: truck, soft blocks; look out, some stuffed animals and a large pillow like Melissa's. Chris got a large pillow too, rattle, soft blocks like Wyatt, a glow worm and a soft-music-playing toy, a cat.

Leo takes the bags and puts it in the back between the car seats. Cole, Andy and Richard does the same.

Phoebe - Who gives you the most trouble. Collin screams mostly.

Paige - Yeah.

Piper - Wyatt. Chris sleeps.

Paige - Your lucky on Chris, ours scream, cries, or worse, starts 20 questions.

Phoebe - Mine doesn't do that.

Prue - Andy, Jr. still does. But Patricia had me asking twenty questions. When I still had amnesia, Patricia and Andy, Jr. use to disappear and come back a few hours later. I just gave up on looking for them. Once I found a man in my living room, then he quickly orbed away.

Patricia - Chris! I stoled him.

Piper - Big Chris?

Andy, Jr. - Uh-huh. He scolded us.

Patricia - Maybe you, but he didn't me.

Andy, Jr. - Yeah right, Chris scolds anyone he pleases. - Patricia put down her head bashfully - I thought so.

Piper - Is everyone ready?

Prue - looking at her clan - Yep, they're ready.

Phoebe - looking at Cole - Yes, we are ready, we are ready to join the highway men.

Piper - When we get out of Utah, you have to play that… ok, Paige?

Paige - Um, ok, their good, right.

Connor and Connie - Righty-ho.

Richard - Let's get this over with.

Piper - I couldn't agree with you more.

They all pack up, double check their stuff and head out, Piper in the helm. They drive all the way through Utah smoothly, and eventually make it to Evanston. They spend the night there.


	3. Something Wild This Way Comes, Day 3

_ Day 3 of Mission: Moving _

_ Thursday, May 19, 2005 _

_ Car #4-After Breakfast _

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, we're leaving Evanston, and heading towards Millersville. 670 miles down, 445 miles to go today, 1,971 miles to go altogether.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Wow! 670 miles down already.

Paige - over the speakers - I'm impressed. So we've only got 2,000 miles to go?

Piper - over the speakers - 1,971 miles to be exact.

Prue - in the phone - You are good.

Piper - over the speakers - Hey, Pheebs, play Highwayman.

Phoebe - over the speakers - On it.

Paige - over the speakers; whining - Why?

Once again, music plays across the speakers:

I was a highwayman, along the coach roads I did ride,  
With sword and pistol by my side.  
Many a young maid lost her baubles to my trade.  
Many a soldier shed his lifeblood on my blade.  
The bastards hung me in the spring of twenty-five:  
But I am still alive.

I was a sailor, I was born upon the tide.  
And with the sea I did abide.  
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico.  
I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow.  
And when the yards broke off, they said that I got killed:  
But I am living still.

I was a dam builder across the river deep and wide;  
Where steel and water did collide.  
A place called Boulder on the wild Colorado,  
I slipped and fell into the wet concrete below.  
They buried me in that great tomb that knows no sound:  
But I am still around.  
I'll always be around,.  
And around and around and around and around.

I fly a starship across the Universe divide.  
And when I reach the other side,  
I'll find a place to rest my spirit if I can.  
Perhaps I may become a highwayman again.  
Or I may simply be a single drop of rain;  
But I will remain.  
And I'll be back again,

And again and again and again and again

Piper - over the speakers - You can't get any better than that.

Prue - in the phone - I know, I love those men together.

Phoebe - over the speakers - I know, I love those men together, too.

Paige - over the speakers - That song gave me chill bumps. Who were they.

Prue - in the phone - Willie Nelson.

Phoebe - over the speaker - Kris Kristofferson. The one who played The Duck on Convoy.

Piper - over the speaker - Waylon Jennings.

Phoebe, Piper and Prue - over the speakers; in the phone - Johnny Cash.

Paige - over the speaker - You know what, I'm starting to dig this country music thing.

Piper - over the speakers - About time. So guys how are the kids?

Prue - in the phone - Sleepy.

Paige - over the speakers - Mine can't put down the game boy's. They've been on them all night and all day. Not one ounce of sleep.

Piper - over the speakers - Sorry.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Mine are little angels. They are having a wonderful time. They love the scenery.

Cole - over the speakers - Speak for yourself. They are cute, they are cuddly, and they stink.

Phoebe - over the speakers - You know, you can have a nice home in Wyoming.

Cole - over the speakers - SO, Piper, how is everything going your way.

Piper - over the speakers - The boys sleep 20 hours a day, even Wyatt, which, quite frankly, surprised me.

Leo - over the speaker - Yeah, we fight mostly.

Paige - over the speakers - About what?

Piper - over the speakers - Where do you wanna start?

Leo - over the speakers - We fight about the powers, where we're going, what state is next, and mostly about this trip.

Prue - in the phone - Well, Piper, he has a point. Your stripping your children's powers, moving to a strange place that we won't like, your having second thoughts, and most importantly, you won't tell us where we're going.

Piper - over the speaker - Prue, I know that. I'm stripping our kids powers because it's for the best, we're moving to a strange place so our enemies won't find us, I'm NOT having second thoughts anymore. I'm positive we'll be ok, and I won't tell you where we're going, because I don't want you guys to get scared, You guys won't like it and if I tell you, you won't even give the place a chance. You'll judge it by it's name and looks.

Paige - over the speaker - Oh god, it's Kentucky.

Piper - over the speakers - No, it's not Kentucky, but close.

Phoebe - over the speaker - Where? We won't judge this place, I promise.

Piper - over the speakers - I know you guys, it doesn't matter that you promised or not, you will turn around and high tail right back to California.

Prue - in the phone - No, we will not do that, please.

Piper - over the speakers - Nope, change the subject.

Phoebe - over the speakers - I've got a subject. Here comes The Allman Brothers Band.

Music starts to play:

Lord, I was born a ramblin man,  
Trying to make a living and doing the best I can.  
When its time for leaving, I hope you'll understand,  
That I was born a ramblin man.

My father was a gambler down in Georgia,  
And he wound up on the wrong end of a gun.  
And I was born in the back seat of a greyhound bus  
Rollin down highway 41.

Lord, I was born a ramblin man,  
Trying to make a living and doing the best I can.  
When its time for leaving, I hope you'll understand,  
That I was born a ramblin man.

Oh right

I'm on my way to New Orleans this morning,  
Leaving out of Nashville, Tennessee,  
They're always having a good time down on the Bayou, Lord  
Them delta women think the world of me.

Lord, I was born a ramblin man,  
Trying to make a living and doing the best I can.  
And when its time for leaving, I hope you'll understand,  
That I was born a ramblin man.

Lord, I was born a ramblin man

Lord, I was born a ramblin man

Lord, I was born a ramblin man

Lord, I was born a ramblin man  
Lord, I was born a ramblin man

Paige - over the speakers - Wow, who was that again?

Prue - in the phone - The Allman Brothers band.

Piper - over the speakers - Ramblin man is what it's called.

Phoebe - over the speakers - I think we should finish our collection. We're in 3 days already…

Piper - over the speakers - Don't hurry up too much. We might have a slight delay.

Prue - in the phone - Why?

Piper - over the speakers - Look ahead.

They look ahead and see a road block.

Piper - over the speakers - Turn off your cell phones. - Paige's cell phone terminates, but Piper doesn't notice - Don't forget to shut down your engines too.

Everyone turns off their cell phones and pulls up to the traffic jam ahead.

_ 4 hours Later _

An officer walks over to Piper's car.

Officer - Hello, Ma'am, how are you this evening?

Piper - Behind schedule, sir. What is going on here, sir.

Officer - We have a prison break and got an anonymous tip that the suspect and the fugitive was aheadin' this way. You don't know something about that, now do ya?

Piper - No, sir, we are not from around these parts. We're from California, heading way out of state; moving.

Officer - Well. Where ya headin'?

Piper - uh, um--it's a surprise actually for my husband. He doesn't know where we're going and I want to surprise him with it. Do you mind? It's a honeymoon home.

Officer - Ah, I see. You folks have fun, where ever yer going.

Piper - Thank you officer. I hope you find the fugitive… oh, sir, the next three cars are my sisters and they don't know either. You don't think you could allow them to pass, do you?

Officer - They're your sisters, um, I don't know about that. - noticing her cell phone - Can you use that to tell them to move slowly.

Piper - My cell, sure. I'll call them.

Officer - I guess that's how you kept in touch.

Piper - Yes, sir, we didn't want to cause any problems with it, so I had them turn it off. That isn't a problem, is it?

Officer - Oh no, it's not. Now, in some places, they call that convoying. But I'll just never mind that and let it slip.

Piper - Thank you sir.

Officer - Your welcome.

Piper dials the numbers and hooks them up to the party line.

_ Car #1 _

Piper - in the phone - Phoebe, Prue, Paige, would you do me a favor and drive slowly until this officer checks your cars?

Prue - over the speakers - What's going on? If you wouldn't mind telling me?

Piper - in the phone - Prison Break. Just drive up slowly and allow him to look inside. - to the officer - Is that right?

Officer - Yes ma'am. Just allow me to see inside the car. I don't think I need to look inside the trunk.

Phoebe drives her car up slowly and allows the officer to look inside. He sees that it has nothing that has anything of any interest in it and he flags the flaggers to allow the first to two cars to pass. He does the same to Paige's and Prue's car's as they are inspected. The officer waves at them stating them to go on.

Piper - in the phone - Ok, guys, that was a really big delay. We need to get down 445 miles today, so we will be turning in late.

Phoebe - over the speakers - How did you get that officer to allow us to pass with just an eyesight inspection?

Piper - in the phone - I just told him the truth. Hey Phoebe, can I ask you a question?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Sure, what?

Piper - in the phone - That officer said that in some states, talking on the cell phone like we are is considered convoying. Is that true?

Andy - over the speakers - Well, Piper, in one form, yes. Convoying includes like the movie did, and also what we're doing. Your type is legal as long as you don't brake the law.

Piper - in the phone - Are we breaking the law?

Andy - over the speakers - Considering you are faking your deaths and running far, far away, then yes.

Piper - in the phone - Besides that!

While they are busy chit chatting and arguing, they pass a information sign stating that the next exit, which includes gas, is the last exit for gas for 50 miles.

Andy - over the speakers - Ok, so we need to get over this. You are braking the law and if you're caught, they will hold anything against you to keep you there. Haven't you ever watched Law and Order?

Piper - in the phone - Phoebe!

Phoebe - over the speakers - Ok, I'm doing it.

Music starts to play:

Trailer for sale or rent  
Rooms to let… fifty cents  
No phone, no pool, no pets  
I ain't got no cigarettes  
Ah, but…two hours of pushin' broom  
Buys a eight by twelve four-bit room  
I'm a man of means by no means  
King of the road

Third boxcar, midnight train  
Destination…Bangor, Maine  
Old worn out suit and shoes,  
I don't pay no union dues,  
I smoke old stogies I have found  
Short, but not too big around  
I'm a man of means by no means  
King of the road

I know every engineer on every train  
All of the children, and all of their names  
And every handout in every town  
And every lock that ain't locked

When no one's around 

I sing

Trailers for sale or rent  
Rooms to let, fifty cents  
No phone, no pool, no pets  
I ain't got no cigarettes  
Ah, but, two hours of pushin' broom  
Buys a eight by twelve four-bit room  
I'm a man of means by no means  
King of the road

Trailers for sale or rent  
Rooms to let fifty cents  
No phone, no pool, no pets  
I ain't got no cigarettes  
Ah but, two hours of pushing broom

Buys an eight by twelve…

Prue - over the speakers - Ok, Phoebe, what's going on? What's up at your car?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Prue, that does not work like house. It just don't, K. Ok, nothing much, just I'm a referee. Haven't you noticed.

Prue - over the speakers - That's what I mean?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Oh, well, I don't really know. It's just… I have songs that end quarrelling.

Paige - over the speakers - Uh, guys. I've got a problem.

Piper - in the phone - What?

Paige over the speakers - I'm dangerously low on gas.

Piper - in the phone - How low?

Paige - over the speakers - Does a flashing red light saying "Warning" mean really low.

Piper - in the speakers - Yes, it does. Ok, next stop, we'll get you some gas.

Leo - in the phone - Is your car leaking?

Paige - over the speakers - No, I don't think so, but then again, I'm not hauling water.

Leo - in the phone - PAIGE! Is your gas tank leaking?

Paige - over the speakers - Oh, um, no… I don't think so.

Piper - in the phone - Did you turn off your engine like I said to.

Paige - over the speakers - At the road block?

Piper - in the phone - Yes.

Paige - over the speakers; bashful - No.

Piper - in the phone - Paige, why didn't you shut down your engine?

Paige - over the speakers - I don't know, I didn't think I needed to.

Phoebe - over the speakers - As much as you've been in Traffic Jam's someone would think you knew to shut down the engine

Paige - over the speakers - Yeah, but usually in the city the gas stations are everywhere and traffic moves just a bit so there is no need to shut off your engine.

Prue - over the speakers - True.

Piper - in the phone - Ok, the next exit is in about 2 miles. Can you hold off?

Paige - over the speakers - I have enough fuel for 5 miles, tops.

Piper - in the phone - It will be ok. - a sign, lying in the grass, has everything but gas and when they pull in and see the next info sign and see there is no gas here - Ut oh. They're no gas here.

Paige - over the speakers; seeing Piper pulling towards the interstate again - No, wait. I want you to take the kids.

Piper - in the phone - What?

Paige - over the speakers - Just in case I run out of gas, I won't scare the kids. Will you take Conner and Connie?

Piper - in the phone - Of course.

Paige - over the speakers - Phoebe, will you take Richard. I don't want him involved in this.

Richard - over the speakers - I'm already involved. It is too dangerous, if someone needs to get gas, someone needs to stay with you. I'm staying.

Paige - over the speakers - Richard, what if something happens. At least I know that the kids would be with someone that's a parent , not an Aunt.

Piper - in the phone - Paige, your running out of gas, not carrying a bomb.

Paige - over the speakers - I know, but it's dangerous, he's right there.

Richard - over the speakers - Yes I am, and it is way to dangerous for a young lady like yourself to be in a car alone on a busy interstate.

Paige - over the speakers - Richard, please.

Piper - in the phone - Ok, so it's settled, Richard stays with Paige and the children come with me and Leo.

Connor - over the speakers - NO!

Paige - over the speakers - YES! Mommy says…

Connor - over the speakers - Baby does.

Paige - over the speakers; smiling proudly - I can't believe you remember. I told you that when you were just an infant before your Daddy got re-involved.

Connor - over the speakers - I know. But you said it a gazillion times.

Paige - over the speakers; still smiling - Yes I did.

Piper pulls off to the shoulder of the road and gets out of the car. She runs over to Paige's car.

Piper - C'mon Connie and Connor. Lets go.

They get out and Piper ushers them over quickly. After she secures them inside, they pull out.

Piper - in the phone - Paige, please tell me you shut off your engine.

Paige - over the speakers - Yes, I did. I think I just learnt my lesson.

_ About 10 Minutes Later _

It focus' on the girls cars. The inevitable has happened. Paige has ran out of gas. They're all out of their cars, right in front of Paige's car.

Phoebe - Ok, me and Piper will go this way. - she points on up the road - Prue, you call roadside assistance.

Prue - Ok. - Phoebe, and Piper get in their car and pull out then Prue walks to her car and sees she has no signal - Paige, I'll be right back. I lost my signal for some reason.

Paige - What? How?

Prue - I don't know. I'll be right back.

Paige - Wait, Prue, they'll be right back with the gas. Just wait here.

Prue - Nah, I'll be back in a flash.

Prue gets in her car and drives off.

Paige - to Richard - Well, we're alone at last.

Richard - to Paige - Yeah, I guess we are.

Paige - You should have went with them.

Richard - And what, allow some other tough guy fix your car and be your hero. No way.

Paige - I love you.

Richard - I love you too.

Paige and Richard kiss passionately.

_ Car #4 _

Prue is driving around, trying to find a signal. By the way, it was dangerous, but she was not being very responsible. A piece down the road, she found a signal, but she drove right past it. She couldn't turn around to go back, so she figured that she'd turn around on the next exit and catch it on the other side. Once again, she drove right past it.

Prue - Damnit.

Andy - You'd better be glad they are asleep. What is the matter?

Prue - I past it.

Andy - Just go back and drive on the shoulder until you find it.

Prue - But that's illegal.

Andy - And so is faking your death.

Prue - But I'm not. We're moving, remember.

Andy - Without telling anyone?

Prue - That's legal.

Andy - Yeah, well being an accomplice to fraud is not.

Prue - Who said I'm an accomplice?

Andy - Prue! The state.

Prue - When exactly did the state talk to you Andy? Can I have this state, we'd be rich. Come one, come all, come and see the talking state!

Andy - Prue! I'm serious.

Prue - So am I. Maybe not about the talking state, but they're my sisters. We won't get caught. God only knows where Piper's going, but I trust her.

Andy - Yeah, so do I, but… Prue, what we're doing… it's wrong. Not only by law, but by moral.

Prue - So what, are we supposed to donate our bodies to science. Sure, your mortal, you'll walk away with your liver! We're witches, we'll lose everything from our mind to our soles of our feet.

Andy - That's not what I meant, and you know it.

Prue - Really?

Andy - They're my kids and you're my wife, how am I supposed to mean that? I love you and our kids and I want to stick with you… but it's wrong.

Prue - So is punishing someone for their heritage. They'll kill us because we come from a family of witches.

Andy - Prue.

Prue - Not now.

Andy - Prue!

Prue - What?

Andy - There went your signal.

Prue - What! Shoot.

Andy - It's not that bad. We'll get it in time.

Prue - We'd better.

They continue to drive up the road. Piper and Phoebe's car's pull up in from behind of Paige's car.

_ Shoulder of I-80 _

Piper - Got the gas.

Paige - Good, fill her up, would ya.

Piper notices the windows are foggy, but dismisses it. She wouldn't, would she?

Leo - Sure.

Piper - while Leo puts in 10 gallons of gas in Paige's gas tank - Has Prue came back yet?

Paige - No.

Piper - What's keeping her?

Phoebe - _What's keeping her?_ Why did she leave in the first place?

Paige - She couldn't get a signal.

Piper gets in her car and gets her cellular phone.

Piper - I don't have one either. - Piper walks a few meters up the road and she gets a signal then she points to a solitaire mountain - Right there. The tower is directly behind that mountain and it can't send a signal properly. Knowing Prue like I do, I'd say she thought it was something big and drove off. When she got it, she probably feared she'd lose it again. So she kept on driving. We'll catch up.

Phoebe - I don't know…

Piper - Trust me…

Paige - If your sure, lets go.

They get in their cars and drive off, just barely missing Prue on the opposite side.

_ Car #4 _

Prue - Uh, Andy, where is Paige's car?

Andy - I don't know.

They completely drive around the right side.

Prue - Their not here! Why aren't they here?

Andy - Maybe they continued on.

Prue - Maybe. I'll catch up.

She speeds up the interstate.

Andy - Prue, watch your speed, your gonna… too late.

A cop car chases after them.

Prue - Ut oh.

She pulls to the shoulder of the road. The officer gets out of his patroller and walks to the driver side window.

Officer #2 - Good evening Ma'am. Did you know you where going 85 miles per hour in a 70 miles per hour zone?

Prue - Well, yes sir I knew I was speeding. Did I know the rate, well, so sir.

Officer #2 - Why we're you speeding Ma'am?

Prue - To be honest with you, sir, I was speeding for personal reasons. I have gotten separated from my sisters and I don't know the destination of this trip. I was hoping to catch up with them, sir.

Officer #2 - Oh, I see… but that doesn't mean you're an exception to the law.

Andy - sighing and pulling out his badge - But this does. Andy Trudeau, San Francisco Commissioner. I'm sorry Officer, but this is an emergency. Please allow us to pass. I know you have every right to reject this request, but please, we're on the same side. Just allow her to go with a warning. We're out of state, moving.

Officer #2 - Mr. Trudeau, of course. I know I'm not forced to abide to do that, but I will just to be a sport. You were once a guy like me.

Andy - Yes I was. Thank you, Officer.

Officer #2 - Your welcome Commissioner Trudeau. Mrs. Trudeau, consider this a warning.

The officer walks back to his patroller, Prue and Andy drives off.

Andy - I told myself that last time was the last time.

Prue kisses his cheek quickly.

Prue - Thanks.

Andy - Yeah, I guess anytime.

Across her cellular phone, comes music:

I got a star on my car and one on my chest,

A gun on my hip and the right to arrest

I'm the guy who's the boss on this highway

So watch out what you're doin' when you're drivin' my way

If you break the law, you'll hear from me, I know

I'm a-workin' for the state, I'm The Highway Patrol

Well, you'll know me when you see me, 'cause my door's painted white,

My siren a-screamin' and my flashin' red lights

I work all day and I work all night

Just a-keepin' law and order, tryin' to do what's right

If I write you out a ticket, then you'd better drive slow

I'm just a-doin' my job, I'm The Highway Patrol

I'm the highway patrol, the highway patrol,

My hours are long, and my pay is low

But I'll do my best to keep you driving slow

I'm just a-doin' my job, I'm The Highway Patrol

If your drivin' to fast like you shouldn't do,

You can bet your boots, I'm comin' after you

If you wanna race then get on a race track,

'Cause if you try and run away I'm gonna bring ya back

I'm here to keep all the speeders driving slow

I'm just a-doin' my job, I'm The Highway Patrol

I'm the highway patrol, the highway patrol,

My hours are long, and my pay is low

But I'll do my best to keep you driving slow

I'm just a-doin' my job, I'm The Highway Patrol

I'm just a-doin' my job

I'm The Highway Patrol

Prue - after the song; in the phone - I guess we know who that is! Piper, Phoebe, Paige can you here me?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Prue! Hey Piper, do you hear that?

Piper - over the speakers - Yes, I do! Where are you?

Prue - in the phone - Not too far away from Point of Rocks. We'll be there in about a mile, give or take. What's your twenty?

Piper - over the speakers - Point of Rocks, filling up. So keep a-headin' this way.

Prue - in the phone - Roger that. Don't leave me again. You owe Andy an apology.

Andy - in the phone - You owe me a day of no work!

Piper - over the speakers - Oh no, what happened?

Andy - in the phone - I got her out of a ticket for speeding, again. This time, I wasn't lying. It was an emergency, but still… that would be a ticket for speeding 85 in a 70 miles per hour zone.

Piper - over the speakers - What! We're not being drove by Bo Duke. We're being drove by me.

Prue - in the phone - Still, I thought maybe I could catch up to you.

Piper -over the speakers - Still, that could get Andy in trouble.

Prue -in the phone - Nah, do it all the time.

Andy - in the phone; to Prue - But that was in San Francisco, not Wyoming.

Prue - in the phone; to Andy - I'm sorry. When we reach our new home, you can take the day off, I'll unpack.

Andy - in the phone; to Prue - Wow, thank you.

Prue - in the phone; to Andy - Your welcome.

Piper - over the speakers - Are you here yet?

Prue - in the phone - Actually, yeah, I see you. Are you chewing bubble gum.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah. You that close… oh, yeah, I see you.

Prue - in the phone - I can't believe your chewing bubble gum.

Piper - over the speakers - Why not

Prue - in the phone - I don't know.

Prue's car pulls up to the gas pumping station.

Andy - Need anything?

Prue - handing him a fifty dollar bill - Take the twins and Melissa in there and get them something to snack on. You too.

Andy - Ok, be back in a bit.

Andy gets the kids out of the back seat and takes them inside the gas station. Prue gets out of her car and starts to fill up her gas tank. After she finishes, she pays for the gas inside, and walks back to her sisters.

Prue - So, why exactly did you leave me?

Piper - Well, we thought… - Phoebe coughs - I thought that you would be just a piece down the road, so I thought that we'd come across you. I'm sorry.

Phoebe - I just hope her hunch about our new house isn't as bad as your driving techniques.

Piper - I know you won't like it.

Paige - sarcastically - Maybe it's The Caribbean's?

Piper - No. It's not The Caribbean's.

Prue - So, where is it at?

Piper - Uh, it's around 3 days away.

Phoebe - Funny.

Leo - Ok, ready to go?

Piper - looking at her watch - Yeah. It's already 7:30.

Paige - No, it's 6:30.

Piper - No, it was Pacific Time back in Nevada, now in Wyoming; it's Mountain Time. One hour difference. And again it will change into Central Time between Ogallala and North Platte.

Prue - Ok, lets roll on.

Phoebe smiles. They gather up their clan and head to their cars. When they double check everything, they head out.

Phoebe - over the speakers - You ready for this?

Piper - over the speakers - For what?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Just wait.

Music starts and a voice is heard:

Hey how bout you Alabama roll on

Piper - over the speakers; while the music continues to play - YES!

Roll on highway, roll on along  
Roll on daddy till you get back home  
Roll on family, roll on crew  
Roll on momma like I asked you to do  
And roll on eighteen-wheeler roll on (roll on)

Well it's Monday morning, he's kissin' momma goodbye  
He's up and gone with the sun  
Daddy drives an eighteen-wheeler  
And he's off on a Midwest run  
As three sad faces gather round momma  
They ask her when daddy's comin' home  
Daddy drives an eighteen-wheeler  
And they sure miss him when he's gone (yeah they do)  
Ah, but he calls them every night and he tells them that he loves them  
He taught them this song to sing

Roll on highway, roll on along  
Roll on daddy till you get back home  
Roll on family, roll on crew  
Roll on momma like I asked you to do  
And roll on eighteen-wheeler roll on (roll on)

Well it's Wednesday evening, momma's waitin' by the phone  
It rings but it's not his voice  
Seems the highway patrol has found a jackknifed rig  
In a snow bank in Illinois  
But the driver was missin' and the search had been abandoned

For the weather had everything stalled  
And they had checked all the houses and local motels  
When they had some more news they'd call  
And she told them when they found him to tell him that she loved him  
And she hung up the phone singin'

Roll on highway, roll on along  
Roll on daddy till you get back home  
Roll on family, roll on crew  
Roll on momma like I asked you to do  
And roll on eighteen-wheeler roll on (roll on)

Momma and the children will be waiting up all night long  
Thinkin' nothing but the worst is comin'  
With the ringin' of the telephone  
Oh, but the man upstairs was listenin'  
When momma asked him to bring daddy home  
And when the call came in it was daddy on the other end  
Askin' her if she had been singin' his song, singin'

Roll on highway, roll on along  
Roll on daddy till you get back home  
Roll on family, roll on crew  
Roll on momma like I asked you to do  
And roll on eighteen-wheeler roll on

Roll on highway, roll on along  
Roll on daddy till you get back home  
Roll on family, roll on crew  
Roll on momma like I asked you to do  
And roll on eighteen-wheeler roll on (roll on)

eighteen-wheeler  
eighteen-wheeler  
eighteen-wheeler  
eighteen-wheeler

Roll on  
Roll on

Paige - over the speakers - Wow, what a tune!

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yes, well that's Alabama for ya.

Prue - in the phone - Yeah, I cried when they went on that Farewell tour.

Piper - over the speakers - Me and Pheebs went to it. Paige stayed home.

Paige - over the speakers - Now I wish I would've went. That was awesome.

Phoebe - over the speakers - They didn't sing all up-beat songs. They also sing slow beat ones as well.

Leo- over the speakers - Yeah, but they rock!

Paige - over the speakers - I can't stand to listen to slow songs. I like an up beat. I can't even stand slow songs in rock n roll.

Leo - over the speakers - There is no slow songs in rock n roll.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yes there are.

Piper - over the speakers - Sweetie, times change.

Leo - over the speakers - I can't keep up!

Cole - over the speakers - You either?

Piper - over the speakers; at the sight of Leo getting upset - Oh, oh, Leo, it's ok. It's ok.

Cole - over the speakers - What subject did I cause with the slight foot in my mouth?

Paige - over the speakers - It was Chris's last words.

Cole - over the speakers - Oh god, I'm so, so sorry.

Leo - over the speakers - No, it's ok. I'm getting over it.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, sure you are.

Richard - over the speakers - If you wouldn't mind, what happened?

Piper - over the speakers - Honestly, I haven't found out yet. They don't talk about it.

Paige - over the speakers - Chris was stabbed by an blessed athamae and he bled to death within 45 minutes.

Leo - over the speaker; sadly - Thirty minutes, I had Gideon 30 minutes after that.

Piper - over the speakers; taking her one hand off the wheel and putting it on Leo's shoulder comfortingly - Repeat after me, I did my best, there was nothing more I could do.

Leo - over the speakers; tweaking it to his perfection - I didn't do my best, there was a hell of a lot I could've done more. I let down my son and nothing I can say can take that away.

Piper being plain stupid and forgetting she's driving, lifts both hands in a disbelievingly way. This action causes her to almost lose control of her car…but luckily, she catches.

Prue - in the phone - PIPER! Watch the road and keep BOTH hands on the wheel. You're the only one who knows where we're going. Let's not make this trip for nothing and lose a sister while we're at it.

Piper ties to defend herself, but to no avail. Prue 'bitches' for thirty minutes.

_ 30 Minutes _

Piper - over the speakers - Prue, I'm sorry. It's just… my husband still blames himself for my son's death. I get aggravated about that.

Richard - over the speakers - Too bad you guys didn't think of stripping his powers. That would have stopped the poison AND healed up the wound on contact. Only way is if he has already faded out or had been dead for 10 minutes or more.

Leo - over the speakers - He faded away on contact. No sooner than I laid my head on his upper chest, he faded. Didn't give me no time to react. Bam, he was gone.

Piper- over the speakers - Wait a minute, Richard, what are you talking about?

Richard - over the speakers - You can't curse a witch that doesn't practice magic. If you stripped his powers before he died and faded away, you could have saved him. If your powers are not there, your not practicing magic, right?

Piper - over the speakers - I guess.

Richard - over the speakers - Yeah, he's not practicing magic, he's mortal. Well, he would have been.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah.

Leo - over the speakers - See, there is another thing I should've thought of.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, we're almost there. About another 30 miles and we're there.

Paige - over the speakers - Oh, yeah. Almost there.

Phoebe - overt he speakers - So, who's up for an auction.

Paige - over the speakers - Where? I need to shop.

Phoebe - over the speakers - No, Paige, it's a song. Sold: The Grundy County Auction.

Paige - over the speakers - Finally! Rock!

Piper - over the speakers - No, still country.

Paige - over the speakers - No, that's rock…although, they never had it in the rock section!

Piper - over the speakers - Because it isn't. I'm telling you, that's John Michael Montgomery, just up beated, a lot.

Music starts to play:

Well I went down to the Grundy county auction  
Where I saw something I just had to have  
My mind told me I should proceed with caution  
But my heart said, "go ahead an' make a bid on that!"

An' I said, hey, pretty lady, won'cha gi'me a sign  
I'd give anything to make you mine all mine  
I'll do your biddin' an' be at your beckon call  
Yeah, I never seen anyone lookin' so fine  
Man, I gotta have her, she's a one-of-a-kind  
I'm goin' once, goin' twice,  
I'm sold! on the lady in the second row  
She's an eight, she's a nine, she's a ten, I know  
She's got ruby red lips, blond hair, blue eyes  
An' I'm about to bid my heart good-bye!

Well, the auctioneer was goin' about a mile a minute  
He was takin' bids an' callin' them out loud  
An' I guess I was really gettin' in it  
'cause I just shouted out above the crowd!

An' I said, hey, pretty lady, won'cha gi'me a sign  
I'd give anything to make you mine all mine  
I'll do your biddin' an' be at your beckon call  
Yeah, I never seen anyone lookin' so fine  
Man, I gotta have her, she's a one-of-a-kind  
I'm goin' once, goin' twice,  
I'm sold! on the lady in the long black dress  
Well she won my heart it was no contest  
With her ruby red lips, blond hair, blue eyes  
Well I'm about to bid my heart good-bye!

Yeah, we found love on the auction block  
An' I hauled her heart away  
Now we still love to laugh about  
The way we met that day

When I said, hey, pretty lady, won'cha gi'me a sign  
I'd give anything to make you mine all mine  
I'll do your biddin' an' be at your beckon call  
Yeah, I never seen anyone lookin' so fine  
Man, I gotta have her, she's a one-of-a-kind  
I'm goin' once, goin' twice,  
I'm sold! on the lady in the second row  
She's an eight, she's a nine, she's a ten, I know  
She's got ruby red lips, blond hair blue eyes  
An' I'm about to bid my heart good-bye!

Paige - over the speakers - I can't believe that's country. I love that song!

Prue - in the phone - Yeah, me too. It's awesome.

They chit chat for a while, until they get to Elk Mountain… their turn off. They get out and stretch their legs close to the cars.

Piper - Ok, we're here. I'll go check us in. Is that alright, you guys get the kids in bed? They are tired, and quite frankly, so am I.

Phoebe - Dido.

Paige - Dragging.

Richard - You sit tight right here… I'll go get the rooms and when I do that, I'll get the kids in bed and you can sleep. Ok.

Piper - I'll get the rooms.

Richard - No, you've already said your tired.

Cole - I'll help. Watch Collin and Courtney, will ya phoebe?

Phoebe - Sure.

Leo - I'll help.

Andy - Me too.

The guys leave.

_ Back in the cars - Car # 4 _

Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Paige - in the phone; over the speakers - God, I love him.

They giggle.

_ Car # 1 _

Leo - to Piper - Ok, here's our room. Can you bring Chris while I take Wyatt?

Piper - to Leo - No, how about you take Chris while I take Wyatt.

Leo - Really?

Piper - Yeah. I was thinking, that is what you were trying to prevent. You ignoring Chris. With me constantly holding him and stealing him, you and him can't have a relationship; good or bad.

Leo - Nah, I've got plenty of time to make it up to him. He's a baby…

Piper - Exactly, he's baby, Leo. He won't understand that Daddy's not holding him because his future self isn't alive anymore. Leo, I know why you ignore him… and I think I know why he did too.

Leo - Who?

Piper - Big Chris's dad. Think about it, if Chris came back in his time as well, then that means that he died and his dad ignored him, thinking that he had plenty of time to 'make it up to him.' Leo, we can never guarantee anything, this life is full of surprises.

Leo - Maybe. Ok, I'll take him.

Piper - That's the spirit.

Each couple takes their kids/step-kids to their rooms.

_ Piper and Leo's Room _

Piper sets up the baby bed and play pin, considering that the motel didn't have a big boy bed, and laid Chris and Wyatt down. After she secures them, she walks over to Leo and sits down on the bed.

Piper - Hey, how are you doin'?

Leo - I just really miss him.

Piper - Me too.

Leo - I know you do.

Piper - I have an idea… No, never mind. Just go to sleep.

Leo - What?

Piper - No, just go to sleep.

Still in her clothes, Piper gets under the covers and snuggles into Leo and falls into a deep slumber.


	4. Something Wild This Way Comes, Day 4

_A/N: Thank you for reading my story! I'm excited about the reviews I've received and how you're responding to it. In this chapter, I have several indications of where their destination is. If anyone would like to take some shots at it, that's all right. I'd like the amusement of your guesses but if you guess right, I won't spoil the rest. You'll just have to wait with the rest of 'em! Also, there's an entire sentence taken from a song, can you guess what it is? Also, on a serious note, I'm sorry how the music is showing up. I have it centered on my documents but Fan Fiction shows it messed up. I don't know what's going on so if that confuses you, I'm sorry. I've really tried. On with the story: enjoy!_

_ Day 4 of Mission: Moving _

_ Friday, May 20, 2005 _

Piper, Leo, their kids, Phoebe, Cole and their kids are eating breakfast and Prue and Andy have their kids out at the nearby park. Paige surprisingly, has her kids in the parking lot, watching the sun rise.

Paige - seeing Piper come out for the morning edition of the newspaper - Hey!

Piper - surprised - Paige! Good morning.

Paige - Hey, how are you?

Piper - Surprised.

Paige - Why?

Piper - Your up early, girl.

Paige - So, my kids wanted to go see the sun… I think as their mother, I should entitle them to that right.

Connie - Can I go talk to Aunt Phoebe for a moment, Mommy?

Paige - Sure, just knock first, K.

Connie - Ok Mommy.

She skips cheerfully away.

Paige - She is in a good mood, huh?

Piper - How could she not? She was rescued from her abusive dad and reunited with her mom. I would be happy too.

Connor - Plus, she's moving far away. Daddy couldn't get us.

Paige - placing a loving arm around his shoulders the way mom's do - Even if we were in San Francisco, he couldn't take me away from you again.

Connor - But if you we're still in San Francisco, you wouldn't have us.

Paige - What do you mean?

Conner - If you weren't running, there wouldn't be a reason to summon us. We'd be lost forever.

Paige, knowing how right he was, hugs him tighter.

Connor - gasping for breath - Maybe, just maybe, I shouldn't have said that.

Paige - Yes, you should have.

Piper - You're suffocating the boy.

Paige releases him a little.

Paige - A little.

Piper - More like a lot.

Paige - I just missed him a lot.

Piper - I know sweetie, no mother should have to go through that. I just can't believe you didn't tell us.

Connor - This is where the children exit to allow adults to have some grown-up time.

Piper and Paige laugh as Connor leaves to go torment Richard.

Richard - from another spot - Hello Connor.

Piper and Paige laugh again.

Piper - How did you lose him? You said that Connie was stolen, you thought she died at birth. But how did you lose Connor?

Paige - It was 4 ½ years ago or so. I remember it like it was yesterday. Connor was teething, and I was trying to calm him down. The doorbell sounded so I was planning to put him down--but Connor had another plan. I placed him in the crib, and he cried even louder. I was having some trouble with the Social Services saying that I was still drinking… but I wasn't. So to prove I wasn't an un-fit parent, I carried him to the door, trying to sooth him. When I answered, it was Cameron and the police. Andy was one of the lead cops, but who I couldn't get out of my mind was Cameron. Nothing was making any sense. Why was he here, how did he find me, was he after my son… in reality, it was all related to Connor. I had used the wrong credit card buying Connor a baby ice pack for his teething problem, so the minute it was recorded, he traced it. I asked them what they wanted, if I could help them and the cops just barged in. I was terrified. Not for me, but for my son. If Cameron was involved, you know two other things was too: money and trouble. Andy told me, gently, that they were there for Connor. They had received anonymous tip that I was still boozing and I was an un-fit patent. Not thinking properly, I ran with Connor. When they finally caught me, they took my baby, read me my rights and arrested me for resisting enforcement. That was the last time I saw my baby before now. I thought I'd never see him again. I guess I underestimated the impossible.

Andy - Sorry to eavesdrop. The reason I said I have him now is because we later discovered that he paid off the other cops. He was told that I wouldn't go along with it and passed me up. Good thing for him, I would've hauled his ass downtown immediately.

Paige - Thanks.

Andy - The only thing I regret is I wish you wouldn't have ran. I could've helped you get Connor back. I knew it was fishy in the first place, but running proved you we're guilty, but all you were was…

Paige - You can say it, scared.

Piper - Thanks Paige. Are you and Prue ready to go?

Andy - Yeah, I do believe so.

Piper - I'm going over to Phoebe's to ask her. - she leaves Paige and Andy and then she goes to Phoebe and Cole's room where she starts to knock on the door - Phoebe, Cole?

Phoebe's Voice - In here! - Piper allows herself in - Hey, how are you?

Piper - Pretty good. You?

Connie skips out of the room.

Connie - calling back - Bye Aunt Phoebe, thanks.

Phoebe - Your welcome. See you later!

Piper - What did she want?

Phoebe - You'll see.

Piper - Ok, are you and yours ready?

Phoebe - Yep, ready and set!

Piper - Good, we'll be setting up.

Phoebe - Yeah. Ok. Be there soon, I'll be doing the same thing.

Piper leaves.

_ Piper and Leo's room _

Piper - walking into her and Leo's room - Hey Leo.

Leo - finishing up taking down the crib - Hey! How are you?

Piper - Is there something wrong about me to you or is something tattooed across my forehead?

Leo - Sorry, I'm, and probably them as well, are trying to butter you up into telling us where we're going.

Piper - Oh, well, at least I know there isn't something going on.

Leo - Just the same ole conspiracy.

Piper - Ok, lets lock and load.

Leo - On it.

They all gather their belongings and head out.

_ Car # 1 _

Piper - in the phone - Ok, we're leaving Elk Mountain, and heading towards Arlington. 1,115 miles down, 439 miles to go today: 1,526 to go altogether.

Phoebe - over the speakers - WOW! 1,115 miles already! What progress!

Paige - over the speakers - Really, Piper is a wonderful navigator.

Piper - in the phone - Ain't gonna work.

Paige - over the speakers - It's worth a try anyway.

Phoebe - over the speakers - We have an early bird request. Lucky for her, this temp. DJ has it. Here comes Chris Cagle's Chicks Dig It.

The music starts playing:

Hey y'all watch this!

Daddy's belt, mamas drapes  
Standin' tall on the backyard shed  
Lookin' cool in my superman cape  
I told the neighbourhood girls  
Said hey y'all, watch this  
My fate was a broken arm  
And my reward a one day kiss  
When daddy asked me why I did it  
I made him laugh out loud when I told him  
Cause the chicks dig it

Scars heal... glory fades  
And all we're left with are the memories made, oh yeah  
Pain hurts, but only for a minute  
Yeah life is short so go on and live it  
Cause the chicks dig it

Oh yeah  
Mmmm

Black top road, learner permit  
Thought I was Earnhardt  
Drivin' fast, but I didn't see the ditch  
Took out a mailbox, then a fence, then a barn  
The police came and called my father  
But I met the farmer's daughter  
And when the judge asked me why I did it  
He threw the book at me when I told him  
Cause the chicks dig it

Scars heal... glory fades  
And all we're left with are the memories made, oh yeah  
Pain hurts, but only for a minute  
Life is short so go on and live it  
Cause the chicks dig it

Oh yeah  
Ohh, oh

Just throw caution to the wind my friend  
And then sit back and watch your life begin, cause

Scars heal... glory fades  
And all we're left with are the memories made  
Yeah pain hurts, but only for a minute  
Yeah, life's short so go on and live it  
Cause the chicks dig it

Scars heal... glory fades  
And all we're left with are the memories made  
Pain hurts, but only for a minute  
Yeah life is short so go on and live it  
It don't matter if you lose or if you win it  
Hey the chicks dig it  
Oh yeah  
Chicks dig it  
Mmm  
The chicks dig it  
Ah, hey, aw yeah  
The chicks dig it

I got this scar when I was three years old showing off for the girl next door on my tricycle And the on over my eye, well I got that back in '82 jumpin' off the train tressele bridge But I got the girl, hah, oh  
The chicks dig it!

Paige - over the speakers - Connie requested that?

Phoebe - over the speakers - What is wrong with Chicks Dig It?

Paige - over the speaker - Nothing, I just thought that she didn't know what music was, all less what song it was and country.

Connie - over the speaker - Daddy made me listen to music.

Conner - over the speaker - Oh yeah, real torture.

Connie - over the speaker - Sorry.

Richard - over the speakers - So, Connie, how did my ole pal treat you?

Connie - over the speakers - Special.

Paige - over the speakers - What do you mean by that?

Connie - over the speakers - Nothing.

Paige - over the speakers - Richard, I think we need to speak at the next rest area.

Richard - over the speakers - Ok.

Piper - in the phone - Is something the matter?

Paige - over the speakers - Well… I don't know if special to Connie means the same special treatment Cameron gave me… but we need to find out.

Richard - over the speakers - What did it mean?

Paige - over the speakers - Not in front of the kids.

Richard - over the speakers - I'm going to kill him.

Paige - over the speakers - No, he's mortal.

Conner - over the speakers - No, just stake him… he'll go puff.

Paige - over the speakers - What?

Connie - over the speakers - He's a vamp.

Paige - over the speakers - I should've know he was a blood sucker. He sucked everything else.

Piper - in the phone - What?

Paige - over the speakers - Not in front of the kids.

Connie - over the speakers - You can speak openly in front of me. Sex is an everyday subject. Hell, he'd tell visitors about me.

Paige - over the speakers - Richard, you won't have to worry about staking him, I'm becoming a vampire slayer instead of a witch.

Richard - over the speakers - No, don't worry babe. I will deal with it, you won't have to get his filthy dust on you. I'll handle it. I'll take this competition to the next level: Murder.

Piper -in the phone - Oh no you don't. Just stick with us and you'll get your crime fix for a while. We've already done many things, we don't need murder.

Richard - over the speakers - Ok, probably won't see him anyway.

Piper - in the phone - And if you see him in our new home, you can kill him… the state won't mind.

Andy - over the speakers - Piper, all states mind. Even the folklore state of West Virginia that says that they kill and eat each other, minds if there is a murder committed there.

Piper - in the phone - Really?

Andy - over the speakers - Yes, and they don't allow incest either.

Piper - in the phone - That's surprising.

Paige - over the speakers - Ya know, it'd be funny if we we're moving to West Virginia… but nah, Piper would never. I just couldn't see myself… nah.

Phoebe - over the speakers - How do you know? She said we wouldn't like it… West Virginia would be definitely be a no, no.

Piper - in the phone - Yeah, go figure.

Leo - in the phone - Piper…so help me if you move us to place where 100 feet of snow is normal, I will become a widower.

Piper - in the phone - No, Leo, we're not going to a place where 100 feet of snow is normal.

Paige - over the speakers - Ok, so we can rule out West Virginia.

Piper - in the phone; smiling - Do as you wish.

Andy - over the speakers - How many feet does West Virginia have on a yearly basis?

Leo - in the phone - I'd say about 500 feet.

Piper - in the phone - No, West Virginia averages yearly about 15 feet of snow.

Paige - over the speakers - Yearly?

Piper - in the phone - Yeah, I watch the Weather Channel a lot.

Phoebe - over the speakers - So, where are we going?

Piper -in the phone - Oh, I give up, we're going to Buford, Wyoming… for lunch. Psyche.

Prue - over the speakers - I never imagined you the 'Psyche' kind.

Piper -in the phone - Yeah, well, people change. Hey Pheebs, what do you have to play?

Phoebe - over the speakers - How 'bout a girl song?

Connor - over the speakers - Who, who, who?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Shania Twain.

Connor - over the speakers - Any Man of Mine?

Phoebe - over the speakers - You bet!

Connor cheers as music starts to play:

This is what a woman wants...  
Any man of mine better be proud of me  
Even when I'm ugly he still better love me  
And I can be late for a date that's fine  
But he better be on time

Any man of mine'll say it fits just right  
When last year's dress is just a little too tight  
And anything I do or say better be okay  
When I have a bad hair day

And if I change my mind  
A million times  
I wanna hear him say  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way

Any man of mine better walk the line  
Better show me a teasin' squeezin' pleasin' kinda time  
I need a man who knows, how the story goes  
He's gotta be a heartbeatin' fine treatin'  
Breathtakin' earthquakin' kind  
Any man of mine

Well any man of mine better disagree  
When I say another woman's lookin' better than me  
And when I cook him dinner and I burn it black  
He better say, mmmm, I like it like that yeah

And if I changed my mind  
A million times  
I wanna hear him say  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way

Any man of mine better walk the line  
Better show me a teasin' squeezin' pleasin' kinda time  
I need a man who knows, how the story goes  
He's gotta be a heartbeatin' fine treatin'  
Breathtakin' earthquakin' kind  
Any man of mine

Let me hear you say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way

Any man of mine better walk the line  
Better show me a teasin' squeezin' pleasin' kinda time  
I need a man who knows, how the story goes  
He's gotta be a heartbeatin' fine treatin'  
Breathtakin' earthquakin' kind  
Any man of mine

You gotta shimmy shake  
Make the earth quake  
Kick, turn, stomp, stomp, then you jump  
Heel to toe, Do Si Do  
'Til your boots wanna break  
"Til your feet and your back ache  
Keep it movin' 'til you just can't take anymore  
Come on everybody on the floor  
A-one two, a-three four  
Hup two, hum  
If you wanna be a man of mine, that's right  
This is what a woman wants...

Connor -over the speakers - I have found and now I declare my favorite and coolest Aunt.

Phoebe - over the speakers - I like this kid!

Piper - in the phone - Just wait 'til he eats one bite of my food. You'll lose him so fast, your head will spin.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Oh, bring it on.

They laugh.

Paige - over the speakers - I like that my son is being played for as we speak, but his Mommy does not appreciate that her son is a trophy.

Piper- in the phone - We're just joking, Paige.

Phoebe - over the speakers - But who was Chris's favorite Aunt?!

Paige - over the speakers - Me!… Well, I really don't know… towards the end, he and I we're kinda fighting all the time.

Patricia - over the speakers - You was his favorite Aunt, hands down. The reason you fought like you did was because of Time Travel. When your actually 29 years older then him, he loves you very much. When your barely 6 years over him, he gets a bit aggravated.

Paige - over the speakers - Thanks Patricia.

Prue - over the speakers - See, she's smart… smarter then her Mom.

Piper - in the phone - Now Prue, I doubt that.

Patricia - over the speakers - Nope.

Andy - over the speakers - Patricia, I've told you to pretend, even though you are.

Prue - over the speakers - If I weren't driving I would slap you.

Andy - over the speakers - Thanks.

Prue - over the speakers - Yeah, thank the car.

Piper - in the phone - Are you hungry? We'll be in Buford in about 30 minutes.

Paige - over the speakers - Starved. So is Connor and Connie. Richard, how 'bout you?

Richard - over the speakers - I'm starved as well. Sounds good to me, Piper.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, how about you, Phoebe and Cole's clan?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Me and the twins are famished, and Cole's unconsciousness is a product of hunger.

Piper - in the phone - What! Do we need to get him to a hospital?

Phoebe - over the speakers - No, he sleeps when he's riding. It's a product of shimmering everywhere he goes.

Piper - in the phone - Just… don't scare me like that.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Sorry.

Piper - in the phone - Prue, how's about you?

Prue - over the speakers - I'm a little hungry, but I'm ok. The twins are hungry, Melissa is really fussy and wants some grape juice, and Andy is quite irritable, which means he's hungry.

Piper - in the phone - So everybody's hungry.

Prue - over the speakers - Yeah. I'm just talking miles away.

Piper - in the phone - Funny. We're almost there.

Prue - over the speakers - See, it works.

Piper - in the phone - Again, funny. So Leo, how is Chris? He wasn't getting any sleep last night.

Leo -in the phone - He's still wide awake. Rockin' and rollin' in his car seat.

Piper - in the phone - Does he look like he has any chance at any sleep?

Leo- in the phone - The way it looks now, not as much as a whisper.

Paige - over the speakers - What is the matter with my perfect little nephew?

Piper - in the phone - He's just excited, I think he finally realized he ain't going to the supermarket.

Phoebe cooes.

Leo - in the phone - Yeah, coo now, but try to sleep with him. He cries until he can see something…

Piper - in the phone - Anything. He wanted to stay in the motel bathroom all night last night.

Prue - over the speakers - The bathroom?

Leo - in the phone - It had different toilet paper then we usually use.

Piper - in the phone - So he's fascinated.

Leo - in the phone - Fascinated? He's thrilled.

Patricia - over the speakers - I would suggest you put some baby sun visors in his window.

Piper - in the phone - I don't know, he'll throw a hissy.

Andy, Jr. - He would. But then again that is Chris.

Patricia - over the speakers - Maybe… but it would solve their problem.

Piper - in the phone - She may have a point.

Prue - over the speakers - Of course she does. She is a genius.

Paige - over the speakers - Piper, is that it?

Piper - in the phone - I guess. It's Buford exit, so I'd say yeah.

Phoebe - over the speakers - FOOD!

Cole - over the speakers; groggily and waking up - What!

Phoebe - over the speakers - Food! Next right.

Cole - over the speakers - Take a shortcut. I'm starved.

Phoebe - over the speakers - I think we are babe.

Piper's car pulls into Long John Silvers.

_ Parking lot to Long John Silvers _

Connor - FISH!

Paige - There's chicken.

Connie - Yeah, but…ok, I guess. I shouldn't complain.

Andy, Jr., Patricia, Wyatt, Collin, Courtney and Connor- Hamburgers!

Piper - Wyatt!

Wyatt - Hamburgers!

Piper - No, bad food. No hamburgers!

Wyatt, finding out that he could just take a hostage, orbs Chris to him.

Leo - Wyatt!

Piper - Wyatt Matthew Halliwell!

Wyatt - Hamburgers!

Paige - I'll take them to a local hamburgers place. You guys eat here. Richard?

Richard - Coming.

Paige and Richard get the kids together, and get into their car. They drive off.

Piper - She better not give Chris hamburgers! We'll never get him to sleep.

Phoebe - Yeah, future Chris hated hamburgers! We'll never get him to sleep.

Phoebe -Yeah, future Chris hated anything that would 'take him a week to run off.'

Piper - Huh! He wouldn't eat a sandwich with me cause he had already had lunch. A sandwich!

Prue - You have to tell me about him…

Piper just looks at Prue, and it just hits her. She's here, alive.

Piper - Oh my god, you are alive.

Prue - Sweetie, your just now discovering this.

Piper - It just now hit.

Prue - I'm sorry you're a bit slow.

Piper - Can I have a hug?

Prue - taking her in her arms - I was wondering when those words would be said.

Piper - while receiving her hug - I missed you Prue. Never leave me again.

Prue - Wouldn't dream of it.

Piper smiles as the other members of her family watch on.

Cole - Sorry to ruin such a perfect and loving moment, but my stomach is becoming a dictator.

Piper - Sorry for leaving you in the cosmic realm. You're here too, aren't you.

Cole - Last time I checked, but if this stomach of mine doesn't get food, I won't.

Piper - Right, lets eat.

They walk in.

Prue - while walking in - If Cole hadn't said it, I would've. I'm starved.

Phoebe - Me too. So, what's on the menu?

Leo - Lobster!

Piper - Sounds good.

Phoebe - How about a platter?

Cole - Sure!

Prue - I'll stick with fish, fries, hushpuppies and slaw.

Andy - With shrimp.

Piper - Let's order then!

They order.

_ 30 Minutes Later _

Prue, Andy, Piper, Leo, Phoebe and Cole exit Long John Silvers to find Paige cleaning up her twins.

Piper - looking to her horror - CHRIS! What happened? Did you feed him hamburgers?!

Paige - No, I did not. He ate chicken nuggets, French fries, a chocolate milkshake and a hot apple pie.

Piper - Oh.

Paige - I can't get the ketchup off his face. He's licking it.

Piper looks at Chris and he licks his lips.

Piper - That is gonna leave a stain, I just know.

Paige - You think that's bad, he wanted to eat all of McDonalds.

Piper - Didn't you guys go to McDonalds the first day.

Prue - Don't even start, Piper. You've eaten there everyday for breakfast.

Piper - They have good breakfast…

Phoebe - Lunch…

Chris - Mama!

Piper squeals and faints.

Leo - Did he just say mama?

Phoebe -Yes he did. His first word.

Paige - Oh, someone should really wake up Piper.

Prue - No way, we'll scavenge her car and find where we're going.

Piper - waking up, which she really hadn't fainted, just fell over from shock - Not a chance. Hand over the baby.

Leo hands over Chris.

Piper - Hey buddy. How are you?

Chris - Mama!

Piper - Hey, how long could you say that? - Chris holds up three of his fingers - Three days? - Chris shakes his head - Three weeks? - Chris shakes his head and then she weakly tries to say - Three Months? - Chris nods his head - Christopher Perry Victor Nathaniel Daniel Holmes Halliwell Wyatt!

Leo - What?

Piper - Well, that's his in-trouble name.

Leo - Why haven't I heard of this before?

Piper - He wasn't in trouble.

Prue - Christopher Perry Victor Nathaniel Daniel Holmes Halliwell Wyatt. That is a mouth full.

Patricia - But in the original timeline it's Christopher Perry Victor No-Demon-Hunting Halliwell Wyatt!

Chris looks at her and then squints angrily.

Piper - That's his even bigger trouble name.

Patricia - Oh. Sorry Chris.

Piper - When he's walking the line of life and death, he'll never forget: Christopher Perry Victor No-Demon-Hunting Nathaniel Daniel Holmes Halliwell-Wyatt Wyatt-Halliwell.

Patricia - Ouch. Either he never got in that much trouble or he got a new name.

Andy, Jr. - Probably the latter.

Piper - Why?

Patricia and Andy, Jr. - smiling mischievously - Future consequences.

Phoebe - Well, you're not entirely from the future. That doesn't count.

Patricia - But we received the memories from a future beings.

Prue - What does Future Consequences mean exactly?

Piper - Actually, now it's FC…but that was Chris's tagline.

Phoebe - Yeah. if I got a penny every time he said that, I'd be filthy rich.

Prue - Ouch. What does it mean?

Piper - Well. It means that every action he does in the past, be it a sentence or a physical action, comes with a consequence.

Paige - He tried to warn us.

Piper - What?

Paige - He tried to tell us that every thing he does, it'd come with a consequence. We thought he was just being paranoid, but in the end, he paid the biggest one: his life.

Piper - Paige, sweetie, that wasn't Future Consequences.

Paige - Why not? He told us things after we found out, we took advantage of him and when he actually said something that could be helpful, we rejected him. He paid in full for his consequences, the only flaw, their was nothing left for us.

Andy, Jr. - No, Future Consequences came after him, but it wasn't what took him away. His Premonition was completely at blame.

Patricia - Yeah, if only he knew what we knew back then. Future Consequences was partial, but the Premonition took the rest.

Phoebe - Are you saying Chris knew he was gonna die?

Patricia and Andy, Jr. - Yeah!

Leo - Oh my god, that's why he wanted out before something…

Paige - Bad that he didn't know about could happen? He knew.

Piper - Patricia, do you know when he got it?

Patricia - No, but sometime between the 6th and 27th of September. When I saw him the 6th, he was fine; then the 27th, he was…

Andy, Jr. - Different.

Piper - Ok, lets roll and we'll talk on the way to Keamey.

Paige - But, isn't that in Nebraska?

Piper - You know where Keamey is?

Paige - Yeah, I went through there once on Vacation.

Prue - hopeful - Where'd ya go?

Paige - It really wasn't a vacation. it was a funeral. Then we went to Mount Rushmore to top it off.

Phoebe - A funeral and a vacation in one, huh. That's new. Who died?

Paige - My Mom's, Mom's sister.

Piper - Your Great Aunt?

Paige - Adopted.

Prue - Right. Huh!

Piper - So, you haven't been past Keamey.

Paige - Nope. That's towards the fields. I don't do hard work.

Piper - Oh god.

Leo - What?

Piper - I'm going to do all the work. I just know it.

Leo - Nah, I'll help.

Piper - Thanks.

Leo - I've been all the way to Germany/Asia, does that count?

Piper - laughing - A little too far, honey.

They get into the cars and start out.

Connor - over the speakers - Hey, Aunt Phoebe, any more of the hottie-wattie!

Paige - over the speakers - Excuse me, young man. That is inappropriate for a 5 year old.

Connor - over the speakers - Sorry. Any more of Shania Twain?

Phoebe - over the speakers - All I have is her Greatest Hits.

Connor smiles very widely in Paige's car.

Piper- in the phone - That boy's smile is like a 100 watt light bulb.

Connor - over the speakers - Track 20! Party for Two! Shania Twain and Billy Currington! Track 20! Track 20! Not Track 18! Not Mark McGrath! (A/N: Sorry I don't like him or that song with him in it.)

Phoebe - over the speakers - Ok, ok, ok, I got ya. Not Mark McGrath. I haven't listened to this whole album yet!

Connor - over the speaker - Why not, there is only 21 songs! They're great! All but 18!

Music starts to play as they all pull out on the road again.

I'm having me a party  
(I don't think I can come)  
Uh, uh, this ain't just any kind of party  
(Nah, I think I'll stay at home)  
Uh, oh, no It's gonna be really, really hot  
(Startin' to sound good)  
I'm gonna put you on the spot  
(Baby, maybe I should)  
Yeah, there'll be lots of one on one  
(Guess I could be there)  
Come on and join the fun  
(What should I wear?)  
I'll tell you bout' it..

It doesn't matter what you wear  
'Cause it's only gonna be  
you and me there

(Whoa!)

I'm having a party  
A party for two  
Invitin' nobody  
Nobody but you

You'll be sexy in your socks  
(We could polish the floors)  
In case that anybody knocks  
(Let's lock all the doors)  
Yeah, all the things I'm gonna do  
(I'm gonna do with you)  
I wanna try somethin' new  
(I wanna try that, too)  
I tell you bout' it...

(It doesn't matter)  
uh, uh  
(What I wear)  
('Cause it's only gonna be)  
You and me there

(whoa!)

I'm having a party  
a party for two  
invitin' nobody  
Nobody but you (yeah)  
Yeah, you

(I'm here)

You're there  
(That's all)

We really need  
(We're gonna)

We're gonna party hearty  
(Just)

Just you and me  
(Don't)

Don't think about it now  
(Don't)

Don't even doubt it now  
(I'm inviting you to a)

Party for two  
(Whoa!)

shake it, shake it  
(Come on baby!)

Aww, the things I'm gonna do  
(I'm gonna do with you)  
I wanna try somethin' new with you, boy  
(I wanna try it, too)  
I'll tell you that it..

It doesn't matter what you wear  
('Cause it's only gonna be)  
It's only gonna be you and me  
(Awwwww, yeah)

I'm havin' a party  
(A little bitty party baby)  
A party for two  
It's just me and you  
(That's right)  
Invitin' noboby  
I ain't inviting anybody  
(Nobody baby)  
Nobody but you

Come on, Come on  
(Come on, Come on)  
Come on, Come on, Come on  
(Come on, Come on, yeah)  
Come on, Come on  
(Come on, Come on)  
Come on, Come on, Come on  
(Come on, Come on, yeah)  
(Just you and me there)

That was great!  
(Let's do it again!)

Connor - over the speakers - He was completely crazy. I would never turn down Shania Twain.

Connie - over the speakers - You wouldn't turn down Shania Twain and I wouldn't turn down Big & Rich. Two for the price of one!

Paige - over the speakers - My kids are already talking gutterish and their only 5! Help!

Connie - over the speakers - Do you have any Big & Rich, Aunt Phoebe. If you do, two things will happen: you will lose a CD and gain another favorite Niece.

Phoebe - over the speaker - Oh no you don't. Big & Rich comes up missin', your Gameboys will mysteriously disappear.

Paige - over the speaker - PHOEBE! Their just kids.

Phoebe - over the speakers - That's Big & Rich!

Paige - over the speakers - So, it's just a CD…and who are Big & Rich?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Cole, can you shimmer?

Cole - over the speakers - Yeah. Why?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Shimmer me into your place, shimmer into mine and drive while I die.

Cole - over the speakers - Why?

Phoebe - over the speakers - She doesn't know who Big & Rich are?

Cole - over the speakers - Neither do I?

Phoebe - over the speakers - You have an excuse, you've been in the cosmic realm and hell for the last 2 years.

Cole - over the speakers - Three years.

Phoebe - over the speakers - See you have an excuse. I know she has been here, or I'd swear she's been on Jupiter.

Cole - over the speakers - Do you want me to still do that?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Nah, too dangerous.

Piper - in the phone - You bet it's dangerous.

Connie - over the speakers - Play Big & Rich!

Phoebe - over the speakers - Cole, it's the CD in the buggerbox.

Cole - over the speakers - Buggerbox? Do I want to even know?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Sorry, glove department.

Cole - over the speakers - But buggerbox?

Phoebe - over the speakers - It's just a hillbilly slang.

Piper - in the phone; not controlling herself - YES!

Phoebe - over the speakers - What?

Piper - in the phone - Nothing.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Ok, Connie, what song?

Connie - over the speakers - Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy of course. What else?

Phoebe - over the speakers; slowly -Ok. Paige, I'm sorry.

Music starts playing… actually, two men are singing:

DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DE-DUM-DE-DE-DUM,

DE-DAA-DAAAAA

DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DE-DUM-DE-DE-DUM,

DE-DAA-DAA-DAA-DAA-DAAAA!

Well, I walk into the room

Passing out hundred dollar bills

And it kills and it thrills like the horns on my Silverado grill

And I buy the bar a double round of crown

And everybody's getting down

An' this town ain't never gonna be the same.

Cause I saddle up my horse

And I ride into the city

I make a lot of noise

Cause the girls

They are so pretty

Riding up and down Broadway

On my old stud Leroy

And the girls say

Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Everybody says

Save a horse, Ride a cowboy

Well I don't give a dang about nothing

I'm singing and Bling- Blanging

While the girls are drinking

Long necks down!

And I wouldn't trade ol' Leroy

or my Chevrolet for your Escalade

Or your freak parade

I'm the only John Wayne left in this town

And I saddle up my horse

And I ride into the city

I make a lot of noise

Cause the girls

They are so pretty

Riding up and down Broadway

On my old stud Leroy

And the girls say

Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Everybody says

Save a horse, Ride a cowboy

I'm a thourough-bred

that's what she said

in the back of my truck bed

As I was gettin' buzzed on suds

Out on some back country road.

We where flying high

Fining, whine, having ourselves a big and rich time

And I was going, just about as far as she'd let me go.

But her evaluation

Of my cowboy reputation

Had me begging for slavation

All night long

So I took her out giggin frogs

Introduced her to my old bird dog

And sang her every Willie Nelson song I could think of

And we made love

And I saddled up my horse

and I ride into the city

I make a lot of noise

Cause the girls

They are so pretty

Riding up and down Broadway

on my old stud Leroy

And the girls say

Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Everybody says

Save a horse, Ride a cowboy

What? What?

Save A Horse Ride A Cowboy

Everybody says

Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy.

Paige - over the speakers - What in the hell!

Phoebe - over the speakers - That's Big & Rich.

Paige - over the speakers - Connie Lea Bryant-Matthews-soon-to-be-Montana!

Richard beams!

Richard - overt he speakers - Really.

Paige - over the speakers - No, I'm gonna drag you to this mystery place and leave ya. Not now! Connie is in major trouble… no, better yet, Cameron is. He made you listen to that.

Connie - over the speakers - Listen to that, I was doing that. Except, it was Save A Horse & Ride A Vampire.

Paige - over the speakers - That's it, I'm orbing.

Piper - in the phone - Paige Lynnette Halliwell-Wilder-Matthews-soon-to-be-Montana!

Paige - over the speakers - What!

Piper - in the phone - You will not orb out of this car. 

Paige - over the speakers - No, I will orb out at the next stop. Wait up for me.

Piper - in the phone - Paige, it is to dangerous.

Paige - over the speakers - Did you not hear what she said? He molested my baby.

Piper - in the phone - I know sweetie, I heard, but it's not worth it. Well, not it, he's not. Just let it go. What's done is done. Remember… no, you weren't there.

Prue and Paige - over the speakers - What?

Leo - in the phone - I think you owe me an apology and you should've gave Chris one too. I bet that was even more embarrassing to him then me.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Oh god, I did tell him to get a room with his own father.

Connie - over the speakers - What's wrong with that?

Paige - over the speakers - Oh, just a few more miles.

Connie - over the speakers - I don't want to see Daddy. Please don't go.

Paige - over the speakers - Ok, I'm staying. Hey Phoebe, do you have anything kick ass?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Well, how about I read out what songs I have, then you pick?

Paige - over the speakers - Nah, one, I wouldn't know what song meant what and two, I don't want to spoil myself.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Ok, so something kick ass, I'll try.

They hear shuffling.

Phoebe - overt he speakers - Aha! Got it. Ol' Red!

Piper starts laughing.

Paige - over the speakers - I've heard of that. I just didn't think it's any good.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Anyone who sings 'bout his dog is a good song.

Paige - over the speakers - But it is kick ass?

Prue - over the speakers - Like no other.

Paige - overt he speakers - Let me hear it.

Music starts playing.

Well I caught my wife with another man  
And it cost me ninety nine  
On a prison farm in Georgia  
Close to the Florida line  
Well I'd been here for two long years  
I finally made the warden my friend  
And so he sentenced me to a life of ease  
Taking care of Ol Red

Now Ol' Red he's the damnedest dog that I've ever seen  
Got a nose that can smell a two day trail  
He's a four legged tracking machine  
You can consider yourself mighty lucky  
To get past the gators and the quicksand beds  
But all these years that I've been here  
Ain't nobody got past Red

And the warden sang  
Come on somebody  
Why don't you run  
Ol' Red's itchin' to have a little fun  
Get my lantern  
Get my gun  
Red'll have you treed before the mornin' comes

Well I paid off the guard and I slipped out a letter  
To my cousin up in Tennessee  
Oh and he brought down a blue tick hound  
She was pretty as she could be  
Well they penned her up in the swampland  
'Bout a mile just south of the gate  
And I'd take Ol' Red for his evening run  
I'd just drop him off and wait

And the warden sang  
Come on somebody  
Why don't you run  
Ol' Red's itchin' to have a little fun  
Get my lantern  
Get my gun  
Red'll have you treed before the mornin' comes

Now Ol' Red got real used to seeing  
His lady every night  
And so I kept him away for three or four days  
And waited till the time got right  
Well I made my run with the evenin' sun  
And I smiled when I heard 'em let Red out  
'Cause I was headed north to Tennessee  
And Ol' Red was headed south

And the warden sang  
Come on somebody  
Why don't you run  
Ol' Red's itchin' to have a little fun  
Get my lantern  
Get my gun  
Red'll have you treed before the mornin' comes

Now there's red haired blue ticks all in the South  
Love got me in here and love got me out

Paige - over the speakers - Wow, that was awesome.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Well, that's Blake Shelton for ya. I love his whole album!

Piper - in the phone - I know, you've bought it twice. You wore out your first.

Paige - over the speakers - That was really good, I need to start looking inside the song before I judge… and genre for that matter.

Piper - in the phone - Ok, we're stopping up here at Pine Bluffs to stretch our legs and trade drivers. Ok.

Leo - in the phone - Ok, if that's what you want.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Sounds good to me.

Cole - over the speakers - Alright.

Paige - over the speakers - Food!

Richard - over the speakers - Paige, you're always hungry.

Paige - over the speakers - I get that way when I drive for long distances…I guess.

Prue - over the speakers - Ok, I like the sound of that.

Andy - over the speakers - Yeah, she needs a break.

They pull over at a rest stop, get out, stretch their legs, get something to snack on and trade drivers. After everything is done, they move along.

Piper - in the phone - Hey Phoebe, do you have God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You by both Alabama and NSYNC?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah.

Piper - in the phone - I'm in a mood for it, play it please.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Sure. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You coming right up.

Music starts to play.

How can I put into words what I feel?  
My life was complete, I thought I was whole  
Why do I feel like I'm losing control?  
Never knew that love could feel like this,  
And you changed my world with just one kiss.  
How can it be that right here with me there's an angel?  
It's a miracle

Your love is like a river peaceful and deep  
Your soul is like a secret that I could never keep  
When I look into your eyes I know that it's true  
God must of spent a little more time on you

In all of creation, all things great and small  
You are the one that surpasses them all  
More precious than any diamond or pearl  
They broke the mold when you came in this world  
And I'm trying hard to figure out just how I ever did without  
The warmth of your smile, the heart of a child  
That's deep inside, leaves me purified

Your love is like a river peaceful and deep  
Your soul is like a secret that I could never keep  
When I look into your eyes I know that it's true  
God must of spent a little more time on you

Never thought that love could feel like this  
Then you change my world with just one kiss  
How can it be that right here with me  
There's an angel, is just a miracle

Your love is like a river peaceful and deep  
Your soul is like a secret that I could never keep  
When I look into your eyes I know that it's true  
God must of spent a little more time on you

God must have spent a little more time on you

Paige - over the speakers - Wait, who sings that with NSYNC again?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Alabama, why?

Paige - over the speakers - It fits me and Chris perfectly.

Piper - in the phone - Huh?

Paige - over the speakers - When the song first comes on: "Can this be true? Tell me, can this be real"--that's what I was asking myself when I found out. "How can I put into words what I feel"--I was speechless, like everyone else. My life _was_ complete, I thought I was whole, but then I also felt like I lost control. I never knew love could fell like that, and he changed my world with one kiss. The night I found out, he quickly pecked my cheek. There _was_ an angle with me, it _was_ a miracle. His love _was_ like a river, peaceful and deep. I barely kept his secret. When I looked into his eyes I knew it was true. God did spend a little more time on him. Like the song said in all of creation, he surpassed them all. More precious then diamonds or pearls. They broke the mold when he came into my life. I tried to figure out how I did without him or even better yet, how I didn't know. The warmth of his rare smile, his heart of a child. He left me purified, deep, deep, inside.

Phoebe - over the speakers; understanding - Yeah, I see. I know what you mean. That song does have Chris written all over it.

Piper - in the phone - Maybe, but if you don't stop talking about him, Leo's gonna lose it.

Leo - in the phone - No, it's ok. I'm getting better.

Piper - in the phone - No, you're not. Don't pretend, Leo, it's ok.

Leo - in the phone - No, it's not ok, Piper, I let my son down.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Leo, where is this coming from?

Leo - in the phone - The heart.

Piper - in the phone - Please, let's just restart a conversation. This topic is bringing up some really bad…

Richard - over the speakers - Karma.

Paige - over the speakers - Don't even start!

Richard - over the speakers - I wasn't, sorry.

Cole - over the speakers - Ok, so, play some music. That helps.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Ok, ok, what to play, what to play?

Piper, out of her side mirror sees Prue's right tire blow out and hears her and the kids over the speakers scream.

Andy - over the speakers - Damn. Stop! Flat tire. Kids, Prue, it's ok. It's just a flat tire.

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige pulls off about 300 meters away from Prue and Andy's car, while Andy manages to pry a petrified Prue out of the car. They all get out and walk over to the car.

Piper - You guys ok?

Andy - Uh, unfortunately, no. I have no tire.

Leo - Why not?

Andy - Flat tire opposite side last week. I haven't had the chance to get a new one.

Phoebe - looking at the rims - Uh, no can do. I have a similar tire, but no spare. Last week. Boom, boom day.

Leo - Piper's tire wouldn't fit.

Andy - looking - Neither would Paige's.

Richard - Hey.

Andy - Sorry, you're rich… I didn't think you'd know anything mechanical.

Richard - I don't, but hey!

Andy - Sorry to step on your toes!

Prue - So what do we do.

A green/yellow 2-door tow-truck pulls off the interstate. A black man gets out of the drivers seat.

Man - Hey, ya'll, need some help.

Andy, trying to be cautious, not trusting him, starts to say no, when Paige butts in.

Paige - We would be grateful.

Man - Great. Well, we'll get your car connected here, and get you to the car lot.

The man gets to work.

Andy - in hushed tones - Paige, are you completely crazy. Can't you tell he's playing us?

Prue - Andy, please be nice, he's offering to help us. Be grateful.

Andy - to himself - I'm gonna have to get them out of trouble… again. Witchcraft; experts. Ordinary life; deadly.

The man takes their car to the car lot while Prue and the kids ride with Piper and Andy goes with the mechanic.

Prue - to Piper - Piper, why do you think Andy doesn't trust him?

Leo - Probably the same reason I don't.

Piper - Leo!

Leo - What, Prue gets a flat and suddenly a mechanic shows up with a tow-truck. Doesn't that sound in just the least bit suspicious to you.

Piper - No, it sounds courteous.

Leo - Sounds like he's gonna get paid.

Prue - What can he possible do with a flat tire that could cost a fortune.

Leo - A lot.

Time Lapse

Man - This ain't good. Your timing belt done shrunk one size too small, those spark plug wires are a little too long, and your main prodsponder's nearly gone. Your injector ports are stripped and that ain't all. The torque converter's is running low on torque and that water pump's nearly down a quart but we caught it all in time so you're in luck. We've got the time and we've got the parts just give me the word and I'm ready to start. I think we can bring her in for eight hundred bucks.

Prue - Wow, I never knew that stuff associated with a flat tire.

Man - Well, they don't, but that's the damages we found while inspecting your car.

Andy - You weren't supposed to inspect the car, only repair the tire. We will pay you, but only your fair share. If you charge us for anything other then a flat tire and two replacement spares, I will report you to the federal authorities under embezzlement.

Albert Lewis - walking out and standing behind the rear of he car - Excuse me, my name is Albert Lewis and I'm the owner of this here car lot. How may I help you?

Andy - Repair our tire, let us pay you for the change and two spares and leave us be.

Albert Lewis - Can do sir. - to the mechanic - What seams to be the problem?

Man - The have several repairs that needs to be done, but Mr. Trudeau won't allow me to do them.

Andy - I'm not paying you to fix the timing belt, I'm paying you to fix the flat.

Albert Lewis - Well, don't you want your car in top condition?

Andy - It was. You mechanic says all these damages, but I've had my car inspected last week.

Man - Uh, well, he's wrong.

Andy - I wouldn't stack your life on that if you plan to live.

Albert Lewis - Why don't you allow us to sell you a car, but not for money. While I fix your car, you can be cruising in your new car.

Andy - Hell no.

Prue - ANDY! I'm sorry Mr. Lewis, I don't know what's came over him.

Andy - Don't apologize for me. He's not getting our car, you may trust this creep, but I don't.

Prue - Andy…

Andy - No, Prue, forget it. If they won't fix a flat tire and charge us for two spare tires, and nothing else, I'll push this car to the nearest Auto Zone.

Albert Lewis - You'd push you car instead of having us repair it?

Andy - Any day.

Prue - Andy, that is enough.

Andy - No, I'm not having this con-artist repair my just certified car.

Leo - Here, here.

Piper elbows Leo.

Leo - Ow! He's right.

Cole - I agree. He's too good to be true.

Richard - I'm not taking sides here.

Cole stands beside Andy.

Cole - Need help pushing?

Andy - Actually, I was wondering if you'd help me hook this chain to your bumper and help me tow it.

Phoebe - Not to my car, you'll break it.

Cole - No, we won't break it. It takes a lot more to break cars.

Leo - You can use the tractor.

Andy - It'd probably be better. But first things are first.

Prue - What?

He walks over to his office, sits down in his chair and picks up Albert Lewis's phone. With his own phone, Andy calls the cops on him.

Andy - Hello, 911, this is Commissioner Trudeau from San Francisco Police Department and I'm here in Elwood and I've got me a case of embezzlement. The Albert Lewis Car Lot. Yes, thank you. Good evening to you to ma'am.

He hangs up, only to find everyone there.

Albert Lewis - Uh, COMMISSIONER Trudeau?

Andy - Yes, I am. Do you have a problem with that?

Albert Lewis - No, but I've got you three tires and no charge.

Andy - Ain't gonna work. I've already called the cops.

Prue - Andy, how do you know he was committing embezzlement?

Andy - Because, Prue, this man is a wanted man. He's wanted in several states and every state is looking for him. I recognized the name on the tow truck. - while their talking, Albert Lewis runs away, leaving his employees - You can run, but you can not hide. Oh, and boys, if you want to get out with 15 years, don't run.

Piper - How are you gonna catch him?

Andy - holding up his camera-phone of Albert Lewis and his rear of his car, featuring a clear shot of his license plate - Like this.

Prue - covering her mouth and laughing of disbelief - Oh my god. How did you manage that?

Andy - While no one was looking, I got a picture of him.

Phoebe - Quick and smart thinking.

Leo - Really.

Cole - Good job.

Piper - I'm bushed, when can we leave?

Prue - whispering - Piper, this is the point where we all congratulate Andy on his good job.

Piper - I know Prue, but one we are wanted, two, we're on a deadline, three, we're behind on it.

Paige - We're not wanted… yet.

Piper - True, but do we want to stick around for the cops to show up.

Prue - How about me and Andy wait here, as if we we're the only ones and you and yours go on to Keamey. It's only a few miles down the road. I'll watch for signs and when I turn in, I can be lead to the right place. You take the kids and me and Andy will stay here. Ok?

Piper - You can't.

Prue - irritated - And why not?

Piper - Because, I have a reason you're our tailgater. You hide Paige's license plate. Me and Phoebe are covered by Phoebe and Paige, but Paige needs to be covered by you. If you leave, someone can trace our plates to find out their missing.

Prue - Oh my god. Ok, why don't you guys just go a piece down the road. Besides, we've stopped at rest areas, motels and ect. They've never traced them.

Piper - No, but we parked backwards, towards the building.

Prue - thinking - Yes, you have, haven't you… ok, how about this, Andy can leave right. They have your cell phone on record, we're using mine, so you can make up some kind of excuse.

Andy - sighing - I'll start to write my explanation speech.

Piper - Your what?

Prue - Explanation speech. What he says to explain what he's gotten me out of. He always writes one so he can explain it over the phone or memorizes it to say in front of the other cops and board members…

Andy - And don't forget county cops. They are the hardest to fool.

Prue - After we get settled and I unpack, you can take another day off.

Andy - I guess it is worth it.

He pulls out pen and paper and starts to write down: The reason I did what I did was because…

Prue - quietly - Personally, I think they already know. He starts out every speech the same way.

_ Time Lapse _

After they repair Prue's tire and get two spares, they head out of the car lot, the mechanic tied to a chain with a piece of paper starting: The reason I did what I did was because… and a print out of the picture, the license plate circled in red.

_ Time Lapse _

They arrive in Keamey, dragging, Phoebe gets the rooms this time and they head straight to bed, one parent caring a child piece, with Prue walking Patricia and Andy, Jr.


	5. Something Wild This Way Comes, Day 5

A/N: Here's another chapter! I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while and I'm posting this as an apology. Enjoy!

_ Day 5 of Mission: Moving _

_ Saturday, May 21, 2005 _

_ Car # 2 _

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, we're leaving Keamey, and heading towards US-77, 1,555 miles down, 450 miles to go today, 1,086 to go altogether.

Phoebe - in the phone - FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILES! Have you lost your mind Piper? Ten extra miles, we're dragging with 440.

Piper - over the speakers - I knew this was going to happen… no, Phoebe, I haven't lost my mind or fried it. We're taken back roads, so I wanted to get a good jump. Another big cliff note, we're traveling three states: Nebraska, Iowa and Missouri and we're on three different interstates, one US route and one county road.

Prue - over the speakers - What?

Piper - over the speakers - We're on I-80 for another 120 miles, about 2 hours. Then we get on U.S. 77 for about 2 miles, maybe 10 minutes, that's pushing it. Then we get on 2 for about 34 miles, about 45 minutes to an hour, pushing it. Then 29 for a good while, about 120 miles, like I-80. Then we're on I-435 for 25 miles, about 30 minutes. Then we bring in the last of the day on I-70 for, just today, another 120 miles, give or take, so average, 450 miles.

Cole - in the phone - You just argued 50 miles. There's only 400 left. Let's just drive.

Piper - over the speakers - I couldn't agree with you more.

Leo - to Piper: over the speakers - Piper, it's says we've got 70 miles until Lincoln.

Piper - over the speakers - Wow, maybe we should argue often, passes time.

Leo - over the speakers - No, we argue, we got mad, we put the pedal to medal.

Andy - over the speakers - And I get you out of a ticket.

Leo - over the speakers - I'm going 70, the legal speed.

Phoebe - in the phone - Well, I'm going 71.

Piper - over the speakers - You slow down before you hit my car.

Phoebe - in the phone - Paige, I'm slowing down.

Paige - over the speakers - Ready.

Prue - over the speakers - I'm ready, too.

Phoebe, although we can't tell slows down.

Piper - over the speakers; noticing she's not so close - Thanks.

Phoebe - in the phone - You're welcome, sorry.

Paige - over the speakers - I was 69.

Prue - over the speakers - 70.

Andy - over the speakers - Can I drive next stop?

Prue - over the speakers - Uh, I'm not so sure about that Andy. Not only does curves keep you awake, they keep you nauseas.

Andy - over the speakers - We're going into curves?

Prue - over the speakers - Yeah.

Cole - in the phone - Oh God!

Piper - over the speakers - Don't worry. True, we're heading into them, but they can't be that bad, can they?

Leo - over the speakers - Not on interstate, but when we hit regular roads and if they're curvy, we'll be feeing it.

Piper - over the speakers - We'll be feeling it.

Leo - over the speakers - I just hope it's snow free.

Piper - over the speakers - Why? What do you have against snow?

Leo - over the speakers - Well, one, where I died, it was snowy everywhere. Sure, when I died, their was none, but my Army training had us capable to handling zero-degree weather. Then, two, back in the older days, electric stoves was a coal gather's wildest dream. We didn't have much cold weather, but we did have our occasional 50-60 degree weather…one winter, I had let the stove go out and Dad restarted it and let it catch up and get boiling hot… then he placed my hand on it to let me 'feel' warmth.

Piper - over the speakers - Oh my god, I'm so sorry Leo. I didn't know you Dad was abusive.

Leo - over the speakers - Like I said, I like to keep the past in the past. It's over, and quite frankly, I'm glad of it.

Piper - over the speakers - Could you take it… I mean cold.

Leo - over the speakers - Yeah, I could, it's just… I'm a city guy. I never liked non-crowded places or remote areas.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, I'll give you a hint. It's not metropolitan, suburban or a small city. It's got few, if any, residents where we're going. It's cold and not many people live in the area. I don't know if it's electric stove, or coal stoves… the house was a good price. More likely, well become coalminers.

Cole - in the phone - My name is Cole, but I'm no coal miner, got it.

Andy - over the speakers - I think I know where we are going? God have mercy on - he sees Prue looking at him - _our_ souls.

Piper - over the speakers - Hey, Phoebe, do you have Forty Hour Week For A Livin' by Alabama?

Phoebe - in the phone - I sure do, Piper. Do you wanna hear it.

Paige - over the speakers - Another Alabama?

Phoebe and Piper - in the phone; over the speakers - Yes, everyone agree?

Andy - over the speakers - Here goes another clue.

Prue - over the speakers - Andy, there are several states and places listed here, how do we find out.

Andy - over the speakers - Prue, that is entirely up to you.

Music starts to play:

There are people in this country who work hard every day  
Not for fame or fortune do they strive  
But the fruits of their labor are worth more than their pay  
And it's time a few of them were recognized

Hello Detroit auto workers, let me thank you for your time  
You work a forty hour week for a livin', just to send it on down the line  
Hello Pittsburgh steel mill workers, let me thank you for your time  
You work a forty hour week for a livin', just to send it on down the line

This is for the one who swings the hammer, driving home the nail  
Or the one behind the counter, ringing up the sale  
Or the one who fights the fires, the one who brings the mail  
For everyone who works behind the scenes

You can see them every morning in the factories and the fields  
In the city streets and the quiet country towns  
Working together like spokes inside a wheel  
They keep this country turning around

Hello Kansas wheat field farmer, let me thank you for your time  
You work a forty hour week for a livin', just to send it on down the line  
Hello West Virginia coal miner, let me thank you for your time  
You work a forty hour week for a livin', just to send it on down the line

This is for the one who drives the big rig, up and down the road  
Or the one out in the warehouse, bringing in the load  
Or the waitress, the mechanic, the policeman on patrol  
For everyone who works behind the scenes

With a spirit you can't replace with no machine  
Hello America let me thank you for your time

Andy - over the speakers - You'd think by now everyone would know where we're going?

Piper - over the speakers - Let's not hope so.

Leo - over the speakers - Piper, I've got half a tank, lets get some gas to save money.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, it takes right on 40 dollars to fill up a tank. So, we'll fill up here.

The four cars pull over to a Shell.

Piper - Ok, guys, stretch, get something to eat. Leo, fill up the gas, I'm taking Wyatt to get something to eat, you watch Chris, he's asleep.

Leo - Finally?

Piper - He's exhausted. He's been awake for two days.

Leo leaves the door open, while he fills up the tank. When Piper leaves, Chris's scheme takes place. He opens his eyes, looks carefully around and wiggles out of the car seat. He climbs down off the seat, or actually slides; and tumbles out of the car as softly as he can. So determined to get to his sight of interests, he ignores the pain. He gets up and toddles over to a dumpster. He sits down and stares at his new toy.

Piper - walking over to the car - Ok, Wyatt got what he… - in a panic - Where is Chris?

Leo - with his back turned to the car - In the car asleep.

Piper - Is he invisible?

Leo - Not last I check--ed… - he turns around on 'checked' -

Phoebe - walking over - What's going on?

Piper - in panic - Chris is missing.

Phoebe - What!

Paige - also walking over - What, what?

Phoebe - Chris is missing?!

Paige - Oh my god, spread out.

Piper - Yeah, we've got 'an interested-in-everything' baby missing.

They spread out and search for Chris. After a few minutes, Leo finds him sitting on the ground, looking at a parrot with a broken wing.

Leo - Found him!

They all rush over to where they heard Leo's voice.

Piper - Oh, my God, thank you! Chris, who's your little friend.

Leo - It looks like a…

Chris - in baby talk - Terrie.

Piper - Leo, are you hearing this, or is it just every mothers dream.

Leo - I hear it.

Chris - Terrie.

Phoebe - Oh my goodness, he's talking.

Piper - My Chris is gifted!

Wyatt glares at him.

Piper - Wyatt, leave your brother be.

Chris looks up at Piper as if saying 'please.'

Piper - Er, I don't know sweetie. I don't know if he'll survive the trip.

Leo - It's worth a try, he won't survive here either.

Piper - True. Ok, lets get him a cage and a nice place to stay through the trip.

Paige - I can go get a birdcage at a nearby place.

Prue - No need, I already have one. Kids always want a bird. - Prue walk over to her car and gets in the back, after about ten minutes of searching, she finds it - Aha! Got it. Here ya go, Piper.

She hands the cage to her.

Piper - Thanks, lets get this bird in the cage and go. We're already late. - Chris looks at here as if saying 'sorry' - Oh, baby, it's no biggie. - she puts the bird in the cage and puts it in the back of the tractor away from everything that could hurt it - Ok, the bird is secure, can we go?

Prue - Sounds good to me.

Andy - I can drive, right.

Prue just looks at him.

Prue - Honey, are you sure, its curvy?

Andy - Yeah, but I just bought nauseas pills.

Prue - Ok, but if you get sick, don't come crying to me.

Andy - I won't.

Piper - Let's go. Next stop, Rock Port, Missouri.

Prue - Rock Port, Missouri? That's our next stop?

Piper - Yeah, lunch.

They all get in their cars. Piper, Cole, Richard and Andy driving.

Piper - over the speakers - Everyone, okay?

Cole - in the phone - Fine and dandy.

Richard - over the speakers - I just can't wait to stop driving.

Andy - over the speakers - Can we go to England?

Piper - over the speakers - No, no, no. Andy, we're not going to England. We're going out on range. Where the deer and the antelope play.

Paige - over the speakers - Kentucky, I know we're going to Kentucky.

Piper - over the speakers - YES! Yes, we're going to Kentucky, but not to live. It's a bit further.

Andy - over the speakers - I know. God help us.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, I'm starting to get that bad feeling again.

Andy - over the speakers - Why?

Piper - over the speakers - Well, what if they bury us and no one knows we're dead?

Andy - over the speakers - Oh, Piper. They won't kill us.

Piper - over the speakers - Ha, speak for yourself. You just found out! I knew from the motel.

Andy - over the speakers - Piper, you're their sister, you'll be fine.

Leo - over the speakers - Anyway honey, I'll protect you.

Piper - over the speakers - You'll be in the posy.

Phoebe - in the phone - Is it that bad?

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah.

Paige - over the speakers; screaming - IT'S KENTUCKY!!

Piper - over the speakers - No! NO it's not Kentucky for God's sake! I have argued with you to wits end and you still believe I'm taking you to Kentucky.

Leo - over the speakers - Piper, you're going eighty.

Piper - over the speakers - Oh, damn.

She slows down.

Andy - over the speakers - Prue, look out for cops.

Prue - over the speakers - All clear.

Phoebe - in the phone - Are you okay, Piper?!

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. It's just, we've been on the road five days.

Prue - over the speakers - Tomorrow, remember, Piper. Tomorrow.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, and I can't wait… no, yes I can. I'm still alive.

Richard - over the speakers - Do you really think we'd kill you for where we're going?

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, I do.

Cole - in the phone - It's doesn't matter where were going… we're together. A family. All that matters is right here in these four cars: you, Leo, Wyatt, Chris, Phoebe, me, Collin, Courtney, Paige, Richard, Connie, Connor, Prue, Andy, Patricia, Andy, Jr. and Melissa.

Piper - over the speakers - Ain't gonna work. I won't tell you where we're going.

Cole - in the phone - Well, it was worth the try.

Piper - over the speakers - How casual. Try to butter me up with family.

Cole - in the phone - I really thought I had a shot.

Piper - over the speakers - Twenty-five percent.

Cole - in the phone - Really! Thanks.

Piper - over the speakers; laughing - I guess you're right… we are a family.

Prue - over the speakers - Are you gonna tell us?

Piper - over the speakers - Nope.

Prue, Leo, Paige, Richard, Phoebe and Cole - over the speakers; in the phone - Shucks.

Piper laughs over the speakers.

Phoebe - in the phone - C'mon, Piper, give it up.

Piper - over the speakers; cocky - Why? I'm winning!

Phoebe sighs in the phone.

Leo - over the speakers - Ok, U.S. 77. Lets not miss it, shall we.

Piper - over the speakers - Oh, no, we shall not miss it.

Piper signals toward the turn off. Her brother-in-law and soon to be brothers-in-law follow. They turn off at the proper exit.

_ U.S. 77 _

Piper - over the speakers - Okay, keep you're eyes open, we're not on here long. - she turns off at a fork - Told ya so.

Her brother-in-law and soon to be brothers-in-law follow her actions.

_ U.S. Route 2 _

Piper - over the speakers - Welcome to U.S. Route 2.

Phoebe - in the phone - Finally, we're off of I-80!

Paige - over the speakers - Yeah, I second that.

Prue - over the speakers - Okay, so how many miles is it until Rock Port, Missouri?

Piper - over the speakers - Fifty-four miles.

Prue - over the speakers - Piper, you know that map by heart.

Piper - over the speakers - I have to.

Prue - over the speakers - Yeah, but that much?

Piper - over the speakers - No, it's just… I really want this trip over with… and that was before we started.

Prue - over the speakers - Wow, want it over with before it even started. That's bad.

Piper - over the speakers - No, I think I'll like it. I know you guys will after a while.

Andy - over the speakers - Totally.

Piper - over the speakers - Andy, please, stop giving hints. And whatever you do, don't tell.

Andy - over the speakers - I know and I won't.

Prue - over the speakers - Oh, is that right. I'll get it out of you tonight.

Patricia - over the speakers - Ew.

Leo - over the speakers - Okay, Piper, so we're here for…

Piper - over the speakers - Thirty-four miles. We're around Unadilla, about 20 miles. About 14 more miles.

Leo - over the speakers - Okay, I'm just nervous.

Piper - over the speakers - Why, I'm driving?

Leo - over the speakers - Well, your also talking. Phoebe, play "Mr. Mom" by Lonestar.

Phoebe - in the phone - Okay, okay, Mr. Grouchy Pants.

Music starts to play.

Lost my job, came home mad  
Got a hug and kiss and that's too bad  
She said I can go to work until you find another job  
I thought I like the sound of that  
Watch TV and take long naps  
Go from a hand working dad to being Mr. Mom

Well  
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer  
Crayons go up one drawer higher  
Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time  
Breakfast, six naps at nine  
There's bubble gum in the baby's hair  
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair  
Been crazy all day long and it's only Monday  
Mr. Mom

Football, soccer and ballet  
Squeeze in Scouts and PTA  
And there's that shopping list she left  
That's seven pages long  
How much smoke can one stove make  
The kids won't eat my charcoal cake  
It's more than any man can take  
Being Mr. Mom

Well  
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer  
Crayons go up one drawer higher  
Rewind Barney for the sixteenth time  
Breakfast, six naps at nine  
There's bubble gum in the baby's hair  
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair  
Been crazy all day long and it's only Monday  
Mr. Mom

Before I fall in bed tonight  
If the dog didn't eat the classifieds  
I'm gonna look just one more time

'Cause  
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer  
Crayons go up one drawer higher  
Rewind Barney for the eighteenth time  
Breakfast, six naps at nine  
There's bubble gum in the baby's hair  
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair  
Been crazy all day long  
Oh been crazy all day long and it's only Monday  
Mr. Mom

Balancin' checkbooks, juggling bills  
Thought there was nothing to it  
Baby, now I know how you feel  
What I don't know is how you do it

Paige - over the speakers - Huh?

Phoebe - in the phone - It's a song about a guy who loses his job and becomes "Mr. Mom."

Paige - over the speakers - It's a funny song.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, we're coming up on Iowa and we're only here for about ten miles. So when you say hello, don't get attached. We say goodbye ten minutes later.

Chris - over the speakers - Hi, bye.

Piper - over the speakers - Leo!

Leo - over the speakers - I hear him.

Patricia - over the speakers - Aunt Piper, when are we gonna be there?

Piper - over the speakers - In about 838 miles, sweetie.

Phoebe - in the phone - Your kidding.

Piper - over the speakers - No. We have the remainder of 2, so that's just 3 miles, then we have I-29 for the 120 miles, then we have I-435 for 25 miles. Then I-70 for 240 and I-64 for 400 miles then end it out on the last interstate before our new home for 50 miles, if that.

Leo - over the speakers - Oh I can not wait.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, neither can I.

Andy, Jr. - over the speakers - Uh, Aunt Piper, is that the turn off.

Piper - over the speakers - Oh, oh, yes it is. Thank you, Andy Jr.

Piper turns off, forgetting the signal. No time.

_ I-29 _

Collin - in the phone; telepathically - Whoa, sharp turn!

Courtney - in the phone; telepathically - No kidding.

Phoebe - in the phone - Cole, are you hearing what I'm hearing?

Cole - in the phone - The first words they've said since they got here.

Phoebe cooes in the phone.

Cole - in the phone - She cooes about everything.

Phoebe - in the phone - I do not.

Cole- in the phone - Yeah, you do. Sorry, babe, yeah ya do.

Piper - over the speakers - Everyone ok?

Leo - over the speakers - Everyone here? Forget ok, did everyone make the turn off.

Cole - in the phone - Yeah.

Richard - over the speakers - Yep.

Andy - over the speakers - I almost didn't, but yeah, I'm here.

Phoebe - in the phone - Can I play something?

Piper - over the speakers - Please do and shut us up.

Leo - over the speakers - I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so.

Richard - over the speakers - What song?

Phoebe - in the phone - Long Black Train.

Piper - over the speakers - Richard, you're driving, right?

Richard - over the speakers - Yeah, I'm driving.

Paige - over the speakers - Why?

Piper - over the speakers - All I've got to say is don't attach to Richard. He's driving. Remember that.

Paige - over the speakers - I would.

Prue - over the speakers - Richard, Cole, Andy, you've heard it, right.

Richard - over the speakers - Yeah.

Cole - in the phone - No.

Andy - over the speakers - The station requires it.

Prue - over the speakers - Bye who?

Andy - over the speakers - Me.

Phoebe - in the phone - Maybe I should drive.

Cole - in the phone - Phoebe, I was a demon, I've seen or heard or done the worst.

Phoebe - in the phone - I don't know.

Cole - in the phone - Phoebe, I was just recently a resident of a cosmic realm and previous to that, hell.

Phoebe - in the phone - Ok, I warned you. But just in case, I'll be here to grab the wheel Collin, could you craw up and get the break if something would happen?

Collin - in the phone; telepathically - No, but I could shimmer.

Courtney - in the phone; telepathically - He'll be fine. It'll be ok, Mommy.

Phoebe cooes again.

Piper - over the speakers - Thank God he is driving.

Cole - in the phone - Told you.

Paige - over the speakers - Play it already.

Richard - over the speakers - I hope Cole will be ok.

Andy - over the speakers - Me too, man.

Music starts to play:

There's a long black train  
Coming down the line  
Feeding off the souls that are lost and crying  
Tails of sin only evil remains  
Watch out brother for that long Black Train

Look to the heavens   
You can look to the skies  
You can find redemption  
Staring back into your eyes  
There is protection and there is  
Peace the same burn in your ticket for that  
Long Black Train

Cause there's victory in the lord I say  
Victory in the lord  
Cling to the father and his holy name  
And don't go riding on that long Black Train

There's a engine there on that Long Black Train  
Making you wonder if your ride is worth the pain  
He's just a waitin on your heart to say  
Let me ride on that long black train

But u know there's victory in the lord I say  
Victory in the lord  
Cling to the father and his holy name  
And don't go riding on that long Black Train

Well I can hear the whistle from a mile away  
It sounds so good  
But I must stay away  
That train is a beauty making everybody stare  
But its only destination is the middle of nowhere

But u know there's victory in the lord I say  
Victory in the lord  
Cling to the father and his holy name  
And don't go riding on that long Black Train

I said cling to the father and his holy name  
And don't go ridin on that black train  
Yes watch out brother for that long black train  
The devils a ridin that long black train.

Paige - over the speakers - Johnny Cash?

Cole - in the phone - He's back with a new one?

Phoebe - in the phone - No, god rest his soul, Johnny Cash is dead…

Cole's car swerves.

Courtney - in the phone; telepathically - Now, that might get him!

Courtney and Collin magically switch Phoebe and Cole in the seats to prevent wrecking.

Cole - in the phone - Johnny's dead. And that wasn't him?

Phoebe - in the phone - Yeah, it was Josh Tuner.

Cole - in the phone - My cousin?

Phoebe - in the phone; taken aback - No, at least I don't think so.

Cole - in the phone - Is he ancient kinda of old?

Phoebe - in the phone - No, he's fairly young.

Cole - in the phone - Nope. He is 60.

Paige - over the speakers - Not Johnny Cash? He sounds like Johnny Cash.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah. But, of all the things I thought you two would be shocked about, that was not a possibility.

Paige - over the speakers - We've seen demons, we've seen gut's, we've seen demons who thought that they had guts and glory, we've seen blobs the size of a house and I can handle that. What I can't handle is men that sound like Johnny Cash and ain't.

Piper - over the speakers - We're coming up to Rock Port.

Paige - over the speakers - Starving, starving, starving, starving!

Piper - over the speakers - Good grief girl, you eat more then 10 horses.

Piper drives right past a sign, but Leo catches it.

Leo - over the speakers; looking straight at the sight - Ut oh.

Phoebe - in the phone - Leo, what's the matter?

Leo - over the speakers - Who wants to watch Wyatt and Chris?

Piper - over the speakers - Why?

Leo - over the speakers - You'll see. - Prue catches the sign and gasps - Hey Phoebe, do you have God Bless America Again by Loretta and Conway?

Phoebe - in the phone - No, but I have Coal Miners Daughter.

Leo - over the speakers - Don't curse us.

Paige - over the speakers - But she lives in Kentucky, we're not moving in Kentucky.

Leo - over the speakers - No, but Coal Miners are mostly from West Virginia.

Piper - over the speakers - Now guys, lets just pick a - she sees the food choices; gulping - restaurant. Where is something with out hamburgers.

Leo - over the speakers - Some other exit.

Piper - over the speakers - Phoebe, watch Wyatt and Chris tonight.

Phoebe - in the phone - Ok, will do.

Cole, Andy, and Richard - in the phone; over the speakers - Why?

Leo - over the speakers - No, don't answer that.

Cole and Richard - in the phone; over the speakers - Oh.

Leo - over the speakers - I'm ruined.

Andy - over the speakers - What?

They pull into a Dairy Queen.

Piper - over the speakers - They have wonderful chicken.

Andy - over the speakers - Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on here!

Prue - over the speakers; whispering - She jumps Leo when she eats hamburgers.

Andy - over the speakers - Oh, Leo, I'm with you man. That's why I keep Prue away from Oysters.

Prue - over the speakers - Andy!

Cole - in the phone - I keep Phoebe away from chocolate covered raisins.

Richard - over the speakers - I can't wait to find Paige's.

Piper - over the speakers - I don't think she has one, she's ate a little bit of everything on this trip here alone.

Phoebe - in the phone - Heck, she even ate some mustard in vanilla ice cream.

Prue - over the speakers - Paige could you be pregnant?

Richard and Paige - over the speakers - What, no. No! That's ridiculous.

They get out of the cars and grab their youngsters. They walk in and order what they want. Piper, of course, got hamburgers.

_ Time Lapse _

Piper - Ok, everybody ready? I know I'm ready for Columbia already.

Leo - God help me.

Piper - Why? - Leo whines again - Ok, lets go. - they all gather up their kids and leave Dairy Queen; she comes over the speakers know - Ok, we're heading towards St. Joseph.

Prue - over the speakers - We'll be home any day!

Piper - over the speakers - Yep, sometime tomorrow!

Phoebe - in the phone - Horay!

Paige - over the speakers - Can't wait. I can feel the hot water already.

Piper - over the speakers - Why don't you take a bath in the motel?

Paige - over the speakers - Well, I just don't like it.

Richard - over the speakers - She's paranoid.

Phoebe - in the phone - She better not be.

Piper - over the speakers - Richard means the natural paranoid, not a paranoia spell.

Cole - in the phone - Huh?

Phoebe - in the phone - Long story. Avatars wanted to make Utopia, Zankou didn't want Utopia and Kyle Brody placed a paranoia spell on us.

Cole - in the phone - Wait, Avatars, Zankou! Who is Kyle Brody?

Richard - over the speakers; jealous - Good question.

Paige - over the speakers - He was a resent boyfriend. He died, that day actually.

Richard - over the speakers - I will comfort you for a while, but I don't want to hear his name ever again. To much of a threat.

Cole- in the phone - Now, explain Avatars and Zankou. How did Zankou escape, and what do you know about the devils Avatars?

Leo - over the speakers - I became one.

Cole - in the phone - What! When, why? Are you one now?

Leo - over the speakers; laughing - Yes, I was an Avatar. About 3 months ago. Piper and Phoebe were dead and needed reviving. No, I quit.

Cole - in the phone - Phoebe was dead?

Leo - over the speakers - Yeah, and they offered me a power to revive them.

Cole - in the phone - Their con-artists. Worse than Albert Lewis. They promised me I could be with Phoebe. I don't call being vanquished being with Phoebe.

Phoebe - in the phone - Me either, my baby.

Collin - in the phone; telepathically - Ew. Get a room

Courtney - in the phone; telepathically - Yeah, get a room.

Cole - in the phone - Sorry, kids. We won't say stuff like that any more. Ok.

Phoebe - in the phone - We promise.

Courtney - in the phone; telepathically - Ok, agreed.

Collin - in the phone; telepathically - Suck-up.

Courtney - in the phone; telepathically - Are not.

Collin - in the phone; telepathically - Are too.

Courtney - in the phone; telepathically - Are not

Collin - in the phone; telepathically - Are too.

Cole and Phoebe smile.

Cole and Phoebe - in the phone - Children. I already love parenthood.

Paige - over the speakers - Maybe you do, but this is not pleasant to the Aunt. Quieting them down.

Richard - over the speakers - Paige, ours won't quietin' down. How are you expecting them to hush theirs?

Paige - over the speakers - I don't know. - she tears up - I just don't like the noise.

Richard - over the speakers - Oh, Paige, sweetie, it's ok. Ya know, Prue, you may be right. She may be pregnant.

Prue - over the speakers - I'm telling you, know a pregnant woman when I see one.

Andy - over the speakers - Yeah, every time she sees one she knows, she wants more.

Piper - over the speakers - Poor Andy.

Andy - over the speakers - Nah, it's rewarding in the end.

Prue - over the speakers - See, I get what I want.

Andy - over the speakers - Ain't that the truth.

Prue smacks his arm lightly.

Phoebe - in the phone - Hey guys, I want you to hear another side of Josh Tuner.

Music starts to play:

I have been around  
This old block before  
I've walked into abruptly closign doors  
Schooled in hard knocks, I've learned alot  
'Bout how a heart can brake  
I might not know what love is  
But I know what it ain't

It ain't layin' in the dark and wonderin' why she hasn't called  
And now it's 2 am  
It ain't driving by her house to find her wrapped up in the arms of you ex-best friend  
It ain't bold face lies or alibies that cannot be explained  
I might not know what love is  
But I know what it ain't

You say you could  
Show me how to love  
Baby there's one thing  
You can be sure of  
I wouldn't treat you wrong cause I've been on  
The hurting side of pain  
I might not know what love is but I know what it ain't

It ain't showing up for dinner with a rose and chardonnay  
Then drinkin' by yourself  
It ain't a postcard from Hawaii sayin' we can still be friends  
But I met someone else  
It ain't bold face lies or alibies that cannot be explained  
I might not know what love is  
But I know what it ain't

It ain't a mink coat, forty pairs of shoes, two 14 karet anklets on my mastercard  
It ain't walkin' in a pawn shop, recognizing her engagement ring she swore she lost  
It ain't bold face lies or alibies that cannot be explained  
I might not know what love is  
But I know what it ain't

If you had all day I could tell you things  
That would make a grown man faint  
I might not know what love is  
But I know what it ain't  
Yeah I know what it ain't

Paige - over the speakers - Wow, country has many sides. Serious, funny, ridiculous, sad, scary, 'what the hell' and last but not least, spine chilling.

Phoebe - in the phone - If you think that is funny, wait till you hear this.

Music starts to play again:

It Seems like all my life  
I've wanted to be a wife  
So I went under the knife  
And it really changed my life  
Ever since that Oprah show  
I've been wantin' me a change

Panty hose a time or two  
...What?  
Garter belts and high heel shoes  
...No you di'int  
Wore a big beehive hairdo  
...Stop!  
So they kicked me out of school  
...Don't go there!  
Everybody knew I was acting pretty strange

Since the change  
They hardly recognize me  
Even got a brand new name  
I swear! I feel a little lighter  
Since I went from Jim to Jane  
It takes a while to get used to this  
'Cause right now I'm still in pain  
I was an unhappy man  
Before the change

Rock my world little country boy, those Wrangler butts drive me nuts, uh!

Girlfriend I must confess  
...Go ahead  
Last night I was in a mess  
...What happened?  
My date, he was impressed  
...Huh-uh  
Untill I got undressed  
...Huuuuh  
When he saw my hairy chest  
...Uh-hoo-hoo-hoo  
He said, "You better explain."  
...Don't you hate it when that happens?

Oh what's a girl to do?  
...Tell me  
Hit him with my high heel shoes  
...No way  
Once he came to, he knew  
This woman's one bad dude  
...You are?  
But I'm just the thing for you  
...That's right  
If you're looking for a change  
...He-he Stop!

Since the change  
They hardly recognize me  
Girl, I even got a brand new name  
I swear! I feel a little lighter  
Since I went from Jim to Jane  
It takes a while to get used to this  
'Cause right now I'm still in pain  
I was an unhappy man  
Talkin' 'bout an unhappy man  
Now I'm a happy wo-man  
Since the change

No you di'int. Stop it! What? Y-You go girl! Can't touch this!

Paige - over the speakers - That is just pain…

Andy, Leo, Cole, and Richard - in the phone; over the speakers - Wrong. Painful. Idiotic.

Leo - over the speakers - How was he an 'unhappy' man.

Cole - in the phone - How did he have a 'boyfriend' if he was a guy. You'd think he'd stop right there.

Richard - over the speakers - He's plum nuts.

Phoebe - in the phone - That's Cletus for ya. He has a lot of songs like: A Great Day To Be A Guy, A Night I Can't Remember, Breath, Every Light In The House Is Blown, First Redneck on the Internet, Good Bye Squirrel, How Do You Milk A Cow, My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy, Shania, I'm Broke; She Got A Butt Bigger Than The Beatles, Skoal: The Grundy County Spitting Incident. That is two different ways. Cletus Went Down To Florida and Merry Christmas From The Whole Fam Damily.

Paige - over the speakers - What about Skoal: Grundy County Spitting Incident is that like Sold: The Grand County Auction.

Phoebe - in the phone - It is his re-make of the song. I have it if you would like to hear it.

Piper - over the speakers - We are coming up to I-435 and it is big and a lot of lanes.

Phoebe - in the phone - It is not a long song, I think we can play it.

Piper - over the speakers - You can but make it the last until we get on I-70. Ok.

Phoebe - in the phone - Ok. here it comes, Paige, it is not going to be what you think.

Music starts to play:

Sadie, pull this car over. Let me get me a can of Skoal.

Well, we went down to the Grundy County auction  
The sign said no tobaccer where we sat  
My wife told me that I should spit with caution  
Or else we'll all wind up in a big ol' spat

And I said hush your mouth nobody's gonna mind  
If I pack my lip and ignore the sign  
'Cause a little dip of Skoal never hurt no one at all  
Then, I've never seen anyone get so mad  
From a little bit of spit on his John Deere hat  
But I spit on him once, spit on him twice  
Spit Skoal on the feller in the second row  
Well he turned around and nearly broke my nose  
I got a big fat lip, two black eyes  
Shoulda just went and dipped outside

Well, it musta been about eight or nine more minutes  
Until I pulled that can of Skoal back out  
And I knew when I put my fingers in it  
That I'd just spit it out amongst the crowd  
...Look out!

And you know I really don't care if anybody minds  
A pinch 'tween your cheek and gum is not a crime  
So I'll do my spittin' and to heck with the rest of y'all  
Well I've never saw people gettin' so dang mad  
Worst County auction they've ever had  
'Cause I spit on 'em once, spit on 'em twice  
Spit Skoal on the people, well I must confess  
I even got a little on a lady's white dress  
But in the end they got me back you see  
They all took a dip and spit on me

Well, they pinned me down on the auction block  
And took my Skoal away  
And the town still hates to talk about  
The mess that was made that day

When I said hush your mouth, nobody's gonna mind  
If I pack my lip and ignore the sign  
'Cause a little dip of Skoal never hurt no one at all  
Well, I've never saw people gettin' so derned mad  
The worst County auction they've ever had  
'Cause I spit on 'em once, spit on 'em twice  
Spit Skoal on the people, well I must confess  
I even got a little on a lady's white dress  
Shoulda swallowed my dip, swallowed my pride  
Shoulda just went and spit outsiiiiiiide.

Whew!

Boy, that was horrible!

Paige - over the speakers - Oh my God. I think I'm going to be sick. That was horrible. What does he do, make other songs his?

Phoebe - in the phone - He takes other songs and makes them into his songs, funny songs. He is great. I _love_ him.

Cole - in the phone - Hey, you love me.

Phoebe - in the phone - I _love_ his songs. He is so _funny_.

Cole - in the phone - That's better.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, we're turning onto I-453. I know I-29 goes the other way, but this is easier.

Cole - in the phone - Ok, so how exactly is this easier?

Piper - over the speakers - Well, because, when we go the I-435 way, we skip Uptown Kansas City. If we go through I-29, it goes straight through uptown.

Cole - in the phone - Yeah, but we get off of this interstate, couldn't we get lost easier?

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, maybe, that's why I've told you to keep up. Hush the talk unless it's questions about the way we're going. Got it.

Cole, Phoebe, Leo, Paige, Richard, Prue, and Andy - in the phone; over the speakers - Got it.

They drive towards the sign stating I-435's way. When they drive up the ramp, and make it to the main interstate ok.

_ I-453 _

Piper - over the speakers - Did everyone make it ok?

Phoebe - in the phone - Yeah, we're fine.

Richard - over the speakers - Really shaken up, but ok.

Andy - over the speakers - I'm fine.

Piper - over the speakers - Great. We'll be on I-435 for about 5 to 7 miles.

Phoebe - in the phone - Good. I can't wait to get to our new home. This is becoming a drag.

Piper - over the speakers - We still got a while for that Phoebe.

Phoebe - in the phone - How many more states 'til the one where we'll live.

Piper - over the speakers - Four plus Missouri and our new home.

Paige - over the speakers - Thank God!

Prue - over the speakers - You can say that again.

Paige - over the speakers - When can we eat, I'm hungry.

Prue - over the speakers - No, don't say that again.

Piper - over the speakers - You just got done eating, Paige, how can you be hungry?!

Paige - over the speakers - I think I'm pregnant.

Prue - over the speakers - I know.

Phoebe - in the phone - Really, you think you are?

Paige - over the speakers - Yeah. last hour, I ate another bowl of green peppers and ice cream.

Piper - over the speakers - Another? I thought you was eating mustard and ice cream.

Paige - over the speakers - And green peppers and ice cream.

Phoebe - in the phone - Congratulations.

Paige - over the speakers - Thanks.

Richard - over the speakers; bashful - You believe their mine, don't ya.

Paige - over the speakers - Yeah, I'm sure. The last boyfriend I had was 3 months ago, Kyle Brody.,

Richard - over the speakers - At!

Paige - over the speakers - No, no, I will say any name as I wish. You are my partner, not my owner!

Richard - over the speakers - I know, but I'm jealous.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, we're coming up on the exit for I-70. Keep your eyes open.

Leo - over the speakers - Yeah, that includes you. One forth mile until I-70.

Piper - over the speakers - Thank you. Ok, here we go, again.

Leo-over the speakers -You're welcome.

She turns off, followed closely by her relatives.

_ I-70 _

Piper - over the speakers - Now, if you want to listen to music, your free to. We'll be here for the rest of the day. Tomorrow, we get on another one.

Prue - over the speakers - Wait! Can I hear a song? I don't think you have it. Daryl Worley I Miss My Friend?

Phoebe - in the phone - No, I don't have it. I have: Have you Forgotten? But that's it.

Prue - over the speakers - Well, can I play mine and Andy's theme song?

Andy - over the speakers - Oh no.

Phoebe - in the phone - Sure.

Andy - over the speakers - Fine, it's your funeral.

Music starts to play:

Dancin' in the living room cuttin' up a rug  
Dancin' with a baby looks more like a hug  
Livin' in a house made of saw mill wood  
"Roll over Beethoven" never sounded so good

Come on baby, baby let's go  
Where we get the money honey I don't know  
One more baby's alright by me  
We'll just add another limb to the family tree

Well raising up babies is our new sport  
You're one day late and I'm a dollar short  
Now maybe it was planned maybe it was a goof  
But a cat just has to dance on a hot tin roof

Come on baby, baby let's go  
Where we get the money honey I don't know  
One more baby's alright by me  
We'll just add another limb to the family tree

Well the lawnmower's broken, the tax is due  
And if I find another tick I'm gonna come unglued  
We got hand me down clothes, hand me down shoes  
We got the big belly momma here we go again blues

Come on baby, baby let's go  
Where we get the money honey I don't know  
One more baby's alright by me  
We'll just add another limb to the family tree

Baby, whoa, whoa let's go  
Where we get the money I don't know  
One more baby alright's by me  
It's alright, it's alright now baby  
We'll just add another limb to the family tree  
Oh we'll just add another limb to the family tree  
We'll just add another limb to the family tree

Paige - over the speakers - Yep, that's your theme song.

Richard - over the speakers - Sounds like it's gonna be ours. We've been together for 5 days, and were already pregnant.

Phoebe - in the phone - Yeah Paige, that's a record breaker.

Piper - over the speakers - I have a feeling this family is not gonna be small.

Leo - over the speakers - I hope not.

Patricia - over the speakers - Not small by a landslide.

Andy, Jr. - over the speakers - BIG family.

Connor - over the speakers - Huge.

Connie - over the speakers - I don't know, I wasn't here last time.

Collin - in the phone; telepathically - I died.

Phoebe - in the phone - What?

Collin - in the phone; telepathically; blowing it off - No problem, just forget I said anything.

Cole - in the phone - She can't.

Courtney - in the phone; telepathically - I was never found either.

Cole - in the phone - I have a good feeling this is the start of a beautiful beginning.

Prue and Andy - over the speakers - So do I.

Andy, Jr. and Patricia - over the speakers - I know.

Melissa giggles.

Piper and Leo - over the speakers - Big family life, here I came.

Chris and Wyatt giggles as well.

Cole and Phoebe - in the phone - Big family.

Collin and Courtney - in the phone; telepathically - Yep!

Paige and Richard - over the speakers - And we've already begun.

Connor and Connie - over the speakers - Yep, twins.

Paige - over the speakers; happily - TWINS!

Connie - over the speakers - Girls.

Connor - over the speakers - I have to wait until 2016 for a brother.

Paige - over the speakers - 2016! I'm still having kids until 2016!

Connie - over the speakers - You have kids until 2017.

Patricia - over the speakers - You all stopped either 2017 or 2018.

Andy, Jr. - over the speakers - Mom stopped 2016!

Prue - over the speakers - What! I stopped before anyone else.

Patricia - over the speakers - But you had the most. You left them in the dust.

Andy, Jr. - over the speakers - You had 11. Followed closely behind by Aunt Phoebe with 8, but 10 really; then Aunt Piper with 7 and Aunt Paige brought in the group with 6, but 8 and out did Aunt Piper. But now, she's pregnant with twins and so that brings in 10, tied with Aunt Phoebe.

Patricia - over the speakers - They're new.

Paige - over the speakers - Really. Hey Richard, we're the first to have new additions.

Richard - over the speakers - Seems that way, huh?

Phoebe - in the phone - Hey Cole, wanna be the second.

Patricia and Andy, Jr. - over the speakers - Don't even think about it. What about Prue. Your pregnant with Prue.

Phoebe - in the phone; placing one hand on her stomach while the other has the steering wheel - I'm what?

Andy, Jr. - over the speakers - Pregnant.

Patricia - over the speakers - Prudence 'Prue' Katrina Halliwell-Tuner.

Prue - over the speakers - I'm honored.

Andy, Jr. - over the speakers - Now, but when you have Prudence Joyce, Prudence Katrina and it leaves you with P., you'll gripe.

Piper - over the speakers - Who's is Prudence Joyce?

Patricia - over the speakers - Yours.

Leo - over the speakers - When, and who's the Daddy?

Piper - over the speakers; quickly slapping his arm - You are, dummy.

Leo - over the speakers - Oh, ok, so when?

Patricia - over the speakers - Well, that should be considered FC, but I will tell you. In 2011 but you have a little boy before them.

Piper - over the speakers - Them?

Patricia - over the speakers - He can't orb you out and into your spot, so I'll tell you the next rest stop.

Paige - over the speakers - Rest stop! Rest stop! Two miles away! Pull over, I'm starving!

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, in two miles we'll stop.

Paige - over the speakers - Hurry up, already. I can taste those bon-bons already.

Richard - over the speakers - I'm sorry.

Phoebe - in the phone - I could have a bag of chips, myself.

Piper - over the speakers - We'll never get there at this rate. We have two pregnant woman, one girl wanting sex and another that wants kids.

Prue - over the speakers - Guilty.

Andy - over the speakers - God help me, we're gonna have 50 kids.

Andy, Jr. - over the speakers - All together maybe.

Patricia - over the speakers - But not alone, Daddy.

Andy - over the speakers - Thank you. Thank you Andy, Jr. and Patricia.

Patricia - over the speakers - Thank Chris, he gave us the memories.

Andy - over the speakers - Chris, wherever your spirit may rest, thank you.

Leo - over the speakers - He's all of our savior's. We all should have thanked him.

Piper - over the speakers - I do every night, right between his dipper changing and his nap.

Phoebe - in the phone - Yeah…you thank the baby. Do you thank the adult?

Piper - over the speakers - He is the baby. I've told you, he's in there.

Leo - over the speakers - No, he breastfed, he's not in there. He's in Vision Quest World.

Patricia - over the speakers - No, I think he is already out.

Leo - over the speakers - I KNEW THAT WAS HIM!

Paige - over the speakers; looking at the rest stop that Piper just passed - Forget you, I'm eating. - she grabs the wheel and turns -

Piper - over the speakers - PAIGE!

Phoebe and Prue pull over at the rest stop, but unfortunately for Piper; she has two choices: drive to the next exit and turn around and drive back or do the illegal thing and reverse on the shoulder.

Piper - Leo, take the boys and take them to the rest stop. I don't want them in here. Go on, I'll be fine.

Leo, unwillingly, get Wyatt and Chris and starts to walk towards the rest stop.

Chris - in baby talk - Terrie.

Piper - out the window - No baby, Terrie is fine and she'll be right there. But you can't get her out. Daddy's only got two arms.

Leo - to Chris - Yeah, Daddy's not super Daddy anymore.

They walk over to the rest stop.

Piper - Well, I'm already in trouble with the law… why not?

She backs her car up on the shoulder to the rest stop exit, being careful not to hit any on-coming traffic. Slowly but for surely, she parks, rear-end first, in the parking space.

Piper - walking over to the vending machines - Paige, if you ever do that again, I will personally kill you.

Paige - mouth full of candy - I told you I was hungry.

Piper - Whoa, don't do that. Chew your food before you talk.

Paige - still mouth of candy - Sorry. I'm hungry.

Piper - Yeah, I can tell.

Wyatt stumbles away from the canopy benches and into a ditch filled with bushes and flowers.

Piper - walking over to the canopy where Leo and Chris is at - Hey.

Leo - watching Chris - Hey.

Piper - noticing Wyatt's missing and in a panic - Where is Wyatt?

Leo - noticing as well - Not again! I'm a bad Daddy.

Piper - running around in a panic - Wyatt? Wyatt? Where are you, Wyatt?

Phoebe - What do you mean? Where's Wyatt?

Piper - Leo lost my other son.

Leo - I'm a real bad Daddy. I should be reported. Both sons, one day.

Paige - with a hand full of goodies - What's going on?

Prue - like it's nothing - Oh, Wyatt is missing now.

Paige - What?

Prue - Oh don't worry. He'll come back eventually.

Andy - They seem to do that a lot.

Prue - Where is ours?

Andy - I don't know.

Patricia - yelling back - In the fields!

Prue - See.

Andy - It's no biggie.

Piper - No biggie? He's two, going on three.

Prue - I lost mine at six months old.

Chris craws off, Leo sees him and he follows him. He craws in a bunch of flowers and when Leo looks over at where Chris went, he sees Wyatt and he is asleep in the flowers.

Leo - Found him.

Piper comes rushing over.

Piper - at the first sight, melts - Aw.

Phoebe - Oh my, he's tired.

Paige - He is so beautiful.

Prue - Watch it, Paige, they get testy when you call guys beautiful.

Piper - Round them up, I want to get to the motel already.

Prue - Ok, Patricia, Andy, Jr.. Let's go!

Andy - I've got Melissa.

Paige - Richard, get the kids. I'm killing this hundred.

Piper - Your gonna be bigger than the house.

Leo - How many rooms did you get in the house, or am I becoming a carpenter.

Piper - It's big. On the ad, it said 404 room. It was supposed to be a ski resort, but it was too rocky and hazardous. But it was also put out of business because they was another one right up the road.

Leo - Yep, it better be enough.

Phoebe - FOUR HUNDRED AND FOUR ROOMS!

Piper - Yeah. it's on a rock cliff in ski country.

Prue -Wow, that should do.

Paige comes over with a garbage bag full of goodies.

Piper - Leave anything?

Paige - No.

Phoebe - Really?

Paige - I swear.

They all, not being able to believe it, run over to the vending machines, and see nothing left. Not one pop, not a water, not a candy bar.

Prue, Phoebe and Piper - Wow!

Paige - Told ya. Richard, remind me that when we get to Columbia, I need a miniature fridge.

Richard - Ok.

Leo - Patricia? You mention kidS earlier. Can you tell us the names of the kids?

Patricia - Yeah. Sure. Me and my boyfriend Eric and our son Eric, Jr.; Andy, Jr., Melissa, Mickie, Mickey, April, Ann, Annie, Alice,

Penny, and Alan are Mom's and Dad's. Wyatt and his wife Evenly and their children Molly and Wyatt, Jr.; Chris and his fiancée Bianca and their children Brian, Brittany, Piper Lynn, Jeff, Jacqueline, Mirada Marie, Victor Leo and Phoebe Paige; Chase and his wife Olivia and their daughter Kendra; Prudence and her boyfriend Frank and their daughter Lily; Melinda and her boyfriend Ralph and there daughter Katie; Chastity and her boyfriend Drew and their daughter Regina; and Taylor are Aunt Piper and yours. Collin, Courtney, Prue and her daughter Grace; Mel and her boyfriend Steve and their daughters Rachel and Rhonda; Cole, Jr., Fin and their girlfriend Jennifer and their son's Cole II and Fin, Jr.; Pheebs, Charlotte, Brianna, and Bel are Aunt Phoebe and Uncle Cole's. Connie, Connor, Melody and her boyfriend Danny and their son Danny, Jr.; Jessie, Jamie, Jenny, Richey, and Roxie are Aunt Paige and Uncle Richard's kids/adopted kids..

Phoebe, Cole, Prue, Andy, Piper, Leo, Paige, and Richard - WHAT!

Paige - Yep, not a small family at all.

Piper - Chris has 8 kids.

Leo - We have 14 grandkids!

Cole - Fin and Cole, Jr. got a woman pregnant. The same woman!

Phoebe - Who is Grace's Dad?

Richard - Our family isn't much dysfunctional.

Prue - I'm happy, except Eric/Eric, Jr. thing.

Andy - Prue, I'm happy for them. Besides we've got a while until we have to worry and that shotgun comes out.

Patricia - Ok, slow down. Your in a speed zone, ya know. Now do you know why I didn't tell you while you were driving. Uncle Cole, yeah. They are party-doers. They party hardy. So, one time they partied to hardy. Aunt Phoebe, not to hurt you or anything, she was raped. The future we remember was not a wild flower paradise. That is the only one, out of everyone of them, that was totally unplanned. No, Jeff and Jacqueline wasn't either. They won't be born this time. Aunt Piper, Uncle Leo, yes; Chris had eight kids. He's never been known not to be busy, be it decent or no. Uncle Leo, yes, you have 14 grandkids. I'm not sure what went wrong there. They all came after Chris left except Molly, Piper Lynn, Jeff and Jacqueline and the miscarriage: aka Brain an Brittany. Mom, Dad, don't worry. Eric and my future self is very happy. Don't worry. Aunt Paige, yep, not small. Uncle Richard, you'd be surprised. Shew, you guys know how to ask questions.

Leo - What do you mean Jeff and Jacqueline won't be there?

Patricia - Well, that's a little complicated. I'd rather not go into it. Their Chris's, not Bianca's.

Piper - Who is there mother?

Patricia - Chris. See, I'd rather not go into it. Let's just say Junior. Wyatt did it. It won't happen.

Piper - Oh my god.

Phoebe - Chris never mentioned he was a Daddy OR a Mommy.

Patricia - He wouldn't. Not appropriate. I shouldn't be telling you this stuff.

Andy, Jr. - No kidding. I'm trying to sleep here!

Piper - Let's get rolling.

They get in their cars and continue their trip.

_ Time Lapse _

They pull into a Budget Inn, Piper gets a room, they get the kids inside and settle in and go to sleep for tomorrow's trip--Wyatt and Chris staying with Phoebe and Cole for the night.


	6. Something Wild This Way Comes, Day 6

A/N: Thank you for sticking around this long. I know reading these long chapters are difficult and I understand your aggravation but please stick in there a little bit longer. The chapters will shorten and the real fun will begin... or at least in my opinion. Please, review and drop me a line of what you think. Your opinion matters a lot to me, it really does. Thank you for your valuable time, and keep reviewing. I read them, I really do.

_ Day 6 of Mission: Moving _

_ Sunday, May 22, 2005 _

_ Car # 3 _

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, we're leaving Columbia, and heading towards St. Lewis, 2,005 down, 636 miles to go altogether. Then, ladies and gentlemen, we'll be arriving home.

They all cheer.

Paige - in the phone - Today! I'm so happy, we're arriving today!

Piper - over the speakers - I'm not so sure, but don't get your hopes up.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Why? What's wrong?

Piper - over the speakers - It's just, there are 636 miles, we're traveling 440 a day… have you not done the math?

Prue - over the speakers - Wow, you mean well be traveling 196 miles tomorrow.

Piper - over the speakers - No, not really. We'll be traveling 485 miles today, so that leaves 151 miles. I don't want to, but it looks like it.

Leo - over the speakers - We'll make it guys, don't give up.

Cole - over the speakers - When already?

Richard - in the phone - We're all tired, but that makes us more wanting to get home.

Andy - over the speakers - Yeah, we'll be ok.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, we'll make it. If not today, tomorrow.

Paige - in the phone - But tomorrow for sure if I have to drive a all nighter.

Richard - in the phone - We will. You will not drive all night alone with me right here.

Piper - over the speakers - We will make it tomorrow unless something BIG happens.

Leo - over the speakers - By the way this trip has been going: dipper, semi truck, Paige running out of gas, Prue having a flat tire, me losing Chris AND Wyatt, and four hour delay; what else could go wrong?

Paige - in the phone - Well, we've always wanted a normal day, those are normal; so we've had five.

Piper - over the speakers - I'm starting to like my supernatural life.

Cole - over the speakers - Amen to that. I'd rather deal with 10 sources than one dirty dipper.

Leo - over the speakers - Why, they both fight dirty?

Richard - in the phone - Yeah, but one comes with a distinctive stink.

Leo - over the speakers - True.

Richard - in the phone - Leo. Piper, I don't get you. You say all that's went wrong, but don't believe something can go wrong today. Why?

Piper - over the speakers - We'll be arriving home today or tomorrow; so what can go wrong?

Andy - over the speakers - A lot. Usually, when someone says that, it goes horribly wrong?

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, Paige, Phoebe; since you're both pregnant and it seems you get hungry fast, there is an exit about two miles away, you want something?

Paige - in the phone - Not me, I've got my new fridge full of goodies.

Phoebe - over the speakers - No, I'm not that snack-happy. Just when I see something that looks good. Yet.

Connie - in the phone - Can I hear Big & Rich's song Big Time, Aunt Phoebe?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Sure!

Music starts to play:

My hair might be a little too long for your taste, my friend  
My car might cost a little less that that suit you're wearing  
I'm glad you've stumbled in here on your business trip  
Before you close your tab remember I play for tips  
Well I bet your wife is beautiful and you're a really big so-and-so  
Well I'm not doing bad myself, hey friend don't you know

I play guitar and I sing my songs in the sunshine  
Captain and Cokes and barroom jokes keep me feeling fine  
And there's always a stage and a beautiful babe to squeeze my lime  
In my simple way, guess you can say I'm living the big time

I know I'll probably never make a million bucks  
But savings accounts and the IRS never worry me much  
I don't need that stuff 'cause  
I've got friends like you  
To buy me drinks, have boats and planes that I can use  
I know you're really living in that house up on the hill  
So if you feel like giving, friend I've got a jar to fill

I play guitar and I sing my songs in the sunshine  
Captain and Cokes and barroom jokes keep me feeling fine  
And there's always a stage and a beautiful babe to squeeze my lime  
In my simple way, guess you can say I'm living the big time

I'm having the time of my life  
No worries on my mind  
Everything's just fine

Today is even better than yesterday  
Everything is going my way  
I'm living the big time

And there's always a stage and beautiful babe to squeeze my lime  
In my simple way guess you could say  
I'm living in the big time

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, Prue, your kids ok?

Prue - over the speakers - Mine's asleep.

Piper - over the speakers - So are mine.

Leo - over the speakers; happily - Even Chris.

Piper - over the speakers - Shush. Before you wake him up.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Ok, ready for our new tune?

Paige - in the phone - YEAH!

Phoebe - over the speakers - I do believe it fits us.

Cole - over the speakers; looking at the record - Yep it sure does.

Music starts to play:

Well, I pulled out of Pittsburgh,  
Rollin' down the Eastern Seaboard.  
I've got my diesel wound up,  
And she's running like never before.  
There's a speed zone ahead, all right,  
I don't see a cop in sight.  
Six days on the road and I'm gonna make it home tonight.

I got ten forward gears,  
And a Georgia overdrive.  
I'm taking little white pills,  
And my eyes are open wide.  
I just passed a 'Jimmy' and a 'White':  
I've been passin' everything in sight.  
Six days on the road and I'm gonna make it home tonight.

Well, it seems like a month,  
Since I kissed my baby good-bye.  
I could have a lot of women,  
But I'm not like some other guys.  
I could find one to hold me tight,  
But I could never believe that it's right.  
Six days on the road and I'm gonna make it home tonight.

I.C.C. is checking on down the line.  
I'm a little overweight and my log's three days behind.  
But nothing bothers me tonight.  
I can dodge all the scales all right,  
Six days on the road and I'm gonna make it home tonight. 

Well my rig's a little old,  
But that don't mean she's slow.  
There's a flame from her stack,  
And the smoke's rolling black as coal.  
My hometown's coming in sight,  
If you think I'm happy your right.  
Six days on the road and I'm gonna make it home tonight.  
Six days on the road and I'm gonna make it home tonight.  
Six days on the road and I'm gonna make it home tonight.

Piper - over the speakers - Yep, but tomorrow.

Leo - over the speakers - For us.

Prue - over the speakers - Yeah. I like that one, is that Dudley Dave's version. I know it's not Sawyer Brown's.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah, it's Dudley Dave's version.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, I'm looking at my map on the computer, and I see that the route we'll be taking for I-64 is quite complicated. I got the computer out of the back last night. But, there is a much easier way. Leo, listen up. When you're coming up on St. Lewis, you'll see an exit for U.S. 40. take it; follow the road to the fork, then take the turn towards I-64. Piece of cake, right?

Leo - over the speakers - Cole, Richard, Andy, I'm pulling over.

Piper - over the speakers - What? Why?

Leo- over the speakers - You're driving. Give me straight roads, I'll drive; complicated is NOT my middle name. It's Del. Simple Del.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok. Richard, Cole, Andy; are you still driving?

Richard - in the phone - You're the leader, all I do is follow.

Cole - over the speakers - I couldn't have said it better.

Andy - over the speakers - Same here. I drive.

Prue - over the speakers - He's the driver. If he had his way I would never drive.

Andy - over the speakers - Yeah, I'm still working on making you a house wife.

Prue - over the speakers - Then you can be divorced.

Andy - over the speakers - Prue, have you forgot, I already am!

Prue - over the speakers - Don't remind me of your Ex.

Andy - over the speakers - Sorry.

Piper and Leo exchange seats.

Leo - over the speakers - That's better.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, Leo, you're the navigator.

Leo - over the speakers - Do I get to look at the map.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah… but not pass Kentucky.

Paige - in the phone - KENTUCKY!

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, but not for long. We will be out of here as soon as possible.

Paige - in the phone - Ok, but why can't you find a way around Kentucky.

Piper - over the speakers - Do you want to drive 10 days. it's faster and more convenient to go straight through.

Paige - in the phone - Ok, I'll deal.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Ok, so what is the routes for today?

Piper - over the speakers - I-70 for a piece, U.S. 40, then I-64. Four states: Missouri, Indiana, Illinois, Kentucky. We're eating at Barrett and Owingsville. We change time Zones again today.

Paige - in the phone - Why did the states end at Kentucky?

Piper - over the speakers - It's ok, Paige, you'll be fine.

Prue - over the speakers - What place does the time zone change?

Piper - over the speakers - Selvin, Indiana.

Prue - over the speakers - Thank you.

Leo - over the speakers - Ok, we're 20 miles away from U.S. 40.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, so we've got three more exit's until that exit. Paige, Phoebe, Prue, anyone; hungry, thirsty, bathroom, gas? Speak now or forever hold your peace unit I-64.we are not getting off at St. Lewis.

Paige - in the phone - Why not?

Piper - over the speakers - We'll never find the road.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Good reason.

Paige - in the phone - Like I said earlier, I'm good.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Me, too.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, you've got two more exits to say something.

Leo - over the speakers - Then the turn off.

Phoebe - over the speakers - So, one more exit.

Piper - over the speakers - Need something?

Phoebe - over the speakers - No, I'm just counting down to the exit we are exiting,

Piper - over the speakers; while they pass the last exit - The next one. Eyes open everyone, about 3 miles.

They exit at the proper exit.

_ U.S. Route 40 _

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, the next complicated matter is the fork.

Leo - over the speakers - Yeah, I see that.

Piper - over the speakers - That's all you're seeing, right.

Leo - over the speakers - Yes, _dear_.

Piper - over the speakers - Thought so

Leo looks at the routes and compliments:

Leo - over the speakers - I like it this away.

Piper - over the speakers - Thought so.

Leo, In car # 1; while Piper is busy driving, looks ahead in the map on the computer. He sees what she spoke of earlier: the interstates, the states, the routes everything. Morehead is circled in red, and the route they are taking is highlighted in yellow. He continues to look up the map, and finds out where they are going. He about drops the computer.

Piper - over the speakers - Leo, what's wrong?

Leo - over the speakers - Your taking us to…

Piper switches off the cell phone momentarily.

Richard - in the phone - Did her phone go dead?

Andy - over the speakers - No, she turned it off. Leo found out and was about to say where.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Darn.

Piper's phone switches on. She turns the fork towards I-64.

Piper - over the speakers; quickly - Turn here. - back to normal - I told you not to look ahead.

Leo - over the speakers - I know, ma'am.

Piper - over the speakers - And I told you that you wouldn't like it.

Leo - over the speakers - Yes, and I know, ma'am

Piper - over the speakers - And if you tell your little buddies, you lose two of you closer friends.

Richard - in the phone - Don't do it, man!

Leo - over the speakers - I won't.

Paige - in the phone - Phoebe do you have something to do with speed.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah, the song.

Paige - in the phone - What?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Montgomery Gentry's Speed.

Paige - in the phone -You're kidding.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Nope.

Paige - in the phone - Man, I'm lucky.

Music starts to play, while her sisters laugh at Paige's comment.

I'm tired of spinning my wheels  
I need to find a place where my heart can go to heal  
I need to get there pretty quick  
Hey, mister, what you got out on that lot  
You can sell me in a pinch  
Maybe one of them supped-up muscle cars  
The kind that makes you think you're stronger than you are  
Color don't matter, no, I don't need leather seats  
All that really concerns me is

Speed  
How fast will it go  
Can it get me over her quickly, zero to sixty  
Can it outrun her memory  
Yeah, what I really need is an open road  
And a whole lot of speed

I'd like to trade in this old truck  
Cuz it makes me think of her and then just slows me up  
See, it's the first place we made love  
Where we used to sit and talk on the tailgate all night long  
But now she's gone  
And I need to move on  
So give me

Speed  
How fast will it go  
Can it get me over her quickly, zero to sixty  
Can it outrun her memory  
Yeah, what I really need is an open road  
And a whole lot of speed

Throw me them keys so I can put some miles between us  
Tear off that rearview mirror, there's nothing left to see  
Let me lean on that gas cuz she catches up fast  
So give me

Speed  
How fast will it go  
Can it get me over her quickly, zero to sixty  
Can it outrun her memory  
Yeah, what I really need is an open road  
And a whole lot of speed  
That's what I need

I'm tired of spinnin' my wheels  
I'm tired of spinnin' my wheels

Paige - over the speakers - That does it, just not our story, right.- she laughs -

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, but it has the same meaning. Man, I wish I'd get there already.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Me too.

Piper - over the speakers - Say goodbye to Missouri and hello Illinois.

Chris - over the speakers - Hi, bye.

Piper - over the speakers - Is he asleep or… am I dreaming?

Phoebe - over the speakers - You best not be dreaming, your driving.

Paige - in the phone - She's using sarcasm. Remember that genre.

Leo - over the speakers - Phoebe, do you have Take Me Home, Country Roads?

Andy Laughs.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah, wanna hear it?

Leo-over the speakers - Yes.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Ok.

Music starts to play:

Almost heaven West Virginia  
Blue Ridge Mountains  
Shenandoah River.   
Life is old there  
Older than the trees  
Younger than the mountains  
Growin' like a breeze.

Country roads take me home  
To the place where I belong:  
West Virginia mountain momma  
Take me home country roads.

All my memories gathered 'round her  
Miner's lady stranger to blue water.  
Dark and dusty painted on the sky,  
Misty taste of moonshine,  
Teardrop in my eye.

Country roads, take me home  
To the place I belong:  
West Virginia, mountain momma,  
Take me home, country roads.

I hear her voice, in the mornin' hour she calls me,   
Radio reminds me of my home far away  
And driving down the road I get a feeling  
I should have been home yesterday, yesterday 

Country roads, take me home  
To the place where I belong:   
West Virginia, mountain momma,  
Take me home, country roads

Paige - in the phone - Can we catch a plane back to San Francisco?

Piper - over the speakers - No, we're 586 miles away from our _new_ house, Paige.

Paige - in the phone; near tears - But I don't want to live in our new home, I wanna go back to the manor!

Richard - in the phone - She's homesick.

Prue - over the speakers - Now you guys listen to me!

Richard - in the phone - Hey, Phoebe, do you have Tennessee River Run?

Phoebe - over the speakers - No, I don't. That's on his I Miss My Friend album.

Prue - over the speakers - But I do.

Richard - in the phone - Would you play it?

Prue - over the speakers - I'd be honored.

Music starts to play:

Worked all week, got it all done  
Let's make a Tennessee River run

Hey everybody, I think the time is right  
Let's get together down where the catfish bite  
Cooped up all winter waitin' on a day like this  
It's the way I feel when I'm rockin' on the water  
Baby that I can't resist

BBQ grill, summertime jam  
Just a mile above the Pickwick dam  
Party on the water, whole lotta fun  
Time to make a Tennessee River run

I'll get my bass boat, crank up your party barge  
We'll drop these anchors out where the big boats are  
Break out a cooler, pass out some ice cold beer  
Look at all the people out here on the water  
Man I can't believe we're here

Swingin' on a rope, gonna have a ball  
Jumpin' off the Yellow Creek waterfall  
Checking out the honeys baking in the sun  
God bless a Tennessee River run

Doo-doo-n-dee-dee  
Oh what a weekend, we've had some time to play  
I should be leavin' tomorrow's a work week day  
I just might call in, tell 'em that I can't get home  
Does anybody else want to stay a little longer  
Or am I gonna be alone?

Floatin' on a tube, gonna weigh a ton  
Cajun sausage on a hot dog bun  
BBQ grill, summertime jam  
Just a mile above the Pickwick dam

Party on the water, whole lotta fun  
Time to make a Tennessee River run

Doo-doo-n-dee-dee

Nothing like a Tennessee River run  
I love a Tennessee River run  
Whoop up a Tennessee River run

Paige - in the phone - Ok, that makes me feel a little better.

Richard - in the phone - Yep, I still got it.

_ Time Lapse _

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, guys, we're coming up on Barrett.

Paige - in the phone - That's good.

Phoebe - over the speakers - I'm starved!

Paige - in the phone - You should've brought a fridge.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Where is it at, in your car?

Richard - in the phone - Her feet.

Prue - over the speakers - Goodness, I guess she won't get hungry.

Paige - in the phone - That way, if our motel is in Kentucky, I'll be fine.

Richard - in the phone - Your not staying in the car when we have a motel.

Paige - in the phone - If it's in Kentucky, yes I will. I will not place one foot of these Californian feet on Kentucky soil.

Piper - over the speakers - You're gonna stay in the car for 170 miles?

Paige - in the phone - If it comes to it, yes.

Phoebe - over the speakers - What about eating, using the bathroom; things like that. You gotta pee sometimes.

Paige - in the phone - I'll pee in West Virginia.

Piper - over the speakers; lowly - You have no idea how right you are. - back to normal - How do you know we are going to west Virginia?

Paige - in the phone - Well, that's the only excuse. You said it was the fastest way, so the only state we could go to would be West Virginia by going straight through. I just can't get why your going to Charleston, but we're arriving to our new home in less than 600 miles.

Piper - over the speakers - Huh? You're just gonna have to find out.

Paige - in the phone - Unless… nah.

Phoebe - over the speakers - We are aren't we. We're moving to…

Piper - over the speakers - AT! Some people haven't found out.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Ohio?

Piper - over the speakers - Shew! Your one of them.

Phoebe - over the speakers - What, did you think I was gonna say West Virginia? I know you Piper, you wouldn't do that to us or yourself.

Prue - over the speakers - Oh, I get it now!

Andy - over the speakers - You do.

Prue - over the speakers - Yeah. I know where we're going.

Andy - over the speakers - Where?

Prue - over the speakers - Hold on. - her cell phone cuts off -

Piper - over the speakers - PRUE! Prudence May Halliwell Trudeau!

Prue's cell phone turns on.

Prue - over the speakers - Ok, we're back.

Andy - over the speakers - She knows.

Piper - over the speakers - Four down and four to go.

Phoebe - over the speakers - So tell us.

Prue - over the speakers - No, she is right. We would not stay, we would run.

Leo - over the speakers - Trust me, I want to run.

Piper - over the speakers - I was the same way. I thought of the one place we would never go and they would never think we would go and looked for a big place that was safe. It has a fence all the way around it. It has a lot of rooms and it is remote. It has a lot of land and it was cheap. Cheap for land that is.

Leo - over the speakers - But we know nothing about living like this.

Piper - over the speakers - Say bye to Illinois and hi to Indiana.

Chris - over the speakers - Hi, bye.

Leo - over the speakers; looking back - He is awake.

Chris - over the speakers - Mommy, thirsty.

Piper - over the speakers - We will be pulling into lunch in about two minutes. Can you wait sweetie?

Chris - over the speakers - Um-hun.

Leo - over the speakers - Wyatt, buddy, wake up. It is almost time to eat.

Wyatt - over the speakers - Ok.

They pull off on the exit. They found a Pizza Hut, ordered and set down and started to eat. No one was around and the employees were here and there.

Prue - Ok, so where is this place at Piper?

Piper - You will see. You know the state and that is enough.

Phoebe - Let us know the state.

Piper - No, find something else to talk about.

Patricia - What about your grandkids?

Piper - What about our kids and grandkids?

Leo - Yeah.

Richard - Love to know more.

Paige - Like the name of our _new_ kids.

Phoebe - More about the future family.

Cole - More about everything.

Andy - Tell us Patricia.

Patricia - Ok, Chris didn't know but from him we found out a lot of stuff. Like Aunt Paige was going to have another set of twins this time. All together she has 5 new kids plus Connie. We got Connor but not Connie. We didn't get Courtney back last time either. We knew all about: Me, Andy, Jr., Melissa, Mickie, Mickey, April, Ann, Annie, Alice, Penny, Alan, Wyatt, Chris, Chase, Prudence, Melinda, Chastity, Taylor, Collin, Courtney, Prue, Mel, Cole, Jr., Fin, Pheebs, Charlotte, Brianna, Bel, Connie, Connor, Melody, Jessie, Jamie, Jenny, Richey, and Roxie. But what he didn't know about was, Teddy, Tiffiney and Tracey from Mom and Dad; Lucy, John, Kathey and Leo, Jr. from Aunt Piper and Uncle Leo; Benjamin, Kim and Victoria from Aunt Phoebe and Uncle Cole; Samantha, Sammie, Loretta, Lorrana and Raven from Aunt Paige and Uncle Richard.

Paige - Wow, that's quite a load.

Prue - Sweetie, it's really scary that you know all that.

Patricia - No, what's really scary is _that_.- pointing to Andy, Jr. with pizza all over his face -

Andy, Jr. - mouth full of pizza - What?

Prue - No, sweetie, don't talk with your mouth full. Chew.

Piper - while feeding Chris - Prue, are you ok, sweetie.

Prue - Yeah, I'm just like you guys. Tired of this trip.

Piper - I know.

Paige - Just thinking though, tomorrow we will be home.

Prue - I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

Piper - Yeah it is. I can tell already. We're more country than we think.

Phoebe - What does that mean?

Piper - Well, think of our actions. We are more country than city. Trust me, this place is nothing we, the mighty Charmed Ones, can't handle.

Cole, Patricia, Andy, Jr. and Connor - No, Quartettes.

Piper, Prue, Paige and Leo - Huh?

Cole - You're the Quartettes. Phoebe, you remember. The scroll.

Phoebe - felling embarrassed - Oh, right.

Piper, Paige, Prue and Leo - What are you talking about?

Phoebe - Well, we're four powerful sisters that one is given up for adoption: Paige. One is thought to be dead: Prue. Then, when the one is ready to come back, the one that was given up for adoption dies in an epic attack: Paige. I didn't know until Chris came back.

Cole - I told you.

Phoebe - And I didn't believe you, I'm sorry.

Cole - Does this mean that Chris is L.C.?

Phoebe - clamping her hand to her mouth - Oh my god. He is.

Cole - See why I laughed.

Piper - What does that mean? L.C.?

Phoebe - My hero. The best evil Overlord ever.

Piper - Then, it's not Chris. He came back to stop one Overlord from too much power, not to take over and became a tyrant himself, remember.

Phoebe - No, that's not what I mean. He's not evil any more, he returned. He WAS the best evil Overlord. He turned because of the death of his family: Mother, Father, Aunts and one Uncle.

Cole - Yeah I was left behind.

Piper - Do what?

Phoebe - A elder named Josh killed you, Leo, Paige, Richard and me.

Prue - What about me?

Phoebe - You weren't there.

Prue - So I lived.

Phoebe - For four years, then You, Andy, Cole and Dad was killed.

Prue - Dad, I wish I could see him again.

Piper - Maybe we should have brought him.

Prue - NO, God no. He'd die in this place.

Piper - Yeah, you're right.

Prue - Of course I'm right.

Piper - Stop being cocky.

Phoebe - She can't, that's where Chris gets it from.

Paige - Hey, maybe we should keep her away from him.

Piper - No, that's just cruel.

Andy - Anyway, the place where he'll be growing up. It will make him that. That place is not just peace and wild flowers.

Piper - What does that mean. The theme of the state is "Almost Heaven." - Phoebe gasp. - Ok, five down, and three to go.

Richard - Six.

Cole - Do you mean that I'm the only one who doesn't know.

Paige - No, I don't.

Phoebe - Piper Lynn Halliwell-Wyatt, this car is turning into the nearest airport and flying home.

Cole - Oh no you're not.

Piper - Oh, is that right.

Phoebe - Yes it is. I am not going to a place where Mountain Lions is an everyday thing.

Piper - Oh yes, you are.

Phoebe - SO help me, Piper, if I get eaten by a Mountain Lion, I'm haunting your ass.

Andy - They are there, but it is very rare for one to interfere with a person.

Paige - Could someone tell me where we're going? Give me a hint. Please.

Leo - We've been giving them all day.

Paige - Not good enough.

Piper - No, you will find out on your own missy. Leo's in some big trouble.

Cole - C'mon, Piper, give us a hint.

Piper - No, find out on your own!

Cole - Ok, but I can tell we're going to have fun with this place.

Piper - We'll think demons were party favors.

Leo - Cole, Andy, Richard; anyone know how to start a chain saw?

Piper - We'll get one of those book: How to operate a chain saw for dummies.

Leo - sarcastically - Oh, thanks.

Piper - No, that's for me. I think we should either get a riding lawnmower or a tractor. I'm not sure yet.

Andy - More likely a tractor. That place is filled with grass and forests.

Leo - It sure is. And you don't have to go to a park to get one.

Piper - Or pay a fee.

Paige - Is it Yellowstone National Park?

Piper - No, sweetie, it's a state nearby and besides, we've already passed Yellowstone National Park. It's in Wyoming.

Phoebe - Why didn't we stop there?

Piper - It's at the border of Wyoming and Idaho, towards the top of the state. We entered and exited at the bottom.

Phoebe - Oh.

Prue - Are you guys ready?

Piper - Yeah, I think we should. I want to make it home if at all possible.

Paige - NO, new home. Home is 3 thousand miles away. The Manor.

Piper - Paige, we'll make our new manor. The Manor is history.

Prue - Yeah, our history.

Phoebe - Guys this is pointless, all we do when we fight is make us more behind schedule. We got a late start, so that's an extra hour tomorrow and arrive around noon, the latest. Did that ever occur to you?

Piper - No, actually it didn't.

Phoebe - You time measured it for a full day's drive. All we got on day 1 was 5 hours. So we will probably finish up that extra hour tomorrow and arrive around noon, the latest.

Piper - If we're still on the road by tomorrow, we're leaving awful early tomorrow.

Cole - Why don't we drive though the night. Ya know, a all nighter.

Piper - sarcastic - Huh, a all nighter with 2 pregnant women, 9 kids and 8 very tired adults. I wonder why not?

Cole - Ok, sorry, you're right.

Piper - Ok, lets go.

They gather their kids and go to their cars. They secure their kids, switch drivers and buckle up. After everything is secured, they pull out of Pizza Hut in Barrett, Indiana.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, next stop is Owingsville, Kentucky.

Paige - in the phone - Why?

Piper - over the speakers - We're eating there.

Paige - in the phone - Have a nice meal, I'll eat junk food.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Paige.

Paige - in the phone - Nope, I'm not putting these feet in Kentucky soil. I've already told you.

Richard - in the phone - So you'll eat candy bars instead of having something warm to eat and cold to drink?

Paige - in the phone; without hesitation - Yep.

Leo - over the speakers - Please tell me we'll be staying in West Virginia.

Piper - over the speakers - I can't. We'll be stopping in Morehead, Kentucky.

Phoebe - over the speakers - What, Kentucky?

Piper - over the speakers - Morehead. I thought it was strange too.

Paige - in the phone - Everything about Kentucky is strange.

Piper - over the speakers - Not everything. The Kentucky derby.

Paige - in the phone - They race horses, instead of…

Connie - in the phone - Ride one.

Paige - in the phone - OWN them or love them. That's just cruel.

Piper - over the speakers - Good God.

Leo - over the speakers - Ok, Piper, I'm speeding up. Let's roll.

The four cars, hoping for some good luck, keep trucking on down the line.

15 Minutes

Piper - over the speakers; looking at her cell phone's display timer - Guys, we're now in eastern time.

Paige - in the phone - Cool. So this is the one we'll be in.

Piper - over the speakers - Yep.

Phoebe - over the speakers - That is gonna be difficult, too difficult, to adjust to. They are three hours ahead of us. It's now 12:30, so back home it's 9:30.

Paige - in the phone - Are you telling me I had… pizza at 9:30.

Connor - in the phone - What's wrong with that?

Paige - in the phone - You've never had your Aunt Piper's eggs.

Piper - over the speakers - Soon. Then I get the favorite Aunt award.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah, right.

Paige - in the phone - That means that we ate at 5:00 this morning.

Piper - over the speakers - No, you ate at 6:00. We ate in the central zone.

Paige -in the speakers - I think I'm gonna be sick.- every car pulls over - For god sake, not really.

They get back on the interstate.

Piper - over the speakers - Don't joke about that! Do you remember when I was pregnant with Wyatt and Chris was just horrible.

Leo - over the speakers - I'm sorry I wasn't there.

Piper - over the speakers - It was not your fault.

Prue - over the speakers - Oh yeah, he went up there to be a full time elder when you were pregnant with Chris.

Leo - over the speakers - Afraid so. Worst mistake of my lifetime. I let _Gideon_ talk me into it.

Prue - over the speakers - Not your fault. You were a victim.

Paige - in the phone - Not as big as Chris.

Piper - over the speakers - Will you guys stop! Are you guys trying to throw my husband over the edge.

Leo - over the speakers - It's not me that you're protecting, and you know it Piper. Admit it.

Piper - over the speakers; tearing up - It's just…I don't want to talk about him either. He died. He left us. Leave him there!

Paige - in the phone - He didn't choose to die, Piper.

Piper - over the speakers - Yes he did! Damnit! He knew he was gonna die. He told me and then he dusted me with some kind of powder that I could only remember if he was one, dead or so bad his magic wouldn't last. He was moments away from dying, and I remembered! I felt his last breath. So if he wants to give up, let him! End of subject!

Everyone falls silent, allowing a grieving mother the silence she needed.

_ Time Lapse _

It has been a long day for the group and now they are in Paige's worse state. She don't know why but she has always disliked this state. She has done nothing but complain about everything. They have been in Kentucky for about one hour and they have made a single stop and she made them fill up and get her some more snacks before they entered the state. They have talked to her about stopping and staying in Morehead but she will not allow it. She is in the passenger seat and Richard is driving. She is looking out the window and something catches her eye. That is when she starts to talk.

Paige - in the phone - Is it me or is that grass blue?

Leo - over the speakers - That is why they call it The Bluegrass State.

Paige - in the phone - No, it is because that is where they came up with bluegrass.

Leo - over the speakers - No Paige, they play it but the saying Kentucky is The Bluegrass State is because of their _blue_ grass.

Paige - in the phone - But, how can their grass be blue, when the rest of the country's green.

Leo - over the speakers - I don't know for sure, but the music 'Bluegrass' originated in West Virginia. It was originally called Hillbilly Music.

Paige - in the phone - Huh!

Piper - over the speakers - Not even I knew that.

Phoebe - over the speakers - I did.

Prue - over the speakers - I thought that was what it was, but I wasn't sure.

Leo - over the speakers - Yes, it was the Hillbilly Music until Bill Monroe came and started to call it Bluegrass music. Ya know how Elvis was the King of Rock and Roll, Bill Monroe was the King of Bluegrass.

Paige - in the phone - Huh!

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, we're 60 miles from Morehead. 170 miles away from our new home. Do we drive all the way through, or stop at Morehead.

Prue - over the speakers - I say pull over.

Andy - over the speakers - Me too.

Leo - over the speakers - Pull over.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Pull over.

Cole - over the speakers - Yeah, pull over.

Paige - in the phone - Drive straight through.

Richard - in the phone - Pull over.

Piper - over the speakers - Sorry, Paige, 6 out of seven. You lose, we're pulling over.

Paige - in the phone - Then I'll be sleeping in the car.

Piper - over the speakers - We'll be seeing about that.

Paige - in the phone - I guess we will.

Piper - over the speakers - We're 55 miles away from Owingsville. Do we eat there or find something in Morehead?

Prue, Andy, Leo, Phoebe, Cole and Richard - in the phone; over the speakers - We eat there.

Paige - in the phone; at the same time as the others - Eat in West Virginia.

Piper - over the speakers - Paige, you will eat and sleep in Kentucky.

Phoebe - over the speakers - I need some gas, can we pull off.

Cole - over the speakers - But your only down to ¾ a tank.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah, but to save money, we fill up on the half tank, but I'm just doing it early

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, now that you mention it, I need some too.

Prue - over the speakers - I might as well.

Paige - in the phone - Richard, will you fill up?

Richard - in the phone - If I want us to make it home, I'll have too.

Leo - over the speakers - You know…you do know how to fill up a gas tank?

Richard - in the phone - Yes, Leo, I know how to fill up a gas tank. I filled up my own gas and mowed my own lawn.

Leo - over the speakers - Sorry, I had to ask.

Richard - in the phone - I know.

They exit.

Cole - over the speakers - Why?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Cole, meet Richard Montana.

Cole - over the speakers - Oh.

Richard - in the phone - Yes, I'm the Millionaire, Richard Franklin Montana.

Paige - in the phone - Franklin?

Richard - in the phone - Yeah, blame Mom.

Paige - in the phone - Why, it's adorable.

Connor - in the phone - Yeah, but Richey don't like Richard either, but that's a whole other story.

Richard - in the phone - Oh, goodness, I get a Junior.

Patricia - over the speakers - They all do except Aunt Piper.

Andy, Jr. - over the speakers - Remember, Pat, she gets one this time-line.

Patricia - over the speakers - Right. You actually remember. And, call me Pat again and I'll kick your rear!

Andy, Jr. - over the speakers - I'll try.

Andy - over the speakers - Ok, so we're stopping at Morehead, but eating at Owingsville. What's up with that? We usually eat at the same place we sleep.

Piper - over the speakers - Well, I have this feeling I should stop at Owingsville to eat. I'm guessing that there is nothing but hamburgers at Morehead.

Leo - over the speakers - I doubt it, I'm guessing Morehead is big, considering that there was a lot of brown around the city, which indicates large cities.

Andy - over the speakers - It's not large, but it's not small either.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, there must be something gonna happen. I'm just trusting my instincts.

Richard - in the phone - Especially since the week we've had.

Piper - over the speakers - You're right.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah, we've had one rotten week.

Andy - over the speakers - No, it's normal.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, and it stinks that we're one now.

Phoebe - over the speakers - I could second that.

Prue - over the speakers - I miss witchcraft dearly.

Patricia - over the speakers - And you want to strip our powers.

Andy, Jr.- over the speakers - Yeah, and I still can't believe you guys.

Piper - over the speakers - It's not like we want you to have no powers. We do, really; but it's too dangerous. - they pull in to the gas station and get what they wanted. After everything that is needed is completed they drive straight to Owingsville. Once they arrive there, they get Tacos again. Paige refuses to go inside, so they drive over to the parking lot and eat. Once everyone finishes, they take off. A piece down the interstate, they and the traffic come to a halt. - Shoot! - after a moment of pondering her choices - Leo, get my laptop out. - Leo grabs her laptop - Leo. Pull up the map. It should have Owingsville on it.

He does.

Leo - over the speakers - Ok, got it.

Piper - over the speakers - Alright, find a route to Morehead.

Leo looks though, considering his possibilities. Once he finds one that suits him, he announces it.

Leo - over the speakers - Piper, there is a road ahead, U.S.60. Take it once you get there.

Piper - over the speakers - And it goes straight to Morehead?

Leo - over the speakers - You bet.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, girls, did you hear that.

Prue - over the speakers - Loud and clear.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Lead the way.

Richard - in the phone - I'm right behind you.

Phoebe - over the speakers - No we are.

Richard - in the phone - Sorry.

Leo - over the speakers - Be careful, it's really down pouring out there.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, it is.

Phoebe - over the speakers - How much further?

Piper - over the speakers - Less than a mile. But, mileage doesn't count. How fast the traffic moves does.

Phoebe - over the speakers - I know that. But we need to know what exit.

Piper - over the speakers - The next one.

Paige - in the phone - I don't want to be here! Find me an air port and I'll meet you in Charleston!

Piper - over the speakers - Paige, grow up, will ya! You've been in hell, literally; you can't get any worse then that!

Phoebe - over the speakers - Piper, get a grip! She don't like it! Leave her alone.

The traffic moves a bit. The girls move up to the line.

Piper - over the speakers - Just shut up, Phoebe.

Prue - over the speakers - Piper Lynn, don't you use that kind of tone to any of us!

The traffic moves up again.

Cole - over the speakers; noticing a pattern - Hey, every time they start to argue, the traffic moves. Keep it up, girls.

Phoebe - over the speakers - We are not arguing! Just having an conversation.

Richard - in the phone - Your arguing about having an argument.

Paige - in the phone - We're not arguing.

Leo - over the speakers - Whatever.

Piper - over the speakers - It looks like you're having an argument.

Andy - over the speakers - Keep it going. Were almost there.

Prue - over the speakers - Oh goodness, we are.

The traffic stops again.

Piper - over the speakers - We should have continued to argue.

_ Time Lapse _

It's been ten minutes and the girls are one car away from the exit.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Get on the shoulder, pass him up!

Piper - over the speakers - No, I'm gonna help someone. - she gets out of her car. She walks up to the next car, the car that's between her and the exit. - Excuse me. I'm sorry to cut in like this, but I was wondering where you were going?

Driver - Uh, sorry lady, I don't pickup hitchhikers.

Piper - Oh no, I'm not a hitchhiker.

Driver -OR bums.

Piper - No, I was just offering some friendly tips. There is a road, the one right next to you actually, that leads to Morehead. If your heading that way, it could help you pass up this traffic, or you can pull over to a motel for the night.

Driver - Morehead, huh, does it connect back to this interstate.

Piper - Yes, sir.

Driver - Thanks!

Piper - No, thank you! - she walks back other car and puts her seat belt on just when the driver pulls into the exit. Back in the car, over the speakers - Bingo!

Leo - over the speakers - What did you do? 

Piper - over the speakers - I told him about this exit.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Go, Go!

Piper also turns into the exit.

Paige - in the phone - I'm not getting out.

Richard - in the phone - Yes you will, missy! Not only do you have two small children in the car, you have two embryos you're pregnant with! You're gonna get some rest if I have to carry you.

Paige - in the phone - Ha, I'd like to see you try.

_ Time Lapse _

It focus on the girls. Leo and Piper are carrying the boys in. Phoebe and Cole are carrying their kids in. Andy and Prue are carrying one and walking two of their kids in. Then it focus on Richard carrying Conner in, with Paige sitting firmly in her car, feet firmly on the floor, still in her seatbelt; watching Connie, who is asleep.

Paige - Your Step-Daddy thanks I'm going in there. He's wrong.

Richard returns, grabs Connie and walks back to the motel. Then he walks back to the car.

Richard - Last time, Paige, come with me willingly, or I carry you. - Paige places her feet more firmly. - So be it.

Richard bends over Paige, unbuckles her seatbelt, places his arm around her shoulders and under her knees. Unwillingly, fighting and kicking, he carries Paige into the motel room.

Paige - panting - I hate you! I want a divorce.

Richard - smiling - Request denied. I will never let you go. You are stuck with me. Besides, we're not married yet. You can't get divorced if we're not married! - they laugh as he places her softly on the bed - And Paige, just think of this as a pre-honeymoon.

Paige - But in Kentucky!

Richard laughs.

Richard - Oh Paige.

Paige - I lied.

Richard - Oh, about what?

Paige - I don't hate you, I love you.

_ Piper and Leo's Room _

We hear water running in the background as Leo places Chris in his bassinet between the beds. Wyatt is asleep on the bed on the left, protected by cushions. Leo sits down on the bed and turns on the TV. He starts to flip through the channels, not finding anything worthy of watching. Finally, Leo finds a local channel stating a nasty wreck on I-64 between Owingsville and Morehead.

Leo - Hey, Piper! The traffic jam is on the news!

Piper - I'M IN THE BATHTUB! TURN IT UP!

Leo does. Then he thinks of calling the girls. He picks up the telephone and calls the main desk.

Leo - Yes, I would like to be connected to a party line… rooms 30, 21 and 14... Thank you, Paige, hey it's Leo. Phoebe, hey it's Leo. Prue, yeah, Leo. Listen, girls, turn on your TV's to channel 9. Yeah, a car hydroplaned. Ok, bye. - he hangs up -

_ TV _

Reporter on Scene - Yes, we had a bad pile up. A Simi truck turned over on it's side on west bound after a car hydroplaned and the Simi crashed on the east bound. It hit another rig and pushed 5 cars into the ridge. But, however, this was not the problem. The two rigs were hauling pigs and cows and they got a lose. The roads are still hazardous. They are trying to gather them up, but these cows and pigs aren't ready for the slaughterhouse just quite yet. Road workers say they don't know when the mess will be cleaned up.

Reporter at Base - Were there any injuries?

Reporter on Scene - They said they were minor injuries but no fatal injuries.

Reporter at Base - Well, that sure is good news.

_ Motel Room _

Piper comes out in her robe, drying her hair.

Piper - A car hydroplaned! That was what that was about. That was why we're only 110 miles away from our new home, but we're spending the night here instead of Ghent.

Leo - Is that the name of the city where we're living.

Piper - No, I don't know that one. We was supposed to stay at Ghent tonight and meet Roger tomorrow.

Leo - Roger?

Piper - Our Realtor.

Leo - Oh. So, we still have time.

Piper - 2:00 P.M. tomorrow.

Leo - Ut oh.

Piper - We should get there around 11:00 A.M. But, the way our luck has been going. I'll say midnight.

Leo - It's not that bad.

Piper looks at Leo.

Piper - Phoebe and Cole had a dipper, we all got a four hour delay, Paige and Richard ran out of gas, Prue and Andy got chased by a highway patrol officer and got in trouble with that Albert Lewis con; which Andy got her out of both; you and I lost Chris and Wyatt and now we're a day behind schedule, 110 miles from home, caught between Owingsville and here in a wreck where cows and pigs are farming around and you say it ain't that bad!

Leo - Piper, look at the good thing! Paige and Phoebe are pregnant, you found Prue, Cole and Andy. Paige and Phoebe have been reunited with there future husbands and their kids, and finally were a family.

Piper - See, your sentence was shorter that mine.

Leo - So.

Piper - Um-huh.

Leo - What?

Piper - More bad happened than good.

Leo - Maybe, but the things I'm mentioning are greater in capacity than yours. Who cares if the bad was outnumbering the good. The good always wins. Haven't I taught you anything. Didn't the Avatars teach you anything. I know they did me. Good may be outnumbered, but it's the bad that loses. Good can't be out sold. Everything happens for a reason and although I'm not sure what that reason may be yet, but know that fate has his way of saying" Your destiny has not been fulfilled, yet."

Piper - Leo.

Leo -Yeah.

Piper - Shut up.

Leo - What?

Piper - You heard me. Shut up. We won't make it in time, ya know. Everything bad has happened and it was supposed to be flawless.

Leo - Well, you just need to know how to make a life perfect.

Piper - What does that mean?

Leo - turning off the lights and getting in bed - That's up to you. Now, goodnight.

Piper - Goodnight.

_ Dream _

Piper is in a unfamiliar place. Trees, mountains, creeks and then something familiar. Her family. Prue was there, but the place stayed the same: a house, plain, ordinary house with nothing in it. Then Andy, same. Patricia, Andy, Jr., Melissa, Phoebe, Cole, Collin, Courtney, Paige, Richard, Connie and Connor! Not one of them can make the vacant house a home. Then Leo steps in and the house turns to the color and siding of the manor, but still not a home. Wyatt and Chris puts the windows and door of the manor on the house. It's looks like the outside, but the shape is something else. Then everyone disappears and future Chris appears and the house changes to the manor. Everything about the house has changed and it now is the manor as she remembers. But the land and surrounds are the same: unfamiliar, then, with future Chris still there, everyone reappears. Everything changes. Now, in her mind, Prescott street is in this magical forest. Her family is complete. The solution to making a life perfect.

_ End of Dream _

Piper - walking up and softly - That's it. I have to summon future Chris and bound his powers. The perfect life.


	7. Something Wild This Way Comes, Day 7

A/N: Welcome back and I hope you enjoy this chapter. This is in fact the chapter where some major discoveries are made. I hope you all have a wonderful Labor Day, read on:

Day 7 of Mission: Moving

Monday, May 23, 2005

Car # 4

5:30. The alarm goes off in Piper's room. She wakes up the same time as Leo. She stretches and walks to the bathroom. She takes a shower and gets dressed.

Piper - walking into the room where the beds are at - Leo, clean up the boys and get them ready, ok.

Leo - This early?

Piper - Chomp, chomp. We've got an interstate to catch at 6:10 AM.

She walks out.

Prue's Room

Piper knocks on Prue's door. A few minutes later, Prue answers the door.

Prue - Sorry. Andy and I were giving Andy, Jr. the no-no word.

Piper - No-no word?

Prue - whispering - B-A-T-H. Bath.

Piper - Oh. We're leaving at 6:10.

Prue - Oh no. Phoebe.

Piper - Yeah. But she isn't the problem. Paige is.

Prue - Yeah, I've noticed she's not a morning person either.

Piper - Yeah. I'm waking her up now.

Prue - May the force be with you.

Piper - Thanks.

She walks away.

Paige's Room

Piper knocks on Paige's door. About 30 seconds later, Richard answers.

Richard - She's been up since 4.

Piper - shocked - No way.

Paige - coming out behind Richard - Nope, I've been wanting out of this state since we entered it.

Piper laughs.

Piper - How does 6:10 sound?

Paige - Good enough.

Piper leaves.

Phoebe's Room

Piper knocks on Phoebe's door. Phoebe opens the door and Piper is met by the sound of country music.

Piper - What's that?

Phoebe - WJLS. It's a station in Beckley, WV.

Piper - What's the dial numbers.

Phoebe - 99.5 fm.

Piper - Do you have any more songs?

Phoebe - No, that's why I was looking for a station… besides…

Piper - Yeah.

Phoebe - So, what time we leavin'?

Piper - 6:10.

Phoebe - Ok, see ya in a bit!

Piper - OK.

She leaves.

Piper's Room

Leo - You're back. Wyatt orbed out of the tub and now he's under the bed.

Piper - I'll get him. - she walks over to the bed, gets down on her knees and starts to talk to Wyatt - Hey baby, come on out.

Wyatt - in baby talk - Neau.

Piper - Come on baby. Out of there.

Wyatt - NO!

Piper - WYATT MATTHEW HALLIWELL! Now! - Wyatt's orbs fill his Mommy's arms - That a boy.

Leo - Ya see, I just don't have it. He laughed.

Piper - What about Chris?

Leo - Bathed and asleep once again.

Piper - Good.

Leo - So, we leaving at 6:10 ya say.

Piper - Yeah.

Leo - Great. I'm taking a nap. - he yawns and lays back -

Piper - Good for you. I'm watching the news. - Wyatt giggles - After I give him a bath. - he sighs -

Time Lapse

The girls left Morehead at 6:10 am as planed. They filled up the gas at Morehead and planned to eat at McDonalds there as well. But no luck, the drive through was filled from speaker to enter. The parking lot was filled and there was no way.

Piper - over the speakers - We'll eat at the next stop.

They start towards the interstate and that's when they realized why it was so crowded. There was a detour going through. Phoebe's car starts slowly towards the interstate and that's when, out of nowhere, a chicken flies out of the bushes. Phoebe screams, but maintains control.

Cole - over the speakers - Are you ok, Phoebe?

Phoebe - over the speakers; shaken - Yeah.

Piper - over the speakers - What happened?

Phoebe - over the speakers - A chicken. - laughing - I guess this is where KFC fries their chickens.

Paige - over the speakers - Those little bastards are sneaky.

Piper - over the speakers - Paige!

Paige - over the speakers - Sorry.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Guys. I'll be fine as long as you promise me, Piper, there will be no chickens.

Piper - over the speakers; laughing - Yes, Phoebe. Our chickens and eggs will come from Wal-mart.

Prue - in the phone - You ok, Phoebe.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah.

They continue on out on I-64.They drive for a few minutes. Everything going good. Then, over the speakers, comes a strange voice.

Voice - over the speakers - WJLS; 99.5. The Big Dawg in Country! Don't touch that dial. This is Big Ugly with ya on a Monday. How in the world are ya doin'?

Paige - over the speakers; spooked - Who was that?

Phoebe - over the speakers - My radio station. He says his name is Big Ugly.

Paige - over the speakers - I think Big Scary will do.

Prue - in the phone - I like it. What is the dial numbers?

Phoebe - over the speakers - You heard him; 99.5 fm.

Prue - in the phone - The last part was what I was wanting.

She finds it, and it blares across.

Big Ugly - over the speakers - Schools are open, buses are running on schedule. Here is Sugarland. Baby Girl!

Music starts to play:

They say in this town, stars stay up all night,

Don't know, can't see 'em for the glow of the neon lights.

And it's a long way from here to the place where the home fires burn.

Well it's two thousand miles and one left turn.

"Dear Mom and Dad,

"Please send money, I'm so broke that it ain't funny.

"I don't need much, just enough to get me through.

"Please don't worry 'cause I'm all right,

I'm playin' here at the bar tonight.

This time, I'm gonna make our dreams come true.

"Well, I love you more than anything in the world...

Love,

Your baby girl."

Black top, blue sky, big town full of little white lies.

Well, everybody's your friend: you can never be sure.

They'll promise fancy cars and diamond rings, all sorts of shiny things,

But, girl, you'll remember what your knees are for.

"Dear Mom and Dad,

"Please send money, I'm so broke that it ain't funny.

"I don't need much, just enough to get me through.

"Please don't worry 'cause I'm all right,

I'm playin' here at the bar tonight.

This time, I'm gonna make our dreams come true.

"Well, I love you more than anything in the world...

Love,

Your baby girl."

I know that I'm on my way.

I can tell every time I play.

And I know it's worth all the dues I pay,

When I can write to you and say...

"Dear Mom and Dad,

"I'll send money. I'm so rich that it ain't funny.

It oughtta be more than enough to get you through.

"Please don't worry 'cause I'm all right,

I'm stayin' here at the Ritz tonight

"Whaddya know, we made our dreams come true.

"And there are fancy cars and diamond rings,

"But you know that they don't mean a thing.

They all add up to nothin' compared to you.

"Well, remember me in ribbons an' curls.

"I still love you more than anything in the world...

"Love,

"Your baby girl."

Ah yeah.

Your baby girl.

("Dear Mom and Dad,

("Please send money, I'm so broke that it ain't funny.)

("Don't need much, just enough to get me through.)

Your baby girl.

("Please don't worry 'cause I'm all right,

Playin' here at the bar tonight.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.)

Dreams come true.

Phoebe - over the speakers - I like him. He's the best. Now… - while the signal is lost for a while - that happens ever once in a while.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, while the signal is lost… I'll do this. We've left Morehead and heading towards home. 2,495 miles down, 105 to got today and 105 to go altogether. How does that does that sound?

Music starts to play:

...And he says

Hell yeah, turn it up, right on

Hell yeah, sounds good, sing that song

Guitar man, play it all night long

Take me back to where the music hit me, life was good, and love.. was easy

Shes got MBA and a plush corner office

Shes got a dont mess with me attitude

She'll close the deal, she dont reveal that she can feel

The loneliness, the emptiness 'cept when she comes in here

She's a product of the me generation

She got a rock and roll side when you get her agitated

She got the tattoo there on her derriere from a spring break dare

In Panama where love was all she thought shed ever need

She yells out to the band, Know any Bruce Springsteen

Then she jumps up on the bar

And she, and she starts to scream

She says

Hell yeah, turn it up, right on

Hell yeah, sounds good, sing that song

Guitar man, play it all night long

Take me back to where the music hit me, life was good, and love was easy

Yeah, yeah, anything to get my mind off thinking bout

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday

Hey.. Hell, yeah...

Hell yeah, turn it up, right on

Hell yeah, sounds good, sing that song

Guitar man, play it all night long

Take me back to where the music hit me, life was good

Hell yeah, turn it up, right on

Hell yeah, sounds good, sing that song

Guitar man, play it all night long

Take me back to where the music hit me, life was good, and love was easy

Phoebe - over the speakers; after the song went off; laughing - I couldn't have said it any better!

Paige - over the speakers - How far are we from the Kentucky/West Virginia border?

Piper - over the speakers- Fifty miles.

Paige - over the speakers - Well, lets' get out of here.

Cole - over the speakers - Wait. If were only going 105 more miles. And Kentucky ends in 50... Damn.

Paige - over the speakers - What?

Cole - over the speakers - Damn. Can I go back to hell?

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah, sweetie, you are.

Paige - over the speakers - What? We could be going to Ohio. I trust Piper won't take us there.

Cole - over the speakers - Wanna bet?

Piper - over the speakers - Cole.

Cole - over the speakers - All right. Fine. Find out on your own.

Paige - over the speakers - I think I will.

Leo - over the speakers - No, you won't.

Paige - over the speakers - Oh, come on! Piper wouldn't take us to West Virginia.

Prue - in the phone - All I can say is find out on your own and be surprised with the rest of us.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah, be very surprised.

Piper - over the speakers - Let's just drive.

Time Lapse

About 50 minutes later, they cross the state line.

Paige - over the speakers - YES! We're free! FINALLY!

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, Paige, yes. We have officially entered West Virginia.

Leo - over the speakers - Well, hello much anticipated West Virginia.

Paige - over the speakers - It doesn't look much Wild and Wonderful as they make it.

Piper - over the speakers - Well, this is part of the territory that is considered "state lines." The real beauty is inside.

Phoebe - over the speakers - I guess we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover.

Paige - over the speakers - Or a state by it's state lines.

Leo - over the speakers - You're right.

Andy - in the phone - West Virginia gets even prettier around the center. I've seen pictures.

Paige - over the speakers - But… we aren't going to the middle… right?

Phoebe - over the speakers - You have said next exit for 55 miles. Please, Piper… can we eat?

She passes up Huntington's exit.

Piper - over the speakers - Not here. The next.

Prue - in the phone - Sure.

Piper - over the speakers - What?

Prue - in the phone - Never mind.

Paige - over the speakers - I'm really hungry Piper, please!

Piper - over the speakers - Next.

Phoebe - over the speakers - It'd better.

Music Streak

Big Ugly - over the speakers - Schools are open; buses are running on schedule. In the next hour we've got music from Blaine Larsen, Alan Jackson, Montgomery Gentry, and Michael Peterson.

Music starts to play:

It was just another story printed on the second page

Underneath the Tiger's football score

It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age

They found him face down on the bedroom floor

They found him face down on his bedroom floor

There'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home

Then out on Mooresville highway, they'll lay him 'neath a stone...

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad

To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all

Is better than the life that you had

How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go

How do you get that lonely... and nobody know

Did his girlfriend break up with him, did he buy or steal that gun?

Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?

Did his Mom and Daddy forget to say I love you son?

Did no one see the writing on the wall?

I'm not blamin' anybody, we all do the best we can

I know hindsight's 20/20, but I still don't understand...

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad

To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all

Is better than the life that you had

How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go

How do you get that lonely... and nobody know

It was just another story printed on the second page

Underneath the Tiger's football score...

Dont rock the jukebox

I wanna hear some Jones

Cause my heart aint ready

For the Rolling Stones

I dont feel like rocking

Since my baby's gone

So dont rock the jukebox

Play me a country song

Before you drop that quarter

Keep one thing in mind

You got a heartbroke hillbilly

Standing here in line

I've been down and lonely

Ever since she left

Before you punch that number

May I make one request

Dont rock the jukebox

I wanna hear some Jones

Cause my heart aint ready

For the Rolling Stones

I dont feel like rocking

Since my baby's gone

So dont rock the jukebox

Play me a country song

I aint got nothing

Against rock and roll

But when your heart's been broken

You need a song that's slow

There aint nothing like a steel guitar

To drown a memory

Before you spend your money baby

Play a song for me

Dont rock the jukebox

I wanna hear some Jones

Cause my heart aint ready

For the Rolling Stones

I dont feel like rocking

Since my baby's gone

So dont rock the jukebox

Play me a country song

Dont rock the jukebox

Play me a country song

This ain't no temporary, typical, tearful good-bye, uh uh uh

This ain't no breakin' up and wakin' up and makin' up one more time, uh uh uh

This is gone (gone) gone (gone) gone (gone) gone

Gone like a freight-train, gone like yesterday

Gone like a soldier in the civil war, bang bang

Gone like a '59 Cadillac

Like all the good things that ain't never coming back

She's gone (gone) gone (gone) gone (gone) gone, she's gone

This ain't no give it time, I'm hurtin' but maybe we can work it out, uh uh uh

Won't be no champagne, red rose, romance, second chance, uh uh uh

This is gone (gone) gone (gone) gone (gone) gone

Gone like a freight-train, gone like yesterday

Gone like a soldier in the civil war, bang bang

Gone like a '59 Cadillac

Like all the good things that ain't never coming back

She's gone (gone) gone (gone) gone (gone) gone

She's gone

She's gone (gone) gone (gone) gone (gone) gone, she's gone

Gone like a freight-train, gone like yesterday

Gone like a soldier in the civil war, bang bang

Gone like a '59 Cadillac

Like all the good things that ain't never coming back

She's gone (gone) she's gone (gone) she's gone (gone) she's gone

She's gone

Gone like a freight-train, gone like yesterday

Gone like a soldier in the civil war,

Gone like a '59 Cadillac

Like all the good things

Well, she's gone

Long gone, done me wrong

Never comin' back, my baby's gone , shes gone

Lonely at home, sittin' all alone

She's packed her bags and now she's gone

Never comin' back, she's gone

No no never, no no never, no never comin' back

I was 12 when daddy said to me

Don't take to drinking boy that road don't lead no where

And don't you ever let me hear you swear

Don't you dare

He told me that stealing's a lazy man's way

Something for nothing leaves you hell to pay so don't lie

and then you can look the whole world in the eye

Honey I've tried

But Since I met you girl I've been breaking every rule

I must confess I'm just a back sliding fool

I want to drink from your loving cup

Swear I'll never give you up

Steal all your kisses underneath the moon

I wanna lie here close to you look at what you made me do

Darling you're the reason why

I drink, swear, steal and lie

Last night I threw away the 12 step book

I finally faced the fact that I am hooked on you

There's nothing more that I can do Ain't no use

Cause every time I see your angel face

My halo disappears without a trace I swear

Girl I'd admit I haven't got a prayer

But I don't care

I know this ain't exactly how I was raised

But heaven help me honey I ain't changing my ways

I want to drink from your loving cup

Swear I'll never give you up

Steal all your kisses underneath the moon

I wanna lie here close to you look at what you made me do

Darling you're the reason why

I drink, swear, steal and lie

I want to drink from your loving cup

Swear I'll never give you up

Steal all your kisses underneath the moon

I wanna lie here close to you look at what you made me do

Darling you're the reason why

I drink, swear, steal and lie

Drink, swear, steal and lie

Charleston

Piper passes the last exit into Charleston.

Paige - over the speakers - THAT IS IT! GET ME TO FOOD OR I'LL EAT MY OWN FOOT!

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, Ok, I'll stop at the next small town.

Piper sees an exit, exit 89: Marmet, WV.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, this exit.

They turn off onto Exit 89. They drive for 3 miles and still no food.

Paige - over the speakers - Hernshaw! We were going to Marmet!

Piper - over the speakers - There has to be some food down here.

They continue to drive. Ten miles and they've entered Racine.

Piper - over the speakers - Sorry Paige, Phoebe. Nothing here either.

Leo - over the speakers - Piper, do you know where your going?

Piper - over the speakers - No, Leo, I don't. This was not planned!

Leo - over the speakers - Want me to get the maps.

Piper - over the speakers - No, follow the river. It always works.

She pulls off towards Seth, wishing this'll work. It does for direction, not food.

Coal Miner - calling out his car - Hey ladies, I've got to be somewhere! Move it!

Piper - over the speakers - Girls, let him by.

The four Girls let the Coal Miner by.

Paige - over the speakers - Wow, what a grouch.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, guys. We are in a place where Coal is King. So, the only people on the road is Coal Miners, schools and other people: very rare. So if you see a car, pull of an tell others. Leo, get my map. I need to see how to get back on track.

Leo - over the speakers; handing her an Atlas - Here.

Piper - over the speakers - Uh, what happened to my laptop?

Leo - over the speakers - It died. It wasn't charged.

Piper - over the speakers - Great.

She flips through until she finds West Virginia. then she traces down to Seth, which luckily, was listed.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok, Whitesville it is.

She turns right. About 10 miles, she reaches Whitesville.

Piper - over the speakers - Oh, that is what I call sneak attack.

Phoebe - over the speakers - What? You just crossed the railroad tracks.

Piper - over the speakers - Just wait.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Whoa? Your right.

Paige and Prue - in the phone; over the speakers - What?

Phoebe - over the speakers - You'll see.

Paige crosses and…

Paige - over the speakers - Dang?!

Prue - in the phone - Am I gonna like this.

Prue crosses the railroad tracks and just out of the blue sits several businesses. Fast Check, Family Dollar, Rite Aide, just to name a few.

Paige - over the speakers - Food! Food! Food! That big Check Mark, now!

Piper - over the speakers - I'm sure there is a McDonalds in this place. - they drive, all the way down to the last shop: Massey's Paint & Body. - Nope, Fast Check it is.

Paige - over the speakers - Thanks the heavens!

Piper, Phoebe, Prue, and Paige turn around in a empty space/wide shoulder.

Leo - over the speakers - Is that a grocery store.

Paige - over the speakers; singing; not listening - Hamburgers, Hotdogs, Cole Slaw, Corn Dogs!

They pull into Fast Check. They get some things and leave. They head towards Beckley.

Piper - over the speakers - I know we're going the right way! I know were close!

They pass several cities: Montcaol, Naoma, Dry Creek, Rock Creek and then Dameron. They come to a "T" with a red light.

Piper - over the speakers - Uh, uh, uh, uh! I guess I go right.

Leo- over the speakers; looking quickly - Yes, yes, right!

The light turns green and they turn.

Piper - over the speakers - Leo, look for me a faster way to I-64.

Leo - over the speakers; lying - Um, this turn will get you there faster.

Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Prue all make a left. Leo leads them all the way to I-77.

Piper - over the speakers - Wow, Leo, we got to I-77 and I told you I-64, good job.

Leo - over the speakers - I know your schedule, remember.

Piper - over the speakers - Yeah, it's 10:20 already. We got to get to Ghent by 2:00.

They drive very slowly towards Ghent. At 11:45, they, finally, make it to Ghent. Piper pulls off on exit 28.

Paige - over the speakers - Uh, Piper!

Prue, Andy, Piper, Leo, Phoebe, Cole, and Richard - in the phone; over the speakers - Welcome home, Paige!

Paige - over the speakers - NO! NOT WEST VIRGINIA!

Phoebe - over the speakers; sadly singing - Home, home on the range. Where there bear and the wild cat play. Where seldom is heard a San Francisco City word. And the snow covers the ground all year.

Piper - over the speakers - Oh Phoebe!

Piper gets a motel and then unpacks their things. A man exits the check in/out lodge. That's when Prue's plates catch his attention: California. It has to be them!

Econo Lodge

Man - Excuse me, miss. Are you Piper Halliwell?

Piper - Yes.

Man - My name is Roger Cakewalk, I'm your relater.

Piper - Oh my goodness. You're early.

Roger - No ma'am. you are late.

Piper - No, I understood 2.

Roger - No ma'am 12.

Piper - I am so sorry. I was planning on arriving yesterday. But as you know all things don't go as planned.

Roger - Yes, I know.

Piper - Come in. My sons and husband are with my future-brother-in-law.

Roger - Ok, Mrs. Halliwell.

Piper - Ok, I think this table is suitable.

Roger - Yes, ma'am.

Piper - What do I need to do?

Roger - See the house. You've already placed down a payment.

Piper - Yes. Last one on my credit card.

Roger - Ok, are your sisters and their families gonna go with you.

Piper - Uh, no, I don't think that's a good idea.

Roger - Ok, Mrs. Halliwell. - they head towards their own cars - Uh, Mrs. Halliwell, maybe I should drive you until you can trade that city jeep into a country truck.

Piper - Oh, I can't trade in my baby. It's got 4-wheel drive.

Roger - Four wheel?

Piper - Yes.

Roger - Follow me.

They drive out of Econo Lodge and towards Odd Road. They drive all the way, then get on Gray Ford Road for a piece and finally Devil's Backbone.

Piper - Uh, Odd?

Roger - Welcome home.

Piper - No, there must be some kind of mistake. This is dirt road.

Roger - No ma'am, no mistake.

Piper - Well, what now?

Roger - Sign these papers, wait 'til tomorrow for your faculties to be turned on and you can adjust to Odd, West Virginia living.

Piper - bluntly with no emotion - Oh hell!

End of Chapter 1 - Something Wild This Way Comes

A/N: No, your not mistaken. That was all one chapter, I just broke it up for a more easier reading experience. I promise that the next chapters are no where near as long as this one: cross my heart! Tune in for chapter 2 next time!!!


	8. Are You Out Of Your Mind, Day 1

Chapter 2 - ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!!

Piper has done all Roger wanted her to do and now the house on Devil's Backbone Road in Odd in Raleigh County in West Virginia in the United States belongs to the Halliwell's. She has made it back to Econo Lodge.

Piper - This is not good. Girls, boys, kids.

They all gather around her.

Phoebe - Well?

Piper - I'm regretting!

Phoebe - Piper, we're 2,641 miles away from home! You can't have regrets now! We need you! You got us into this mess!

Piper - I know, but I'm not sure about the city!

Phoebe - Oh god!

Prue - Just take us…

Paige - Home!

Andy - We have came so far. Lets not make this all not worth while.

Cole - Yeah. We'll be fine.

Piper - You'll be spooked.

Richard - We're all magical.

Andy - Hey! I'm not.

Richard - Sorry, we all know about magic. How about that?

Andy - Better.

Andy, Jr. - Lets just see this place and…

Patricia - Take our medicine.

Connor - Yeah.

Connie - Let's get this over with.

Collin - telepathically - We're doomed anyway.

Courtney - telepathically - Lets just finish it.

Wyatt looks at Piper, as does Melissa and Chris.

Piper - Ok, but you're not gonna like it.

They get in the cars and drive towards Odd. When they finally make it there, their faces almost fall off!

Prue - Devil's Backbone! Didn't we get enough witchcraft as witches!

Andy - Dirt roads! These cars!

Leo - The wilderness! Sure, you're trying to get the boys eaten!

Phoebe - ODD! That's just plain… odd!

Cole - In the country! What about winter!

Paige - West Virginia! The Mountain State! Hillbillies!

Richard - How many miles are we away from civilization!

Piper - Told ya!

Patricia, Andy, Jr. Collin, Courtney, Connie and Connor - Cool!

Andy, Prue, Leo, Phoebe, Cole, Paige, Richard, Andy, Jr., Patricia, Collin, Courtney, Connor, and Connie - ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!!

Piper - to the kids - But… You said cool.

Patricia - But a grown up never allows us to do or have what we want.

Andy, Jr. - So to let us, you'd have to be out of your mind.

Collin - telepathically - Yeah. Parents are rulers.

Courtney - telepathically - And you gave us something we want.

Connie - I just… it was cool, parents aren't. Ya know.

Connor - The place--cool; the power stripping thing--Are you out of your mind.

Piper - Oh, I get it. No, you can't keep your powers.

Patricia, Andy, Jr., Collin, Courtney, Connor and Connie - All man!

Piper and the others laugh.

Piper - Great, we're getting along.

Prue - No, Piper, we're not getting along.

Phoebe - We're just simply--the calm before the storm.

Paige - The gentle breeze before the tornado.

Cole - The smile on the baby before the cry.

Leo - The good day before you die.

Andy - The sunshine before the rain.

Richard - The warm, sunny day before the ass deep snow.

Piper - I'm in trouble, aren't I?

Prue, Andy, Leo, Cole, Phoebe, Paige and Richard - sarcastically - Oh no, not at all.

Patricia, Andy, Jr., Collin, Courtney, Connor, and Connie - NO!

Piper - Sorry, honeys. I think I am.

Prue - sarcastically - What gave you that idea?

They get their kids and go back to Econo Lodge.

_ Time Lapse _

_ Day 1 of Mission: Adjusting _

_ Tuesday, May 24, 2005 _

Piper awakens the next day. She raises up, stretches, and walks to the bathroom. After she showers and dresses, she realizes: she's home. Well, her new home. She grabs a hot cup of coffee, compliments of the motel. Leo walks up behind Piper, watching the sunrise.

Piper - after noticing it was Leo - It's magnificent, isn't it.

Leo - Yes, it is. I know that sunset last night was simply breathtaking.

Piper - Yeah, it was. The best part, you could actually see the stars.

Leo - Yes, it was. So what's the plan for the day, Piper?

Piper - Make sure the lights, water, telephone and satellite all come on and we have to go buy food, check the roof and after all that then we move in.

Leo - So we have a long day ahead of us?

Piper - Yes, we do.

They hear a knock on the door.

Leo - I'll get it.

He goes and it is Prue, Andy, Phoebe, Cole, Paige, Richard, Patricia, Andy, Jr., Melissa, Collin, Courtney, Connor and Connie. He lets them in.

Pure - So when do we start?

Andy - Yeah, I'll take my day off after we get everything fixed up.

Phoebe - I don't like it but I will help. If I don't like it in 6 months, then I will move. I will give it a try though.

Cole - If Phoebe, Collin, Courtney and the baby are here then so am I. And one thing is for sure, we will never have a boring day.

Piper - Yeah. Do you guys remember how to get there?

Phoebe - Yeah. You stay on one road until Grey Ford and then Devils Backbone.

Paige - And you can't miss it. It's the only big house up there.

Prue - It's the only house up there.

Andy - Ok, so lets go.

Cole - Do we check out now or later?

Piper - Later.

Richard - confused - Why?

Piper - In case something goes wrong and we need a place to stay.

Leo - What about the kids?

Piper - You're right. They'll just be in the way. Uh, how about you boys take them out to a nearby place?

Cole - How do you suppose we find a place?

Phoebe - Why don't you find a Atlas and/or Gazetteer?

Cole - Good idea. C'mon guys, lets go and get lost.

The girls laugh as the guys get in 3 cars with the kids and drive off.

Piper - Ok, C'mon.

The girls get in Piper's car and drive up to Devils Backbone. About 10 minutes, they arrive. They get out of the car and look around. They're in grass up to their ankles, overgrown trees and shrubs, a gutter has fallen off, windows are broken, the screen door is flapping back and forth and the colbert is out, which make the creek water flow down the road.

Piper - looking around - We've got a lot of work.

Phoebe - Yeah, I guess that rain last night flooded the creeks.

Paige - And these damages.

Piper - It was built in the late 1980s.

Prue - Wow, we're lucky that this is all.

Phoebe - Lucky?

Paige - Yeah, it's lucky that the weather hasn't took it a part. I bet you can't keep a house no more than 25 years here. We're not investing our money in a phony, are we Piper?

Piper - No, but I think Prue is talking about punky kids.

Prue - Yeah, four wheeling, hunting, goofing off and Halloween.

Piper - True. And Paige, I've seen homes in this state up to 225 years.

Paige - No way.

Piper - Way. People make homes to last.

Phoebe - Wait, they do it personally.

Piper - Yeah, they have generations of carpenters or just do-it-yourselfers.

Prue - Ok, so how do we repair this.

Piper - Well, we can't. We're just here to note the damages.

Phoebe - Ok, so I'll take the property damages. Prue, you take outside damages. Paige, you check the roof and note any damages. Piper, you got the keys, right?

Piper - Yeah, of course.

Phoebe - You take inside damages.

Paige - Why do I get roof damages?

Phoebe - Hello, you orb! There is no latter. Everyone understands what their doing?

Piper, Paige, and Prue - Yeah.

Phoebe - Ok, lets get to work.

They split up.

_ Time Lapse _

Paige - The roof is fine.

Piper - Really?

Paige - Yep.

Piper - angry - Then tell me how there is a puddle of water everywhere?!

Paige - I'm no repair man, how should I know?

Phoebe - Uh, girls, there are other damages to report!

Piper and Paige - Right, carry on.

Phoebe - There is a round-bridge thingy out up there and several trees down. There is an old barn up there, it's old and ragged and falling apart. There is some old building that is locked.

Piper - Ok, I'll check it out later. Ok, my reports. Are you ready?

Prue - Go on already!

Piper - I underestimated the place. When he said four hundred and four rooms, he meant bedrooms. Five floors, attic, basement, den, offices everywhere, three kitchens, four living rooms, six lobbies, six hundred bathrooms. No more filled up bathrooms, girls. Five dinning rooms, an enormous bar. Six mini bars. A huge entertainment room, and finally an enormous closet. Not to mention nine huge chandlers.

Paige - Wow.

Piper - That's just the main floors. Upstairs is the bedrooms, four floors worth, and three elevators. I haven't been to the basement yet. The attic is huge, but we'll have to replace the floors, they squeak, bigger than that floorboard. The den is an enormous room, probably be used for the kids playrooms or a nursery.

Phoebe - All of that?

Paige - What did you pay for it?

Piper - Fifty thousand dollars. It's got so much!

Prue - How much do we owe?

Piper - Oh no, I paid it in full.

Phoebe - But he said you put a down payment.

Piper - Hey! I thought I was alone! Well, I'm not sure why he said that, but I paid in full.

Roger - walking in - I'm sorry. I'm not use to people paying houses in full. I have a crew here to work on the repairs, fix that colbert and last but not least, hand you these. - he hands her a deed, land track, and one key -

Piper - What are these?

Roger - Well, that's your deed, your land track and this little buddy is the key to your furniture.

Piper - My… my furniture.

Roger - Yes, this house comes fully furnished. It was suppose to be a ski resort, but the rock cliffs scared everyone to Winterplace. Oh, here, before I forget. - he reaches in his pocket and hands Piper yet another key - the key to your fourth elevator.

Piper - Fourth. There is only three.

Roger - That's because you haven't seen it. The fourth elevator goes a strange way. As you know, the stairwell is in the back; the fourth elevator is underneath the stairs and goes out of the house and around it, when it finishes it's lift, it arrives at the penthouses.

Piper - smiling - Uh, excuse me, penthouses.

Roger - Yeah, the 4 penthouses right beneath the attic. The stairs and the elevator goes between the halls of the penthouse. You wouldn't even know they were there if you didn't know.

Piper - Yep, it's true. I didn't know they were there, and I didn't see them or mind them. Any more surprises?

Roger - There is a blueprint in the land track and a fire escape route of known floors in each bedroom.

Piper - Thank you.

Roger - Now… we've already got people fixing the everyday repairs, but we need to talk roofs.

Piper - What about it? It leaks, it needs repairs. It'll cost a pretty penny that I don't have.

Roger - No ma'am. The damages were known. We will pay all the pretty pennies. Plus furnish more pretty pennies for every day you stay in Econo Lodge for all your family. I've already spoke with my supervisors.

Piper - Wow! Thank you.

Roger - So, what do you want: roofing, shingles or tin roofing?

Piper - Well, the manor had shingles…

Roger - Is the Manor your old home? - Piper nods her head - Ok. Um, just a friendly advisor, tin roofing would be better. It lasts longer and is very stylish.

Piper - Huh? What do you mean very stylish?

Roger - They come in colors: red, green, blue, white, gray, and clear.

Piper - Cool. I'll take the tin roofing.

Roger - Ok, I'll tell the boys. Any particular color?

Piper - Can I get back to you on that. I'll have to talk to my sisters.

Roger - Yes, ma'am. I'll be back later this evening.

Piper - Thank you.

He leaves the girls alone.

Piper - Ok, girls, you heard him. We have a decision to make. What color do you want to put on the house.

Prue - I have never heard of that?

Phoebe - I saw it on one of the pictures in the Mirror when they was a big snow storm hit and caved in a roof.

Paige - That is going to be strange. I don't think that we will hear the rain hit the top form how many floor down?

Piper - There is the main floor and the four floors that are just rooms and then we have the penthouse floor. So all together, not counting the basement; we have 6 floors and then the attic.

Prue, Phoebe, and Paige - Wow, I hate to be the one that has to clean that.

Piper - Thanks.

Prue - So, their taking care of the repairs with no charge.

Piper - According to Roger.

Phoebe - I want blue.

Piper - Thank you. Anyone disagree?

Paige raises her hand.

Paige - I say red, like the house.

Piper - Ok, Pure.

Prue - Uh, lets let them decide.

Phoebe - to Paige - They can't see the roof, no one lives here.

Paige - But it matches the siding!

Phoebe - So what? Do you want to make our hose pretty for the snow storm?

Paige - No, I hope West Virginia has a bad winter.

Piper - cutting in - Hush your mouth!

Paige - I do. They're so use to bad, snowy winters, no snow will be bad to West Virginia.

Piper - laughing - Well, if you put it that way.

Phoebe - Paige, come on!

Paige - No! It's gonna be red.

Phoebe - I'm the eldest! What I say, goes.

Paige - But your acting younger!

Phoebe - Am not!

Paige - See, your trying to get me to do that "Am to, " and "Are too" thing. _Immature!_

Phoebe - Prue!

Paige - Piper!

Prue and Piper - Will you two grow up! We'll get gray since you guys can't make up your mind!

Phoebe and Paige - Thank you!

The girls get back in Piper's car and drive back to Ghent.

Time Lapse

When the girls get back to Ghent, the guys and kids hadn't. So they stuck around until they got back 3 hours later.

Piper - There you are! Where have you been?

Piper picks up Chris while Leo holds onto Wyatt.

Leo - Well, we got lost. We went to Beckley, or at least we thought we were. We got to Camp Creek, and no one noticed or recognized the name so we turned around and headed back towards Ghent. We also noticed that there was no toll. There is one below here! A dollar and twenty-five cents! Then, when we made it to Beckley, we was trying to get to Lake Stevens on Route 3. We missed the turn off and decided to catch it going westbound. That is when we saw the Tamarack. So we was there the rest of the day. Then we came home, or tried. We missed it. Had to turn around at Camp Creek, yet again.

Piper - Wow, guys, I'm really sorry. Your day was suppose to be easier.

Leo - So, how was your day?

Piper - Not good, but not as bad as yours. We got over there and there was some minor damages. Roger and a few of his crew stopped by and they are taking car of the damages, free of charge.

Leo - Wow, you had a good day.

Piper - Yeah, compared to yours. What is Lake Stevens?

Leo - It's a lake on Route 3 that I saw. I wanted to check it out.

Piper - Ok, we can get supper and eat there.

Piper, holding Chris, and Leo with Wyatt walk to Prue's room. Piper knocks on the door and Prue answers.

Prue - Hey, what's up?

Piper - We're going to a local lake for supper, wanna come?

Prue - Sure, let me get my bunch.

Piper - Ok, meet me in the parking lot. At the cars.

Prue - Ok.

Piper, Leo, and the boys go towards Phoebe's room.

Piper - Why don't you go get the boys in their car seats.

Leo - All right.

Leo walks away. Piper knocks on Phoebe's door when she gets there and Phoebe answers.

Phoebe - with WJLS blaring again - Hey, what's up?

Piper - You really like that station, huh?

Phoebe - Yes. You have got to hear Danny Wright All Night. He's way cool!

Piper - Will do. Ok, back to my point. Leo, the boys, Prue, Andy, their kids and I are going to Lake Stevens on Route 3. Wanna come?

Phoebe - Sure. Parking lot?

Piper - Ok, see ya there.

She walks away. She goes to Paige's room and knocks. Paige's answers.

Piper - Hi, wanna come to Lake Stevens with us?

Paige - Who?

Piper - Everyone. Prue's, Phoebe's and my clan.

Paige - Sure, we'll come. We have to get groceries anyway.

Piper - Yeah. That's what I was thinking.

Paige - See ya in a few.

Piper nods and walks away. She stands beside Leo, who has the kids buckled in.

Piper - So the boys are settled in?

Leo - Yep.

Piper - Great. So route 3.

Leo - Yep.

Prue, Andy, their kids, Paige, Richard, their kids, Phoebe, Cole and their kids come out on the parking lot.

Piper - Ok guys, we're on the road again.

Cole - Haven't you got enough traveling time?

Piper - Honestly, yes. But we need to get groceries anyway.

Richard - But none tomorrow!

Piper - Yes, tomorrow.

They get situated and drive towards Beckley once again.

_ Time Lapse _

They all arrive at Lake Stevens and get out except Piper. She's going on to get Daisy Queen. The rest are to find a canopy bench.

Piper - Be back A.S.A.P.

She drives out again. The kids all run out, all can't wait until they hit the water.

Phoebe - looking around - It's beautiful. You have a eye cap of the lake from this hill and everything.

Cole - Yeah, look at this scenery.

Paige - Breathtaking.

Richard - Astonishing!

Prue - Almost heaven. He's right.

Andy - I better go to watch the kids.

Prue - Yeah, it looks like the lifeguards off duty.

Resident - over hearing Prue - Uh, there hasn't been a lifeguard for two years.

Phoebe - Excuse me.

Resident - Oh. I'm sorry, it's just I over heard her and couldn't help myself. My name is Donna. Are you folks from around here?

Paige - Uh, no, we just moved to a small place called Odd from San Francisco.

Donna - Oh honey, their all small in these parts. Compared to your territory, we're ants.

Paige - Yeah, you've had some small cities.

Phoebe - Uh, where can you get groceries and clothing in these parts.

Donna - Well, there is three malls, one K-Marts and two Wal-Marts.

Prue - Wow, you have quite a few stores, huh?

Donna - Nah, Beckley's big. So the three malls are distanced. Then the two Wal-marts are in Beckley and Crab Orchard.

Phoebe - Huh, that's quite a load. Thank you, Donna.

Donna - Your welcome.

Paige - My name is Paige, these are my sisters - pointing to them - Phoebe and Prue. My other sister is out, her name is Piper. Then my boyfriend Richard, my sister, Phoebe's boyfriend Cole, my brother-in-law Leo and down on the beach is my other brother-in-law Andy. Then, my children Connor and Connie, and my sisters children Wyatt, Chris, Collin, Courtney, Andy, Jr., Patricia and finally Melissa.

Donna -Wow, big family. You'll fit in perfectly. I have 11 other siblings myself. People in these parts have big families. Yours is just extended. Goodbye, have a nice day!

She walks off.

Prue - 12 Kids. Cool!

Leo - Ut oh, it looks like Andy needs some help.

Leo and Cole run off.

Richard - Considering there's water involved, four adults would help.

Richard walks off.

Phoebe - Well, it's just us.

Prue, Phoebe and Paige hi-five.

Prue - R & R! Finally!

_ Piper's Whereabouts _

Piper has ordered nine kids meals, seven hamburgers and one chicken. She ordered seventeen fries and she's gonna stop at the shop right beside her called "Ricks" and get some plates, cups, napkins and pop. she pulls up to the window, pays for the food and they hand it to her. The one thing she got shouldn't had was chocolate milkshakes: seventeen chocolate milkshakes. Everyone knows the Dairy Queen in Glen Daniels, WV from here knows that they have the most rich milkshakes ever. Makes everyone hyper. She receives her meal and drives over to Ricks. She leaves the engine running to keep the milkshakes from melting, but thankfully, she locks the door by leaving the ignition key in and taking the door key with her. Sorry Piper, I love my home, but my neighbors do steal; especially in Glen Daniels. She buys her cups, plates, napkins and pop and gets back in her car and drives back to the lake. Piper gets the stuff and walks over to her sisters.

Piper - Hey, I'm back. Wow beautiful place. I already love West Virginia.

Phoebe - Love is an overstatement, but I do _like_ it.

Paige - I'm digging it.

Prue - I love it!

Piper - We'll all love it, trust me.

_ By The Water _

Where there barely over a year, Melissa and Chris aren't allowed in the water. Melissa is under a tree with Andy. Watching the other kids play while Chris sits by an oak tree. All of a sudden, a squirrel climes down the tree. Leo is off watching Wyatt so Chris is unattended to. Chris sees the squirrel and his curiosity got the best of him. Chris, watching to see what this wonderful creature is. He crawls over to it and goes to pet it when he hears Piper's voice.

Piper - CHRIS! No, don't touch that.

Chris ignores her and pets it anyway. The squirrel went berserk, scratching Chris. Chris, not understanding, starts to cry. By this time, Piper is picking him up as Leo, carrying an unwilling Wyatt, come out of the water.

Leo - Is he ok?

Piper - Yes. He is, but that squirrel's not.

She hands Leo Chris, picks up a rock and goes after the monster who hurt her baby.

Piper - Come out, come out, wherever you are? I know you're here.

Piper spots the squirrel.

Piper - Got ya.

Paige - opening a box and calling - SQUIRREL!

The squirrel orbs out of it's hiding spot and into the box.

Phoebe - Guys, this is not an evil that's gonna hurt innocents.

Piper - Phoebe, people kill squirrels everyday. They eat them. Put them in soups and gravies. It's normal.

Phoebe - Yeah, but your talking revenge on the poor creature.

Piper - It's not poor. It's not innocent. It's a squirrel that hurt your Nephew. The same nephew who saved the world. Let's have him capitulated.

Phoebe - Ok, but I think it's wrong.

Paige - Take it easy, sis. It'll be ok.

_ Time Lapse _

The girls gather up everything and took Chris to a local hospital: Raleigh General. About 30 minutes, they got him to see a doctor.

Doctor - Hello. Mr. Wyatt and Mrs. Halliwell. How may I help young Christopher today.

Piper - He was scratched by a squirrel.

Doctor - A squirrel. Huh I hardly get these cases anymore.

Piper - We're from out of state. We just moved here. I'm paranoid.

Leo - Yeah, but it is dangerous. Squirrels have rabies in these parts, don't they.

Doctor - Well, yeah… but it's not strange, it's just unlikely. Squirrels are skittish, except when rabid. I'll get young Christopher checked, imminently… this is unlikely, but did you capture the squirrel?

Piper - Yes, I did.

Doctor - Wow! That is very rare. While I check Christopher. Why don't you take the squirrel down to the main desk and they'll tell you how to get in touch with wildlife services.

Piper and Leo - Ok, thank you.

Piper - to Chris - Mommy will be back soon, sweetheart. I'll be right back, peanut. - they leave the doctor to do his work; to Leo - I hope he don't orb out.

Leo - Me too.

Piper - He shouldn't. He knows, better.

Leo - But he's a baby.

Piper - scared - True.

_ Doctor's Office _

The doctor, with needle in hand, walks over to Chris.

Doctor - Let's check you out, buddy. - Chris sees the needle and freaks then he orbs away - WHAT IN THE HELL!

_ Outside The Door _

Piper - I guess he didn't listen.

Piper heads to the room to calms the doctor down, considering she can't freeze; while Leo ran outside to the car to get an old friend.

Leo - pulling out dust - I knew this would come in handy. - he gets out of the car, locks the doors and runs inside; to Piper - Get Chris, and hold him in your arms as you were doing before you left.

Piper does.

Leo - Ok, now.

Leo dusts the doctor.

Doctor - What happened?

Piper and Leo takes a collection breath.

Piper - We don't know. You just got dizzy.

Doctor - Huh. Well, back to work. I'll take young Christopher.

Piper - to Chris - Now behave for Mommy.

Leo - Ya know, maybe Piper should stay with Chris.

Doctor - That'll be just fine.

Leo kisses Piper quickly and pets Chris' head.

Leo - Be good, champ.

Piper - He will.

Leo leaves.

_ Walking Towards The Waiting Room _

Leo - Never fails.

Prue - What happened? Is something wrong. Phoebe took that squirrel to the main desk.

Paige - What?

Prue - I gave the squirrel to Phoebe.

Paige - Phoebe wants to set free the squirrel.

Both sisters dash outside to Phoebe, who; as Paige feared, is setting free the squirrel.

Phoebe - Run little squirrel! Run as fast as you can!

Paige - Phoebe!

Phoebe - I'm sorry. I just couldn't. He was innocent.

Paige - I can't orb it here in front of all these people. That'll make a scene, even here.

Prue - I can't believe you, Phoebe.

Leo - walking out - He's going to be fine. We'll get the results back soon.

Phoebe - See, you would have killed an innocent squirrel.

They hear car screeches.

Paige - Nope, he died anyway.

Phoebe - Maybe it was a dog.

Prue - I guess we'll never know.

Paige - mocking - Poor squirrel. I sure hope he's ok.

Phoebe - Shut up.

Leo - Let's go. It's getting dark.

Paige - Yeah, I don't want to be here in the dark.

Prue - Paige. You've been in the underworld at night. W.V. ain't no worse.

While Leo, Prue, and Phoebe enter the hospital.

Paige - How do you know? Creeps.

Phoebe - yelling back - How 'bout this: You've been in the big city at dark. That's more dangerous than West Virginia.

Piper - with a trail of kids - Ok, let's go. We got groceries to get.

Prue - Oh, no I forgot.

Piper - smiling - Beckley, or Crab Orchard?

Prue - Beckley!

Paige - Tomorrow.

Piper - Sorry, Paige.

Leo - What about a refrigerator? We need to put it somewhere.

Piper - Ok, tomorrow.

Paige - Thank god.

Phoebe - Dido.

Prue - Let's get back to the motel.

_ Time Lapse _

They get home.


	9. Are You Out Of Your Mind, Day 2

**A/N:**Thanks to all of you who have put me on your favorites. I hope this chapter brings you just as much happiness or whatever you like about this story and any of my other stories. I wish you all a happy and safe new year!

_ Day 2 of Mission: Adjusting _

_ Wednesday, May 25, 2005 _

When they get up the next morning, they find out that Roger left a note saying the repairs were made and all was left was the roof. Piper called Roger and told him Gray roofing. Being the first up she went out to the house alone. When she got there, she was amazed. Every damage had been repaired. The roof, gutter, corbert, grass; just everything.

Piper - Whoa. Everything is beautiful.

She opens the door and walks in. She explores all floors but the penthouses. Then it's time for the penthouse inspection. She rides the elevators downstairs, considering the elevators only goes to two floors: Main and Penthouse. She gets inside and closes the door. When she's inside, she notices the elevator has glass sides. The elevator starts to move up the track. She notices it went out the back of the house using sliding door. The track went on around the house, which was the fire escape. Roger had mentioned that the elevator was battery operated over the phone. When she went around the first floor, she saw her family pull up. She smiles nervously at them, but they didn't seem amused. She started around the second floor and gasps. She had been told over the phone by Roger that her land went all around and it was boarded by a wooden fence. She knew it was big, but she never imagined this.

Piper - Whoa. This is huge!

Piper sees everything. There's three barns--she sees the one Phoebe mentions about Collapsing. She sees a bunch of hedges and two big trees. She noticed the house is directly on the hill.

Piper - Well, we're now one of those people with the big mansion on the hill…mountain.

When she reaches the floor of the penthouses, she gets out and she watches the elevator swing around the house and sit at the beginning.

Piper - Huh, I never realized that. It sits right there.

She's now in the hallway leading towards the penthouse. There's four, like he said and the way they look, their huge. She walks inside number one and is astonished. It's only one floor, but it's huge. It's so big, it only needs one floor. Dividing 43 rooms into four is a lot of rooms. She sees a door but doesn't mind it. She leaves number one and heads to number two. Same thing, but she notices something strange: there is two doors like in number one. But yet again, she never minds it. She walks over to number three. Yet again, there's one door on the both side of the walls. Curious and yearning to know, Piper reaches inside her pocket and grabs her keys. After two minutes of searching--I mean she has 500 keys--she finds the right key. She opens the door and is surprised to discovers the 4th penthouse.

Piper - walking in; slowly - Wow, it's combined.

She looks around some more and rides down the elevator to go get yelled by her family, who gladly apply.

Piper - shyly - Hey guys. What's up.

Prue - A soon-to-be-dead-sister is what is up. How could you just leave like that Piper!

Piper - You guys were asleep. I didn't want to wake you.

Paige - I've been awake since 7 o'clock.

Richard - Me too.

Prue - 6:45?

Andy - 6:50.

Cole - 6:40.

Leo - I woke up at 8.

Piper - Well, I fed the boys and was gone at 6:40. Sorry Cole.

Cole - It's ok.

Piper - I just wanted to check it out. I was also planning to put some furniture in.

Prue - smiling - Don't you want some help?

Piper - I'd be grateful.

Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige - Boy's, go get groceries with the kids.

Andy, Leo, Cole, Richard - Oh man!

They get the kids and drive off in 3 cars.

Piper - Ok, lets get to work.

_ Time Lapse _

About 6 hours and sending there guys off twice, the girls have finished the main floor and putting things they brought away.

Piper - Shew! I didn't realize how hard it would be.

Phoebe - Yeah, first we had to bring all the things we wanted on the first floor to the house. Then we had the guys coming back. We unloaded the cars and sent them after clothing. And now, we've finally got everything put away on the bottom floor.

Paige - Ok, so one floor down…

Prue - Six floors to go.

Piper - Make that five. What could be in a basement.

Phoebe - A lot.

Paige - You haven't checked.

Piper - No, I thought it'd be best to do that later.

Prue - C'mon. Lets go to the basement.

The girls all walk over to the elevator and ride to the basement. They walk out of the basement and are met with towels, trunks and suits. Swimming suits.

Phoebe -Not much, huh.

Piper - while Prue goes off hunting - I don't understand. There is no pool here.

Prue - yelling - No, but there is a hot tub & Jacuzzi.

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige come running in.

Piper - What!

Phoebe - My prayers have been answered!

Paige wonders over to another door.

Paige - Oh my god. You guys have got to see this!

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe comes dashing in.

Piper - What now?

They walk in and see two huge pools, one shallow and one deep; with heating pumps and high-diving boards. Everything; floaters, lifejackets, life-guards seats and everything. It's beautiful.

Phoebe - hitting her knees - An indoor pool, hot tub and Jacuzzi; it's a miracle!

Piper pulls Phoebe up.

Piper - There has to be some kind of mistake. The feature that they have and the price we paid: it's impossible.

Phoebe - Maybe it is. Maybe it ain't. I'm staying here! I like now! I love it now! I'm a Hillbilly!

Piper - Not quite. We've still got things to do.

Prue - I just don't get it. This house is bigger then this basement. Where is the big chunk, the rest of the house is missing!

Piper - I don't think so Prue. This is a big room.

Prue - Big enough to fit 43 rooms?

Piper - We'll figure it out.

Phoebe - Could it be the stove?

Paige - Why would it be so big for the thermostat? By the way, I haven't found a thermostat or a air vent.

Prue - It's probably coal, gas or wood stoves.

Paige - No, it can't be. Who uses coal anymore?

Piper - West Virginia.

Phoebe - They are considered "Friends Of Coal."

Paige - No, Piper has already drug us halfway across this country, forced us to drive long hours, eat fast food, took us through Kentucky and now were living in West Virginia! She would not have Coal Stoves.

Prue - She wouldn't know.

Paige - No, it can't be.

Phoebe - Well, what do you think we do all fall, winter and spring.

Paige - I'll get the Jacuzzi, Prue can get the hot tub and you two can have the pool.

Piper - We're not staying in water. How do you suppose we sport our family?

Paige - Welfare!

Piper - No, there is nothing wrong with us. We have to work and the kids have to go to school.

Paige - I'll be the stay-at-home Mom.

Piper - Yeah, we have to find out who does that.

Prue - Well, we could. Me and Andy could work two different shifts.

Piper - Then you'd never see each other.

Paige - jumping up and down and repeating - I'll do it…

Piper - Well, we've got work to do. Let's go.

Paige - feeling deprived - I'll do it…

Phoebe - wrapping her arms around her shoulders - If we vote, I'll vote for you.

They walkout, Paige feeling less discouraged.

_ Time Lapse _

About 12 hours later, the guys are outside with the kids at the picnic tables, the girls have brought up the last piece of furniture inside.

Piper - Done. Finally. Eighteen hours later and we're done! Three am! God, I'm tired.

Paige - I bet the guys are asleep.

Prue - One better not, or one of us is either becoming widowed or not even married yet and all of us are losing kids.

Piper - Leo won't. He's protective.

Phoebe - He lost Wyatt and Chris and Chris got scratched by a squirrel.

Piper - Leo's protective. You guys can say what you want.

Paige - Sorry! I'm sorry to step on your toes.

Piper -You didn't do anything. All right, lets go get the others and go to bed.

They get the guys and head to bed. Around five that morning, Paige woke up. She raises up and goes to the basement. She looks around and she notices like Prue: something missing. So she decides to walk outside. She walks around back and sees a door.

Paige - Now wait a minute. That wasn't there. - she tries to open the door but can't--it's locked - No one's here. They'll never know.

She unlocks the door magically. Then she allows herself in when she walks in, she is scared away by something. She locks the door, runs to the front of the house, gets inside the elevator and goes to her room. There, she tries desperately to sleep.


	10. Are You Out Of Your Mind, Day 3

_ Day 3 of Mission: Adjusting _

_ Thursday, May 26, 2005 _

When they wake up, Piper goes to cook, Phoebe goes to get a news paper, Prue gets the kids up, the guys are out doing something and Paige has wondered out to the back of the house. Leo is outside the Den, that Piper knows of but can not find the entrance; fixing up a play area. He sees Paige walk by, obviously scared of something. Then, like a bat out of hell, she runs back around front, leaving the door open. Leo walks over and sees what scared her away.

Leo - Oh, there you are. The devil itself.

Once he had walked inside a bit and into the large room, he saw it: A Coal Stove.

_ Time Lapse _

Leo has explained about the room in the basement: an office, a big room for the hot water tanks, extra piping and tools. Then there's a room for the block wood, kindling. A room for coal, a shoot for both block wood and coal and the Coal Stove. After Leo explained it, they, except Paige; went to see the room. Paige watched the kids. Once they saw it, they were relieved, until Phoebe presented this question.

Phoebe - What about fuels? Coal, wood? Where we gonna get it from?

Piper - Yeah, it's not like we're handy with an axe.

Phoebe - Yes we are, but not on trees.

Leo - And I can't just dig a hole and find coal.

Cole - Yeah.

Richard - And you're not burning my money…with fire.

Prue - Ok, so how do we get coal?

Andy - Well, you usually get it from local retailers.

Phoebe - What do we do, walk up and pick it up off the shelf.

Andy - laughing - No, not that way. You get the card so you can call. There are special people for that.

Piper - Ok, so what? We just wait around Kroger's all day long?

Andy - No, just every time you go shopping: Check.

Phoebe - That's a good idea. But what about wood?

Andy - There are people who cut wood for other people.

Paige - So… we just check Wal-mart cashiers.

Andy - No, no, no. Girls, it's the memos outside. I'll show you when we go next time.

Prue - Watch your tone. I know your aggregated, but don't take it out on us!

Andy - Sorry. I think I'm going on upstairs. See ya in a bit.

Richard - kissing Paige - I'm going to get lost.

Paige - No, Richard, you don't have to go.

Richard - I'm not leaving because I feel like I should, I'm leaving because I'm gonna go find me an office.

Paige - Why?

Richard - while leaving - I want to keep the business going, but I don't want to get you guys caught.

Piper - We need to talk.

Leo - What about?

Piper - I had the strangest dream a few nights ago, and I want to test it out.

Phoebe - What kind of dream. What was it about.

Piper - As funny as it sounds, making a house a home.

Prue - Huh?

Piper - I was dreaming I was here, but it didn't look like this. Anyway, the house would change shape for four people and four people only.

Phoebe - Who?

Piper - Well, the siding came back for Leo…

Paige -Siding?

Piper - The manor's siding. Then the door and window's of the manor came for Wyatt and Chris.

Prue - worried - What about us?

Piper - It didn't do anything.

Phoebe - Do you want to kick us out?

Piper - No, god no. I just want to do what made my family whole.

Leo - What?

Piper takes a breath, bracing for what is to come.

Piper - When future Chris was there, the house completely changed shape. It looked like the manor was put in my made-up odd.

Phoebe - What? Piper, are you out of your mind!

Piper - No, think about it. We've all been thinking of it. All.

Paige - What exactly do you want to do?

Phoebe - pissed - Summon Chris. Everything he's done for us, this is how you want to repay him.

Paige - Wait, that sounds like a good idea. We summoned future Wyatt, why not future Chris?

Piper -No, from when he's stabbed.

Paige - WHAT! No, no way. Hell no!

Piper - Why not? God only knows where he went.

Paige - I know, but alter the past?

Leo - This might work.

Paige and Phoebe - NO IT WON'T!

Leo and Piper - How do you know? We haven't tried.

Cole and Prue - Shut up! Let's talk about this.

Phoebe - I can't believe you four. And Cole, you're my fiancé! You're suppose to stand me.

Cole - I'm standing by Prue because she's the only one with a clear head.

Piper - Excuse me. I have a clear head.

Cole -You all do, but you guys are fighting a non-winning battle.

Paige - Why?

Prue - Because, Paige, you're sisters. You won't win cause we're all stubborn.

Piper - You're our sister too.

Prue - Yes I am, but I'm not fighting with you four. You guys have got to talk about this. Actually, I'm agreeing with Piper, but there has to be a reason for you two not to agree.

Phoebe - What?? You agree with Piper! Good thing Cole agrees with me.

Cole - Actually, Phoebe, I don't. Think we should give Piper's idea a shot.

Phoebe -What!

Paige - You both agree with them.

Phoebe - You can't take Chris from the future!

Piper - I done told you. We are summing him from the past.

Phoebe - Then you ruin his chance at seeing the future.

Paige - It's already runt!

Phoebe - No, damn it! He went back to the future! He just hates goodbyes and left, that's all.

Paige - No, I saw him fade away!

Phoebe - Then maybe it was a way he did it! He didn't die. He was just going back.

Leo- No, Phoebe, he died and went to Vision Quest. He guided me. He was real, Piper, I know it.

Paige - No, no, no! If you summon him, we're gonna be handed empty lies and promises. Don't you understand, we need to get over him! He's gone! And he ain't ever coming back.

Piper - Yeah, and I thought he was in Little Chris! He's not!

Prue - I think I know what is going on here.

Cole -Yeah, me too: Denial.

Leo - Denial? I know he's dead, he's just in Vision Quest Land.

Piper - I said I thought. Future Chris would never play with a squirrel…or, at least I hope not…

Phoebe - I know he went back. They're just in Denial.

Paige - I saw him die, he's just not coming back and we have to accept that and move on.

Prue - Problem is Paige, you're not. You're holding on and suppressing your true emotions. You can't get his face out of your mind. His eyes before he died. It haunts you.

Cole - And Phoebe, yours is the worst. They all agreed and accepted he's dead, but your stuck in this fantasy that he's alive, well and in the future.

Prue - And Piper, the squirrel got you out of it, but you are still holding on to maybe the baby got control. You won't let go.

Cole - And, Leo, you keep thinking he was real in your Vision Quest. He probably was, but he's not trapped there. He ceased to exist and his body faded to the future.

Prue - And until you accepted it…

Piper - But, I've accepted it.

Prue and Cole - But they haven't.

Paige - I have. Let's summon him.

Cole - But Phoebe hasn't.

Phoebe - No, he went back - her eyes fills with tears cause she knows it isn't true - He's alive.

Piper - Cole and Prue are right, honey. We were all in denial. You just have to get off of that boat.

Phoebe - I don't know how? Help me.

Prue - We can't. Only you can. We can help you through your pain, but that's it. We don't and can't know how you feel deep inside.

Phoebe - But you did such a good job a while ago.

Cole - That was a skin deep diagnosis. Not what your heart needs.

Phoebe - Cole, you can talk to my heart. Help me understand.

Cole -I can break your heart a thousand times, but it isn't me that's talking to it. I'm talking to your mind and it's talking to your heart. I don't do a thing to your heart, sweetie, it's your mind.

Prue - You're the only one.

Phoebe - I'm going to my room.

She walks off.

Cole - I hope she can find strength. She'll need it.

Prue - Yeah. She will.

Cole - I think I'm going up to her.

Prue - You can't help her!

Cole - I know, but I can be her friend in her time of need. - Cole walks towards the elevators. He presses the button, but it's in use. He presses the other, but no luck. He presses the last elevator, and nothing - Oh I see. You can't fool me, Phoebe. - He focuses on phoebe and shimmers straight to her - Phoebe!

Phoebe - Leave me alone.

Cole- Ya know, it's rude and not very lady like to make all the elevators in use and use the stairs until you reach the center of the house.

Phoebe - mocking - Ya know, it's rude to come looking for someone when they want to be alone.

Cole - No it's not, it's generous. You want someone, but I can't help you. So I'll be that shoulder when it comes handy.

Phoebe - Can I use it now? - Cole nods - I miss him, but I don't want to stop this lie. It feels good inside. It don't leave me empty inside.

Cole - Like the truth does. - Phoebe starts to cry - Shh. It's ok. I'm here. We're alone, let it out.

Phoebe - crying - Why? Why does everyone we love either hate us for who we are, die, becomes a slave to the craft or is evil.

Cole - I don't know. I've asked that question myself.

Phoebe lifts up her head and looks him in the eye.

Phoebe -Really.

Cole - laughing - Really.

Phoebe reaches up and kisses him. Right there, on the stairs on the 3rd floor, they make love.

_ Time Lapse _

Piper - You did what on my floors?

Phoebe - bashful - The heat of the moment got to us.

Cole - Yeah, sorry. Blame Paige.

Leo - Pity Paige. She caught you guys.

Prue - At least it changed her mind.

Piper - Yeah, but I have got to mop first.

Prue - So tomorrow.

Piper - Yes tomorrow. I don't know where they did it at.

Cole - Neither do I.

Phoebe - Third floor.

Piper - Ok, but tomorrow. God people. That's why man made rooms.

Leo - Someone should really go check Paige. She took out of here.

Prue - Do you blame her.

Cole - She screamed. She ran.

Phoebe - Yeah. She jumped 3 steps.

Piper - I can't believe you two.

Piper walks off. She grabs her mop and mop bucket and heads upstairs.

Phoebe - I don't know why she took the stairs.

Cole - Me either.

Prue - You sent the elevator upstairs. All of them.

Phoebe - Yeah, but all she had to do is push the button.

Leo - She probably saw it was up in another floor and decided it was easier to walk up the stairs.

Phoebe - Yeah, but my question is, her rooms are on floor three, her stairs are two.

Prue - Good question. But why were you on third?

Phoebe - Center of the house.

Prue - Ok. Thank you.

Leo - to Cole - Why did you do it on stairs?

Cole - I didn't mean to do it at all. It just happened.

Prue - I sure hope you two are satisfied.

Cole - Yes, but no.

Leo - Huh.

Cole - It was uneven. It wasn't comfortable.

Phoebe - You weren't complaining.

Cole - holding out his hands in a 'look at you' gesture - Who would?

Phoebe - Yeah, but it was uncomfortable.

Cole - mocking - You weren't complaining.

Phoebe - doing the same as Cole did earlier - Who would?

They laugh.

Leo - I'm going to give Piper company.

Cole - If you get in the heat of the moment… put it on hold and go to a bed.

Leo - Ok, I'll keep that in mind.

He walks up the stairs.

Prue - I think I hear a hot tub calling.

Phoebe - In the basement.

Prue - in a remembering gesture - Oh, good idea. See ya later. Oh, and if Andy is looking for me, tell him there's room for two.

She walks off.

Phoebe - Did my sister just bail us with our and their children?

Cole - Yep.

Phoebe - I'm gonna kill them.

Cole - Nah, lets take them down to the pool. They can have fun.

Phoebe - And disturb Prue from having some R&R. Good idea!

Cole just laughs as they get the kids and go to the basement.

Time Lapse

They had fun in the pool and afterward went to bed. They had to get in bed early for they'd be getting out early as well for the plan Piper had cooking.


	11. Are You Out Of Your Mind, Day 4

Day 1 of Mission: Chris

_ Friday, May 27, 2005 _

This is the day everyone is nervous about. Prue's day was interrupted by Phoebe and Cole and the kids. Piper and Leo cleaned the stairs and talked all night. No horse play, seriously. Phoebe and Cole actually had fun and got to know the kids, really know. All of their individualities and actually discovered twins are not similar in personality or character. Paige hid in her room until Connor brought her out to have fun with them. Richard found a building in Sophia. He starts Tuesday to put all his furniture in it. Richard made it back ok without getting lost. Andy never went to be with Prue. He slept all day. They all (except Andy) had supper together. They talked about everything and went to sleep afterwards. Piper wakes up at 6:00 and fixes breakfast. Prue wakes up around 6:45. Phoebe wakes up at 7:00 and goes to La-Z-Boy on Robert C. Byrd Drive. That's where she finds the local Wal-mart. Then, after she got her office stuff, she drives over to Crab Orchard to Lester Square to Radio Shack and bought a computer. Now, she's broke. She brings home the computer but told La-Z-Boy to bring the stuff to her house. Paige woke up at 7:30. She watched the kids. The guys got up a few minutes after the girls. When Phoebe arrives home, it's time to summon Chris.

Piper - I've got the potion. Leo suggests to chunk it instead of have him chug it. Ready - they all nod - Here goes nothing.

Paige - We've already striped the kids powers. We couldn't wait.

Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige - A fellow blood kin we summon now, another way we don't know how; we have discovered the light, bring him from that frightful night.

A bright, white light appears before them. It blows their hair back, similar to the scene in "Something Wicca This Way Comes." When the light disappears, they realized that it was Chris's inter body, forming; cause the white light formed to him. The minute he forms, Piper doesn't hesitate and throws the potion at his side on the floor (they had him on the daybed in the 1st lobby.) Immediately the potion takes effect: the wound heals up and they see Chris' breathing speeds up and then levels out. Once everything has taken effect, Chris takes a deep, sharp breath, sitting up.

Chris -What happened?

Leo - Son, it's me, your Dad.

Chris - breathing heavy, but it's leveling out again - I know, what happened. I was expecting to see nothing, not you.

Piper - We summoned you and stripped your powers.

Chris -WHAT!

Phoebe - You can't die from a blessed athame if you don't practice magic.

Paige - So your safe.

Chris - Kill. Uncle Richard.

Paige - Chris?

Chris - ranting - NO! You can't do this. You can't play God! I was meant to die! Mom, how could you allow this. Are all of you out of your minds? What was so important that you had to summon me from my death bed? Why would you be that desperate? How could you be that desperate? How long has it been? - looking around - Where are we at, this isn't the Manor?

Piper - Goodness boy. I was the one who asked. It's been a year, one week ago. We're at our new home, we faked our deaths.

Chris - What?

Phoebe - The Manor is gone. We blew it up.

Paige - We blew the Nexus up.

Chris - WHAT?!

Leo - They thought we were dead, so we let them continue to believe it.

Chris - I can't believe you.

Piper - We had to.

Chris - When do I get my powers back.

Piper, Prue, Phoebe, Paige, and Leo - Never. - Chris faints -

Prue - watching Chris faint - That went well.

Piper - getting down on her knees - Get me a wet wash cloth.

Leo runs after one.

Phoebe - Is he ok.

Piper - Yeah, he just got too much info, too little time.

Leo comes back in.

Leo - handing her a cold, wet wash cloth - Here.

Piper - Thanks.

She applies the cold cloth on his forehead, and it slowly awakes him.

Chris - weakly - What?

Paige - We all striped our powers, well, we're fixing to.

Prue - Me and Paige are the only ones… beside Cole and Richard.

Chris - What about Dad?

Leo - Fell from Grace.

Chris - What has happened since I was gone?

They tell him the story. It isn't very long, but it is long.

_ Time Lapse _

Chris - Wow! That's a lot.

Prue - Your telling me. Mine was a hell of a lot longer.

Chris - Yeah, but you've been gone for three years. I've only been gone a year.

Leo - Yeah. It's been quite a trip.

Paige - It's been hell on us. We've missed you so much.

Piper - So, we thought we'd summon you.

Chris - Yeah, but…

Phoebe - No buts Chris. Leave them behind you.

Chris - smiling - Literally.

Phoebe - Smart ass.

Chris - Well, I hate to bragg…

Piper - Why don't you have a look around, and pick a room.

Chris - Ok.

Piper takes him up to the 1st floor: Piper's floor.

Piper - This is the floor I took.

Chris - unbelievingly - I'm sorry. Did I hear you right: Floor.

Piper - Yes, there's six floors plus the basement.

Chris - Whoa, that's a lot of floors. Where are we anyway?

Piper - Later. You need your rest.

Chris - Ok. I can't believe you have a elevator.

Piper - Sweetie, we have three.

Chris - Wow! Ok, so these are the rooms.

Piper - Yes. You can have any one you want.

Chris - I just don't want to intrude. You said six, plus the basement. There is only four of you. Is there a extra floor?

Piper - That's the attic.

Chris - That's only five. What is the 6th floor.

Piper - Oh, penthouse.

Chris - Sounds good to me! - Piper laughs and takes him to the main floor - Uh, don't we go up?

Piper - Yes, but there is only one way to the penthouse's.

Chris - How many penthouse's?

Piper - Four.

Chris - I like. - Piper pushes the button and the door opens then they walk in - Is this glass walls?

Piper - Yeah, well, I hope it's fiber glass.

Chris - Ok. whoa… we're moving backward.

Piper - Yeah, it takes you around the resort?

Chris - Resort? Are we living in a resort?

Piper - No, but yes. It use to be a resort but was closed down.

Chris - Cool! I like this? Are we in up-state California?

Piper - We left California.

Chris - Oh. Where are we then?

Piper - Later.

Chris - Why is there a wooden fence all around?

Piper - It borders our properties.

Chris - OUR Properties.

Piper - Yeah. It's a lot of land.

Chris - I like this. You can see everything. - the elevator goes through the sliding doors and into the elevator shaft; as he is walking out - Wow! I bet that is four big penthouses.

Piper - They are. Oh, and you can get into one by going through the conjoining door.

Chris - Ok. Could I have the key… ya know privacy.

Piper - Watch that rhyming young man.

Chris - Mom, relax, it was just a Mother Goose rhyme.

Piper - Yeah, and don't read those either.

Chris - You are paranoid.

Piper - You should have been there when Chris…Christopher got attacked by that squirrel.

Chris - A Squirrel?

Piper - Yeah, at Lake Stevens.

Chris - Oh my god. - she unlocks the first door - Oh my god. I love it.

Piper - Just wait.

Chris - Why?

Piper - Because, if you think your coming up here and never coming back, you're wrong.

Chris - I know, I have to work and I'll watch the kids…all but my little self.

Piper - I don't mean like that! You have to see us, Chris.

Chris - Of course. I wouldn't dream of it.

Piper - Good.

Chris - Now, where are we?

Piper - Later! Let me show you the other three.

She shows him the first, second and third. He likes them, but when she shows him the fourth, something clicks.

Chris - This one. I want this one!

Piper - Are you sure?

Chris - Yes…Besides if I don't like it, I could change my mind. I mean, I have another how many rooms to pick from.

Piper - One hundred and sixty seven.

Chris - Dang!

Piper - Ok, so if you're sure I'll lock up these three rooms. The only way you could open the connector door is with Number four key, so you're good.

Chris - Ok, I'll be down later. Uh, does someone have some extra clothes.

Piper - Uh, I'll check. Be back.

She walks out and goes down the elevator.

Chris - sitting down on a couch - I could get used to this.

Chris sees a radio and turns it on.

Man - It's gonna be a beautiful day today in West Virginia…

Chris - WEST VIRGINIA!

_ Time Lapse _

Piper has came back, Richard was the closest fit. When Piper walks in the door, she finds the radio playing and Chris, with his knees pulled up to his chest: rocking.

Chris - West Virginia, West Virginia…

Piper rushes to his side and kneels down to his level.

Piper - Chris, sweetie, can you hear me?

Chris - still in a trance, but responds -Yes; West Virginia, West Virginia.

Piper - It's ok, your ok. We're together, a family.

Chris - breaking the trance - No, it's not ok, Mom. We're three thousand miles away from home.

Piper - Actually two thousand, six hundred and forty-one.

Chris - Still, you can't just take the kids away. We grew up there?

Piper - I know, but what else could we do? Home Land Security had us figured out.

Chris - Yeah but… West Virginia.

Piper - It's somewhere we'd never ago.

Chris -Ya know… this takes Charmed Ones Gone Wild to a whole other level.

Piper laughs.

Piper - But what is Charmed Ones Gone Wild?

Chris - Later…or better yet, never.

Piper - Why?

Chris - Never mind. So is it Lunch or Supper?

Piper - Lunch. I'm about to put it on.

Chris - Need some help.

Piper - Sweetie. I appreciate the offer, but you need to relax.

Chris - But I relax when I cook.

You can tell Piper gets excited, but she contains herself.

Piper - As good as that sound, you relax. I'll send someone up when it's ready.

Chris - No, don't bother. I know how long it takes you to cook. I'll take a shower and take a look around the place.

Piper - Sweetie, all they have to do is get on an elevator, then ride up it, get out and walk over to your door.

Chris - With my Aunts, that's a lot of work.

Piper smiles, kisses his cheek and walks out.

Chris - Now, to get these clothes off.

Chris takes a shower, about 10 minutes. Then he dresses and puts his shoes on: 7 minutes. He walked around the place and decides stay in the smallest room. He looks around and has a mental image of the things he wants to put in his new home. Knowing his Aunts, he knows he has to do something.

Chris - calling up - Luna! Please come here.

A bright beam enters the room and Chris covers eyes from the rays.

Chris - Hello Luna.

Luna - Oh my god. Sir! You're alive!

Chris - Yes, but no.

Luna - You know sir, I usually understand your cryptic talk, but you lost me.

Chris - I'm alive now, but they summoned me from my death bed - with aggression - _and stripped my powers!_

Luna - But Christopher, how?

Chris - I think they stripped small fry's, so mine could be stripped.

Luca - Oh. What do you need sir?

Chris looks nervously at Luna and smiles/laughs nervously.

Chris - I need you to make what they've done legal by you guys so you can protect them.

Luna - What have they done?! 

Chris - Faked their deaths and moved to West Virginia. - he laughs nervously again -

Luna - Oh god!

Chris - They were in some really deep do-do on this one Luna.

Luna - I know, but why would they not contact us?

Chris - They don't know. You know the elders wouldn't tell the whitelighters… well, they wouldn't tell Dad either.

Luna - Why?

Chris - He still had contact with them and then because he would go back. They knew that. The only one who didn't know was Dad.

Luna - Ok, I'll swipe their slates clean… Piper, Leo, Phoebe, Paige, Wyatt and your little self that is. Anything else?

Chris - Yeah, I need some money. Coming all the way here, it's bound to break them.

Luna - Ok, how many?

Chris - For now 5, if that's ok with you.

Luna - Ok.

Chris - Really?

Luna - Why not? It's your hard earned cash.

Chris - We just die.

Luna - No, you just don't die. You work hard and lay your life on the line.

Chris - No, we give our life to the line. No laying involved.

Luna - Ok, Christopher, whatever you say.

Chris laughs.

Chris - I really need to be going. So…

Luna - Yeah… Chris?

Chris - Huh?

Luna - Your not the King of Magic or a Time-Traveler… or a witch for the matter. I might as well call you what you prefer, right?

Chris - If you want to… what is it that you want.

Luna - Sit still, it'll be over soon. I've been wanting to do this for a long time.

She gently grabs his head and passionately kisses him. Then she beams out, leaving a very stunned, very confused Chris behind.

_ Time Lapse _

Chris, once he snapped out of it, rode down the elevator and into the main floor, memorized. He walks into the Entertainment room and finds Phoebe searching the room.

Chris - What are you looking for, Sherlock?

Phoebe - Well, Watson, I'm hunting for the lost den. Care to apply?

Chris - Sure. Where's your deed?

Phoebe - handing him the deed - Right here. It says it's here, but I don't know where here?

Chris - Well, it was probably a place where adults could smoke or employees could take a break. So it's probably a hidden door.

Phoebe - Good thinking, but where?

Chris - It probably has 2 different tone colors.

Phoebe - Wow, your on a roll, Watson.

Chris - Chris please.

Phoebe - Ok, Mr. Chris Watson.

They laugh and Chris finds the 2 tones. He knocks and pulls it back.

Chris - Here ya go.

Phoebe - Thank you.

Chris - Your welcome. I gotta go. Uh, what door do I take: left or right? This place needs a map.

Phoebe - Seriously. Where ya going?

Chris - Mom.

Phoebe - Left. Ya know, I think I'm going to get direction signs. - she walks off yelling - LEO!

Chris - That man is in service more than the president.

Leo's voice - SECOND FLOOR!

Chris - Hey, it works. MOM!

Piper comes in the room in a panic.

Piper - What, what? Are you ok, are you bleeding?

Chris - Mom, Mom, Mom. Calm down. It's ok.

Piper - Why did you scream like that?

Chris - I couldn't find you.

Piper takes a relieved breath.

Piper - Thank god.

Chris - Relax. It'd be a bigger Mom than that.

Piper - hugging him - Hey, are you punctual?!

Chris - Hey, why wouldn't I be. For your food, I'd put the Queen of England on hold.

Piper - Thank you, sweetie.

Chris - Hey, anytime.

Piper - I was about to yell at them. Would you go to each hall and yell. Use that kitchen elevator. - she points to the door going deeper in the house - All the way back, to your right.

Chris - Ok.

Chris walks back to the elevator and does as he was asked. After a while, he comes back. Piper has Wyatt, Chris, Melissa, Collin, and Courtney in their high-chairs; and Connor, Connie, Patricia, and Andy, Jr. in their booster chairs. When Chris walks in, their hearts stop for 1 moment.

Patricia, Andy, Jr., Connor and Connie - CHRIS!

Chris - Connie! Oh my god!

They unbuckle their booster seats and run to him.

Prue - Sorry. I'm sorry my daughter made your kids smarter.

Piper - I'm not.

Wyatt - Kwisss! Kwisss! Kwisss!

Chris - Hi Wyatt.

Chris takes him out of his high-chair. Wyatt clings to Chris.

Wyatt - Kwis!

Chris - Yes, Kwis is here.

Chris looks into Wyatt's eyes.

Chris - Ok, there's no evil glint, but there is one of pain and sorrow. Why?

Leo - What are you talking about?

Chris - It's as if he doesn't understand. Did you guys explain to Wyatt about me dying and did you guys morn…

The girls and Leo start to say yes, yeah, of course, ect.

Chris - In front of Wyatt.

Piper, Leo, Phoebe and Paige - No.

Chris - That's why.

Phoebe - What do you mean "that's why"?

Chris - He saw me die, well not then, but when I was stabbed. How did he find out?

Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and Leo - No one told him.

Chris - WHAT!

Piper - He wouldn't understand.

Chris - Yes he would. He remembers everything from birth.

Piper - What? Future Wyatt didn't remember even when he was three.

Chris - Was this event concerning a certain turning-evil teddy-bear?

Piper - Yes.

Chris - Not even my Wyatt could remember.

Piper - How was I to know he could remember?

Chris - I don't know, he is the twice blessed.

Piper - So?

Chris - God, you people!

Piper - Chris.

Chris - No. Summoning me is one thing; not explaining to Wyatt is another.

Piper - Chris…

Chris - I don't have an appetite anyway. - he leaves -

Piper - with a tear rolling down her cheek - Chris…

They see Chris go up on the elevator. Wyatt runs for the window but can't catch him.

Wyatt - Kwis…


	12. Are You Out Of Your Mind, Day 5

A/N:Thanks to everyone who reviewed. It's nice to hear from the readers out there. Keep it coming. I hope you all enjoy the new chapter. It's short, but expect one tomorrow. Hope y'all keep in touch.

Day 2 of Mission: Chris

_ Saturday, May 28, 2005 _

It has been one heck of a day. With all the chaos, they don't know up from down. About four this morning, Piper smells cooking. She walks to the elevators and rides down to the main floor. She checks the first kitchen and nothing, then she checks the second kitchen and she finds Chris cooking up a storm. He's got a little of everything.

Piper - Good morning.

Chris - Hey. Look, I'm sorry about what happened at last night's out burst.

Piper - It's ok.

Chris - No… it wasn't. I'm the son… and you were generous enough to summon me and save my life. I'm sorry.

Piper - Chris. You don't have to apologize or make this peace offering.

Chris - What, this, oh no. This is my breakfast, I just cooked yours too.

Piper laughs and while Chris has her where he wants her, he pops a strawberry in her mouth. She laughs some more as they play fight.

Piper - I love you.

Chris - I love you so much Mom.

They hug and share a mother-son moment.

_ Time Lapse _

Chris and Piper finish breakfast and Piper starts to head for the elevators.

Chris - Mom. I've got a faster way.

Chris hands her a can of something.

Piper - What is it?

Chris - Open it. - she does and finds coffee beans - Put it in the grinder. Trust me, I've had a four story house before. It woke every adult in the house.

Piper - What about the kids?

Chris - holding up orange halves - That is what this is for. - Piper grounds up the coffee and puts it in the coffee maker as Chris squeezed the orange halves before 10 minutes was up, everyone was wide awake and at the table - Told ya.

Piper - Wow, you even got Paige up.

Chris - She's the easiest. She'll wake up at the scent of coffee.

Paige - Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Chris - rubbing Wyatt's hair - Hey kido!

Wyatt - Kwis!

Chris - Yeah.

Leo - Hey Chris.

Chris - Hey Dad.

Phoebe and Paige - Hi.

Chris - Oh guys, I'm know. Sanity is back in order.

Paige - No, you had a right to be mad at us.

Chris - No I didn't.

Phoebe - Chris, I'd be pissed too.

Chris - Guys, I'm sorry.

Piper, Leo, Phoebe and Paige - It's ok!

Chris - I need to talk to you.

Piper - About what?

Chris - Your ID's. You got some trouble. You guys didn't authorize this by the Agency. If you guys told them, they would have swapped your slate clean, but you don't know about them. The Agency is a group of beings in charge of time and space now.

Piper - Well, how do we get in contact with them?

Chris - Already done.

Phoebe - What?

Chris - I contacted them yesterday. I've got you guys some money and your slates clean. The old Halliwell's are still there, but you guys are the new Halliwell's.

Phoebe - So we can get jobs?

Chris - Yes.

Paige - Cool! I wonder what West Virginia's work force is like.

Andy - I don't know. Chris, is mine and Prue's, Richard's and Cole's the same.

Chris - Yes. You have to change your license and tags but that's it.

Phoebe - Renew or retake.

Chris - Renew. The Agency took care of everything.

Paige - Ok, after breakfast. Best breakfast yet, Piper.

Chris - holding up a glass of orange juice - Yeah Mom, best breakfast yet.

_ Time Lapse _

The girls and their families ate breakfast, still thinking it's Piper's. After they finished, Chris and Piper washed dishes and they drove down to the WV-DMV. They redid their licenses and went to Ramey Save-A-Lot in Beckley on Robert C. Byrd Drive. They got one truck and one four-wheel SUV. After they finish, they go back home.

Chris - So, everyone set. New driver's, new tags, new everything.

Piper -Yeah.

Leo - Yes.

Phoebe - Yep.

Paige - Surely.

Chris - Good.

Piper - Who's hungry?

They all raise their hand's.

Piper - Alrighty.

They eat and they turn in for the day.


	13. Are You Out Of Your Mind, Day 6

Day 3 of Mission: Chris

_ Sunday, May 29, 2005 _

Piper cooks with help from Chris. They eat and they watched some TV. About 9, they turned in. Next morning. Chris cooks again. This time, though, he's caught.

Patricia - Good meal, Chris.

Prue - Sweetie, Piper cooked.

Andy, Jr. - Are you kidding me! I know Chris' cooking anywhere.

They all turn to Piper.

Piper - Sorry guys, he gave me credit.

They all turn to Chris. Chris laughs nervously.

Chris - Guys!

Prue - Be proud. You've got a talent.

Chris - I just can't. Love Mom, but…

Patricia - He's not use to the Whole 'Mr. Humble's missing" thing.

Piper - Mr. Humble?

Chris laughs nervously again.

Chris - Patricia! Stop giving out future consequences. - they all look at him - What?

Piper - Just because you died and we saved you doesn't mean you can revive F.C.

Chris - stretching - Sorry!

Piper - What is Mr. Humble?

Chris - Sorry. F.C.

Piper - F.C. died with you.

Chris - And I'm alive.

Piper - Yeah but we left him dead.

Chris - He's just a title.

Phoebe - A title?

Paige - Yeah, what do you mean title?

Chris - Never mind.

Piper - No, not _never mind_.

Chris - Ok, F.I.

The girls look at him strange.

Chris - Future Issues. Topic dismissed.

_ Time Lapse _

It's around noon and everybody is outside. Prue is exploring the landscape, looking at the mountain rage. Andy is actually out looking for a job, somewhere in Ghent. Piper is looking around, deciding where to put flowers. Leo is finishing up the play area. Cole is with Richard and Paige, in the pool with the kids, Chris is exploring the house, the only one inside and Phoebe is up to no good. She's in the Mountains, flowing the creek. She gets so far up, when she gives up and decides to sit down and rest.

Phoebe - Oh my god. I wasn't expecting this to be a hike.

She looks around, and hears something in the background. She can tell that she's highly elevated. Then a bunch of birds come flocking towards her. She ducks them and when she raises up. She watches them fly off. She walks father up the mountain to see what it was and sees some people cutting down a tree. Then she hears a chain saw start back up. She walks father up the mountain towards a cliff and sits down. After a few moments, she closes her eyes. The next thing she knows, she feels something around her legs. Her eyes shoot straight open. When she discovers what it is, she relaxes a little.

Phoebe - Oh, hello kitty. - Phoebe goes to pet the "kitty" but she just disregards it. - Must be my stomach. - She pets the "kitten" and hears a roar. Then, out of the mountain cliff comes a big mountain Lion. - It's not my stomach! - She takes off running, demon hunting finally coming in handy. Just not down hill. For a moment, she slows down until she can hear it coming up fast behind her. - Good Kitty! Was that your baby? I'm sorry! I won't bother you again, - whining - I swear! - she dashes over a log, the big cat right on her tail. She looks back to see the cat and accidentally trip over her feet, luckily/unluckily, whichever way you want to put it, she falls down the hill, excelling her speed, losing the mountain lion. About twenty turns, and one big scream, she lands on Leo: breathing heavily - Oh Leo, thank god.

Leo - Phoebe! Oh my god, are you ok?

Phoebe - Yes and no.

Leo - What?

Phoebe - I lost the big cat, but I'm hurting. You decide.

Leo - We need to get you to the hospital.

Phoebe - Nonsense. I'm fin.. fine.

Leo - Piper, someone get me some towels and the car! Hurry!

They quickly bring the car around and Piper comes running with towels.

Piper - without seeing Phoebe - What happened?

Leo - Phoebe fell from the Mountain. She was chased by a Mountain lion.

All of a sudden, the Mountain Lion comes jumping out of the trees. Then, gunshots are fired into the air and scared it away. Then Chris, with a shot gun, comes out of the back porch.

Chris -Are you guys ok?

Piper - Yeah, but Phoebe's hurt…badly.

Chris - Let's get her to the hospital. You driving her, or are we calling 911.

Paige - I'd be faster to take in the car.

They lift her up, with sheets and towels securely wrapped around her neck and spine by Leo. Cole, Paige and Leo take Phoebe to Raleigh General Hospital, in Piper's car. Prue, the kids, and Richard all ride in Chris's car while Chris and Piper ride in Prue's.

Piper - Where did you learn how to shoot like that?

Chris - From the best.

Piper - The best?

About 30 minutes later, they arrive at the hospital, ER took her immediately. They all go to the waiting room.

Chris - Did anybody tell them she was pregnant?

Cole and Leo look at each other.

Paige - No.

Chris dashes to the room where they took Phoebe. Some doctors catch him.

Doctor - Sir, sir; you can't come any further!

Chris - I was so hoping that, that happens in the real life. That woman in there, Phoebe Halliwell. She's pregnant! Two weeks along!

The 2nd Doctor - Thank you sir. Well do everything we can for both mother and child.

Chris slowly walks back to the waiting room.

Leo - Chris? Something wrong?

Chris sits heavily down on chair.

Chris - No, just horrible flash backs.

Piper comforts him.

Piper - trying to take his mind off of things - Now, where did you learn to shoot and where and when did you get it?

Chris - I bought it yesterday. Jeremy use to tell me all the time about the wilderness…so I bought a gun.

Piper - Where did you learn to shoot?

Chris - My Mom. - he laughs - She use to say "With all the healers in this house, a little bullet to the rump wouldn't hurt."

Piper - I knew I was a horrible mother.

Chris - What? No, No, Mom; you were great. Your _are_ great. What makes you think this?

Piper - I shot you for no reason.

Chris - No indeed you did not. Mom never shot anyone without a good reason. Now it was a cheap jury… - he laughs - But hey. It was fair.

A doctor walks out.

Piper - Doctor, how is she? How is my sister?!

Chris - quickly adding in -And her baby.

Doctor - Your sister is fine… but.

Chris - But?

Doctor takes a deep breath.

Doctor - We may loose the baby. She's starting to spot.

_End of chapter 2 - ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND_


	14. Touch and Go, Day 1

Day 1 of Mission: Touch & Go

_Chapter 3 - Touch & Go_

_ Monday, May 29, 2005 _

Chris - Wh--What?

Doctor - It's just a percentage chance, but it isn't looking good for the baby.

Chris - Please, do everything you can.

Doctor - We will.

The doctor leaves, Piper rubs Chris's shoulders.

Piper - They'll be ok, I promise.

Chris - Yeah, well, I can't make miracles happen anymore.

Leo - What does that mean?

Chris - I'm no good to the world powerless.

Paige - Sure you are.

Chris - No, I'm not. Some part of me wishes you never summoned me.

Piper -You can't mean that.

Chris - Not entirely, but one forth.

Paige - What does the other 3 want.

Chris - Life, love and you guys. I can have two but not four.

Leo - Why not? I'm sure there are some available women in west Virginia.

Chris - Sure, but not Bianca.

Leo - angry, but trying not to show it - Oh.

Chris - God, lets just focus on Phoebe.

_ Time Lapse _

The next two hours are hell on the Halliwell's, they do 4 things: Pace, pace, got coffee and pace. Then the doctor returned.

Doctor - Uh, Phoebe and her fetus are fine. The baby is on edge, so no stress, at all. Strictly bed rest.

Chris - closing his eyes - Oh thank god.

Piper - So both mother and baby are god.

Doctor - Yes, stable. The baby is in danger though.

Chris - Bed rest, got it. Can we see her?

Doctor - Uh, yeah. Just no more then three and no kids.

Chris - Cole, Prue, Mom, why don't you go. Paige you can go in next, ok?

Paige - Yeah. Of course. - Cole looks at her - No, go on.

Prue, Piper, and Cole walks in. Chris puts his arm around Paige.

Paige - I should be comforting you.

Chris - Nah. I'm just the worry wart.

Doctor - Excuse me, if I may, I would like to ask you how you knew that she was pregnant? We had to look twice.

Chris - I've been around a lot of women. I know when there is a baby on the way.

Doctor - Thanks. That puzzled me to no end.

Chris - You're welcome.

The doctor walks away.

Chris - So, what have you guys decided to do?

Leo - About what?

Chris - The winter. They don't have easy winters. Jeremy has told me all about it.

Leo - That is it! Who is Jeremy?

Chris - simply - My god-uncle?

Leo, Paige, and Richard - God-uncle?

Chris - Yeah. He made it up. My godfather was taken and he couldn't be my godmother, so he took god-uncle.

Paige - Ok.

Chris - So, what about winter?

Leo - We're gonna pay someone to haul wood and coal.

Chris - Oh no you don't. I know where to get coal and I know how to get wood.

Leo - You do.

Chris - Yes, I do. It's simple.

Leo - Congratulations. It's not for me.

Chris laughs.

Chris - Ok, visiting hours are almost over, lets see what Mom and 2 of the Aunt's are up to.

Paige smiles. They walk towards her room.

Chris - Can someone switch places with Paige.

Piper - I will.

Prue - No, Piper, I will.

Piper - No.

Prue - Why?

Piper - She's had me all her life. You two have been missing.

Piper leaves and Paige walks in.

Chris - Hey Mom, you guys want to go out on the town?

Piper - Sweetie, we don't have enough money. I don't know how we're gonna pay for this.

Chris - Forty-two billion not enough. I can give you more.

Phoebe - in the room - Forty-two what?!

Chris - Billion.

Piper - Ch--Chris!

Chris - I'm serous. I've got 16..no, now 11.

Piper - But.. but…

Chris -You heard, just didn't listen.

Piper - I listened!

Chris - Ok, you listened, but didn't hear.

Leo - How did you get $42,000,000!

Chris - My death.

Piper - God, want your life insurance.

Chris - Ah, it's more like payroll. I die for a living…wow, what an Oxymoron!

Piper - What!

Chris - Yeah, every time I die; I get two billion, two thousand and seven, two hundred and seventy dollars and twenty-seven cents. I think it's too much. All we do is die.

The doctor walks over to them.

Doctor - I'm sorry. Phoebe needs her rest. You can come tomorrow. All of you, even children will be able to see her.

Chris - Ok, thanks you. - He walks over to her & kisses Phoebe on the check. - See you tomorrow, Phoebe.

Phoebe - Doctor, are you sure I can't go home.

Doctor - Sorry, Ms. Halliwell.

Phoebe sighs.

Chris - Uh, how could we call her?

Doctor - Dial 256-4 plus room number.

Chris - Ok, thank you.

He writes down 256-4212 they say goodbye to phoebe and leave.

_ Time Lapse _

Chris walks in to his penthouse, flips on his light to find Luna sitting on his loveseat, waiting on him.

Chris - Luna?

Luna - Hey sir, I can't stop calling you that. I wanted to know what you wanted me to do with the money that you got from your family.

Chris - It's with the rest, right?

Luna - NO, sir. Think about it. You have died for the cause 296 times, so the 16 bags are from your deaths. But you also have 11 more bags from your family: three times worth. It's still your money, you're still him.

Chris - 11 more?

Luna - Yeah.

Chris - Can I leave them up there?

Luna - Not all 11, but you can keep 8. I have no more room. Sorry, sir.

Chris - I will take them, then. I have a half bag already in the vault, but I can't get to it.

Luna - I will get it for you, sir.

Chris - Can I ask you a question, Luna?

Luna - Sure, sir.

Chris - Is Prue ok. In the future after that fall. I got really worried.

Luna - I will check. But last I looked she was.

Chris - Thank you.

Luna - Your welcome, sir.

She beams out and he drops down on the couch and turn on the TV. He watches CMT until she comes back.

Luna - Sir, she is fine and here is your three and a half bags of money. I would put it in a bank.

Chris - I will tomorrow.

Luna - Ok, sir.

She starts to beam out.

Chris - Luna, wait.

She stops her beaming.

Luna - Yes sir.

Chris - I have another question.

Luna - Go ahead.

Chris - Why did you kiss me?

Luna smiles mischievously at him and beams out.

Chris - LUNA! LUNA! LUNA! Oh, forget it!

Chris picks up the telephone and dials.

Chris - Hey.

Phoebe - over the phone - Hey! You called!

Chris - Yeah, I thought I better.

Phoebe - over the phone - Good thing too, I was about to blab to these nurses about our situation.

Chris - You better not.

Phoebe - over the phone - Nah, I'm just kidding ya. So how are things in Odd.

Chris - Uh, well Dad finished the play area and Wyatt is his first subject.

Phoebe - over the phone - Oh, I bet he's happy.

Chris - Oh yeah, he couldn't get out of here fast enough.

Phoebe - over the phone - I bet. So how's your mom?

Chris - She seems ok, why? Haven't you heard from her?

Phoebe - over the phone - No, you're the first…and probably only.

Chris - I'm sorry.

Phoebe - over the phone - No, don't be. You called, it's them that should be sorry.

Chris - Well, they just saw you.

Phoebe - over the phone - Still. They should call!

Chris - I know. So how is Beckley after dark.

Phoebe - over the phone - Dim. I'm use to 24 hours light, this place you can see the stars.

Chris - And how exactly would you know?

Phoebe - over the phone - I'm looking at them.

Chris - What! You get in that bed this instant!

Phoebe - over the phone - Why?

Chris - Because, Prue.

Phoebe - over the phone - What about Prue?

Chris - She was almost killed with you.

Phoebe - over the phone - What? I saw her, she was ok.

Phoebe starts to hyperventilate.

Chris - No, Phoebe, your baby. Phoebe, calm down.

He can't calm her down so he thinks quickly, and he figures it out. He turns up CMT so she could hear it. It finished up a commercial and then:

Music starts to play:

I met a guy on the red eye  
He spotted my guitar  
and said what do you do?  
I said, I sing for a living,  
Country music mixed with   
a little rock and a little blues  
He said I'm sorry  
but I've never been crazy  
'bout that twang and trains and hillbilly thing  
What ever made you want to sing stuff like that?  
I just looked at him and laughed and said

cause it's songs about me  
and who I am  
songs about loving and living  
and good hearted women and family and God  
yeah they're all just  
songs about me  
songs about me

So I offered him tickets  
I said you'll see what I mean  
if you show up tonight  
he said I doubt you'll change my opinion  
I'll be kind of busy, but hey man, I'll try

Then later on when we finished our songs  
about scars and cars and broken hearts  
I saw him, he was standing there  
right next to the stage  
and he shouted  
man you were right  
it was like you sang those

songs about me  
and who I am  
songs about loving and living  
and good hearted women and family and God  
yeah they're all just  
songs about me  
songs about me

So I'll just keep on singing  
'til I hear the whole world singing those

songs about me  
and who I am  
songs about loving and living  
and good hearted women and family and God  
yeah they're all just  
songs about me  
songs about me

Chris - Phoebe, are you ok.

Phoebe - over the phone - Yeah, quick thinking.

Chris - Are you ok?

Phoebe - over the phone - Yes, I just got scared, that's all.

Chris - Oh my god, it's all my fault.

Phoebe - over the phone - No Chris…

Chris - Yes it is. Bye Phoebe.

Phoebe - over the phone; while Chris is hanging up - Chris…, Chris…, Chris…, Chris…, Christopher!

He hangs up.

Chris - It was all my fault.

He locks the door, unplugs the ringer in his room and turns out the lights.


	15. Touch and Go, Day 2

A/N:Hey all! Here's another chapter, I hope you all like it. Tell me if you like it, hate it, it's average or just plain crazy. I enjoy reading your thoughts. Please, review and tell me what you think.

Day 2 of Mission: Touch & Go

_ Monday, May 30, 2005: Memorial Day _

No one has seen Chris since the night before. Andy came back with an application for Beckley Police department. Recommendation included. They told Andy what had happened and he called Phoebe imminently. She had told them about Chris, but no one could get his attention. Not even Wyatt's "Kwisss!" could get him. Now it's morning and everyone but Leo is there.

Piper - Come on Chris! We know you're in there!

The elevator opens. Leo walks out.

Leo - Got it.

Leo takes off the hinges of Chris's door. When they see him he looks pitiful. He hadn't had an ounce of relaxation, or sleep for that matter.

Chris - hateful - Haven't you ever heard of leaving people the hell alone?

Piper - Don't you talk to me with that kind of tone mister.

Chris - Why, your not my Mom, well my real Mom.

Piper, obviously offended by that, is taken a back.

Leo - Son, we heard what happened, it's not your fault.

Chris - Sure it is. Everything is Chris's fault.

Everyone - looks at each other - What now?

Paige - C'mon Chris. You didn't mean to. We all know it.

Chris - Yeah, but I did it anyway. I'm at blame.

Prue - Young man. I've had it with your attitude.

Chris - whispering - Too bad. - chipper - So sad!

Andy - Chris.

Chris - mocking - Andy.

Cole - Christopher, that's enough. No one blames you, besides, she wasn't hurt. We even had the doctor to check her.

Chris - See, you had to make sure.

Richard - Chris, why are you doing this?

Chris - None-of-your-business.

Piper - Sweetie, I know you are having a difficult time…

Chris - No, you know crap about me, my life and sure as hell my feelings. Now OUT!

Leo - No, you're under our roof, you're also under our laws.

Chris - I didn't want to be. And I can leave just easy.

Chris gets up to leave. Leo gets in his way.

Leo - Go, go. Get on that elevator stat!

Piper - Your coming, right?

Leo - Where else would I go?

Piper - Right. Go, go.

The girls rush to the elevator.

Leo - Close the door.

Piper - What?

Leo -You have to trust me, oh and leave me room to squeeze in.

Chris - If you want me to, move!

Prue pushes the close door. Leo makes a break for it. He barely squeezes in. But Chris can't. He's stuck.

Chris - Damnit!

They go on down. When they arrive, Leo starts to talk.

Leo - What we need to do is lock him in there. At least till he can cool down. We can send up his food on the elevator or I can take it up, but he can't leave now.

_ Time Lapse _

Chris sits in his room thinking. He feels so guilty. Not only for Phoebe, but everyone else. He did them wrong and he knows that. He walks over to the window and looks out. It's starting to rain and he sees Leo coming up the elevators. Afraid for his Dad, Chris runs to the elevator and presses up, down, up, down, up, down. After about 20 times of this game, the computer over rides and sends the elevator hurling down the tracks… just in time to. Movements later, a strike of lighting hits a tree and it fell to where Leo would have been. Chris rushes back to the window and saw the damage and was happy to see Leo's wide eyes on the other side. Chris rushes in his room and calls Piper's cell phone: no signal. So he dials Phoebe's hospital room number.

Chris - Phoebe, look, I don't have time, call Mom and tell her to go outside to Dad. She'll know what I mean. Thank you, goodbye.

He hangs up before Phoebe can protest. A few minutes later, Piper comes out the door and sees the elevator and a scared-out-of-his-wit's Leo. Piper and Leo exchange some words and Piper looks up at Chris room. Chris opens his window.

Chris - yelling - Is he ok?

Piper - yelling - Yeah, just scared out of his mind.

Chris - yelling - Sorry Dad!

Leo - yelling back with a weak voice - Oh no - he loses his voice -Problem.

Piper - to Leo - What are we gonna do? He's stuck.

Chris - yelling - Speak up! I can't hear ya!

Piper - yelling - I said what are we gonna do! Your stuck.

Chris - yelling - That is no problem! I can get down!

Piper - yelling - How?

Chris - yelling - Watch and learn!

Chris walks away from the window.

Piper - What is he up to?

Leo - I don't know, but it can't be good.

Chris steps back into seeing range. He has something in his hand.

Piper - What's that?

Leo - A rope?

Piper - yelling - OH NO!

She takes off running towards the house. Chris drops the rope, rain still peppering down. Leo realizes.

Leo - yelling - CHRIS! DON'T!

Chris - yelling - Don't worry Dad, I'll be fine. - he situates himself on the rope and starts down -

Leo - He's dead!

Chris slowly climbs down the rope.

Leo - trying again; yelling - Please, Chris, we'll get you down.

Chris - yelling back; still climing down - Not if I get myself down first.

Leo - yelling - Chris, c'mon! We didn't save your ass for you to splatter!

Chris - yelling - Oh, don't be ridiculous! I'm not very - he looks down; in a high, squeaky voice - high.

Leo - yelling - CHRIS! Don't look down.

Chris - yelling - Uh, a little too late to do the right thing now, Dad!

Leo - yelling - Damn, stay right there.

Chris - yelling - I AM not complaining. - a strike of lighting and a loud clap of thunder sounds - Damn, uh, I'm complaining! I'm complaining!

Leo - Hold on son, your Mom will be right there.

Piper opens the window.

Chris - Thank god!

Piper - Hold on.

Chris -Ya know, when I usually do this, there's no storm.

Piper - I know sweetie. Ok, lets get you inside.

Chris - I'm not complaining.

Piper - Ok, swing your body towards the window.

Chris - What?

Piper - You're too far over.

Chris - But, I can't.

Piper - Chris, it's ok, I know your scared.

Chris - No I'm not. - a clap of thunder sound - Ok, just a little.

Piper - Then why?

Chris - I didn't tie the rope very tight. It's loose.

Piper - Why?

Chris - I'd have to move it later, so I tied it lose.

Piper - Why would you have to move it.

Chris - Well, they don't make five story ropes and if they do, I don't keep them handy.

Piper - And why not?

Chris - Would you?!

Piper - Uh, no.

Chris - End of story. - a strike of lighting flashes - Stand back!

Piper - What?

Chris - Stand back, I'm jumping.

Piper - No your not.

Chris - Uh, uh, uh, watch me.

Piper- Chris! - Chris position his self and jumps - CHRIS!!!

He makes it to the window seal and grabs on.

Leo - yelling - CHRIS!!!

Piper - trying to help him in - What are you doing?!

Chris - struggling - Just hanging.

Piper pulls him all the way in.

Piper - If you EVER do that again…

Chris - I will ground myself and kick my own ass.

Piper - Then I will.

Paige comes running out of the elevator.

Paige - What is going on?

Piper - Chris got stuck and decided to climb down.

Chris - I got scared out of my wits and jumped - pointing to a rope - from there to the window seal.

Paige - How did you get inside?

Piper - Me.

Chris - My lovely Mom.

Leo comes dashing out of the stairwell.

Leo - out of breath - CHRIS!

Chris - I'm ok, for gods sake, people, I'm ok.

Leo - If you EVER…

Chris - I ALREADY had that lecture.

Piper - Well, your father needs his turn.

Chris - Then Dad needs to _preach_ another sermon!

Paige - Chris! You could've been killed. Does that mean anything to you?

Chris - Well, sure, but…

Paige - No buts mister!

Chris - Do you really think I meant to get stuck. Dad was coming up on the elevator in an electrical storm.

Paige - What?

Chris - So I started to push up and down and confused the elevator and the computer over ridded it. Moments latter, a strike of lightning hit a branch AND the branch landed where the elevator would have!

Paige - Oh my god.

Chris - I saved his life and I wanted to save mine, is that so much!

Leo - Of course not.

Chris - Good! Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna get that tree out of the way so I can go to bed!

Leo - Not in this storm!

Chris - Well, do you have any ideas!

Piper - Yes, you can sleep on my floor until we can call a CONTRACTOR!

Chris - No, I can do it.

Paige - How do you know this stuff?

Chris - Jeremy. He told me all about this stuff.

Piper - Your god-uncle?

Chris - Yes.

Piper - Alright. So, then you can do it tomorrow.

Chris - Alright. I can settle with that.

Piper - Where do you want to sleep? Which floor?

Chris - It doesn't matter. I can sleep on the couch.

Paige - You will do no such thing. How 'bout my floor!

Piper - No, he'll stay on my floor! He's my son!

Chris - Ladies, if you're gonna fight, I'll climb back up the rope!

Leo - Why don't you stay on Phoebe's floor?

Chris - What about Cole, Courtney and Collin?

Leo - Their staying at Motel 8 until Phoebe is released. Faster to her.

Piper - Right! He can stay there!

Chris - Are you sure?

Paige - It's just an empty floor. No one is there.

Chris - Ok, since no one is there. I'll stay there.

Leo - Alright. Well, let's go eat.

Chris - Nah. I'm not hungry. You guys go on. I might get something later.

Piper - Ok, if you put that way.

Chris - Goodnight.

Leo - kissing his forehead - Goodnight, son.

Chris swats at Leo.

Chris - Hey! I'm not dying! You can't do that.

Leo - I'm your father! That gives me the right.

Chris - Whatever. Your gonna do what you want to anyway.

Leo - rubbing Chris' hair - That's right.

Chris swats him again.

Chris - But that doesn't mean I can't defend myself.

Paige - Later Chris.

Chris - dully - Yeah, later. Haven't I heard that enough?

Piper - kissing his cheek - No, but yes.

Chris - Huh?

Piper - walking away - No because you haven't heard it; yes because Chris Perry heard it plenty.

Chris smirks.

Chris - Well, if you put it that way.

Piper - smiling - Your dinner will be in the microwave.

Chris - Ok. Night.

Piper - at the same time as Leo and Paige - Goodnight.

Leo - at the same time as Piper and Paige - Sleep tight.

Paige - at the same time as Piper and Leo - Sleep well.

Chris - Well, whatever way you put it, goodnight.

Piper, Leo, and Paige - Goodnight.

They leave. Chris finds a room and enters it. He kicks back, turns on CMT and watches Top Twenty Countdown. After it goes off, he decides to take a shower, which he does. When he finishes, he sits back down on the recliner. He sees the phone sitting there and decides to pay Phoebe a phone visit. He dials the number and waits for Phoebe to pick up.

Chris - Hey… it's me…

Phoebe - over the phone - CHRIS! Thank god! How are you? What happened?

Chris - Hold up! I'm ok, just a little situation, that's all.

Phoebe - over the phone - Tell, tell, tell…

Chris - Ok, I will. Gosh, it's storming here…

Phoebe - over the phone - Yeah, it is here too…

Chris - AND Dad was bringing up my supper. I got a bad felling, so I over ridded the elevator… well, I had the computer to, anyhow, after that happened, a flash of lighting broke a tree branch in half and it landed where Dad was. He was ok; see, no biggie.

Phoebe - over the phone - Good Leo wasn't hurt, are you ok… wait, he was coming up to you! You're stuck. I'll call someone right now. - she starts to hang up the phone -

Chris - PHOEBE, NO! I'm out! I'm out! Please don't hang up that phone!

Phoebe puts it back to her ear.

Phoebe - over the phone - What?

Chris - I climbed and jumped. I'm ok.

Phoebe - over the phone - You climbed AND jumped.

Chris - Please, not this lecture. I already got it one and a half times.

Phoebe - over the phone; confused - One and a half times?

Chris - Yeah, I stopped Dad.

Phoebe - over the phone - Oh.

Chris - I had already gotten it from Mom, why should I have to get it from Dad.

Phoebe - over the phone - Because, he has a right.

Chris - That's just about what Mom said.

Phoebe - over the phone - How is Cole, Collin and Courtney?

Chris - You don't know?

Phoebe - over the phone - Know what?

Chris - Cole's staying at Motel 8.

Phoebe - over the phone - What?

Chris - They told me, I thought they had told you.

Phoebe - over the phone - No, but I will have a little conversation with Cole.

Chris - Don't say it was me.

Phoebe - over the phone; cocky - It wasn't, a little birdie told me.

Chris - Thanks.

Phoebe - over the phone - Anytime, sleep tight.

Chris - You too. Bye.

Phoebe - over the phone - Bye… hey, wait, can you find out what room he's in?

Chris - I can see.

Phoebe - over the phone - Nah, I'll just call and ask.

Chris - Good luck.

Phoebe - over the phone - Thanks.

They hang up.

Chris - Now, to explore WV TV!

He starts to flip through the channels.

_ Time Lapse _

Chris has feel asleep watching an old movie and when he awoke, he realized something:

Chris - Man, I'm hungry. Well, the stomach has spoken.

He gets up off the couch and leaves.

_ Kitchen _

Piper is washing dishes. It actually felt good to let it slide. She had always been a neat freak, but now she can put it off till later. Chris suddenly walks in, startling Piper.

Piper - placing a hand over her chest - Oh Chris, you scared me.

Chris - Sorry. I didn't realize anyone was up. I just thought you left the light on. Sorry.

Piper - No, it's ok. It's just… I thought you were asleep.

Chris - How about we both say sorry and forget it.

Piper - Ok, deal.

Piper and Chris - Sorry.

They laugh.

Chris - I didn't expect for us both to say it at the same time.

Piper - But, we did. Hungry?

Chris - Yep, that's why I'm here. Where is it at?

Piper - Like I said, it's in the microwave.

Chris walks over to the microwave and turns it on.

Chris - I thought maybe you would've put it in the fridge.

Piper - Nope.

Chris - Are you washing dishes or am I still sleepy?

Piper - laughing - No, I'm washing dishes.

Chris - In all my 23 years, I never saw an unwashed dish after seven. If we dirtied them. We cleaned them. And if we didn't… - he whistles - Oh boy.

Piper - Yeah, but in San Francisco I had visitors. Now, it's just us. I don't have to kill myself.

Chris - kissing her forehead and hugging her - You don't have to at all. I will clean if you want me to.

Piper - No, it's my house…

Chris - Our. I might have came last, but I still help, right.

Piper - Right, but I put us in this mess…

Chris - Actually, I did.

Piper - sarcastically - You right. You're even the cause of Global Warming.

Chris - Yep, sure am.

Piper - Chris, this is ridiculous. Can you name one thing you're not 'responsible' for?

Chris - Nope.

Piper - Well, can you name one thing you are responsible for?

Chris - Sure can: everything.

Piper - Chris. You aren't responsible for every little thing or Tom, Dick and Harry.

Chris - getting his plate out of the microwave - Take your advice every once and a while, will ya.- he nods - Thanks.

Piper - just starting into space - Your welcome.

Chris - Mom, you ok?

Piper - snapping out of it - Yeah… yeah, it's just…

Chris - It's just what?

Piper - What kind of life did you have to make you feel responsible for everything.

Chris - With all due respect, it must have been like yours.

Piper - Why?

Chris - Because, I'm just like you. Goodnight.

He walks out of the kitchen and into the elevator.

Piper - He is so sad.

A/N:PLEASE REVIEW!


	16. Touch and Go, Day 3

_A/N: I am so sorry that I haven't posted an update in a very long time. A lot of crazy things have been going on in my life since the beginning of 2008. If you're still interested in Charmed Ones Gone Wild, please, by all means read the chapter and review. Thank you for your patience._

_ Day 3 of Mission: Touch & Go _

_ Tuesday, May 31, 2005 _

The girls, guys, kids and Chris woke up the next day, bright and early. Yesterday was Memorial Day and they agreed to go to a lake on the West Virginia, Virginia line: Lake Sherwood. They are planning on riding down and enjoying the day. Piper and Chris pack a picnic basket and a blanket and head out (Phoebe was released that morning.) When they arrive, they're met with: Welcome to Lake Sherwood. There are mostly big plants, the state flower: Rhododendron. They pull off the entrance and the kids take off. Piper and Chris prepare the picnic. After they're done, they eat. Then they just enjoy their day.

Phoebe - Hey guys, why don't we go on that hike?

Chris - Because you almost lost Prue.

Paige - He's right, you just got out of the hospital. We don't want to push you.

Phoebe - A walk won't push me.

Piper - But what about a 3.5-mile walk?

Prue - Yeah, sweetie, you can't go. You might lose the baby.

Piper - We don't want that.

Chris - No, no, no, we don't want to lose Prue.

Phoebe - Ok, we won't… I'm going down to the water. Great lunch Piper AND Chris.

Patricia - That's all I ask.

Chris - Patricia…

Patricia - Sorry, Chris.

Chris - That's not the sorry that is long over due.

Patricia - Ok, sorry guys.

Chris - Better. Be careful Phoebe. That's my little shadow.

Prue, Andy, Piper, Leo, Phoebe, Cole, Paige, and Richard - Oh, that's why. She's your favorite.

Chris - No she's not.

Patricia, Andy, Jr., Connor, and Connie - Yes she is.

Chris - No she's not… ok, just a little.

Piper - A lot.

Chris - Whatever. Me and Wyatt are going down to the dock.

Patricia and Andy, Jr. - Can I go?

Chris - Ok. Connor, Connie; Wanna come.

They nod. Chris gestures for them to follow. They follow.

Paige - Be careful.

Connor - We will.

They continue to follow Chris and Wyatt.

Phoebe - See you later guys.

_ Time Lapse _

Phoebe didn't go down to the water. She walked the 3.5 miles around the lake. She soon found out it was more then 3.5 miles. When she finally finished it, it all added up to be over 11 miles. She went the 1.5 miles around the beach then she walked .8 around to the walk way then the .5 or so around to the start walk way. Then the 6.5 walk around the back of the lake then she went the 2.1 miles around the camp grounds back to the beach. All adding up to 11.4 miles. She found out that Lake Sherwood was not such a small walk after all if she would walk all the walk ways they would be 25.6 miles all together. Lake Sherwood is a big lake not the biggest but not the smallest one either. After about one hour the girls and guys realized she didn't go down to the water. They started the hike and tried to catch up. About 4 hours later, they make it back around; they find Phoebe on the picnic blanket, with her shoes off; resting.

Chris - Phoebe! Thank god! I was worried sick. We all were. We thought you went on that trail.

Phoebe - I did. Isn't it beautiful and long.

Paige - Phoebe, you're grounded.

Phoebe - Oh Paige, don't worry. Everything is fine. I'm fine.

Piper - But what if something happened? What if everything wasn't fine? What if you weren't fine?

Prue - Piper's right.

Phoebe - Well… what if our Aunt had a mustache?

Chris - We're serious… ok. She'd be our Uncle.

Phoebe - Exactly, we worry about _what if's_ when they happen.

Chris -Yeah, but you could have been hurt.

Phoebe - Could have but didn't.

Chris - We might as well give up. She's right we're wrong. That's the way it is.

Cole - I've known that since the day I meet her!

Prue - Yeah, he's right.

Piper - Well, let's get back home. It's four o'clock.

Chris - Yeah, and it takes at least two hours to get there. I want to get everything put away and upstairs…up elevator by seven.

Piper - Why?

Chris - Dukes of Hazzard. It comes on at seven.

Phoebe - Really? What channel?

Chris - CMT.

Phoebe - Yeah, yeah, let's go!

Paige - What's The Dukes of Hazzard?

Chris' jaw drops.

Chris - You have never heard of Dukes of Hazzard?

Paige - No, no I haven't. Should I have?

Chris - Yeah, you should have. It's only the king of TV.

Piper - Yeah, until it was canceled that is.

Chris - Well if Bo and Luke was not moved by the FBI they would still be on.

Phoebe - WHAT!

Chris - It is real. Bo and Luke was mine and the other kids babysitters. They are Guardian One and Two.

Piper - What?

Chris - The Guardian to The Fountain of Youth and Aging. They live forever. Luke is four billion four hundred and one but he is only 60 years old in flesh. Bo is four billion three hundred and ninety-five but only 54 years old in flesh.

Phoebe - They look good for two Four Billion year olds.

Chris - They never age. They will always look like they are 32 and 26. That is there comfort ages.

Phoebe - All I know is that it was awesome.

Paige - Why is it coming on CMT. Isn't that the country station.

Piper - It's roots is country. The theme song and balladeer was both done by Waylon Jennings.

Phoebe - I can't wait until the new movie.

Piper and Prue - I know, me too.

Piper and Prue laugh.

Chris - In my opinion it was ok, the actors though was a little weird. 'The New Beginning' is better.

Piper - You've seen the movie.

Chris - Hello, future-boy.

Prue - to Chris - The what?

Chris - The 2nd remake. They do better then the first. It only makes a few mistakes. I will let the kids watch the 2nd and but not the 1st.

Leo - to Chris - Future-Boy, huh.

Chris - Isn't that what Mom called me and called Bianca Future-girl?

Piper - Hold it! You were there for Future-girl… but you were in the attic when I called you future-boy.

Chris - I have… - sighing - had telepathy. I miss my powers!

Leo - Oh no! Not now! Don't you dare start to have a withdraw three days later.

Chris - Your lucky I made it three days.

Piper - Ok. We've got everything loaded up, let's go.

Chris - See, we could have been there a lot faster if I would still have orbing.

Piper - What would you rather be, powerless or dead.

Chris - That's a hard decision.

Paige - Chris!

Chris - I'm serious. You have no idea how this feels! I have had my powers since I was born! I don't know how to live without them, so what's the point!

Leo - They are a lot of points.

Chris - There's one, it keeps you four sane and reproducing. Ok, two.

They look at him and he looks down. They put everything in the car's and get the kids in. When they are ready they drive down to the guard shack and they all go on down the road but Chris stops and talks to the woman on duty.

Guard Shack Woman - Hello, did you have fun at Lake Sherwood today?

Chris - Yes we did. I took the walk around the lake today and I say a lot of people camping and I was wanting to know how much it coast to camp here?

Guard Shack Woman - You have a lot of ways. We are only open from May to September. But we also have camping spots for people that want to hunt… not here but other places. It is three dollars a day or fifteen dollar a year. Most people like the 15.00 a year a lot better. If you only come up once a year that is a lot better too. But when you have the yearly pass you can come up anytime to swim or walk and call and reserve a spot for a few days, we only allow 14 days at a time. But you can leave and come right back if we have room. But they are only six people per camp spot.

Chris - Can we reserve more then one spot?

Guard Shack Woman - What do you mean? You can have six people per camp.

Chris - Yes but my Mom and Aunt's would like to come and we have a big family.

Guard Shack Woman - Well we do have double parking but they are also double fee. Like it would be 6.00 not 3.00 and 30.00 and not 15.00. But it still works out because if you stay more then a day or two days it is better. You still have all the day passes you want. They can have 12 people in them. The 15 only let you put two tents up this one lets you put up four. Would that help.

Chris - Would that let you put 12 people in one spot.

Guard Shack Woman - Yes!

Chris - Can I have five seasonal passes. One for me and my family and one for them.

Guard Shack Woman - Yes but I would need there license plates numbers.

Chris - I can give them to you.

He gives her the numbers to Prue's, Piper's, Phoebe's, Paige's, Andy's, Leo's, Cole's, Richard's and his own. She puts them down and he pays for it. He leaves out with five visors clips with there license plate numbers on them so when they come back they can just go right in.


	17. Touch and Go, Day 4

_ Day 4 of Mission: Touch & Go _

_ Wednesday, June 1, 2005 _

They got to Odd ok and in time to watch Dukes of Hazzard. Paige loved it. They sat up for a while and headed for bed. The next morning, Phoebe hears a chain saw outside of her window. She and Cole rush to the window and see Chris hanging from the tree, cutting down debris from the railing.

Phoebe - yelling - CHRIS! CHRIS! - Chris stops the chain saw - What are you doing?

Chris - Cleaning off this debris.

Phoebe - When no one is awake?

Chris - Ha, you should see what I see. They're all up. Mom is screaming so much, her face is red.

Piper - CHRISTOPHER PERRY VICTOR NATHIEL DANIEL HOLMES NO DEMON HUNTING HALLIWELL-WYATT WYATT-HALLIWELL! Get down this instant! NOW!

Chris - starting back up the chain saw; yelling - Not until I finish up here.

_ Time Lapse _

He starts to cut. The girls and boys watch Chris's every move until he's safe and sound. When he gets down, Piper about beats him half to death with words. They all give him a lecture, no ifs ands or buts about it. They eat and then Richard leaves to get furniture for his new office.

Chris - Ya know, Uncle Richard has a good idea, maybe we should go out and find work.

Piper - Not all of us. We voted and we decided to elect you as babysitter.

Chris - What?

Prue - You're our babysitter. You seem to know them more than us and we all know you get along with them.

Phoebe - So who else would we get?

Paige - You are the only one.

Andy - You just fit.

Leo - I couldn't think of anyone else.

Cole - Why wouldn't we?

Richard - You have any complaints or comments?

Chris - Even my little self? - they laugh - Ok. I'll do it. Even Small Fry.

Phoebe - Who?

Chris - Mini me.

Piper smiles.

Chris - Guys, you know I gave you that money, so use it. Don't save it for a rainy day. You have plenty.

Paige - I'll say.

Chris - So, have fun. I'm unleashing the hounds.

Piper - Be back soon. Lets' get that money. Help yourself Chris, you live here too.

Chris - I know.

Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Prue, Leo, Cole, Richard and Andy - Bye.

Chris rolls his eyes, waves at them and they get the money and ride down with Prue and Piper to Beckley. Chris gets the kids out of the entertainment room.

Chris - You guys ready?

Connor - YES!

Chris - What do you want to do?

Patricia - Swim!

Chris - I was afraid of that. Lets go.

He picks up Melissa, Wyatt, Small Fry, Collin and Courtney and puts them in some strollers. Patricia, Andy, Jr., Connor and Connie walk to the elevators, helping Chris push the strollers. Once they get to the basement they get trunks and swim suits on and Chris puts the kids in floaters. They swim until noon and they eat. After 30 minutes, they swim again. They have all kinds of fun and finally get out fifteen till six. Supper time.

_ Time Lapse _

Chris - Ok, time to get out, if I let you guys have too much fun, your Mommies and Daddies won't let me baby-sit you.

Patricia - We are not babies.

Chris - No, but to them you are. Even I am.

Andy, Jr. - Yeah, you got in some real big trouble.

Chris - Yes I did.

Connor - What happened.

Chris - I disobeyed.

Connie - Never. Again.

Chris - Good policy.

They go upstairs and explore the fridge.

Chris - What do you want?

Patricia, Andy, Jr., Connor and Connie - Hamburgers.

Chris - Melissa, Small Fry? - they giggle - Wyatt, Collin, Courtney?

Wyatt, Collin and Courtney - Yea!

Chris - Ur, Mom?

Patricia - Veggie burgers?

Chris - Good idea.

Patricia - That way she can eat hamburgers without going crazy.

Chris - Who's up to a little trip?

Patricia - I'm ok with it.

Andy, Jr. - Where are we goin'?

Chris - Kroger.

Connor - I've never been there.

Chris - Neither have I. Let's go.

Andy, Jr. - We better leave a note.

Chris - Yeah, just in case.

He leaves a note and heads out with the kids. They go into Beckley, there's 1 just below RGH (Raleigh General Hospital). They pull in and get a few groceries. When their checking out, there is a pregnant woman in front of them with her husband. All of a sudden, a puddle of water goes down her legs.

Woman - Ut oh honey, it's time.

Man - It's time! It's time?

Woman - It's time!

Man - Uh, how much money? Quickly!

Cashier - No, go. Congratulations. This one's on me.

The man rushes the woman out. Gets in his car, turns on the blinkers and pulls out and into RGH.

Chris - Hello. Uh, what's up with the blinkers?

Cashier - That's when there's an emergency. Flip on your emergency lights.

Chris - Huh!

Cashier - You didn't know that?

Chris - No, I knew, but they don't obey that in the big city.

Cashier - Where are y'all from?

Chris - San Francisco.

Cashier - Wow! That's quite a distance.

Chris - Yeah, it was.

Cashier - after scanning his items - Ten dollars and ninety-five cents.

Chris hands her, her amount.

Cashier - Thank you, please come again.

Chris nods.

Chris - Goodnight.

Cashier - Uh, goodnight.

Chris gets the kids strapped in and pulls out. They drive back to Odd. When they arrive, the girls are back.

Andy, Jr. - Told ya.

Chris - And I did.

They gets out and walk in.

Chris - to himself - If she's got supper on after this: so help me god…

Piper - seeing Chris - Chris! Hey guys, they're back.

Chris - Are you mad?

Piper - For what? You left a note. Thank you.

Prue - Now, if you didn't, that'd be a different story.

Chris - Thank Andy, Jr.

Prue - No way.

Andy, Jr. -Who'd thunk it, I move to West Virginia and get smart.

Prue laughs and hugs him.

Andy, Jr. - Mom!

Chris - Mom, you haven't started supper have ya?

Piper - No, I figured you went to the store to get something the kids wanted, so I didn't.

Chris - Good, we got an experiment to test.

Piper - Oh, really?

Chris - Really. - pulling out the veggie burgers - Huh?

Piper - Uh, I don't know about that.

Chris - That's why it's an experiment.

Piper - We'll try.

Leo - Oh god. Here we go.

Chris - Maybe not. This is veggie burgers, not hamburgers.

Piper - Ok, work your ma… never mind.

Chris - Thank you.

Piper - Go.

Chris walks into the kitchen and cooks. After he cooks, they eat and await the verdict.

Chris - Any urges? Sudden perkiness, anything?

Piper - surprised - No.

Leo closes his eyes and sighs relieved.

Leo - Thank god!

Piper - I got a cure!

Leo - Thank god!

Patricia, Andy, Jr., Connor and Connie - Here, here.

Piper - Thank you, Chris.

Chris - Nah, it's ok. My pleasure.

Leo - I hope not.

Everyone but Chris laughs.

Chris - Very funny. Ha, ha, ha.


	18. Touch and Go, Day 5

_Day 5 of Mission: Touch & Go _

Thursday, June 2, 2005

They awake the next day and eat breakfast. everything going good. Piper found a building in Beckley for her club 'Charmed and Dangerous,' Paige has two application out: social Worker and Temp jobs. Phoebe has an application for The Register-Herald. Prue has a building to set up her photography center. Cole found a building for his office and started his own practice. Now every one but Leo has a job. He's got enough work. Everything going smooth until a pipe bursts under the sink. Piper walks down to the tool building and tries to find a wrench. She looks everywhere in the building but under a sheet. Thinking maybe the sheet was there to protect the tools, she removes the sheet and starts to rummage through the stuff. All of a sudden she feels something around her feet. She looks down and sees something two feet long, a long, cat like tail and a huge snout. Piper lets out an ear-piercing scream and makes a V-line for the door. She rushes in the house and grabs a telephone book and looks up exterminators. She finds one and dials the number.

Piper - There is a huge something in my shed… yes, it looks just like a rat.

She listens to him a for a while and then tells him her address. When she finishes up, her family is around her.

Chris - Mom, what's wrong?

Piper - I…I don't know. Big rat in building. Around feet--scared me.

They talk for a while then the exterminator comes over.

Exterminator - Hello miss. Let me see where this mountain-rat is.

Leo - Mountain Rat?

Exterminator - Yes, sir that is right. - Piper takes him down to the shed. He looks around and finds a nest of mountain-rats. - Taken care of. You had yourself a nest of the critters. But they are now taken care of.

Piper - Thank God.

Paige - What exactly makes mountain-rat get that big?

Exterminator - Well, you've heard of sewer-rats, in this area, it's mountain-rats. They come down from the mountain and become pests to gardens and - laughing - city folk. - they all smile - That'll be 50 bucks.

Chris hands him 50 before the girls can say anything. The exterminator thanks them and excuses himself out.

Piper - Chris! 50 dollars!

Chris - Well. He got rid of the 'threat.'

Piper - He looked at our shed told us what it was and killed it…

Chris - What he's suppose to do.

Phoebe - He ripped us off.

Chris - And I've got the money to be ripped off.

Paige - Chris…?

Chris - What? He did his work.

Prue - But it wasn't worth that.

Chris - Maybe, but it's done. End of discussion.

Leo - Okay.

Andy - If they charge that, you can't do anything. It's a close case. - the phone rings - I'll get it.

He walks off.

Chris - Well, if you guys don't mind, I'm taking a dip.

Paige - Ok, enjoy your leisure.

Chris - Oh, I will.

He walks off.

Piper - I'm going down to my club and check it out.

Prue - Good idea. I'll go too.

Phoebe - I'm gonna set up my office.

Pai8ge - I think I'm gonna take a bath. Andy can watch the kids.

Cole - I'm going down to the building.

Richard - I'll help out in watching the kids. One man, 9 kids not a good idea.

Everyone goes and does what they said.

Leo - Need some help, Richard?


	19. Touch and Go, Day 6

_Day 6 of Mission: Touch & Go _

Friday, June 3, 2005

Everyone returned that night safe and sound. Andy had got a phone call concerning his job application. He has an appointment today with the chief of police. Piper and Chris cooked breakfast and after they eat they start to have a lazy day. That was until the phone rang. One simple act turned into an epidemic. With Prue, Piper, Cole and Richard having their own business, Andy already having an appointment with the chief of police: Leo and Chris not getting money-paying jobs; Phoebe and Paige gets a phone call from The Regester-Hearld and WV work force. They both go to talk with them and Andy leaves about two, leaving Richard and Leo alone with the hell raisers. Chris was once again in the pool.

Richard - We have three choices: leave them with Chris, run or watch them.

Leo - Uh…

Richard and Leo - CHRIS!

A few moments later, they see the elevator is in use. About a minute later, Chris exits.

Chris - What?

Leo - Uh, we need to do something, can you watch the kids.

Chris - looking at them like 'Oh really' - Right. Sure.

Richard - Thank you.

Chris - Nah. It's my pleasure…

Leo - I won't do that to you again, I promise.

Chris - Thank you. Have fun. Oh, and I would suggest you NOT to go to a bar.

Leo - We're not. We've got business to attend to.

Chris - Yeah, the same kind of business that you had when I was 14. Enjoy yourselves.

Richard - Not literally, but we will.

Chris laughs.

Chris - Looks like all three of us have gutterish minds.

Leo - Well, how could we not?

Chris - Actually, Dad, me and Richard have excuses. Where's yours?

Leo - Very funny.

Chris - I try for you.

Richard - We're heading out. Tell Paige I'll be back soon.

Chris - I will.

Leo - And Piper.

Chris - I will. Go!

Richard and Leo leave.

Chris - Ok, where are those kids?

Chris looks everywhere but their rooms. Finally he checks and finds them sound asleep. He gently carries them down stairs and lets them sleep in the Entertainment Room. Chris looks around and gets a vision of a toy room. Once his mind is made up he awakes the kids.

Chris - gently rubbing - Patricia, Andy, Jr., Connor, Connie, Collin, Courtney, Wyatt, Melissa and Christopher. Wake up. - everyone but Christopher starts to awaken - Small fry. - Christopher starts to awaken - Well, I think you've got a new name. - after a few more gentle touches, their name being said and being told to wake up, the kids fully awaken - About time.

Patricia - Sorry, Chris. - she laughs nervously -

Chris - It's ok. But do you guys what to go to Wal-mart?

Andy, Jr. - Why?

Chris - Your play room of course.

Patricia - But we have the outside.

Chris - But it gets hotter here then in San Francisco.

Connor - And colder.

Chris - Well, we don't know for sure. - the kids all look at him - All oh right, so we do know, but winter isn't here, yet.

Andy, Jr. - Thank God.

Patricia - The key word is yet.

Chris -Yeah, know. We'll freeze our tail ends off when November gets here.

Connie - September.

Chris - Naw, why?

Connie - Fall.

Chris - Yeah, well…

Connie - See. You can't find the words, can ya?

Chris - Well, lets go to Wally-world.

Connor - Yay! Wait, what's Wally-world?

Chris - Wal-mart.

Connor - laughing nervously - Oh…

Chris - Don't worry.

Chris pulls out a pen and a piece of paper and starts to write down something.

Andy, Jr. - You better leave a note.

Chris - That's what I'm doing now. - he finishes - There. Lets go.

They lock up the house and get in Chris's car. After Chris makes sure they're secure, they drive to Wal-mart in Beckley.

Chris - Ok, here we are.

They buy all kinds of toys and chairs and everything. Once they get done, they check out and pay for their items. When they're leaving, the kids get hungry. They pass "Ryan's" and decided to eat there.

Chris - Is this place ok?

Patricia - I don't know. It looks big.

Chris - So? You've been in bigger places.

Patricia - Yeah, that isn't the problem. I'm talking about the costumers their serving now.

Chris - We'll be fine. - he gets out of the car and gets the kids - Lets go.

They stay standing in the line for 1 hour before they get served for just a table. Then they get taken to a big table and the waitresses give Chris 9 high chairs. After they get situated, Chris asks Patricia to watch them while he gets their plates (Ryan's is self-serving). After they all get their plates, they eat. Then it's deserts. Their there for 2 hours and then they head home.

Chris - walking in the door - Never again.

Patricia - Never again? Why?

Chris - At least not alone. I thought we'd never get done. I'd rather eat at Subways.

Patricia - I told you.

Chris - Yes, and I should have listened.

Patricia - Yep.

Chris - Ok, while I set this room up, you guys can stay here in living room number 1, is that ok?

Andy, Jr. - Put on some TV!

Chris - Sesame Street?

Patricia - Sounds good.

Chris turns on the TV and lets them watch something that's suitable for kids. Then he goes in to the Entertainment room. He had bought a mini fridge and ice box. He puts them in the mega bar. He had bought small glasses for kids, tables and chairs for kids, stools for kids and about anything for kids that they hadn't already got. He assembles the room and put the last few touches on the room. He puts a wide screen TV with DVD in the room, a collection of kids films and family favorites, shelves of toys, a toy box, a computer (high up so they can't reach it) V-techs, a stack of coloring books with crayons, markers, color pencils and washable paint. He finally puts the finale: a slide projector. When he finishes, it's amazing. He hooked up light fixtures and the room is perfectly lit. Chris walks into living room #1.

Chris - You guys ready. - all the kids cheer and make that sound - I'll take that as a yes.

Chris takes them into the Entertainment Room aka "kids Room."

Andy, Jr. - NOW that is a Entertainment Room!

Patricia - COOL!

Connor - Now this is cool!

Connie - This is awesome!

Wyatt claps and laughs. Collin and Courtney laugh and giggle happily. Small fry and Melissa make happy noises.

Chris - Well, I'm glad you guys like it. Have at it. - the kids all run and play. Chris sits down and watches. After awhile they get tired and Patricia tugs on Chris' pant leg. - Yes, Patricia?

Patricia - We're tired. Can we go lay down.

Chris - remembering - Oh. I forget something.

Patricia -What?

Chris - I'll be right back. Watch the kids.

Chris rushes outside. When Chris gets back, the kids cheer again.

Andy, Jr. - Nap mats?

Chris - Yeah, I forgot I put them under the backseats. - he lays them out and the kids climb onto them - There you go. Now I need a rocker. - Patricia laughs - What's so funny?

Patricia - You don't need a rocking chair. Your still young.

Chris - Maybe, but it'd be more comfortable than this bar.

Patricia - True. Hey, call Uncle Leo or Richard.

Chris - I'll call Dad. - Chris walks into the kitchen - And a phone… - someone picks up - Hey Dad… yeah, it's me… do you know any other 23 year old men to call you Dad that Mom and me should know about…- he laughs - No, uh, I was wondering if you could do me a favor. Well, stop by somewhere and get me a reclining rocker and a phone. Yeah, uh I'll tell you later…You still have your money right… Yeah good. Thanks. Bye. - He hangs up. He walks back to the kids room. - Thanks Patricia.

Patricia - Hey, what are cousins for?

Chris - I guess. Goodnight.

Andy, Jr. - Good nap.

Chris - Right, good nap.

The kids take a nap while Chris washes the breakfast and a few dishes that they dirtied up. When they waken, Chris is sitting in the exact some place he was before.

Patricia - Hey, what's up?

Chris - Nothing. You ready to play again.

Patricia - I'm ready to eat.

Chris - Kids. You ate not to long ago.

Patricia - Long enough.

Chris - What do you want?

Patricia - Ham sandwich with chips and dip.

Chris fixes her a ham sandwich with chips and dip. After she eats, she's back to sleep.

Chris - Gosh, she's just like a baby. Hope she can do the latter alone.

_ Time Lapse _

About two hours later, the kids all wake up and start to play again. About 30 minutes after that, Chris sees out of the window in the Lobby, Leo's car pull up. Thinking the kids are playing, Chris steps outside to help.

Chris - Hey.

Leo - Hey. Hey, ya know, I didn't know if you wanted a cell phone, a portable phone or a wall/desk phone. - Chris sighs disappointingly - Oh no, I didn't get it right. you wanted a dial phone, didn't you. No, you wanted a speaker phone…

Chris - No Dad, you got it right. I'm just disappointed at myself. I should have made myself more clear.

Leo - No, I should have asked.

Richard - What one did you want.

Chris - Portable.

They all laugh. While their talking, Wyatt goes into the dish room (third kitchen) and gets a fork. He goes to the elevator and pushs the button. When the door opens, he pushes the second floor. The elevator close and Wyatt goes up.

_ Lobby _

Leo walks into the kids room while Chris puts the reclining rocker down and then goes to hook up the phone.

Leo - Wow, this really looks good Chris.

Chris - Thanks. Will you testify for me when I go on trial…

Leo - What? They haven't found you yet, have they.

Chris laughs.

Chris - No, not Sheridan; Mom and the Aunts. I turned their Entertainment Room into a kids room.

Leo sighs relieved.

Leo - I was afraid someone had found you.

Chris - No, The Agency even cleaned my slate. Sheridan will never find me.

Leo - That's the truth. Inspector Sheridan died the day the girls vanquished the nexus.

Chris -What?

Leo - Yeah, Zankou killed her.

Chris - That's impossible. That means Walter gave up on her.

Leo - I'm sorry, who?

Chris - Walter. My demonic nemeses. He's my counterpart. Danielle Sheridan's boss.

Leo - Sheridan was a demon.

Chris - No, she was a lot worse. She was an evil Time Traveler helper. With me dead, all evil TT's and TLT's go to Walter.

Leo - I'm sorry. TT's and TLT's

Chris - Yes, Time travelers and True Love Treasures. The good ones go to the agency but evil goes to Walter.

Leo - Huh. That's something I didn't know.

Chris - Don't tell Paige that or I will be taking you guys back to Raleigh General Hospital.

Leo - Why?

Chris - To Paige, you know everything.

Leo - I don't. I'll be the first to tell ya.

Chris - I know, but she doesn't.

Leo - noticing - Where's Wyatt?

Chris - He's here playing… - he looks around - or he's suppose to be. Wyatt?

Leo - Wyatt?

They go through the bottom floor yelling his name.

Chris - Mom is going to kill me.

Leo - No, she's gonna kill me.

Chris - I lost him, not you.

Leo - But I was suppose to watch him!

Chris - Ok, how bout this; she'll kill us both.

Leo - No. Just me!

Chris -Why!?

Leo - One, you've already died, she won't risk it; two, she gave me two tries, she owes you two too.

Chris - Two tries, what do you mean? - Chris stops searching and looks at Leo -

Leo - I lost you and Wyatt, both in the same day… - he laughs nervously -

Chris - What?

Leo - Yeah, Christopher fount a bird and crawled over to it. Wyatt walked over to a patch of wild flowers and fell asleep in one day.

Chris - starting to look again - That's bad.

Leo - You're telling me. I'd be lucky if she ever trusts me with you boys again.

Chris - Oh Dad.

Leo - What, it's true.

Chris and Leo search all over the main floor with a fine tooth comb. But nothing. About one hour later, Chris gets worried.

Chris - What if he crawled or walked outside. What if he's hurt. what if… - Chris starts to panic -

Leo - CHRIS! Chris; it's ok… it's ok… we're gonna find him.

Chris - Well, what if we don't.

Leo - We will.

Chris - Hey, maybe he went upstairs.

Leo - Good idea. I'll take the stairs, you go upstairs by the elevator incase he's already up there.

Chris - Ok, go.

Chris walks to the elevator in the lobby. He presses the button and the arrow lights up symbolizing it's somewhere else.

Chris - Got ya.

The elevator door opens and Chris gets inside. He rides up to the second floor. When he arrives the door opens and there is Wyatt. Chris gets out and hugs him.

Chris - There you are. You had me really scared, buddy.

Wyatt - in baby talk - Sorry.

Chris - It's ok, you just wanted to explore.

Wyatt looks at him guilty.

Chris - There, there. Let's go get Daddy, huh?

Chris and Wyatt head for the stairs. He goes down them and finally catches Leo.

Wyatt - to Chris in baby talk - Dada.

Chris - Hey, I found him.

Leo - Oh thank God.

Chris - Yeah, he was just exploring.

Leo - Where was he?

Chris - In front of the Elevator on the second floor.

Leo - Dang, you almost lost him.

Chris - Yeah, it was close.

Leo - Ok, why don't you take Wyatt where he wants to go and me and Richard will watch the kids.

Chris - Are you done with your "business."

Leo - Unfortunately, yes we are.

Chris laughs.

Chris - Their not that bad.

Leo - Yeah right.

Chris - Their not if you tell them what's what.

Leo - We have no authority over our kids.

Chris - Sure ya do, you just haven't found it yet. - Chris and Wyatt push the button and board the elevator - Just remember what I said.

Chris and Wyatt ride up to the third floor.

_ Time Lapse _

Leo and Richard watched the kids, while Chris and Wyatt explored. Chris actually found something Piper had been searching for: laundry room. About an hour of exploring does Wyatt and he actually falls asleep in Chris's arms going down to the main floor from the penthouse. Chris gets off of the elevator and puts Wyatt on the napping mat in the kids room. When he comes back out, Prue, Andy, Piper, Phoebe, Cole and Paige are home.

Chris - Wow, you're back.

Piper - Yeah, we ate at the best place.

Chris - Oh, really, where?

Prue - It's below Wal-mart.

Chris - Ut oh.

Phoebe - Uh, what was it…

Paige- I can't remember.

Cole - It started with an R.

Andy - Ryder's.

Chris - sighing - No, Ryan's.

Piper - Yeah, that was it!

Phoebe - How did you know?

Chris - I took the kids there today.

Prue - What?

Chris - I got them some stuff for the kids room.

Paige - What kids room?

Chris - The kids room we made.

Andy - Where did you put it?

Chris - walking away - In here.

Leo - I like it.

Richard - You won't.

Prue - Why not?

Piper - Yeah, why not?

Richard - Just follow him.

Phoebe - Do I even want to know?

Richard - No.

Cole - The only way to find out is to follow Chris?

They follow Chris into the 'Entertainment Room.'

Chris - Tada. What do you think.

Andy, Prue, Piper and Leo smile. Phoebe, Cole and Paige are shell shocked.

Richard - Told ya.

Prue, Andy, Piper and Leo - I love it.

Chris - Aunt Phoebe, Paige and Uncle Cole?

Cole - Uh, I like it…

Chris - But?

Cole - No buts. I like it.

Chris - Good. Paige?

Paige - My entertainment room! What have you done to it?

Chris - You have 8 living rooms and 1 large lobby; you can give up your entertainment room. You're a Mom, Paige. You will give up a lot for your kids. Starting with this room!

Paige - All right. I like it.

Chris - Good, Phoebe.

Phoebe - I love, love, LOVE it!

Chris smiles.

Piper - Chris?

Chris - What?

Piper - I bet you really love these kids.

Chris - Yes, I do. I didn't raise this bunch, but I did raise your others.

Phoebe - Sorry.

Chris - It's ok. Oh, Cole?

Cole - No complaints. None, none at all.

Chris - Good, so everyone likes it.

Piper, Leo, Phoebe, Cole, Paige, Richard, Prue and Andy - Yes!

Chris - Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got baths to give.

Chris walks off and the girls and guys sigh.

_ Time Lapse _

Chris gave the kids baths and got them in bed by 9. The adults watch some TV and Chris goes to bed by midnight. The rest stay awake watching movies.


	20. Touch and Go, Day 7

Day 7 of Mission: Touch & Go

Sunday, June 5, 2005

The next morning, the clan awakens to the warm glow of the sun. Chris had been up, feeding the dogs and bunnies. He had already fed the runt. Now it's time for the kids. When he arrives on the second floor, he hears water running. He quietly walks into Wyatt's room. He gently rubs his hand down Wyatt's upper body.

Chris - Wyatt. It's time for breakfast.

Wyatt gently awakens.

Chris - Hey Wyatt.

Wyatt - Kwis?

Chris - Yeah, it's Kwis.

Chris picks him up and places him on the floor.

Chris - Your puppy has plenty of food and water. But it's hot; let's get her some fresh water.

Chris goes into Wyatt's bathroom and fills up the bowl. He walks back into the room and places the bowl beside her dish.

Chris - There. Now, let's get you something to eat.

Chris gets Wyatt and carries him to Christopher's room.

Chris - Small Fry?

Leo - You know Piper doesn't like that name.

Chris jumps.

Chris - God, Dad, you scared me.

Leo - Sorry, but if Piper hears you call Christopher that… oh.

Chris - Well, what should I call him. Mini me didn't work.

Leo - Why not?

Chris - I think of Dr. Evil's mini me off of Austin Powers.

Leo laughs.

Chris - Well, it's true.

Leo - I know, that's why I laughed.

Chris - Are you laughing at me?

Leo - No.

Chris - Gotta go. I've got 9 hungry mouths to feed.

Leo - Just don't call him Small Fry.

Chris - Whatever.- he walks out, but unbeknown, so does Piper - Small Fry.

Piper - tapping her foot - Excuse me.-she crosses her arms - It's Christopher.

Chris - Uh, Mom! Hey.

Piper - His AND your name is Christopher.

Chris - But…

Piper - No buts, Christopher; if you call him Small Fry one more time, I'll call you Big Fry.

Chris - But Mom, he woke up to it. Do it, call him SF.

Piper - I will not.

Chris - Afraid?

Piper - No, I just named him that and that is his name.

Chris - Yes, but Small Fry likes me to call him Small Fry.

Piper - Baby, I understand you don't like to associate with Christopher…

Chris - No, I like him. He's a new me, but I just can't call him Chris or Christopher.

Piper - Why?

Chris - Because he's me. Ok, he's me. I can't say my name and see me younger. I just can't, ok!

Piper - Ok, I get it.

Chris - Thank you. Now, to awake Small Fry.

Chris walks in the nursery. Christopher is sitting up, looking over the railing of his crib.

Chris - Hey, Small Fry. I'll get you as soon as I check your cat and bird.

Chris checks the bowls. The water is half way down but the food is gone.

Chris - Wow, Mr. Kitty. You had an appetite.

Chris puts out more food and refills the water.

Chris - There, Now for "Terrie."

Chris checks the bird and sees it's gone.

Chris - Ut oh.

Chris looks everywhere, but what he finds, breaks his heart.

Chris - Oh no. Bad kitty!

Around the cat's mouth is feathers.

Chris - Bad, bad kitty.

Piper - What…oh no.

Chris - The cat ate it.

Piper - Leo.

Leo walks in.

Leo - What?

Piper - Darren ate Terrie.

Leo - Oh no. I didn't even think about it.

Chris - I did, but I thought Terrie was high enough.

Piper - Guess not.

Chris picks up Small Fry.

Chris - I'll get you something else.

Christopher sniffles.

Christopher - sadly - Terrie.

Leo, Piper, and Chris walk over to the elevators, Chris holding Wyatt and Christopher.

Chris - pointing to the second elevator - I'll take this one.

Piper and Leo - Ok.

Piper - I'll start breakfast.

Chris - No, I've already got it done. There in the hot carts. - he gets in the elevator -

Piper and Leo - What hot carts?

Chris, Wyatt and Christopher ride to the fifth floor. Chris gets out with the kids and goes into Patricia's room.

Chris - Patricia wake up.

Patricia wakes up.

Patricia - Hey Chris.

Chris - Hey, ready for breakfast?

Patricia - You bet.

Chris - Ok, let me check your cat.

Chris sees that the food is empty but the water is half way down.

Chris - Patricia, you don't have a bird around here, do you.

Patricia - No, why?

Chris - Terrie. Darren ate it.

Patricia - Oh, that bad, bad kitty.

Chris- Yeah. He ate all of the meow mix, half of the water was drank and he ate Terrie. God, that cat was hungry.

Patricia - A kitten did all that?

Chris - Yeah, he has a stomach like a tank.

Patricia makes her bed.

Chris - I forgot to make Wyatt and Small Fry's bed.

Patricia - You can get it later. Andy, Jr. hasn't made his bed but once.

Chris - What? Why?

Patricia - The one time he bought it. He put the sheets on it which requires making it. Sure, he fixes the corners or puts the sheet and covers the bed, but that's all.

Chris - That ends now. I thought he was just getting in bed, that was why it was a mess.

Patricia - You thought that was a mess? The boy's a pig.

Chris, Wyatt, Christopher and Patricia walk to Andy, Jr.'s room. The bed looks like a tornado hit it.

Chris - Andy, Jr., wake up.

Andy, Jr. stirs, but don't wake up.

Chris - Andy, Jr.? - nothing - ANDY JOE TRUDEAU, JUNIOR!

Andy, Jr. - I'm awake, I'm tired but awake.

Andy, Jr. stands up, yawns, straightens up the pillows, puts the fitter over the corners, and pulls the sheet over the fitter and under the mattress.

Andy, Jr. - Done.

Chris - Make that bed correctly.

Andy, Jr. - But Chris!

Chris - No buts! Now!

Andy, Jr. fixes the bed as good as he can.

Chris - Better. Let me check your birds.

They have plenty of food and water.

Chris - Ok, let's go.

Chris, Wyatt, Christopher, Patricia and Andy, Jr. walk to the elevator and get on; Chris went by Prue and Andy's room and noticed Melissa was gone. Prue must have got her and let the other 2 sleep. They ride to the forth floor. Chris goes over to Connie's room and knocks.

Connie - Come in.

Chris - walking in - Hey.

Connie - Hey Chris.

Chris - What are you doing?

Connie - Feeding my fish.

Chris - Not too much now.

Connie - I know. I looked up on the internet about feeding large amounts of fish.

Chris - Did you get any sleep last night?

Connie - Of course. I got 5 hours and 27 minutes.

Chris - Wow, Connor never told me you were smart. Reading at 5 years. Impressive.

Connie - Daddy never let me do as much so I read a lot. The first book I read was the ABC's. I taught myself.

Chris - If anyone in this family should be an idol, it should be you, not me.

Connie - No, it's you. You raised a family of 30 plus Bianca and Evelyn at the age of 18. That's impressive. I can't hold a candle to it.

Patricia - She's right.

Chris - Ok, lets go wake up Connor.

Connie - That won't be necessary. He wakes up earlier than I do.

Chris leaves and walks down to Connor's room. The kids stay with Connie. Chris knocks on the door.

Connor - Come in, Chris.

Chris walks in.

Chris - How did you know it was me?

Connor - You're the only one who knocks once and it's barely tapping.

Chris laughs nervously/embarrassed.

Chris - You can recognize my knock.

Connor - Yeah. Lets go, I want to see my pups.

Chris - Breakfast first. Then shower and then you can see your pups.

Connor - Ok.

They walk out and towards the elevator. He notices something is missing.

Connor - Hey, where is the rest.

Chris - Guys, lets go.

Wyatt, Patricia, Andy, Jr., and Connie come out, supporting Christopher.

Chris - Oh, sorry. - he picks him up - Off to the third floor.

They board the elevator and ride down to the third floor. Chris knocks on Collin's door.

Collin - In!

Chris walks in. He notices Collin's bed is made, and he's in front of his Iguana cage.

Chris - Collin? What are you doing?

Collin - Lizard!

Chris - Have you been watching that lizard all night?

Collin - Yea.

Chris - Oh, Collin, buddy. You're gonna pay for that.

Collin - Why?

Chris - Because you'll be dead tired.

Collin - Why?

Chris - Oh no you don't.

Chris picks up Collin.

Chris - Lets feed your iguana.

He puts in the food and water.

Chris - Let's go get your sister.

Chris walks into Courtney's room.

Chris - Hey.

Courtney sits up like it was an order.

Chris- Hey, it's ok; you're not in trouble.

Courtney relaxes a little. Chris checks her parrots.

Chris - picking up Courtney - Hey, how ya doin' girl.

Courtney giggles when Chris tickles her.

Chris - Lets go eat, huh?

Chris gathers up the kids and guides them walking as he carries Christopher. They board the elevator and ride down the main floor.

Chris - I'll get Wyatt's, Small Fry's, Connor's, Connie's, Collin's, and Courtney's bed made later. Hey Mom.

Piper - Hey, you made it. Where did those hot carts come from?

Chris - I got them from Luna. I had only 50 in my Vault, so I had her get me three. I also got me some steam tables.

Piper - How many?

Chris - Ten tables.

Piper - Ten, wow.

Chris looks around and sees Phoebe. She's in a feeder chair.

Chris - Phoebe, I could have brought your food up to you.

Phoebe - Chris, I'm taking it easy. Look what I'm in. I get out of bed, walk to the elevator and ride to the main floor and walk to the kitchen. What is so stressful about that?

Chris - Pretty stressful.

Phoebe - Chris…

Chris - I'm just worried, that's all.

Phoebe - I'm fine. And I can't wait till the twenty-third.

Chris - Why?

Phoebe - My first appointment. I see my OB/GYN Dr. Michael T. Webb. He's on 410 Carriage Dr. It's associates In Obstetric & Gynecology.

Chris - Good, I'll go with you.

Phoebe - Chris.

Chris - No Chris's. This is my shadow you're dealing with. I'm going. Now, let's eat.

They eat and then they clean up.

Chris - Oh I forgot to tell you. I found the washing machines and the dryers.

Prue - You did. Where are they?

Chris - Outside.

Piper - Outside?

Chris - Yes, right behind the big building.

Leo - But that would mean that we would have to go outside to wash the clothes.

Chris - Yeah. I was thinking we could buy a cover to go outside to wash the clothes.

Leo - And I could put it up.

Chris - I will help.

Leo - We should add the building too.

Chris - I will take the kids and go into town today.

Piper - You are going to run yourself down.

Chris - Nah.

He walks off to get the kids.

Piper - Chris, could you take us out and let us see.

Chris - Sure. Lets go. I was going to see how far it is from the house anyway.

He gets a ruler and goes to the kitchen.

Leo - Ok, so how are we going to do this?

Chris - You hold the ruler and I walk. After we run out you walk to me and then you get going. I don't think it will be farther than that. This is an 18-foot ruler.

Leo - Ok.

Chris starts to walk off then he stops and Leo walks to him.

Chris - Ok, walk to the building.

Leo walks to the building.

Leo - calling to Chris - Which door?

Chris - The second door.

Leo - Ok. - he walks to the second door -

Chris - What does it say, Dad?

Leo - Three foot and three-fourths.

Chris - Ok, 18 plus 4 foot is 22 feet so if I get 25-foot then we should have enough to do over the building.

Leo - Yeah. I think so.

Chris - Good. Over here girls.

Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Paige - Hey.

Chris - Ok, Aunts AND Mom.. It's right here.

He opens the door and finds 20 BIG washers and 20 BIG dryers.

Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Andy, Leo, Cole and Richard - Oh my god.

Chris - This was a ski resort. What did you expect?

Piper - Maybe 8, not 20.

Chris - That got me too.

Leo - Well something else for me to keep up with.

Chris - Yeah.

Prue - I know what I'm doing today.

Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige - Washing clothes.

Chris - Well, you do that and I'll take the kids into town to get the covering.

Leo - Why don't we watch the kids while you take my truck in and get the covering.

Piper - Yeah, I don't think that yours could bring it back.

Chris - Are you sure?

Leo - Yeah. I just have to cut the grass.

Andy - I have to go in later but right now I can watch the kids.

Cole - I don't have to go anywhere today. I was going to watch Phoebe and make sure she don't overdo.

Chris - Good idea.

Richard - I start looking for employees Monday.

Cole - Me too.

Andy - I start Monday. I was going in to get my locker and that was all.

Chris - If you think you can then yes. One more thing I was thinking last night…

Leo - What do I have to do now?

Chris - Well, if you all agree then clean out the dinning room 10.

Piper - Why?

Chris - Well, in 3 years you have my little brother and he is a bookworm. So I was thinking that we don't need 10 dinning rooms. We could change 1 into a library. I will have 3 years to buy books.

Leo - That should be long enough.

Piper - But he don't start reading from when he was born.

Chris - No but he was just over 3 weeks old when he picked up his first pop-up book. He has loved them since.

Piper - Picked up.

Chris - Not with his hand with yours.

Leo - Oh.

Chris - But he went to college to become a Publisher.

Leo - Sure. Right after I cut the grass… it grows like grass.

Chris - That is what it is.

Leo - That it is. That it is.

They all laugh. Chris gets into Leo's truck and goes and gets the covers, lumber, nails, hammer, all he could think that he could use to fix up the library and the cover to the building's. The girls wash the clothes. The boy's have their hands full with the kids. When Chris gets home the kids have Andy, Leo, Cole, and Richard roped and tied up and Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige are locked into the building: Wyatt, Melissa and Christopher are asleep.

Chris - PATRICIA, ANDY, JR., CONNOR, CONNIE, COLLIN, COURTNEY. What do you think you are doing?!

Patricia - Ut oh.

Chris - You can say 'ut oh.' Untie them right now!

Andy, Jr. and Patricia walk over and untie the guys.

Connor - I'll go and let the aunt's and Mom out.

Chris - WHAT?

Connie - We locked them into the building.

Chris - Connor, go and let them out right now.

Connor walks outside and unlocks the door. The girls didn't even know that they were locked in. They had been washing clothes all day and drying and were still washing. Connor walks back to Chris.

Connor - I don't even think they knew that they were locked in there.

Chris - I think you all owe Uncle Andy, Uncle Cole, Uncle Richard and Dad a 'I'm sorry speech.'

Patricia - I'm sorry Daddy, Uncle Leo, Uncle Cole and Uncle Richard. I was wrong. I should of never tied you up and ran around you like you was a tree.

Andy, Jr. - I'm sorry, Daddy, Uncle Leo, Cole and Richard.

Connor - I'm sorry Uncle Andy, Uncle Leo and Uncle Cole and I'm really sorry step-daddy Richard.

Connie - I've never had that much fun in my life but I'm sorry for upsetting you.

Collin and Courtney - Sorry.

Chris - Now, on the nap mates. NOW!

The kids go over to the kid's room and lay down.

Chris - So sorry.

Leo - Man, you got them down pat.

Chris - I don't know what overcame them. They usually don't cause that much trouble.

Andy - Ha, before we met you, they were nightmares.

Chris - I'm sorry.

Leo - Don't be.

Cole – They're our children.

Richard - All I want to know is do they treat you that way?

Everyone looks at him.

Chris - Ha, if they even thought of it and I still had telepathy, I'd skin them.

Leo - I bet. Let's make that cover.

Chris - Ok, I'll pull the truck to the barn.

Richard - But the barn is in the mountain.

Chris - So, it'll be ok.

Chris backs the truck down the mountain and to the barn. Chris gets out of the truck.

Chris - Close enough?

Leo's mouth is hanging open.

Chris - What?

Leo - You backed that truck down that mountain.

Chris - So, you could do it too, if you watched what ya did.

Leo - Well, I'll never find out.

Leo and Chris set the poles every 5 feet then they place down 5 poles. They nail the tin on it and they do up both entrances to the barn. About 6 hours later, Chris and Leo have everything set. Chris had installed rock steps, Leo had put flexi glass on the sides and Chris put in Air Conditioning and a heating system so it'd stay cool/warm.

Chris - Done.

Leo - Good job.

Chris - Right back at ya, pops.

Leo - Don't call me that.

Chris - Sorry Dad.

Leo - Better.

The girls step out for some air and see Leo and Chris's work.

Piper - Wow, great job boys.

Leo - Thanks.

Chris - Yeah, thanks.

Prue - Really good.

Paige - I like it.

Phoebe - I really love those stairs. But not now. How am I suppose to get out of here.

Chris - When you finish the clothes, it'll be done.

Chris walks off. He walks over to the back of the laundry room and starts measuring. He gets out a chain saw. He cuts out a door five by five. Then, he takes a power saw and smoothes the edges. After that's done, he gets a door he had bought and places it in the hinges. He then gets ply wood out of the truck and builds a ramp. About 3 hours later, he has completed the ramp. Then he sets up the covered path and flexi glass. He then situates the connector between the main walkway and the ramp. Once he's done: three hours after the ramp was done, he has completed everything. The girls step outside.

Chris - What do you think?

All the girls jaws drop and pull back open, just to drop again.

Piper - Whoa…

Prue - Wow.

Paige - Dang.

Phoebe - For me?

Chris - Yes, right now. But it can also be used for the laundry baskets.

Piper - But we don't have laundry baskets.

Chris - Don't tell me, they're everywhere.

Piper - Where?

Chris - In the bottom floor of the laundry mat.

Piper - What bottom floor of the laundry mat?

Chris takes them inside and over to a 'closet.' He opens the door and there's a ramp. They walk down it and they see tons of laundry baskets. When they count them, there is enough for 2 in every room; equaling out to be: 700.

Prue - Oh dear God in heaven!

Paige - Holy damn crap!

Phoebe - Lord help us.

Piper - Those aren't full, right?

Chris - See what I mean. No Mom, there not full… I don't think.

Paige - I think there is stuff that we don't know about still.

Phoebe - Oh gee, ya think?

Prue - I think we need to get out the land track.

Piper - I think we need to ask Chris.

Chris - Nah, I just got the info from the land track.

Prue - Told ya. I'm going back to washing.

Phoebe and Piper - Me too.

Paige - Why not?

Chris - I'm going upstairs to help Uncle Cole and Uncle Richard with the kids.

He walks over to the door, tries to open it but it won't open.

Chris - jerking the door - Oh no! Not again! KIDS! THIS IS CHRIS!

The door quickly unlocks. Andy, Jr. laughs nervously.

Time Lapse

Chris - shutting the door to a room no one was in - You're grounded!

Andy, Jr.'s voice - Oh, C'mon Chris!

Chris - No, not only did you lock that door, you lied to me.

Andy, Jr.'s Voice - I just told a little white lie.

Chris - No, you said that you was possessed by a demon and forced to do that! That is not a little white lie!

Andy, Jr.'s Voice - Goodnight.

Chris - I'll bring you food up late. I catch you out of that room, you're going up to the penthouses so no one can hear you screaming!

Andy, Jr. gulps from behind the door.

Chris - sweetly - Goodnight.

Chris goes downstairs. He starts supper and while the rest eat, Chris takes Andy, Jr.'s plate up. After they eat, Leo goes outside to put away the lawnmower. When he puts it away, he hears a soft whimper. Leo follows the whimper to a pile of brush. He sees two medium paws with a 'kitten' between them. By the stillness, it's under brushes and the kitten was cold, he could tell the mother was dead. He picks up the kitten and rushes it inside.

Leo - Chris?

Chris turns around, holding a dish, and when he sees what Leo's holding, he drops the dish and it shatters.

Piper - Chris?

Chris - I'm so sorry.

He picks up the big pieces, and Piper sweeps up the little.

Chris - I'm so sorry.

Piper - What happened?

Chris - Dad, do you know what you're holding?

Leo - Not really. I found it outside the barn and washroom.

Chris walks over to it.

Chris - Oh my god, I have never seen a real live… this.

Leo - A real live this?

Chris - Forget it. Can I hold it?

Leo - Knock yourself out. I think I found his mother's dead corpus.

Chris - Her. The mother would have crawled back to the female, not male.

Leo - Well, her mother. She was underneath a bunch of bushes. It probably would have died tonight. With nothing to eat, it would have died.

Chris - I'll take care of her.

Piper - What?

Chris - I can do it.

Piper - Are you sure?

Chris - Positive. I'll even keep it upstairs.

Piper - Ok, take care of it. You're its new Mommy… with the male voice.

Chris is hit deep with this, but ignores it. He walks upstairs and calls a vet.

Chris - I have a baby kitten Bobcat… Female… Her mother is dead on my property… I sure will. Thank you, bye.

Chris hangs up the phone and looks back at the kitten eating some milk. Not very well, but the poor thing is so hungry.

Chris - I guess you need a bottle, huh?


	21. Touch and Go, Day 8

A/N: Here's an extra chapter for the amount of time I hadn't updated. I am sorry it took so long, please accept this as my apology.

Day 8 of Mission: Touch & Go

Monday, June 6, 2005

The next day Chris gets up, makes breakfast and feeds all the animals. Before he gets all the kids up he decides to go and see if he was right. That indeed the animal he has is a Bobcat. He pulls all the leaves, limbs, and debris off of it and it was indeed a Bobcat. She looks like she had been shot. He comes back inside and calls the United Wildlife Control to tell them he has a dead Bobcat on his land. He finds out what they want him to do with it. When he gets off the phone, he takes the gas and matches down there and a water hose. He burns the body and then he makes sure the fire is out. Then he goes upstairs and takes a shower and changes his clothes. When he gets back downstairs, he finds Piper, Prue and Andy there.

Chris - There is food in the Hot Carts.

Piper - Was that a fire I saw outside?

Chris - Yes, I called United Wildlife Control and they told me to burn the body so that was the fire.

Andy - What was it?

Chris - A cat.

Prue - What kind?

Chris - Nothing but a cat.

Andy - Big or little?

Chris - Big but no big deal.

Piper - How 'big?'

Chris - It won't matter. I'm going up to get the kids.

He walks off and goes all the way up to Prue's floor that is on the fifth floor. He wakes up Patricia, Andy, Jr., and Melissa. He feeds the animals and makes the beds then he goes down to Paige's floor and does the same thing for Connor and Connie. Then he goes down to Phoebe's floor and gets Collin and Courtney and helps them feed their animals and make their beds. Finally, he goes down to Piper's floor and gets Wyatt and Christopher. He feeds their animals, makes their beds, and takes them down to the Dinning Room #1. When he gets their food, they start to eat.

Chris - I have to go into Charleston today. Can you watch the kids or do I take them.

Piper - I can watch them.

Patricia, Andy, Jr., Collin, Courtney, Connor, Connie, Wyatt, Melissa, and Christopher - NO!

Christopher - Go bye, bye.

Chris - You heard the kids. After breakfast, you all go up and get ready. The clothes will be on your bed, ok?

Patricia, Andy, Jr., Collin, Courtney, Connor, Connie, and Wyatt - Ok.

Chris - I'm going up there to lay their clothes out.

He walks up to the elevator and goes all the way back up to the fifth floor. He lays out the kids' clothes and a towel. After he gets done, he gets on his elevator and rides up to his floor to get the Bobcat.

Chris - Ok, what you would think about Bobbie for a name. I know it's not a girl name but it fits you.

He puts it in the box that he got for Christopher's cat and rides back down to the main floor. He gets the kids and heads for the car.

Chris - Are we ready?

Piper comes running out.

Piper - Hey, I was wondering if I could tag along. You'll need someone to watch the kids while you're inside anyway.

Chris - Sure, hop in. The passenger seat is empty.

Piper gets in.

Piper - Thanks.

Chris - Don't mention it.

They drive off.

Time Lapse

Zoo Veterinarian Office

Chris, 'Bobbie,' and the vet are sitting in his office.

Vet - So, you did burn the mother, no doubts.

Chris - Yes sir, the mother Bobcat is gone.

Vet - Are there any other kittens? Very unlikely one survived, but possible.

Chris - Uh, I haven't checked, but I will.

Vet - Ok, let me check this little fella out and you guys can go home.

Chris - That sounds good to me.

Vet - Now, before I do this, I have to ask: are you sure you want to raise this kitten? Bobcats are very dangerous and more importantly, hard to raise in captivity. If you're sure, we can begin.

Chris - I'm sure.

Vet - Ok, I'll give him his shots and records.

The vet gives Bobbie all her shots & records. Then, after everything is complete, he allows them to leave. Chris walks out with Bobbie in a Pet Taxi.

Chris - Ready Mom?

Piper - Yep. I'll get Christopher, Melissa, Wyatt and Collin, you get the rest.

Chris - No, I'll take Collin. We better not separate them two.

Piper - All right.

They walk out and get in the car. Chris situates Bobbie and drives off.

Piper - Need anything?

Chris - Yeah, I do. I need you to get Small Fry a new bird and Bobbie some things. - Christopher giggles - Yeah, Small Fry. - Piper bites her tongue - Stop biting your tongue, Mom, it'll hurt, ya know.

Piper - How did you know I was biting my tongue?

Chris - Several reasons: I know you, your eyes watered up, your jaw was trembling, and last but not least, your eyes got that fire in them.

Piper - Wow, impressive.

Chris - Nah.

A few minutes later, they pull up to Petland.

Chris - Ok, Mom, can you watch these guys while me and Small Fry run inside.

Piper - Sure…

Chris gets out and grabs Small Fry.

Chris - Ok, what kind of bird?

Cashier - Hey, kid-man!

Chris - Oh hi!

It's the same guy from before.

Cashier - What can I do for you today?

Chris - The cat that my little friend here got the other day ate his bird so we need a new bird. We also need a bottle, some formula, and all the works for a Bobcat.

Cashier - A bobcat?!

Chris - Yeah. We found a dead Bobcat on the farm… that is really strange. But it had a kitten. I'm going to raise it.

Cashier - Ok. I'll get the things you need for your bobcat, the birds are back that way.

Chris - Thanks.

Chris and Christopher walk back to the birds.

Chris - Ok, Small Fry. What do you want?

Christopher - Terrie… bird.

Chris - Ok, what one.

Christopher - Bird, bird.

Chris - How about this? You look and point then I'll get it for you. No more than 2.

Christopher - Ok.

He looks around and he sees 2 parrots.

Christopher - Oh, oh, oh.

Chris - Those.

Christopher - Uh oh.

Chris - Ok. Both? - he shakes his head 'yes' - We got what one wanted.

Cashier - Ok, which ones.

Chris - Those.

He points to the 2 parrots.

Cashier - That is a good choice but I have to warn you she is going to have eggs soon.

Chris - How soon?

Cashier - Any day.

Chris - talking to Christopher - Are you sure? - He shakes his head 'yes' again - We will take them.

Cashier - Ok. How is the pup doing?

Chris - Great!

Cashier - That is great. I have the things you will need to raise a small Bobcat. Do you want a tree for him?

Chris - Her. Yes.

Cashier - Well, I have 2 that you can look at.

Chris - Ok. - they go out and look at the 2 trees - I like the big one.

Cashier - I thought so.

Chris - So how much do I owe you.

Cashier - 3,546.74.

Chris - Ok. - He gives the man four thousands dollars - Keep the change.

Cashier - You gave me 200 over last time.

Chris - After all you did to save me, you earned it.

Cashier - Yeah, where are the others.

Chris - In the car with his Mommy.

Cashier - Oh.

Chris - I had to take the Bobcat to the vet. To get her shots and have her checked out. So they got someone else to come along.

Cashier - Well, have fun with the birds and come back.

Chris - Oh, we will.

He takes Christopher and the birds out and gave Christopher and the birds to Piper and walks over to get the other things for Bobbie. He gets them all in the car and then gets in and buckles up and drives away.

Chris - Ok. He got 2 parrots and I need to tell you something. One is going to have eggs any day.

Piper - What?!

Chris - He wanted them.

Piper - But…

Chris - He knows what he wants, Mom.

Piper - Ok.

Chris - Thanks.

Time Lapse

After they got back and fixed the birds up, he took Bobbie up to his room, fixed his tree, & feeds him. He started to talk to Bobbie.

Chris - Hey, there little one. You were hungry. You know, I miss Bianca a lot and I have been thinking a lot about her this time. But I don't want to put her through that. I don't think that she would want to be powerless. And if she comes here she would have to be powerless. How could I ask her to do that? So I will be ok. She can have her new Chris and I can live the rest of my life without my love of my life. But I have to let her have her life. Well, miss Bobbie. I think that you are ready for your nap.

He puts her down on his bed and closes the door. Goes down the hall and head for the main floor to start dinner. He fixes dinner and sets the table. He calls for the kids and the adults for dinner.

Chris - Ok we are ready to eat.

Piper - It looks great Chris. You should have told me, I could have helped you fix it.

Chris - Nah. I had some thinking to do cooking always helps me think.

Piper - Something wrong Chris.

Chris - No… I've been thinking about Bianca and missing her and my daughter.

Paige - After almost two years you now start thinking about her.

Prue - Who is Bianca?

Chris - She is the love of my life. My fiancée.

Prue - Oh yeah, Patricia told us about her.

Patricia - She is a nice woman.

Chris - Thanks Patricia.

Patricia - She was. But Chris…

Piper - What have you been thinking about?

Chris - Her, everything about her. I just miss her. I have been thinking about how I wish she could be here but I know she can't.

Piper - Why not?

Chris - Because she died and went into little Bianca. I'll never find her. They combined into each other.

Phoebe - I'm sorry.

Chris - Me too. But I'll live day by day. But I'll never find love quite like ours.

Leo - You might.

Chris - No, never.

Paige - Don't say never, Chris.

Chris - I might find someone but never our love. But I don't think I will ever find someone.

Piper - changing the topics - So how is your cat Chris?

Chris - Bobbie is fine, she was asleep.

Leo - What kind of cat is she?

Chris - Don't throw a fit. She is a bobcat.

Prue, Andy, Piper, Leo, Phoebe, Cole, Paige and Richard - WHAT?!

Chris - She is not going to get near the kids. I'm going to raise her and they are no way you are going to change my mind of it.

Piper - Please tell me you are kidding. You are not going to raise a Bobcat.

Chris - Yes I am. Her Mom was shot she was almost killed. I'm going to raise her. Sorry. I found one male kitten he was dead, Mom. He died last night.

Leo - Two kittens.

Chris - Yeah. He was in the mountain. He was in a cave just up the hill.

Piper - What about the father?

Chris - They stay together like people do. Someone might hear him but now that we are here they won't get this close.

Phoebe - What about that BIG cat.

Chris - That was a mountain cat. They can still be around, they don't care.

Phoebe - That is not good.

Chris - I will teach you to shot a gun.

Phoebe - How did you learn?

Chris - Like I told Mom, Dad, Aunt P., Uncle Andy, Aunt Paige, Uncle Richard and Uncle Cole; Mom.

Phoebe - Your Mom.

Chris - Yeah, Mom use to say "As many healers are in this house a little shot in the butt will not hurt NO one."

Piper – See, I'm a bad Mom.

Chris - No, you just had a lot of kids that was mean. No me and Wyatt was the only ones to get shot. I'm going to bed.

Piper - Ok sweetie.

Prue - Bull crap. Bullets do hurt. They kill. Remember the one that killed you?

Piper - No. We reset time remember.

Prue - Well I do and I say bullets do hurt.

Leo - We don't have any healers. So there will be no shooting in this family.

Chris walks to the elevator, shaking his head. When he gets to his room he sees that Bobbie is still asleep on the bed. So he decides to go and take a bath. After he starts his bath water he takes off his shirt and he sees that where he was stabbed he has a scratch.

Chris - to himself - Bobbie might have scratched me.

He takes his bath, changed into his PJ's and goes to bed. Bobbie lay down next to him.


	22. Touch and Go, Day 9

~ Day 9 of Mission: Touch & Go ~

~ Tuesday, June 7, 2005 ~

Chris wakes up, feeds the runt and Bobbie. Then he goes outside and feeds the dogs and Rabbits. Then he starts on breakfast. After he gets done he goes up to the 5th floor gets Patricia, Andy, Jr. and Melissa, feeds their animals, makes their beds and lays out their clothes for the day. Then he goes to the 4th floor to get Connor and Connie and does the same thing. Then to the 3rd floor to where he does the same thing for Collin and Courtney. And finally the 2nd floor to get Wyatt and Christopher. He feed the birds, dog and cat.

Chris - Hey Wyatt, time to get up.

Wyatt - Kwis?

Chris - It's time for breakfast.

He picks up Wyatt and puts him down. Then he makes Wyatt's bed. Next he walks down the hall to Christopher's room. When he gets there Christopher is awake. He lays out his clothes.

Christopher - Birds.

Chris - Yeah, I'll feed them.

He gets them up, makes his bed and lays out his clothes. He walks them down the hall to the elevator to go to the main floor. He takes them to the kitchen, gets their food and sets it up so they can eat it. After breakfast he gets them ready to play. The adults leave to go out, leaving Chris and the kids there.

Chris - So what do you want to do kids.

Patricia - Swim.

Chris - Ok. Let's go.

Andy, Jr. - Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Chris takes Collin, Courtney, Wyatt, Melissa, and Christopher, to the elevator.

Chris - Let's go.

Patricia, Andy, Jr., Connor, and Connie all go running to Chris. They all go down to the pool. Chris gets them in their suits ands into the pool. He gets into one too. He puts the kids into the 2-4 foot part of the pool.

Connor - Chris, what is up? You're bleeding.

Chris - Yeah. I got scratched. I'm fine.

They all get into the pool. They swim and have a good day. At 12:00 p.m. they all get out and go to the kitchen. He fixes them some soup and sandwiches. Then they play in the kids room until supper. When Piper gets home he decides that for supper they could have a big meal. He fixes them supper and they eat. After supper Leo sees something he don't like: blood.

Leo - Chris! What's wrong!

Chris - What do you mean?

Leo - What is that!? - he points to his shirt to where they can see that his blue shirt has red on it -

Chris - I got scratched. I'm fine.

Leo - Let me see.

Chris - It's just a scratch, Dad.

Leo - Let me see.

He lefts up his shirt and they see a little cut; no big deal; right. Wrong.

Paige - Oh my god!

Leo - Oh my god, it's…

Chris - Calm down, Dad. It's not coming back.

Piper - What do you mean?

Chris - It's right where I was stabbed.

Piper - ARE YOU SURE!

Chris - Yes I'm sure. NO POWERS! If I get my powers I'll let you know.

Piper - You had better.

Chris - I will. I'll tell you if I get my powers back.

Piper and Leo -You better.

Chris - Ok, I'm going up to feed Bobbie.

Leo - Can we go with you.

Chris - No, I don't want a lot of people around her.

Leo - Just me and your Mom.

Chris - Ok, if you both want to go.

He gets up and walks over to the elevator. Leo goes after him and then Piper is right after Leo. They go up to his room.

Chris - She's in my room. Last time I saw her she was on my bed.

He walks into his room. There on the bed is Bobbie, asleep.

Chris - Rise and shine, Bobbie, it's time to eat. - he picks up Bobbie puts a bottle in her mouth - Over the lips, threw the tounge, look out tummy here it comes.

Piper - Christopher Perry Halliwell, that might be a spell.

Chris - Mom.

Piper - Don't Mom me, young man.

Chris - Ok Mom, sorry.

They watch while Chris feeds Bobbie. After so long he starts to talk to Bobbie.

Chris - Here we go again. So do you think I'm doing right about leaving Bianca the way I'm doing. I would love to see her again, but I don't know what to do without her. But I guess I will find out. Well the bottle is almost gone, do you want to have another one or not. Well I'll say no more. But for now it looks like you need to sleep. Goodnight Bobbie… - noticing Piper and Leo's concerned looks - Oh no I forgot that you was here. I'm sorry.

Piper - You really miss her, don't you, Chris.

Chris - Yes I do.

Leo - You should summon her.

Chris - I can't.

Leo - Why not?

Chris - I can't go and take her powers from her. I would be selfish of me to do that, don't you think.

Piper - You love her that much to let her go.

Chris - That is what I have to do.

Piper and Leo hug him. They walk down to the elevator and then down to the main floor.

Piper and Leo - I love you, Chris.

Chris - Thanks. I'm going to go and take a dip.

Piper - Ok, we are going to go and put the kids down.

Chris - Do you want me to?

Prue, Andy, Piper, Leo, Phoebe, Cole, Paige and Richard - No!

Piper - We can take care of OUR kids Chris, we just want you to help us with them when we are out. Sweetie, go take your dip.

Chris - Ok.

He walks down to the basement. Yes, I said walked down to the basement. He takes a dip and he swims, swims and swims. Piper and Paige comes down.

Paige - talking to Piper - He sure can swim.

Piper - talking to Paige - Yes, he can.

Chris - looking up to see Paige and Piper - Hey.

Paige and Piper - Hey.

Chris - Do you want to take a swim.

Paige - No, hot tubs.

Piper - You can swim?

Chris - I was on the swimming team. I was the captain. I had swimming and track, Wyatt had the rest. He was the jock.

Piper - Oh. Go back swimming and have fun.

Chris - I will, you two have fun.

Paige - while walking away - I need to relax, this pregnancy is killing me.

Chris - WHAT!?

Piper - We forgot to tell you! Paige is going to have twins. She is going with Phoebe on the 23rd.

Chris - Well, I'll take you both.

Paige - Thanks.

They go to the Hot Tubs. Chris swims a few more hours.


	23. Touch and Go, Day 10

~ Day 10 of Mission: Touch & Go ~

~ Wednesday, June 8, 2005 ~

Chris makes breakfast and does his usual routines. After everything is done, Chris realizes something.

Chris - I can't believe this?!

Piper - What?

Chris - I've either forgot how or I don't know how.

Prue - What?

Chris - Um…

Phoebe and Paige - C'mon! Tell us!

Chris - I forgot how to relax!

Piper laughs.

Phoebe - Uh, I don't understand! How can you forget how to relax?

Chris - I… I never had the chance.

Paige - Back here?

Chris - Anywhere. I hardly ever relaxed.

Leo - Ok, your gonna learn. I'll be your mentor.

Chris - Not like Gideon, right.

Leo - No, no, I'll be a good mentor.

Chris - Not crazed, mental disordered murdering son of a bitch.

Leo - Uh, what you said.

The girls laugh.

Chris - What's so funny?

Paige - laughing - What you said an-and Leo's comment.

Cole - Just plain original.

Leo - It wasn't that funny.

Piper - Yes it was.

Leo - Ok, let's teach you how to relax.

Chris - Are you sure you can teach this old dog some new tricks?

Piper - Oh Chris, your not an old dog! Your not even old.

Phoebe - Well, he's already died once. - Chris snorts - What! You said it first!

Chris - I snorted because I've not only died once.

Piper - Excuse me?

Chris - Ten. I died when I was ten.

Leo - What?

Chris - Wyatt's lackeys. I was following Wyatt and he ordered my death.

Prue - Did we summon you again, too.

Chris - No, revived myself. I promised Prue, Phoebe's daughter, I'd come back safely. I don't break promises. So when I died, that doesn't go under returning safely. I returned, but I was dead.

Paige - Wow.

Chris - Yeah…

Leo - Ok, now to teach you how to relax…

Chris - Dear god, help me…

~ Time Lapse ~

Chris grunts and flops down on the couch.

Leo - Well, that's a start…

Chris - This is hopeless.

Leo - No, no… it's not hopeless.

Chris - No, I won't. You've got it, but I won't.

Leo - Chris, it's not like you to give up.

Chris - Well, there's first time for everything, right.

Chris stands up and walks over to the kids room.

Chris - Kids, what do you guys wanna do?

Andy, Jr. - Chris, we haven't got off of this mountain for a while, can we go somewhere.

Chris - Sure, let me get supper on first.

Chris walks in the kitchen, peals some potatoes and carrots, puts on to boil some beef, onion, celery, tomato sauce, water and various spices: Beef Stew.

Chris - walking into the kids room - Hey, ready to go?

Patricia - Where?

Chris - Anywhere.

Andy, Jr. - Can we go get a West Virginia map of back roads and regular roads.

Chris - We're already got one.

Patricia - We do?

Chris - Yep. What do you want it for, Andy, Jr.

Andy, Jr. - So we can go site seeing.

Chris - Ok, you four watch them three to the car. I'll get Small Fry and Melissa.

Patricia, Andy, Jr., Connor and Connie - Yeah!

Chris grabs the map, Christopher and Melissa while he watchers Patricia, Andy, Jr., Connor, Connie, Collin, Courtney and Wyatt go to the car.

Chris - Ok, let's get you inside. - Chris opens the door and secures the kids - Ready?

Andy, Jr. - set and go!

Chris laughs as he pulls out. Piper stands on the porch.

Piper - Be careful!

Chris - yelling back - We will! Be back soon! - they drive off - So,we goin' to what city?

Andy, Jr. - Any city but Beckley!

Patricia - Every city but Beckley!

Connor and Connie - Yeah!

Chris - Tired of Beckley already?

Andy, Jr. - Yes but no.

Chris - Ok?

Patricia - We're been there so many times, we've just about know everything about it.

Chris - Really, are you looking or looking.

Connor - What's the difference?

Chris - Are you seeing or are you just plain looking?

Connie - I don't get it? You do both with your eyes!

Andy, Jr. - Yeah, Chris, what's the difference?

Chris - You'll understand when you get older. How about Glen Daniel?

Andy, Jr. - Why do grown-ups say that?

Chris - Say what?

Andy, Jr. - That, we'll understand when we get older. What's up with that?

Chris - Guys, you're gonna kill me. But you'll understand when your older. Trust me.

Patricia - What they mean is our minds are too poorly developed to under stand the things the adults highly developed minds can.

Chris - Patricia?! Where did you get that psycho-babble from?

Patricia - What 'psycho-babble;' it's the truth.

Chris - I'm an adult, and I don't think kids minds are 'poorly developed.' And most certainly don't think adults minds are 'highly developed.'

Patricia - Well, your mind hasn't been brainwashed.

Chris - Brainwashed?

Patricia - You're around kids mostly. Your not subjected to their psychology.

Chris - Ya know, your smart but that's not how it is, Patricia. Adults just understand things better, that's all.

Patricia - You haven't been transformed to their expectations.

Chris - Patricia, I just don't know about you. Ok, are we going to Glen Daniel.

Andy, Jr. - I done told you! We're going everywhere…

Patricia - But Beckley!

Chris - Right. The reason this mess started. Ok, we'll go to Glen Daniel and places like that. But only in Raleigh Country.

Andy, Jr. - Sounds good to me.

Chris - Alrighty. Let's roll.

Connie - Chris, can we eat here.

Chris - Lunch only.

Connor - Why?

Chris - I have beef stew on.

Connie - What's beef stew?

Chris - It's really good.

Connie - Ok, but what is it? Won't it burn?

Chris - No, it takes awhile to make, that's why I'm making it.

~ Time Lapse ~

They drove out to Glen Daniel and got some food.

Andy, Jr.- Chris, if I'm right, - pointing to a range of mountains on his map he's looking at - these mountains will take you to this road. Can we eat up there?

Chris - Where should I start?

Patricia - Actually, I think he's right.

Andy, Jr. - Ya know, we could go the long way.

Chris - Ok.- he hands back the food - Which ways that?

Andy, Jr.- Route 3.

Chris - The route 3.?

Andy, Jr. - The same route 3.

Chris - Alright.

They pull out Chris drives down route 3. They pass several things. Then they come to the small town of Naoma.

Andy, Jr. - Peach Tree creek is the creek so maybe Peach Tree.

Chris - seeing a white service building - Let me ask.

Chris pulls the car over. He gets out. A tall man walks out.

Chris - Excuse me, sir. Could I have a moment of your time.

Man - Sure, how could I help you.

Chris holds out his hand to shake.

Chris - Chris Halliwell.

The man does the same as Chris.

Man - Raymond Jarrel. Nice to meat you.

Chris - Likewise, Raymond. uh, I'm taking my family here upon to a local mountain…

Raymond - Take a pick. - he laughs -

Chris laughs as well.

Chris - Well, I was trying to find a particular mountain. The road follows Peachtree creek straight to it.

Raymond - Ah, yes. Bolt Mountain. The very next road. When you get to a fork, on dirt road, take the right. The left is a dead end. Some friends of mine live up that way.

Chris - Oh, thanks, man. I appreciate it.

Raymond - Anytime. Oh, be careful. Take care.

Chris - Thanks. Have a good day!

Raymond - You too, man.

Chris gets back in his car. He pulls back on the road.

Chris - You were right, Andy, Jr. It's Peach Tree.

Andy, Jr.- Ya know, I like this state.

Chris - Why?

Andy, Jr. - Their so dumb, they make me smart. Or look that way.

Chris - Andy Joe Trudeau Junior!

Andy, Jr. - Sorry.

Chris - Yeah, you should be.

Chris pulls in to a holler, one that just popped out of no where. Chris pulls around the first of many curves. He passes several things; probably the biggest would be Jazz Holler. They pass a small holler, Drews Creek. Then they leave the concrete road. About 30 minutes of traveling in the holler alone, they pull left. After passing two houses, there are no more houses. They drive and scream. Bolt Mountains full of two foot "pot holes.'

Chris - Ok. Now where.

Patricia - How about we go to…

Andy, Jr.- Bolt.

Patricia - That was where I wanted to go.

Chris - Is that ok. Do you all want to go to Bolt.

Collin, Courtney, Connie and Connor - Yeah.

Chris - What about you two Melissa and Small Fry.

They clap.

Chris - I'll take that as a yes.

Christopher - in his head - Yes, yes, yes.

Chris - Ok lets.

They drive down the road a piece and come to a small town that say's welcome to Bolt.

Patricia and Andy, Jr. - Ok what about…

Chris - Home. I need to check my Beef Stew.

Andy, Jr. - Oh man.

Patricia - Ok. But can we go back on the back roads.

Chris - Sure.

Andy, Jr. - Yeah.

Chris pulls off the road at a church and pulls out his map. Finds a way to get back to Odd.

Chris - Ok, there two ways to get to Odd. One is A. go back to Glen Daniel and then go to the road turn's to Beckley OR to Sophia you could go to Sophia. Go in the back way we would get to Devil Backbone Road before Odd. Or B: we could go in to Wyoming County on 85 and get on 10 and then 16 and still come in to Devil Backbone first.

Andy, Jr. - You said you wanted to stay in Raleigh. So lets do A.

Patricia - Yeah. I want to get home to eat that Beef Stew. I'm getting hungry.

Connor - Yeah hungry. But could we do this again.

Chris - Sure.

Connie - Yeah I want to taste this Beef Stew.

Collin - Beef Stew.

Courtney - Yeah, yeah.

Christopher - in his head - I want Beef Stew.

Chris looks back at Christopher, then shakes his head.

Chris - Ok lets get rolling.

They drive home on back roads. It takes them a little longer then the other way. But the kids see some new places. They get home and Chris gets out Christopher and Melissa. Patricia, Andy, Jr., Connor, Connie, Collin, Courtney and Wyatt walk over to the house to be meet by a smell from heaven.

Piper - taking Christopher and Wyatt - There you are we was starving to death.

Chris - Get them set and it should be ready by the time you get back.

Chris goes into the kitchen and sees everyone else gathered around either the pot or dinning room, ready to eat. Leo lifts up the lid and the aroma catches every noise in the room's attention.

Chris - Hey! You'll starve. Stop that!

Leo - Sorry. It just smells…

Cole - Heavenly.

Chris chuckles.

Chris - Yes, that is a very popular description of Beef Stew.

Paige - So that's what it's called.

Chris - Yeah… what did you call it.

Phoebe - The stew from Heaven above that the angels prepared.

Chris chuckles again.

Chris - What a title.

Prue walks in.

Prue - When can we eat?!

Andy follows her.

Andy - Please say now.

Chris - No, sorry. As soon as the kids get done. - they all sigh - Alright. Get cleaned up!

All adults leave. Piper walks in.

Piper - Need any help!

Chris - No! But that goes for you too Mom.

Piper - Ha! I also know that you can clean your hands in the back with the dishes. Nice try though. - Chris snaps his fingers - I was probably the one who taught you that trick.

Chris - Yeah, but you washed up in the sink..

Piper - I had to, or they'd eat it.

They laugh. While Chris has his head turned, Piper thinks.

Piper - It's really good to have you back, Chris. I missed you.

Chris - Thanks, Mom. That means a lot.

Piper - Your welcome…but for what?

Chris - Mom, stop being humble. - realizing she has no idea - The sentence you said a while ago.

Piper - Sweetie, the last thing I said was about the sink.

Chris - getting nervous - That's impossible. You just said you missed me. That is was good to have me back. I don't understand.

Piper - Chris, I thought it, but I didn't say it aloud.

Chris - nervous - Are you sure? I…I mean you-you could have just thought it aloud. Ya know…

Piper - No, sweetie. I'm sure.

Chris - But…that would mean…

Piper - Chris?

Chris - Oh my god. The scratch, the blood, hearing Small Fry, hearing you…

Piper - Chris…?

Chris - Uh, when the kids get back, please feed them. I've got to go.

Chris quickly paces off. Piper starts to pace. She paces in place. Leo walks in.

Leo - Piper, what's wrong huh?

Piper - Chris. He's freaking out, Leo.

Leo - I'll check with him.

Leo walks off.

Piper - Oh god, please let everything be ok. I don't; I can't lose him again.

Leo gets on the elevator and rides up to the penthouse.

Leo - knocking on Chris' door - Chris, are you in there?

Nothing. Leo knocks again. Nothing again. Leo walks away. He gets on the elevator and thinks where Chris would go. Meanwhile, Chris was in the attic. Just as he suspected, the BoS stood in it's old home except for it's in a new attic. He opens the cover and sees the pages fully in color.

Chris - Oh god, they're back…

~ Time Lapse ~

Chris has snuck down the elevator and got onto his. He rode up to his penthouse. Chris plops down on the recliner. Bobbie walks over to his feet and purrs around them.

Chris - Hey Ms. Bobbie Bobcat. How are you?

Bobbie - I want you to pick me up, dumb-ass.

Chris - Wow, I've got beasts speach back and one sassy smartass Bobcat.

Bobbie - Who are you calling a sassy Smart-ass Bobcat. Jackass!

Chris - Touchy. I'm out of here.

Bobbie - You bet your ass, Niger!

Chris - Dude, do I look black to you?!

Chris leaves.

Bobbie - Yeah, you better run that sweet Niger ass of your, bitch.

Chris - Hey! Do you want to go back to where you were: cold, alone and hungry.

Bobbie gives him the perfect kitty eyes.

Chris - Yeah, that's what I thought.

Chris shuts the door.

Chris - Cats, you can't get a good one.

He climbs into the elevator. He rides down and goes to the dinning room. Chris coughs to get their attention.

Piper - Chris…

Chris - Yeah, sorry about that outburst. Can we talk?

Phoebe - Sure, sweetie. We're here.

Chris - Well, um, it's not good news.

Leo - What is it, son?

Chris - Look, this is hard to explain to myself; It's for damn sure hard to my family, ok!

Leo - Ok, sorry. Go on.

Chris - Uh…my--my powers are back. Full bloom. All of them.

Piper - Wh-what?

Chris - My powers are back.

Phoebe - Ho-how? We striped your powers!

Chris - I know. I don't understand it either.

Leo - We have to strip your powers, now.

Chris - I agree…

Piper - You do?

Chris - Yeah…I do. I don't want to leave that pool.

Piper - Oh…

Chris laughs.

Phoebe - What's so funny?

Chris - I was joking, I don't want to leave you.

Piper breaths a sigh of relief.

Piper - Come on, lets strip your powers.

Chris - Again… - he huffs a sign -

Piper - You can keep your powers and die.

Chris - Where is that potion!

Paige - We will make one, let's go to the kitchen.

Chris - Lets all eat first.

Piper - NO! Potion first.

Leo - What do we need.

They make the potion. Chris drinks it.

Chris - Now can we eat the kids are hungry.

Patricia - Are you ok, Chris.

Chris - Fine. I'm fine.

Andy, Jr. - Thank god.

Patricia - Yes.

Connie - Let me see. - she walks over to Chris and pulls up his shirt - NO scratch. That is great.

Chris - Connie!

Connie - Don't Connie me. I've got attached to you we do not want to loose you.

Connor - That is true.

They all hug him.

Chris - Well that is good to know. I was hoping you was.

Piper - We all are.

Leo - That is the truth. We don't think that we could take losing you again.

Paige - I know I can not.

Phoebe - I missed you so much but I didn't want to admit it.

Prue - I was not here but I have grown to love you right NOW and I don't want to lose you.

Cole, Richard, and Andy - No, you can't go no where.

Chris - I love each and everyone of you.

Prue, Andy, Patricia, Andy, Jr., Piper, Leo, Wyatt, Phoebe, Cole, Collin, Courtney, Paige, Richard, Connie and Connor - Love you.

Melissa and Christopher walks over to him and hugs him.

Chris - I love you too Melissa and Small Fry.

Piper - That is never going to change is it.

Chris - No. Ready to eat.

Prue, Andy, Patricia, Andy, Jr., Melissa, Piper, Leo, Wyatt, Christopher, Phoebe, Cole, Collin, Courtney, Paige, Richard, Connie, and Conner - YES!

Chris - Well lets eat.

He sets up the table and they start to eat. After they eat Piper talks.

Piper - That was great sweetie.

Chris - All I did was set it up you all cook it.

Leo - You was starving did you go.

Chris - The question is where did we not went on R-3 and went into a holler called Peach Tree and got on 99 and went into Bolt and then we took the Back roads to get back here. They wanted to see something besides Beckley.

Paige - Oh.

Phoebe - What was this Preach Tree like.

Chris - Well it was good until we went on dirt roads then I guess over the winter when they traveled the road it made pot holes. Big ones.

Phoebe - Oh.

Chris - Yeah they was a lot of screaming done in that car. I mean you see the tire's prints.

Patricia - Yeah.

Andy, Jr. - But it was beautiful.

Connie - But ruff.

Connor - Yeah but this place is beautiful.

Patricia - Chris said he would take us to see more.

Chris - Yeah. We have all summer I called the Board of Education the other day school is not even out here yet. But it starts August 26 this coming year. We need to find out where we are going to send the kids.

Paige - Yeah.

Phoebe - When does Pre-school start up.

Chris - Right around the same time.

Connie and Connor - What's school.

Chris - The place you will be going to learn to do things, like read, write, spell and math.

Piper - We need to start to get paper and school supplies, clothes and book bags.

Chris - Yeah when we go out we pick up school supplies.

Connor - No let's just forget about that you can teach us.

Chris - No. we need to find us a school; Clear Fork, Marsh Fork, Ghent, or Beckley schools, Fairdale or Lester.

Piper - What? That many schools.

Chris - Yeah. They're are a lot of schools. The land is not that far from each other. But the way the roads are you put more schools in this places. Beckley is got like four schools: three public and one private school. The rest out of town are all public.

Piper - Oh I see.

Chris - So you think about it.

Connie, Connor, Patricia and Andy, Jr. - NO DON'T

Chris - We can still do a lot of things.

Connie, Connor, Patricia and Andy, Jr. - No we can't.

Chris - Oh kids.

Patricia - C'mom Chris!

Chris - No! get your hineys in the tub.

The kids all sigh and go to the elevator, their parents following very close. Chris heives a sigh.


	24. Touch and Go, Day 11

~ Day 11 of Mission: Touch & Go ~

~ Thursday, June 9, 2005 ~

The next morning Chris wakes up extra early and makes breakfast. He takes a collective breath and starts up the coffee maker and starts to fresh squeeze the oranges. They all walk down groggily.

Paige - Hey, what's the bright idea!

Chris - There isn't one, the sun hasn't even rose yet.

Phoebe - See, if the sun refuses, we have every right too.

Chris - Sorry, but I need you guys for this.

Prue - Why, what's wrong?

Piper - Your not bleeding again, are you?

Chris - No, schools…

All the kids look at each other like "Ut Oh."

Patricia - Now!?

Chris - Well, do you want to wait til the first day?

Connor - That sounds good tome.

Andy, Jr. - It doesn't to me. How 'bout the last day?

Chris - Ok, that's today. Chomp, chomp.

Andy, Jr. - Of the '05-'06 year.

Chris - That's violation!

Patricia shoves Andy, Jr.

Chris - sternly - Patricia…

Patricia - Sorry!

Chris - Thank you. Now, showers.

Piper - But it's 4:30 am, sweetie. Can't we go back to bed until 6.

Chris - Ha, with these kids! We're going all over the country. We need to get up early.

Piper - But 4:30!

Chris - Yeah, I woke up at this time every day in the past.

Piper - Wow, can we eat first?

Chris - Sure, go a head. Sorry.

~ Time Lapse ~

They've all ate and they've decided to take 2 cars. Chris has: Patricia, Connor, Connie, Andy, Jr. Wyatt, Phoebe, Cole, Prue, Andy, Richard and Paige. Piper has: Leo, Melissa, Christopher, Collin and Courtney. They drive off. They drive back roads to the boundaries of Whitesville. Chris turns across a bridge. There using cells again.

Phoebe - in the phone - Where are we going.

Chris - in the phone - Clear Fork Elementary.

Paige - in the phone - Where is that?

Chris - in the phone - Clear Fork.

Prue - in the phone - Oh.

Piper - over the speakers - What is up with people and their schools and cities they're in are different names.

Chris - in the phone - I don't know. - he glances over to Patricia, she's asleep - Veto Clear Fork. Patricia is asleep.

Prue - in the phone - Oh, poor baby.

Piper - over the speakers - Are we going over there?

Chris - in the phone - I don't know. We'll judge by it's cover.

Phoebe - in the phone; mocking - Chris!?

Chris - in the phone - Well, it's so far away…what am I suppose to do.

They pull up to the school. They see the road and where the school is.

Piper - over the speakers - Marsh Fork it is.

They pull out and go back. They get to Marsh Fork. Cole takes one look.

Cole - in the phone; pointing to a mountain behind the coal mines next door, literally - Sludge pond. Next school.

Paige - in the phone - What's a sludge pond?

Cole - in the phone - A place where the coal mines pump all of it's water out. This one looks like it has a crack. It'll looks like it could bust soon, go.

Chris pulls out.

Phoebe - in the phone - Are the kids in danger?

Cole - in the phone - Sweetie, everyone up Rt.3 are in danger.

Chris drives to Fairdale. They pull up.

Chris - in the phone - Looks good.

Piper - over the speakers - Let's go inside.

Patricia - in the phone; waking up and seeing a school - NOOO!

Chris - in the phone - C'mom guys. Lets get inside. Well, you and your parents. Besides, you slept through two schools inspections.

Andy, Jr. - in the phone - Please, Chrissss!

Chris - in the phone - No, you guys go. Mom, bring over Small Fry and Melissa.

They do the kids swamping. They talk to the counselor. After they talk, they walk back out.

Piper - over the speakers - If we don't find a better school, this one. We've told them and they've agreed we'll contact them.

Chris - in the phone - Ok.

~ Time Lapse ~

They reviewed all the schools, and decided Fairdale is the school. They call them and Phoebe made an alarming discovery:

Phoebe - I can NOT believe this! I can NOT believe this! I can NOT…

Chris - Ok, we hear you! People in San Francesco hear you. Now, what is this you can NOT believe.

Phoebe - Uh, oh my god.

Piper - What is this.

Phoebe - You'll never believe it either. The name of the schools. The Elementary is Fairdale, the Middle is Trap Hill and the High School is Liberty and there all minutes away. Trap Hill and Liberty are directly across from each other!

Chris - Uh, ok.

Piper - Good god!

Cole - Are you sure you want to send them there?

Paige - We should give them a chance to bloom before declaring them weeds and plucking them!

Chris - Who are you, are you my Aunt?

Paige - Yes.

Chris - Aunt Paige! You get your butt out of past Aunt Paige. NOW!

Paige - No, I'm this Paige, but I'm your Aunt Paige.

Chris - Good grief! Besides, back to the schools, does it really matter what their called?

Phoebe - No, but…

Chris - But what?! As long as they give my cousins, brother and self a good education. - they all chuckle - I'm being serious and your laughing!

Leo - Sorry son, but it was funny. You called Christopher self.

Chris - Well, I had already said my, so why not self.

Piper - Sorry.

Chris - It's ok. I'm starting a late lunch.

Chris walks off.

Prue - He really need some.

~ Time Lapse ~

They all eat after Chris cooks and now their sitting around the table. Chris has an idea to share.

Chris - Hey guys, I have an proposition. How 'bout for independence day, we go on a road trip. - Cole, drinking, spits out his drink and drops his glass - Uncle Cole?

Cole - Are you crazy man?

Chris - Why?

Piper - Two weeks ago…

Chris - What about two weeks ago?

Leo - We completed a four thousand mile 'road trip.'

Phoebe - 2,641.

Leo - Whatever, it felt 4,000 miles.

Chris - It won't be until 2 more weeks and 4 days.

Paige - What about the doctor appointments?

Chris - They're not until the 23rd, right?

Phoebe - Yeah but…

Cole - urgent - She's suppose to take it easy, remember. Well, it's settled; no road trip.

Patricia - Ha, with Chris, walking on fire could be relaxing.

Richard - But…

Connor - No, step-Daddy Richard. We want to go.

Connie - Yeah!

Andy, Jr. - singing - On the road again; I just can't wait to get on the road again. Spending money with my friends; I just can't wait to get on the road again!

Wyatt - Road!

Courtney - Trip!

Collin - Yay!

Christopher and Melissa clap.

Andy and Prue - Well, that's 12 to 6. Looks like we're going, on a trip.

Piper - Your wanting to go.

Andy - Heck yeah. He didn't go on the trip, he has to suffer as well.

Prue - As he said, you striped his powers, we have to too. Well, we traveled 2,641 miles, so does he.

Andy - It may be in sections, but he will feel the wheels.

Piper - Alright…

Cole - But, Phoebe?!

Chris - How bout I buy an RV and you guys can stay on the bed, I'll drive.

Piper - Not all the way!

Chris - Why not, it's only to Walt Disney World.

Phoebe - Shut up Cole, we're going!

Paige - giving him a dirty look - Which Walt Disney World?

Chris - Florida.

Paige - Ok.

Prue sighs.

Prue - Nah, I like it here.

Leo - How far is it?

Chris - Around a thousand miles.

Patricia - Can we go to Sea World too!

Andy, Jr. - Can we see Kacko?!

Chris - Sweetie, he died.

Andy, Jr. - shocked - When?

Chris laughs.

Chris - About 2-3 years ago.

Connie - Who's Kacko?

Chris - A whale.

Connie - A whale? Who'd wanna see a whale?

Paige - hugging Connie - A lot of people.

Connor - I wanna see a dolphin.

Chris - Ok.

Patricia - I wanna ride a dolphin.

Chris - Not ok.

Prue - Oh no, no ridding dolphins.

Patricia sighs.

Patricia - Can't blame a girl for trying.

Chris - cocky - Wanna bet?!

Patricia - gulping - No.

Chris - Good. So we'll leave June 25.

Cole - Oh man.

~ Time Lapse ~

Chris made supper and they all ate. Then Chris starts to work outside with Leo.

Chris - Dad, I've got to teach you something.

Leo - What, son.

Chris - handing Leo a chain saw - How to work this.

Leo - Uh, uh, I haven't taught you how to relax yet. Sorry.

Chris - Work comes before relaxing.

Leo - Yeah, but you've worked all your life. I-I bet you were out saving the world in a dipper.

Chris - Hey, I couldn't help it if my bladder was weak that day. All we had was cranberry juice!

Leo - laughing - What?!

Chris - That isn't what you meant, was it?

Leo - No, I meant as a baby.

Chris - Oh, ut oh.

Leo - I'll keep that in the back of my mind. Never mentioning it again.

Chris - Thank you. Ok, back to the chain saw.

Leo - mocking - Oh my goodness, I left my water on!

Leo starts to walk away. Chris grabs him from the behind.

Chris - Nice try. Ok, here we go.

Leo - Yep, here we go. Goodbye cruel world.

Chris - Oh Dad. I'll teach you everything.

Leo - Let me turn my cell off.

Leo pulls out his cell and text messages Phoebe "Help me and I'll give you a full massage."

Phoebe's voice - LEO!

Leo - Well, lookie there, duty calls, bye.

Chris - Oh, I'll get you Dad.

~ Time Lapse ~

While Chris is outside he cuts and shops up two trees and then stacks them. He goes inside.

Chris - Can you keep an eye on the kids. I need to ride down somewhere and do something? The kids can't go.

Piper - What exactly is 'ride down somewhere and do something;' young man.

Chris - Coal.

Piper - Ok, be careful.

Chris - Thanks. Hey Dad!

Leo walks in.

Leo - Yeah, I was busy giving Phoebe a massage.

Piper and Cole - Excuse me.

Leo - What?

Cole - Giving Phoebe a what?!

Leo - Uh, not giving, doing.

Piper - WHAT!

Leo - Oh no! Doing Phoebe's garage.

Cole - Yeah, right.

Leo - Look, I'm just doing my sister-in-law a favor.

Chris - Sure you were. You were getting out of cutting with a chain saw.

Leo laughs nervously.

Leo - No I wasn't.

Chris - Right. Ok, can I borrow your truck.

Leo - Where ya going?

Chris - A mines on Rt. 3.

Leo - Make sure my while truck is not black!

Chris - What white truck?! Dad, your truck has already turned brown.

Leo - Will you wash it?

Chris - Sure, there's a car wash nearby.

Leo - Thank you. Sure, so ahead.

Chris - Thank you.

Chris grabs the keys and leaves.

Chris - Oh, and if the kids get hungry, they're snacks.

Piper - Ok.

Chris leaves.

~ Timer Lapse ~

Chris drives over to the mines. He stops at the security guard's guard shake.

Security Guard - May I help you, sir.

Chris - Uh, yeah. I heard you guys sold coal. I was wondering who I could talk to concerning that.

Security Guard - Me. We sell house coal, but only through winter months.

Chris - Ok. So, how do you guys deliver. Would I or what?

Security Guard - You haul your own coal. $60 a ton.

Chris - Sixty dollars per ton, wow.

Security Guard - Yeah. Well, have a great summer.

Chris - Yeah, you too.

Chris turns around and starts to drive towards Beckley. He decides to get some groceries. He washes Leo's truck at Glen Daniels and goes to a grocery store called "Ricks" He gets some groceries and some beer. The bag boys bring out his groceries and puts it in the back.

Chris - Thank you.

Bag boy - No problem, sir. Have a nice day.

Chris gets in Leo's truck and drives a little piece. He sees a small shop of statues at first and pulls off. When he sees it up close, he sees it's much more. He buys some fruit and vegetables, 3 swings, an angel, uncolored; one of every plant, two peach trees, two apple trees, three pine trees, two dog woods and one weeping willow. Chris walks up to the register. There is a heavy set gentleman behind the seat.

Chris - Hello, sir.

Man - Jimmy, please. How can I help you?

Chris - Well, I don't know actually. - he places his fruit and vegetables on the register - I want these and then the plants and porcelings.

Jimmy - Oh. Just tell me and I'll ring it up.

Chris - Ok. I want a birdbath, the unpainted angel, three swings sets, one of every plant - Jimmy looks at him, then rings it up - Two peach trees, two apple trees, three pines, two dogs, and one weeping willow.

Jimmy - Uh, dog "wood", right.

Chris -Yeah sorry.

Jimmy - No problem. That'll be $3,944.25. Cash or check.

Chris - Cash.

Jimmy - Uh, $3,944.25.

Chris - One minute. - He pulls out three thousand dollar bills, nine hundreds, four tens and four ones, then one quarter. - And if someone can give me a helping hand, I'll give you four thousand.

Young Boy - I'll help you, sir.

Chris - Thank you.

About 30 minutes of pulling away stuff, Chris is loaded up. Jimmy feeling tickled pink.

Jimmy - Come back again! Soon!

Chris - I think I'll come here to get my fruit and veggies.

Jimmy - Please do!

Chris pulls out.

Chris - Wow, West Virginias are sure nice.

~ Time Lapse ~

Chris arrives home and comes in the door.

Chris - Give me a hand, will ya.

Everyone, including Connor, Connie, Andy, Jr., and Patricia walk outside. Chris pins up Christopher, Melissa, Wyatt, Collin and Courtney in the play 'Pin.'

Chris - Ok. Just grab what you can.

Phoebe - My god, what does coal mines have?

Chris laughs.

Chris - No, coal mines have two things; coal and dirty coal miners. I got this from Jimmy.

Piper - Who's Jimmy?

Chris - A very happy man.

Piper - Chris!

Chris - This guy who has a farm produce.

Phoebe - I think you bought the guy out.

Chris - God no. He has more plants than a spiders eyes.

Leo - A spider has eyes. Chris, there rubbing off.

Chris - I know and I like it. WVans are so nice.

Leo - Yeah, but bad on vocabulary.

Chris - Oh Dad, shut up and help me unload. You have a chain saw to learn how to use tomorrow.

Leo - Do it slowly.

Chris - Your gonna use that chain saw or I'll starve you.

Leo - Oh, ok. I'll just kill my only son.

Chris - What about Wyatt?!

Leo - I've already lost him.

Chris - How so?

Leo - To you.

Chris - Not quite.

They unload, plant, put away, get set up to be painted, place and hook up everything in about one hour.

Chris - Ok, everything done. Shrew!

Piper - Chris…I love you!

Chris - Aw, shucks.

Leo - CHRIS!

Chris - mocking - WHAT!

Leo - That's it. I'm taking you and the kids back to California. - the girls growl - Or not…

Chris - Yeah, I wouldn't mess with family or you won't be a part of this family. Dead or alive.

Leo - True.

Piper - So true.

Leo - My wife has turned into a dog.

Phoebe - No, but we are territorial.

Leo - Oh, I'm sorry.

Paige - Just don't threaten to take my babies!

Leo - Ok. I won't.

Prue - Good.

Leo - Alright. I'm going inside.

Leo walks away.

Chris - Back off. He's just worried, that's all.

Piper - Ok.

Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige all give him a kiss and goes inside. Patricia, Andy, Jr., Connie and Connor linger.

Patricia - Are you gonna paint that?

Chris - Yes.

Patricia, Andy, Jr., Connor and Connie - Can we watch?

Chris laughs, amused.

Chris - Sure. Gather round.

Chris paints the angel in about one hour.

Chris - Well?

Patricia - Michael Angelo? Is that you?

Chris - Funny.

~ Time Lapse ~

Chris went inside and got the kids a snack. They played in the toy room as Chris, Andy, Leo, Cole and Richard pop a few tops. When it's time for bed, the parents grab their kids. Prue grabs Patricia and Andy, Jr. Andy grabs Melissa, Leo grabs Christopher, Phoebe grabs Courtney, Cole grabs Collin, Paige grabs Connie and Richard grabs Connor. Chris feeds the pets and Piper grabs a problem. Piper bends down to get Wyatt.

Wyatt - No!

Piper bends back up and bends down again.

Wyatt - No!

Piper - Why?

Wyatt - Kwis!

Piper - Chris, the prince has bellowed.

Chris walks inside.

Chris - What does Wyatt want?

Wyatt - Kwisss!

Chris - squinting - Hi, little guy. I hear ya.

Piper - People in Ghent hear ya.

Chris - What do you want?

Wyatt - Sleep!

Piper - Then, baby, let me take you to bed.

Wyatt - No!

Chris - Ok, let me take you.

Wyatt squeals happily…loudly.

Chris - rubbing his pinky in his ear - Beckley this time.

Chris picks him up and walks towards the elevator.

Wyatt - No!

Chris - What?

Wyatt - Box!

Chris - I am, ok.

Wyatt - Box!

Chris starts towards the second elevator.

Wyatt - No!

Chris - Good god.

Chris walks to the third elevator in the dish room.

Wyatt - NO, NO, NO! BOX! Kwis! - he hits him -

Chris - Oh, I was afraid of this.

Piper - What?

Chris - He wants to sleep with me. Watch.

Chris walks to the penthouse elevator. Wyatt doesn't do anything but this:

Wyatt - in baby talk: be creative - Finally.

Piper - What do you need?

Chris - His clothes, anything special and his dipper bag.

Piper - Sweetie, he doesn't wear dippers anymore.

Chris - Well, I'm sorry. I'm still a year behind.

Piper laughs and kisses Chris and Wyatt. She goes upstairs and gets his stuff he needs.

Piper - Here ya go. Sleep tight. Goodnight.

~ Time Lapse ~

Chris rode up the elevator and gives Wyatt a bath. When everything done, Chris sets up the master bed room for Wyatt. Chris takes him inside. He sees the bed.

Chris - Ew, waterbed. Ok, you all set.

Wyatt - Mmm-huh.

Chris kisses his forehead.

Chris - Goodnight, my prince slash tyrant.


	25. Touch and Go, Day 12

A/N: First of all, those of you who continue to follow my story, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. However, one of our neighbors didn't quite understand the purpose of this fan fiction. I wrote this story immediently after season seven's season finale and held on to it for a while. I wanted to express my feelings that the show went out of character as well. I also started this story way before I learned how the writers worked out the details of "fake our deaths!" This story is suppose to be out of character because when I wrote it, that's how I felt about Charmed. Also, I would like to thank that this story gives Piper the normal life she so desperately wanted throughout the entire show. Again, thank you and read on:

~ Day 12 of Mission: Touch & Go ~

~ Friday, June 10, 2005 ~

Chris wakes up and wakes up Wyatt at 7. He makes breakfast and then brews and squeezes the coffee and oranges. They all come downstairs.

Patricia - Hey, Chris. Hey Wyatt. Can I have a cup of that sweet orange sensation.

Chris - Orange Juice, sure.

Chris pours her a cup. Everyone else comes down.

Patricia - Wait one minute. If Aunt Piper has just came down… what's Wyatt doing here?

Chris - He slept with me in my room.

Patricia, Andy, Jr., Connor, Connie, Collin, and Courtney - What?

Melissa and Christopher starts to kick and scream in disproval.

Chris - Ok, you guys all can stay tonight.

Prue, Andy, Piper, Leo, Phoebe, Cole, Paige and Richard - What? Oh, no, no!

Chris - Why not?!

Prue - Oh sweetie, it's just…ok, mine can.

Andy - Uh, ok.

Piper - Even Christopher…

Leo - She has supplemental issues.

Phoebe - I just got mine back.

Cole - Dido.

Paige - Double dido.

Richard - I'm attached.

Chris - They'll be fine and I give you visitation rights.

Prue, Andy, Piper, Leo, Phoebe, Cole, Paige and Richard - Ok. I agree.

Chris - That was easy. Too easy. - the couples all look at each other - Oh. Take it easy on Aunt Phoebe, Uncle Cole. She's delicate.

Phoebe - Chris!

Chris - Sorry. I just know you guys.

Patricia - No Wyatt.

Wyatt looks hurt.

Chris - PATRICIA LOUISE TRUDEAU! Apologize.

Patricia - Sorry, Wy. You can stay.

Wyatt hugs Patricia. Patricia accepts and hugs back.

Piper and Prue - Oh, that's so cute.

Leo, Andy and Cole - Woman and cooing.

Leo - Cole?

Cole - I told you on the trip. Five, four, three, two, one… - Phoebe coos - Told ya.

Chris - Let's eat. - he laughs slightly -

~ Time Lapse ~

They eat and at the end, Chris offers a proposal.

Chris - Well, Wal-mart photography opens at 9.

Prue - Yeah, but Prue's photography is open 24-7 to family.

Chris - Yeah… but I want it done by professionals.

Prue - AND I'M NOT!

Chris - Oh, oh; a professional that's not family.

Prue - Keep going.

Chris - Besides, you can't be in the picture and taking it too.

Prue - Sure I can, automation. Go on.

Chris - Well…with your beauty and integrity, it'd break.

Prue - I can hear the chains becoming lose. Go on.

Chris - I want to spend money.

Prue - Close. Continue.

Chris - I love you Aunt Prue.

Prue - Getting hotter. - Chris kisses her cheek - Warm. - he hugs her - Hot. Your forgiven.

Chris sighs.

Chris - So we can go to Wal-mart?

Prue - Yes, but don't get use to it.

Chris - I won't my precious Aunt.

Prue - Your off the hook.

Chris - I know, but I'm just complementing my dear beloved aunt.

Prue - Ok, the next two 'in-troubles,' your off of the hook.

Chris - Maybe we can go upon the mountain today.

Prue - Do you want to lose points?

Chris - No, not really.

Prue - Then don't mention mountains to me.

Chris - So sweet.

Prue - Back off!

Chris - And fearsome. I like that in an Aunt.

Prue - Piper, we've got ourselves a con-artist.

Chris - Damn. Too much wooing.

Prue - Afraid so.

Chris - Ok, I'll wash up these dishes and get some money.

~ Time Lapse ~

Chris washes up the dishes and grbs a bag of money. Chris and Piper drive out to Wal-mart.

Patricia - Not Beckley!

Chris - Sorry. Beckley.

The kids sigh. They drive to Wal-mart and get out.

Chris - Ok, lets say noon?

Phoebe - Sure.

Prue - Yeah…

Piper - Sounds good to me.

Paige - No complaints.

Chris - Ok. How much money a piece do you want?

Patricia - One Billion will do.

Prue - Patricia!

Chris - handing her 2 wads of money - Here ya go.

The kids take it gladly. They flee with it. Except Christopher and Melissa.

Chris - handing each adult 2 wads of money - Go, I'll keep an eye out. Watch the time.

Chris - Patricia, Andy, Jr., Wyatt, Collin, Courtney, Connor, Connie; hold up. - Chris catches up, with Christopher and Melissa, to the rest - Stay close. You don't know this place. Tell me, by age, who wants what and we'll go as a group. Connor?

Connor - I don't know.

Connie - But I do! Can I go first?

Chris - Connor do you mind?

Connor - Oh no. I'm still thinking. Go ahead.

Chris - Ok, Connie.

Connie - Follow me.

She drags them past the clothes, cosmetics, book bags/purses and into the toy isle. They walk down two isles, and over to the bikes on the other isle.

Connie - One more, I forgot…

Chris - That's ok? So, a bike.

Patricia - Yeah!

Andy, Jr. - Uh, nah. Dirt roads…

Chris - That might be for the best.

Andy, Jr. - I'll find something…

Connor - pulling Chris' sleeve - Can have a…

Chris - A what?

Connor - A gun…

Chris - Oh… er…sorry. You're too young.

Connor - C'mon Chris. I'd be careful… you can teach me. Please.

Chris - How about we start out with a bee-bee gun?

Connor - C'mon Chris! Trust me more.

Chris - Connor, I do…but your Mommy won't trust me.

Connor - Sure she will.

Chris - Ok, we'll see. BUT, it stays in my room. Under lock and key.

Connor - Deal. Lets go.

Chris - After Connie and Patricia pick out their bikes.

Connor - Ok.

Chris - Girls?

Patricia and Connie - I want this one!

Chris - Girls.

Patricia - Chris!

Chris - What's the matter?

Patricia - I found it first.

Connie - No, I saw it first.

Chris - Hold up! Girls, let's see if there is another.

Patricia - But I get this one.

Connie - No, I do.

Patricia - No, I do!

Connie - It was my turn, I get first dibs!

Chris squints.

Chris - Actually, she's right Patricia. Sorry.

Patricia - Uh, what! Chris?

Chris - Sorry, Patricia. She's right. Lets find you one exactly the same.

Patricia - I can not believe you. Your taking the side of this fake wanna-be Halliwell!

Chris - Patricia Louise Halliwell-Trudeau!

Patricia - Ut oh.

Chris - That was uncalled for. When we get home, me and you are going to have a little talk.

Patricia - Can't I just apologise?

Chris - No, the damage has already been done.

Connie - No, go ahead. Take the stupid bike, I don't care!

She runs off.

Chris - Connie! Look at what you did.

Chris starts to walk after Connie.

Patricia - No Chris, I'll go. It's my responsibility.

She walks after Connie.

Chris - Guys, lets go listen.

Andy, Jr.- You mean eavesdrop?

Chris - Exactly.

Chris, Connor, Andy, Jr., Melissa, Wyatt, Christopher, Courtney and Collin follow Patricia following Connie, Connie walks into the bathroom, Patricia walks in behind her.

Patricia - Hey…

Connie - What are you doing here?

Connie walks into a bathroom stall.

Patricia - Connie. Please…

Connie - No! I'm a wanna-be Halliwell, remember.

Patricia - Look, I'm sorry. I got upset. I'm touchy when it comes to Chris…

Connie - Yeah, but that touchy?

Patricia - Yeah, it burnt me up that he took your side instead of mine… ya know.

Connie - Yeah, he's known you since forever, and he met me 11 days ago.

Patricia - Yeah. Forgive me?

Connie walks out of the stall.

Connie - Yeah. - they both laugh and hug each other - Friends?

Patricia - Oh no.

Connie - Huh?

Patricia - Oh no. We're much more then that. We're cousins.

Connie laughs and they open the door. When Connie opens the door, Connor and Andy, Jr. collapse in.

Patricia - Andy, Jr.?

Connie - Connor?

Andy, Jr. - Hey, Pat…

Connor - H-Hi.

Both girls cross their arms.

Patricia - Does Chris know you're here.

Chris nervously choughs.

Connie - Chris?

Patricia - It was probably his idea.

Chris - Uh. Yeah.

Patricia - Don't let him fool ya, he was and is not an angel.

Chris - That's the truth.

Andy, Jr. - But he's the closest to an angel in this family.

Chris - Not quite. Ok, is everything settled? Fire put out?

Patricia - Yep. Let's go get that bike. You can have it.

Connie - No, you can.

When they walk back, the bikes gone. Connie and Patricia laugh as the rest stand open mouthed.

Chris - Oh my god. All of that, for nothing. Why are you two laughing?!

Connie - Because…it's gone. We fought over that bike. - she laughs a higher laugh - And now it's gone…

Patricia - Yeah. just.. Poof.

They laugh together.

Chris - Pick you out a bike. Uh, this time, Connie take the first isle and the front of the next; Patricia, you take the back of that isle and the third. If you can't find something, switch. Do not look in the same isle. Ok?

Patricia - Ok.

They look around and find one. Chris looks at them and now it's his turn to laugh hysterical.

Chris - It's the same bike. The same bike they were fighting over. There was three.

Courtney - Mine! - she points to a tricycle -

Chris - Ok.

Chris finds a employee. He takes them down and Chris has Patricia and Connie push theirs and puts Courtney's in the buggy.

Chris - Shrew. There. Now, Connor.

They walk about four isles over and two departments back. They walk into the guns.

Chris - Ok, all of you. Beside this buggy.

Connor, Connie, Patricia, Andy, Jr., Wyatt, Collin, Courtney, Melissa, Christopher - Ok!

They all walk beside the buggy but Connie and Patricia. They walk beside Chris, pushing their bikes. Chris walks over to the gun shelves.

Chris - Hello, sir.

Man - Why, hello. How may I help you?

Chris - I want 17 shotguns, 1 power-rifle and whatever he wants. - he pats Connor head -

Connor - Where are your guns?

Man - Well, little one. I have several around here. There is some behind me in this case and then on the shelves--be-be guns.

Connor - Chris, can I look around?

Chris - Uh, well, alright. But stay inside this department!

Man - Ok, so you want 17 shot guns and a power-rifle. Take a look.

Chris reviews each one.

Chris - Uh, are the real guns the exact.

Man - Yes, sir.

Connor comes back.

Connor - There's only bee-bee guns.

Chris - Well, take a look behind him.

Connor reviews them and spots a 4-10.

Connor - That one…

Chris - Connor? Buddy, that's really powerful gun.

Connor - I know that.

Chris - Connor, how about trying a 2-20?

Connor - Oh, that 4-10. I need a powerfulness.

Chris - Oh, alright. Lay out that one too.

Man - Ok.

He lays out the real 4-10.

Chris - Uh, just give me 17 of your best shot guns and that power-rifle.

Man - Ok, sure can do. Do you want it in a carry case, or out in the open?

Chris - Carry case.

Man - Ok. Do you want anything else?

Chris - Uh, no. That'll be all.

Man - Ok, that'll be, - he ring up the cost - $4,945.

Chris hands him five thousand bills.

Chris - Keep the change.

Man - Are you sure, that's $55 dollars.

Chris - Yes, keep it.

Man - Ok, thank you, sir. Have a nice day.

Chris looks at his watch: 11:52 am.

Chris - Shoot. Ok, I'll take you guys to your Mommy's and Daddy's while I check this stuff out and take it to the cars. Let's go. The rest of you can get your stuff later. After the pictures.

Chris takes them to the front, near the picture department. He checks out the bikes and shows the recepit to the guns. He pays for the bikes and goes to the front of the picture department. The girls show up.

Leo - There he is.

Chris - Ok, I'm taken this stuff to the car…you guys watch the kids. Take family photos first. Then we'll get the group.

Piper - Ok, and if your not done by then, the kids single pictures.

Patricia - But…, but…

Prue - No buts.

Chris pushes the buggy and tries to push the bikes, Richard helps.

Richard - We'll be back before the Montana's take their photo's.

They put away the guns and bikes and walk back.

Richard - Guns?

Chris - Yeah, a nightmare will become a reality.

They walk back inside. They walk over to the pictures and see Phoebe and Cole's family taking their pictures.

Richard - See, told ya.

Piper walks over to Chris and looks over him.

Piper - Uh, no, no. This will not do.

She drags him over to the next department. Hair salon.

Chris - being pulled - Wow?

Piper - Excuse me. We're in a hurry, is there any way you can squeeze in my friend.

Woman - Uh, were booked.

Piper - I'll give you a thousand dollars plus the charge if you will.

Woman - Sir, have a seat right there.

Chris - Uh, Piper.

Piper - Hush up and get your hair cut.

The woman cuts his hair, back to the length in It's A Bad, Bad, Bad World.

Chris - Uh, Piper. Why did you have to do that.

Piper - Because, you are not gonna be in my family pictures with that long hair.

Chris - But, I'm not gonna be in your family photo's.

Piper - walk out after paying - The hell your not. You're my son. Let's go.

They walk over to the clothes department and Piper gets Chris some new clothes. They check it out and she sends Chris to the bathroom to change clothes. He walks out.

Chris - Happy?

Piper - Very. C'mon.

They walk back to the pictures.

Piper - Ok, has the kids got their photo's?

Phoebe - Yep. Now couples. Prue and Andy are having theirs done.

Piper - Ok. Everything I said has been done.

Phoebe - Yep…or being done.

Chris - And what exactly is that?

Phoebe - She wants an single family, kids, single kids, couples, twins together, you and Christopher together, you and group picture.

Chris - Uh, I like it all but me and small fry and then me.

Piper - checking her appearance - Too bad. Like it or lump it. - Chris huffs out a breath of hot air - At, at; I heard that! How do I look?

Chris - Beautiful.

Piper - Thank you sweetheart.- she slicks back his hair - You look so handsome!

Prue and Andy leave the camera.

Leo - C'mon Piper. It's our turn.

Piper and Leo walk inside.

Chris - Oh man. What's left to do.

Phoebe - Complete the couples, the twins, you and Christopher, you and the group photo's.

Chris - Oh great. I suggest it and I get bit in the ass. - Prue snickers - I should have known you were apart of this.

Prue - Who? Me? No! - she laughs -

Chris grunts and plops down on a chair.

Phoebe - Don't worry. It'll all be over soon.

Chris - Not soon enough. - Prue walks away laughing - Oh, I can't wait to get her hinny home.

Piper and Leo exit the camera.

Piper - Ok, Phoebe; Cole. Chomp, chomp.

Chris - Mom, please, re-think this.

Piper - Uh, don't have to.

Chris grunts again.

Phoebe - How do I look?

Piper - Great. Now in that boxy thingy.

Phoebe and Cole enter.

Chris - Mom, please.

Piper - No. As soon as Phoebe, Paige and their twins get done, guess what?!

Chris - Time to go home…

Piper - Ha, ha, very funny. No, we don't go home. It's time for Christopher and your picture.

Chris - No. Well, it doesn't have to be.

Piper - Yes it does. Just three little props. That's all.

Chris - Wait, three.

Piper - Yes, with three backgrounds.

Chris - Oh great. But three, wait. You said me and Small Fry and then me myself.

Piper - And the group.

Chris - Great.

Phoebe and Cole exit.

Phoebe - Paige!

Paige - We're comin'.

Paige and Richard enter.

Piper - So three more pictures plus hers until your big one.

Chris - Unfortunately.

Phoebe - Oh, Chris. Are you still upset about that?

Chris - Yes, very upset.

Phoebe - It's ok. It'll be ok.

Chris - No it won't.

Paige and Richard exit.

Piper - Ok, twins now. I think the photographer is getting faster. Patricia, Andy, Jr.; go on.

Patricia - Again?

Piper - Yes again, go.

Patricia - Ok, this better be the last one! C'mon Andy, Jr.

Piper - This is the second to last.

Patricia and Andy, Jr. walk in.

Chris - Two more. Oh my god.

Phoebe - Chris!

A few moments, Patricia and Andy, Jr. exit and Connor and Connie enter, a few more moments, Connor and Connie exit and Collin and Courtney are took in.

Chris - Oh, oh. We're next, small fry.

Piper - Yes you are.

Collin & Courtney are brought back out & gave to there Mom & Dad.

Piper - Chris, Christopher; your next.

Chris - MOM, please! I hate photos.

Piper - Too bad; get going.

He picks up Christopher and walks into the room.

Photographer - Hello.

Chris - Hi.

Photographer - Ok, Mrs. Halliwell told me that you and this little one are to have a picture together for three different backgrounds; Mountains, rivers and a plain color. which color would you like.

Chris - Do you have Navy blue.

Photographer - Yes, we have plain navy Blue, Navy Blue and another color, navy Blue and black and we have Navy blue and another color/Black swirl.

Chris - Navy Blue and black swirl.

Photographer - Ok, we sure can do.

Chris - Ok, thank you.

The photographer takes several pictures of Chris and Christopher. After a while, he's done.

Photographer - Ok, were done here.

Chris - Thank God. - Piper walks in. Chris gets a bad feeling - Oh no, what is it?

Piper - Chris, we have a protest going on outside.

Chris - What?

Piper - They all want a photo of all of them and you, the group photo, a photo of all of them and you; single. Then I want a photo of all of us and you three boys.- to the photographer - Got that?

Chris - Great.

Photographer - So that's 39 photos?

Piper - Yes sir. 39 more photos?

Photographer - Who's next?

Piper - The kids and him.

Photographer - Bring them in.

Patricia, Andy, Jr., Wyatt, Connor, Connie, Collin, Courtney and Prue carrying Melissa come in. Prue leaves.

Piper - Ok, start it up.

Piper leaves.

Photographer - What color?

Chris - Uh? Guys? - they shrug - Blue.

Photographer - Navy blue, light blue or regular blue?

Chris - Regular Blue.

Photographer - Ok.

The photographer does all Piper wanted. About 30 minutes later and Chris exhausted.

Chris - Are we done?

Photographer - Just about… - he takes one more photo - There.

Chris - Done?

Photographer - Done?

Chris - Thank God.

Andy, Jr. - Truly.

Piper - Ok. We are truly done. How much do I owe ya?

Photographer - 2,594.95.

Before Piper can even grab her purse, Chris has two thousands, one five hundred, one fifty, four tens, four ones, three quarters and two dimes.

Piper - Chris?

Chris - I said it; I pay it.

Piper - Your paying it anyway.

Chris - No, I gave you that. Now, back to shopping. Andy, Jr., know what you want yet?

Andy, Jr. - No.

Chris - Ok. Melissa. Your turn. - Melissa gurgles - Ok, you and small fry is last. Wyatt?

Wyatt - Follow me!

Wyatt grabs Chris' hands and drags him to an isle with air beds. He points to them.

Chris - Ok, but you pick something else.

Chris puts nine beds in the buggy.

Wyatt - Toy!

Chris takes him out to the toy isle. Wyatt, Collin, Courtney and Melissa pick out what they want.

Andy, Jr. - Can we go looking around.

Chris - Sure.

Chris takes them all around the building, each one finding something else each one wants. Andy, Jr. gets a computer for his room with accessories.

Chris - Ok, has everyone got something they want?

Patricia - Yep.

Chris - taking a collective breath - I can't believe I'm doing this. All you. Set lose. BUT, I want all of you to meet back here in 30 minutes. All of you get your watches?

Andy, Jr. - Yes sir.

Chris - Ok, 30 minutes. If your not back then, I'm coming to look for you. Don't talk to strangers and don't take anything from strangers. Ok.

Kids (who can talk) - Ok.

Chris - If someone tries something, scream at the top of your lungs. All of you are experts at it. Alright.

Kids - Alright.

Chris - Chr-Small Fry, Melissa; you ready.

They both nod. Chris walks off.

~Time Lapse ~

They arrive home at 11 pm. They unload and relax.

Chris - Are you sure I'm doing this right? I don't think I am…

Leo - Yes, like that. Your doing it fine.

Chris - God, Dad. Don't make it sound like your teaching me how to have sex.

Leo - Wh-What?!

Chris - Your teaching me how to relax, not how to get a girl in the sack.

Leo - I didn't, right.

Chris - No, I did it blind folded practically. Seriously.

Phoebe - Maybe we should teach you how…

Chris - Excuse me, I know how!

Prue - Uh, obviously you don't. You haven't got any.

Chris - Well, how am I suppose to get any. Bianca isn't here!

Paige - Does Bianca have to give you permission to?

Chris - Yes.

Piper - Why?

Chris - If she didn't, I'd be rapping her.

Prue - What!

Chris - I only have sex with Bianca. Back to relaxing.

Leo - Ok.

Chris stands up frustrated.

Chris - I just can't stand it! I've got to go and actually do something. Thank you for trying.

He leaves.

Piper - Poor boy.

Phoebe - Yeah…

Paige - He don't know how to relax.

Prue - I say he need some loving!

Piper - He is loved.

Prue - But you can't, or at least shouldn't, give him the love the doctors prescribing.

Piper - Oh…

Phoebe - But, how can we get him to fall in love?

Paige - Again. I hate to say it, he loved Bianca.

Prue - Loves.

Leo - Yeah, he does.

Cole - Who's Bianca?

Phoebe - His fiancée.

Cole - So she is Lady Bianca.

Phoebe - Oh my god. I think so.

Piper - Who is Lady Bianca?

Cole - She is the Queen of Magic, The Time-Traveler Helper. She is his True Love Treasure.

Leo - What?!

Cole - See LC is the King of Magic or The Time-Traveler. He is the most powerful person ever. The son of a Quartette and an elder.

Prue - Quartette?

Phoebe - Us.

Prue - I remember Patricia telling us that but how are we the Quartettes?

Phoebe - The Quartettes are four sisters that are never born because one is giving up for adoption, one is thought to be dead, when she is ready to come home the youngest dies in an epic attack.

Paige - Titans.

Phoebe - Yep.

Cole - So therefore, Bianca is Lady Bianca.

Leo - Oh, ok.

Silence falls over the group.


End file.
